Dating After Divorce: How To Start Dating Again and Find Love
I feel like just about everyone I know is getting divorced, has been divorced, or is contemplating divorce. And although divorce has been around for centuries, there is still a stigma around it, with many outsiders judging the decision without knowing the facts. Sometimes, the shame of not being able to make your marriage work, fear of judgement from others, and perhaps a hit to your self-esteem and feeling like you were not enough all directly impact how you move on and go about meeting a new mate.
The version of you that entered the marriage is not the version that left it. You may be leaving the marriage with many assets or perhaps a lot of debt. You may now be a parent with children to consider or figuring out who gets the pets. And after a failed marriage, you are likely a little more cynical about love and marriage, and are not looking forward to being in the dating market.
Life is short, and wanting someone to enjoy the rest of your life with is normal, but the question is, how do you go about finding that person? Where to start? Well, the good news is, you do have lots of options on how to meet people, but the unfortunate truth is that results may vary.
Ways To Date After Divorce
Dating Apps
I know dating apps are the obvious choice and many people are on them; however, whether or not you meet your person depends heavily on which apps you use, your frequency on the apps, and what you are looking for. According to research, anywhere from 10% to 30% of app users have found marriage or committed relationships via dating apps.
While I have never used a dating app, I have heard many horror stories. To find success using a dating app, you may need to kiss a lot of frogs, so to speak, to find your prince charming. I do know someone who got married to someone they met on a dating app, so it’s definitely possible to find your person on there.
Matchmaking
You can use a matchmaker or a matchmaking service or be set up on dates by mutuals. The positives about this option are that the potential mates are a little more vetted and better suited for you, on paper. Also, someone who is using a matchmaking service is showing they are interested in more than just a casual hookup. Yes, the service will cost some money, but it may ease your mind and make you feel better about putting yourself back on the market.
A Blast From The Past
Not going to lie, this is my personal favorite. With this option, you allow yourself to be open to a past crush, a past love, or an old friend. You and this person have history. Now, if the history was bad, like cheating or poor treatment, keep it moving because they have not likely changed. But if in the past it was a timing issue, like the two of you were never available at the same time or your lives were taking you to different places or directions, and the attraction is currently there, I’d say go for it. What do you have to lose? Being that I am a romantic at heart, I love the second-chance love stories for high school sweethearts years later.
Just a reminder that intent matters. Ask yourself, if you are looking for a lover and the occasional hookup? Or are you more interested in companionship, like someone to travel with and just have fun with? Or is marriage important to you, and you know you want to be married again and are looking for someone desiring a committed relationship that will lead to marriage? It is important to be honest with yourself so you can find the right match.
To be clear, there is no right or wrong way to date after divorce. You have to decide what you are comfortable with and what works for you. It’s okay to take your time and go slow in new relationships. And I also suggest you ask yourself what you learned about yourself from your marriage ending. Do you feel like you have grown as a person?
Of course, if you are happily single and looking to stay that way, then this blog isn’t for you. But if you are interested in finding someone to spend time with or create a life with, you have three great options.
Final Thoughts
If you are divorced or in the process of getting divorced and wondering how to get back out in the dating scene, do not fear. Trust me, you are not alone, and I can relate. No one gets married thinking they will get a divorce, but unhappiness, incompatibility, and obviously abuse, whether physical, emotional, or financial, are all solid reasons to end the marriage contract. It didn’t work for a reason, and that’s okay. Live your life, find your person, and find your happiness. And please feel free to share your divorced and dating stories with us!
“The best feeling in the whole world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long.” - Unknown
