9 Red Flags Your Relationship Is Doomed

Red flags often symbolize warnings of danger ahead. Proceed with caution. But what happens when we ignore red flags? They say hindsight is 20/20 and of course, there is a lot of truth in that statement when it comes to relationships. It is that people change or we did not see the potential problems? Or is it more about ignoring or disregarding the red flags you see in someone because you really want to make it work?

The whole point of dating is to get to know the person, find out compatibility, and to flesh out any behaviors or traits that are dealbreakers for you. In a new relationship, you may become so fascinated by your new beau that you start to miss the red flags that you definitely should be looking for. Knowing what signs to be on the lookout for is important, and will ultimately save you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.

What are the red flags?

So what exactly are red flags and why should you care? Well, red flags are behaviors, words, and past relationship history, which indicate they may not be who they seem to be or that they may not be right for you.

Maybe there are some red flags you can ignore because you don’t find them to be big deals but what about those red flags that are dealbreakers? Here are some red flags that he may exhibit early on that you may choose to ignore and that will likely doom your relationships.

• Questionable Employment

• Sketchy Relationship History

• His Living Situation

• Bad Habits

• He Has A Temper

• He’s Demanding

• He’s Childish

• He’s Secretive

• His Friends Are Jerks

Subtle Signs That Often Go Unnoticed

I think the biggest red flag that is missed early on is controlling behavior. Initially, the controlling behavior is often disguised as being protective but what it is actually about is having control over you. They always need to know where you at, who you are with, and who you are talking to. You are an adult with a job and responsibilities but suddenly you have a leash essentially put on you. An unspoken rule of who you can be friends with and where you can go and how long you can be there. And you go along with it because they have convinced you that they are placing these restrictions on you because they care.

This type of behavior also becomes isolating. You pull away from friends and family because they see what he is doing and they don’t like it.

Importance of Early Identification

It is important to clock a man with red flags early on so as to not waste your time or at the very least allow you to address your concerns with him and set some expectations and boundaries. While every person is different and will have their own mental and emotional baggage they bring to your relationship, there are some common relationship red flags you should not ignore.

Common Relationship Red Flags

There are three common red flags that everyone should be on the lookout for when determining compatibility and whether someone is lifelong partner material.

• Lack of communication and active listening

• Disrespectful or belittling behavior

• Control and manipulation tactics

Overlooking or ignoring these red flags will likely doom your relationship from the start because these are common issues cited by couples in therapy and by those who divorce.

How To Address Red Flags

The first step in addressing red flags in a mate starts with self-reflection. I know that sounds weird but while some red flags are universal, others are unique to each of us based on our needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. You have to ask yourself if the red flag is not a big deal and if it is a dealbreaker. You also need to be honest with yourself about why you are choosing to stay with someone with obvious red flags. Are you minimizing their red flags because you are afraid to be alone or think that you will not find anyone else? Or do you recognize that you have unrealistic expectations of perfection in any potential mate?

Having a strong sense of self and self-worth plays an important role in not only identifying red flags but also how you address them with your partner.

Building Healthy Communication and Boundaries

Poor communication and unhealthy boundaries will doom a relationship early on. To set your relationship up for success you want to:

Have Open and honest communication

Establishing healthy boundaries

Prioritizing individual needs

If you have done all you can to set your relationship up for a happy, successful union and are still finding red flag issues, it may be time to seek couples therapy or just move on. Some people are just not compatible with each other and that’s okay. There are billions of people and someone out there who is a better fit for you than your red flag guy or gal.

It may be tempting to try to change them and give them chance after chance despite their red flags but doing so is not wise or healthy for you. Remember, you have to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and be honest with yourself even if it means letting go of someone you care for and saw a future with.

Now I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts and experiences in dealing with red flags in romantic relationships? Please share!

If you ignore red flags, embrace the heartbreak to come. - Amanda Mosher

5 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex

Everyone has a past, and everyone has an ex. Starting a relationship with someone whose past is still very present in their thoughts and heart is a recipe for heartbreak. I do not think there is anything wrong with maintaining a cordial relationship with an ex, especially if you share children or a friend circle. However, I also believe it is important to ensure that your current love is over their ex-love to avoid disappointment and pain.

5 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex

He Talks About Her A Lot

Sometimes his inner thoughts will leak out. The ex and their former relationship may frequently be present. If an ex is a constant topic of discussion, that is a red flag that feelings for that person may still be there. Even if the talk about her is negative, it is indicative that his ex is constantly on his mind, and he is not over her.

He Compares You To Her

No one wants to be compared to anyone else, but a man still harboring feelings for his ex will do it subconsciously and sometimes let the thoughts come out of his mouth. For example, you two go on a trip together and he compares and contrast how different you are from her and how she was always when traveling.

He Relives Their Relationship With You

He takes you to the same places he took her. She loved Hawaii and he seems to always want to go there. She was adventurous and mentions that you when decline to go rock climbing, which was one of her favorite activities.

He’s Still Friends With Her

There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, but your boyfriend being too chummy with the ex he once considered his soulmate, is dangerous. With this relationship, feelings may still be there for one or both of them and it would not likely take much for things to reignite.

She’s A Priority

If she calls, he will go running for the smallest thing. If her dog runs off, he is off searching for it. She had a bad day, he is off to comfort her even if that means blowing off plans with you to be there for her. Just to be clear, you should be the priority, not the ex.

Not all relationships with an ex are the same. The how and why they broke up matter. Did she cheat on him? Was he against the breakup and tried to get back with her in the past? It also matters how long they were together and how serious they were. Were they talking marriage and kids? Was his family close to her? All things to keep in mind, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a dealbreaker.

Now I want to hear from you. Have you ever experienced this situation? What did you do? Maybe you’re the ex in this case. Please share!

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together."