Hot Button Issues...What Topics, If Any, Do You Keep Off The Table With Family And Friends?
I have been told many times to never discuss politics and religion because someone is sure to be offended. Pro choice or pro life? I have my opinions, but not particularly interested in going round and round on the topic. How much money people make and social inequalities? Ugh I can get pretty hot discussing this topic real fast. Immigration and War? Nope, not going there.
The crazy thing is I love a good debate, but there are some topics that fall into the realm of “agree to disagree “. Not because I am afraid of confrontation, or getting my feelings hurt. In fact it is nearly the opposite. But do you find that once you know someone’s views on gun rights or control, that you will see them somewhat differently? Yes, you can believe they are good person deep down, but are they really a good person if they feel a certain way about x, y, or z? Or worse yet, you start to view them as a complete idiot, and someone you cannot respect.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and points of view. The purpose of these discussions is to share different points of view, and perhaps offer a different or new perspective. Unfortunately I feel like I have been having these same discussions since my teens, and most people seemed to have drawn their lines in the sand. For those times when you want to not think about the heavy, and avoid the hot button issues, go for the light convo topics.
Here Are Some Less Controversial Topics For Discussion....
- Sports
- Education
- Local News/Events
- Travel
- Hobbies
- Parenting
- The Opposite Sex/Dating
- Entertainment/Movies/TV
- Books/Plays
Don't get me wrong, discuss any and everything that you want with whomever you want. Just be warned that it very well may ruin your lovely dinner party or barbecue. Carefully choose your when, where, and with whom. I verbally spar all the time with my brother in law about this stuff but I know he can take it, and is not going to get offended. With others I am more cautious, and guarded with my opinions. I may even bite my tongue on the occasion if I sense things could get heated.
So how free are you with your opinions on hot button issues? They call them hot buttons for a reason. Do you push them?
The Friend Zone...Can Men and Women Be Just Friends Without One Or Both Wanting More?
The short, honest answer is it depends. I have always had lots of male friends, and they have never left the friend zone, and I never wanted them to. I truly love and value my guy pals, both gay and straight. The friendships are somewhat different from my female friendships.
The dynamic is different and fulfilling in unique ways, without the drama and challenges of a romantic relationship. They work for me.
I suppose the real questions is, "Is it possible that some of my male friends were just playing the waiting game?" Were they waiting for the right time to make their move, or hoping that I would see them differently? Which of course was never going to happen, because I see my close guy friends like brothers. Yes, I can find them attractive, but in a non sexual way. They might as well be eunuchs.
Now, do not confuse the friend zone with the free parking zone. I refer to the guy you are really cool with, but there is also potential for more, as being in free parking zone. You are his friend and content to keep it that way for now, but you are also careful not to do, or say anything to sabotage a possible relationship in the future.
So you don't burp in front of him, or pig out, and definitely do not discuss any gross bodily functions with him.
There is also sexual tension in free parking, and occasional flirting and looks that are more friendly than not. Maybe the timing is not right, and nothing will ever happen. Or just maybe fate will bring you two together. There is possibility in free parking.
In taking a very unscientific poll, I discovered more women than men thought the opposite sex friendships were possible. Most of the women I know have close male friends, and said they do not have a problem with their man having female friends, but there were some restrictions.
Men on the other hand were less definitive in their response. A couple guys didn't mind at all. While others were not okay with the wife or girlfriend having male friends at all. Is it because they worry that he is thinking what they think when they are with their female "friends"? Hmm.
Have I been so naive this whole time? I refuse to believe so. Yes, I understand that men think about sex way more than women do. And I know that some of my closest male friends over the years have had deep feelings for me. Some confessed at the time, and others told me years later.
Unfortunately, as wonderful as they were I just could not see them in that way. In theory, if a male and female are good friends then they are very compatible. They have a lot in common and truly enjoy each others company.
Friendship is the foundation for any long lasting relationship, but you also need romantic and sexual chemistry.
So what are your thoughts? Can men and women be just friends? Are you currently friendzoning someone? Have you been friendzoned and want out? Or just maybe you are in free parking, waiting for the right time to make your move.
Is It Ever Too Late To Reset Your Life? I Say No! Here Is My Advice On A Reset...
I am currently giving my body a reset. I am trying to eat super clean for the next month. No sugar, no alcohol, and no processed foods. Just lots of fruits, veggies, and fish and chicken.
I am miserable, and loving it all at the same time. I am craving chips and fries, but also excited for how I will feel when those craving fall away. I do this a few times a year, and it seems to work for me.
I think that many people are generally okay with the idea of resetting their diet, or dieting in general. But what about the idea of giving your life a reset? Getting rid of the junk food of your life? Maybe get rid of that person who is a taker and not a giver? That one who is the ultimate life sucker. Or that person who is very negative and brings you down.
Perhaps you have a friend or a love who hurts you emotionally and makes you feel bad about yourself. These people need to go.
Doing the life reset is like doing a diet reset. You will have cravings and want to give in, but do not do it. It won't taste good and it won't feel good if you give in. In fact you will only feel worse because your were so weak. Know your worth. Your body deserves better. Your spirit deserves better than someone who takes you for granted, and does not appreciate you. How different would your life be if certain people were no longer a part of it?
To be clear, this blog is about being your best, inside and out. Feeling good about yourself, and having good people in your life that value you. Anytime is a good time to reassess the people in your life. Ask yourself, "do they add value to my life?". If the answer is no, then they need to go so you can reset and be happy.
That last page turned is a perfect excuse to write a whole new book. - Toni Sorenson
Ways To Get Your Fitness On In The Fall...No Waiting For The New Year!
Summer is winding down, and autumn is nearing. It's time to start packing away your shorts, tank tops, and swim suits, and begin pulling out your sweaters and cooler weather clothing. It is also time to start packing on some pounds, if we are not careful, as we get to hide them under layers of clothes, after indulging in Halloween candy, and yummy turkey dinners.
I know many of us make New Year's resolutions, or focus on getting that perfect summer body, but I think if there is ever a time to commit to your fitness, it is fall. We tend to be less active this time of year, eat more, and gain more weight.
The days are shorter, the weather may be challenging depending on your location, and the food temptations are ridiculous. Not to mention game day Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays with all of the gatherings with snacks and drinks. But you can get fit and stay fit in the fall, despite what seems like the worst time of year to achieve your fitness goals.
The first thing to remember is nothing has changed. Nothing will taste as good as you will look or feel as being at your best weight or in your "skinny" pants. The second thing to remember is that you can indulge, but in moderation. No second servings, and stop at one piece of candy, or maybe two depending on what kind it is. DO NOT raid your kids trick or treat stash. But most importantly remember that a bad day, or even a bad week does not undo all of your progress. Get back at it.
The next part is to keep moving. If you are like me, then you like going for long walks everyday. But going for a 1-2 hour long walk in the dark after work is not safe, no matter where you live. So you will need to make those lunch breaks at work really count and take the stairs whenever you can. Also hit the gym, or workout at home with a dvd and free weights. When there is a will there is a way.
I plan to continue to work on my fitness and get stronger and healthier. I know I will have my bad days and I am okay with that, but I also know how to get myself back on track. What's your fitness plan for the fall? Or are you waiting for 2018?
The Psychology Behind Always Feeling Like You Forgot Something...WTH
Lately when I get into the car in the morning I feel like I am forgetting something. In my home I feel like I forgot something. I lay down for bed at night, and I feel like I forgot something.
The problem is I am not forgetting anything, but of course I spend the five minutes making sure I have my purse, and my wallet, and work badge. I check the doors, the stove, the alarm, but nothing. Everything is as it should be, so what the hell is the problem.
Is This OCD?
Is this the beginning of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) setting in? Is this what anxiety feels like? I remember growing up my mom would almost compulsively check the stove, and the doors and windows, multiple times every night.
Now as a mom I too check everything, but I have the help of technology to assist. Don't get me wrong, I am not checking everything multiple times, but I seem to be having my own version of crazy setting in. So what gives?
A part of me think this is "normal", a word that I hate. I dislike the word normal because it feels like it really boxes people in. Be this way or act this way, because if you don't then something is wrong with you. You are abnormal, and who wants to be that?
What Is OCD and The OCD Cycle?
So in order to put my self at ease, and self diagnose, I did some research. Obsessions are those repetitive, non productive thoughts that we all have from time to time.
Many people may experience this when heading out on vacation for example, worrying if you locked the doors, or if you unplugged an iron. You may obsess to the point that you turn around to go check and put your mind at ease.
Compulsions are the repetitive, non productive behaviors. OCD causes a great deal of anxiety, but an anxiety disorder does not necessarily cause OCD.
About 3% of the population will experience OCD at some point. Men and women experience it equally. Women tend to obsessively clean, while men tend to obsessively check things. It also tends to run in families.
What's my diagnosis? Well since I am self-diagnosing, I think it is stress with a touch of anxiety and a sprinkle of OCD. It is a coping mechanism. Honestly, after reading the articles, I do not think I truly meet the criteria, except with my hand sanitizer addiction. But hey, that's just good sense. Am I right?
All jokes aside, mental disorders are serious and can negatively impact our lives. I have added a link for more information on OCD.
“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” – Dan Millman
Season Finale Depression...It's A Real Thing
If you are like me you love your shows. Life can be stressful at times, but for a couple of hours a week you get a complete escape. Or even better, and worse, you get 10 solid hours of escapism by binge watching something on Netflix.
It's amazing, right? You plan your whole day around it. And when you can't watch it on time, you avoid any possible spoilers like the plague. Once watched you can hardly contain yourself, wanting to discuss theories and possible plot lines with your love, your bestie, and your coworkers.
Sometimes, even with random strangers who happens to mention the show in passing. You are so invested, and so excited, but also starting to get this other feeling as things progress. A twinge of finale depression is coming on.
Supposedly all good things must come to an end. Sadly, this seems to be the case with our favorite shows. As each episode passes, and more questions are answered, the end creeps closer and closer.
You are excited for what is to come in the finale, you truly are, but also sad because you know the season will soon be over. A void will be left. Yes, you will try to fill it, but it just will not the same.
Here are some shows that have created voids for me...
Sex and the City (permanent void)
Scandal (last season sadness)
The Walking Dead (getting closer)
Stranger Things (almost here!)
WestWorld (2018 ugh)
Game of Throne (I can't even, the wound is too fresh)
The worst thing about our favorite shows is the wait. It used to be a few months in between seasons. Now it can be a year or more for a new season. Even worse in the case of GoT, as it will be the final season, so the return will be long awaited and bittersweet. What show leaves you with a void? Maybe nothing new. Bring on the nostalgia.
The Love Gaze...Does It Really Mean Anything?
They say the eyes are the windows to our souls. I am not so sure about the soul part, but the eyes say more than we realize at times. Our eyes can betray us, and tell our true feelings when we are trying to hide them.
The eyes can show excitement, and anger. They even communicate fear, confusion, and dishonesty. The eyes also reveal love and lust. Have you ever locked eyes with a stranger? Maybe on a train or at a bar? You might have felt an instant attraction. You liked what you saw and wanted to keep staring. You felt lust.
Now, what about locking eyes with someone you are familiar with? Someone you have been casually dating, a friend, or even a crush. You lock eyes from across the room and something happens.
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There is an intensity in those moments that is unexplainable. You only break the gaze because you realize that too much has been revealed, and silently communicated. Butterflies are in the stomach and panic almost sets in as you are flooded with emotions. Was it love, was it lust, or maybe both?
The love gaze is the staring into each other's eyes by two people who are falling or in love. A study was conducted to determine the gaze of someone in love versus someone in lust. Those in lust tended to look at the body, while those in love looked at the face and in the eyes. The two feelings do not have to be mutually exclusive. I want the man who loves me to also lust for me, but I would not expect lust to necessarily turn into love.
The truth is you may never truly know what the other person is thinking when you lock eyes. But chances are, if they were caught in a gaze with you, they were thinking the same thing as you. You both know whether or not it was a love or lust gaze, because you felt it, everywhere.
“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew it. “- Pablo Neruda
All Things September...
September kicks off my favorite time of year, and it is a little more than a week away. I love fall. The weather is so crisp, and fresh. It feels almost perfect. Then add to the near perfection with the beauty as leaves start to turn, and kids go back to school, heavenly. For this blog, I decided to offer some suggestions on things to do in September. It's almost here!
First off is gardening of course. There is always some planting to be done, whether you start sowing your seeds inside or outside. The best herbs to plant in September are parsley, cilantro, chives, thyme, mint, and lavender. These herbs will grow well in cooler weather.
The best vegetables to plant are broccoli, lettuce, and spinach. Also plant some garlic and you will have some yummy additions to your meals late fall, and when winter comes.
Next up is fall foliage. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful that it nearly takes your breath away? That is fall foliage for me. It is quite spectacular, and if you head to New England in late September you just might find yourself breathless. Maine is where I want to get to this year.
Did you know that September is wine month in California? Well it is and to me that says time for a trip to Napa. Napa is one of my favorite places, and September is a wonderful time of year to visit. Or maybe stay close to home and head up to Temecula for the wine festival to enjoy some great food and LOTS of wine tasting.
Last but not least is Oktoberfest. Believe it or not, Oktoberfest actually starts at the end of September, and lasts for sixteen glorious days. A trip to Germany may be in order for me this year, starting off in Munich. Oktoberfest is all about beer, and I am a girl who loves beer. I have not been to the "real" Oktoberfest, so this is really about checking things off the bucket list.
So now you have my suggestions for enjoying September, and none of them included Labor Day or barbecue. Cheers!
A Return To Bon Temps...Is It My Blue Mood Elixir?
I am overly tired, thanks to a horrible night's sleep, and overly stressed, thanks to life. I am on my own most of the weekend so I guess I am feeling a little blue today. I would not say I am quite depressed, but definitely in a funk. But if I am nothing else, I am a fixer.
It is recommended to keep yourself busy when you are feeling down or stressed out. Staying busy and active is a great distraction. I have worked out twice today, and I know my body will make me regret it tomorrow after the punishment I gave it today.
My mood has improved somewhat, but I still need a distraction. Writing is always a distraction, but it also requires thinking. I so do not want to think right now. Reading is out of the question because my eyes feel too tired. So binge watching tv is on the menu today. I just needed to decide what to watch.
I think I found my answer on Amazon Video. All seven seasons of True Blood are on Amazon Video, the first six are free for Prime members. I read all of the books and watched the series on HBO with dedication. Based on the popular book series by Charlaine Harris, a return to Sookie Stackhouse and Bon Temps may be just what I need. Lots of sex, violence, some laughs (courtesy Lafayette), and absolute craziness sums up True Blood.
After watching the first few episodes I remembered why I loved this show so much. I also remembered how much sex there was too. Holy crap! I guess it's not called "good times'' for nothing. I am looking forward to reacquainting myself with the vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, and even fairies. May be silly to some, but a nice escape when reality bites.
You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens. - Mandy Hale
Sometimes The Grass Is Greener...Here's Why You Shouldn't Fear Change
We have all heard the saying that the grass isn't always greener. The key word is "always", which means that sometimes it actually is greener. Sometimes making a change in your life, even though scary, is the better choice.
I have always really disliked this saying because I feel that to a large degree it is rooted in fear. A fear of change. Yes, we should appreciate what we have. And yes, big life changes should be well thought out. One should not just quit a job they hate, when they need it to pay the bills, without having a plan in place.
Maybe don't leave a relationship for another without truly being sure of what you are giving up, and having a damn good idea of what you are getting. Of course you don't just pack up and move to a new, exciting city, if the cost of living is high, and you have very little or no money.
Did you know there is something called the "grass is greener syndrome"? The syndrome is basically when someone is incapable of experiencing happiness and satisfaction in life because they believe there is always something better out there.
Wherever they are at, there is some place better to be. Whoever they are with, whether romantic or friendship, is never enough, because there is always someone better.
The grass is greener syndrome is an unhealthy mental state and not at all what I am supporting.
Career changes, relationship changes, and location changes are the big choices that people are are told to stop and think about. Sometimes we are talked out of making decisions, and big life changes when presented with all of the facts. Sound advice at times, but ultimately it is your life, and it is my life.
We all walk our own path, and at the end of the day we reap the benefits, and have to face the consequences for our decisions as well. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they do not.
It takes a brave person to give up the financial stability of a good job to follow their dreams, but you only live once. It takes a special person to follow their heart, and risk all for love. There are no guarantees, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
A once in a lifetime love could be at stake. It takes an adventurous spirit to pick up and move to a new place with new people. But a life with new places and new people can be very exciting and rewarding.
Moral of the story is to live your life. Make the best decisions you can with the information you have, but never make them out of fear. What joy is there in that? Do you live by the grass isn't greener motto? Do you fear change? Please share!
Doubts and fears are the heaviest burdens - James Lendall Basford