5 Signs He May Be Cheating (And How to Respond Wisely)
Trust is everything in a relationship. It is a miserable feeling when you think your partner may be stepping out on you. Chances are, if you are suspicious you have a pretty good reason to be so.
It's that gut feeling, and really just knowing your man. If something feels off, then that it is because something is off.
It is a big leap to go from having a suspicion to accusing. I had the unfortunate experience many years ago of playing detective in a relationship, and as much as I enjoy being right, I had hoped to be wrong in that situation.
The truth is, if you think he's cheating, he probably is. Or at least he wants to, or is thinking about it.
The 5 Signs Of Cheating
He Seems Distant
The distance you feel can come in the form of physical as well, but he is mostly going to be mentally and emotionally distant. He is no longer open with you and is not interested in you.
He is not interested in talking to you very much, and when he does talk to you, he is barely listening or engaged.
Physically he can avoid you by working late or avoiding your home life. He may also create distance by sleeping on the couch, or coming to bed after you have already turned in for the night.
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You Catch Him In Lies
Being lied to is infuriating and hurtful when it’s someone you really love and trust, but if he’s cheating, the lies are the biggest telltale. He is not where he said he was going to be or suddenly becomes unreachable and perhaps even stops sharing his location. He is suddenly working later and is not home when he said he would be. You casually ask him about his whereabouts, and you don’t buy his story. You can tell he's lying to you even though you cannot prove it.
He Avoids Intimacy
He avoids your touch and is no longer very affectionate. Kisses, hand holding, and cuddling are a thing of the past. He rarely initiates sex anymore, when once upon a time he couldn't keep his hands off of you.
When you do have sex with him, he is not there mentally. He seems to be a million miles away, and possibly even thinking of someone else.
A big sign of intimacy avoidance is failing to look you in the eyes. Gazing into each other’s eyes is extremely intimate and creates a connection. Failure to make that eye contact shows that he may be emotionally checked out of the relationship and focused elsewhere.
He's Secretive
If your partner suddenly becomes secretive, he is definitely hiding something. He doesn't allow you to see his phone, his emails, or his wallet. If you walk into the room unexpectedly, he will quickly close his laptop or close out of things on his computer. He has changed passwords and gets defensive when you ask questions.
The Relationship Feels Off
The relationship feels off, but is there someone else? Is he really cheating? Your partner has become different, almost like a stranger to you. It feels off because it is. You sense that he is no longer into you; he is no longer in love with you and is just going through the motions. Yes, he could just have something personal going on that he is not sharing, but I am also big on trusting instincts.
What To Do
First off, don’t freak out. You may want to freak out, but you need to keep a clear head. You do not want to act out of emotion and anger (yes, I know it’s easier said than done) and accuse your partner of something they just may be innocent of.
You have options if you think you are being cheated on. The first is to confront the situation directly and ask your partner if they are having an affair, including emotional and online affairs. Of course, this is the scariest option because you may not get the answer or response you are hoping for, but for many of us it is better to know.
There is also the big possibility that he is going to lie because he's not quite ready to call it quits and leave the comfortable home life.
You could take a more conservative approach, and just discuss your concerns about how you feel the relationship has changed, and tell your partner how it makes you feel.
The positive to this approach is that it puts your feelings out there, but if he is already done and emotionally closed to you, this conversation will go nowhere. In fact, the discussion may annoy him and give him an excuse to grab his keys and go get some "fresh air".
The last option is to play detective. This is probably the most mentally anguishing and painful choice to make, but you may find the answers you need. You clearly do not trust him, and will drive yourself nuts trying to find evidence that there is someone else, all the while hoping there is no evidence.
The positive is that you may not find a smoking gun, but the negative is that your gut is telling you he is involved or in love with someone else.
The Reality
A cheater is not likely to admit to cheating. They will usually lie through their teeth, until you have indisputable evidence of their infidelity. Trust your instincts in this case, because chances are your gut is on to something. They are cheating or thinking about it.
Counseling is usually recommended for marital issues, including infidelity. Of course this would mean that your man has come clean about his cheating, and is willing to do the work to get the relationship back on track.
I suppose the "positive" in the case of marital infidelity is that a man is statistically unlikely to leave his marriage for his lover. However, the negative in this matter is his motivation for staying in the marriage. A man will stay for financial reasons, for the kids, and to maintain a status and the appearance of a happy family life.
The 5 signs listed are not all inclusive. In fact, you may find that your man becomes extra nice and buys you gifts to help him alleviate his guilt. He may also have a revved-up sex drive with you to cover up his extra activities, and also to relieve his pent-up sexual desires because he cannot have the other woman in the moment.
We all have our relationship deal breakers, and only you know what is tolerable and acceptable for you. Many relationships survive infidelity, but I am not sure if anyone ever gets over the broken trust, and feelings of betrayal.
What are your thoughts on cheating? What signs do you consider red flags? Please share your experience!
"No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want." - Unknown
What Is Love? Being, Falling, and Crazy In It
Valentine's Day is just a little more than a week away, so I thought I would write about love today. I am actually a Valentine's Day cynic. I find it lame, and a total consumer manipulation, however, I do love love.
So what exactly is love? And for this blog, we are talking about romantic love. Love is a feeling of strong affection and care for someone or something. It can also be a feeling of devotion or attachment.
How Does Romantic Love Feel?
A deep feeling of affection and care for another person
A strong or constant affection for and dedication to another
A warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
How Does Love Act?
When in love, you will show a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration
Love can take many forms and can be defined differently by different people.
I love the idea of falling in love, and being in love. I am not someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and I was recently described as aloof, but actually I am a romantic.
Being in a relationship, and in love is nice. It feels safe and comfortable to look over at the person sitting or laying next to you, and truly feel like you know them, and that you are in it together. But in all honesty nothing gives the euphoric feeling like falling in love.
Why Does Love Make You Crazy?
The newness is what makes it so different. It's obsessive. You eat, breathe, and live the other person. You cannot get enough of them. You could stay up all night talking to them, or staring at their face. You miss them the minute they leave, hang up the phone, or text goodnight.
They are the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and last thing you think about when you fall asleep at night. It makes you feel alive. It's an amazing feeling that cannot be replicated.
Falling in love is great, but a true, deeper love comes with getting to know the other person. They are not perfect, but a flawed individual. They share your interests, but have their own too. They truly "see" you, and not the fantasy person they want you to be. Seeing me has been my request with love. See me, and all of my flaws. No masks! Someone is sure to have buyer's remorse otherwise.
I know everyone loves differently and I think some of the outdated thoughts on love and Valentine’s Day specifically, have changed expectations for many women I know. More women are embracing being single and are pouring more into themselves and their non-romantic relationships. Galentine’s Day is also coming up. Which day will you be celebrating? Or maybe both?
You have no idea how fast my heart races every time I see you. - Unknown
The Appeal of the Slow Burn Romance... In Television and Real Life
If you are watching The Bear on Hulu or FX, you likely have an opinion on the relationship between Carm and Syd. Are they just good friends or are we watching an epic slow burn unfold before our eyes? While fans are split, I feel certain that the chemistry between the characters and the actors makes their relationship a memorable slow burn romance.
I am a total romantic, and nothing gets me better than the slow burn romance. The slow burn is the unexpected budding of romantic feelings between two people over a period of time. The slow burn relationship usually starts off very platonic, and then like a switch something changes.
The slow burn theme is very common in romance, suspense novels, and television series because the build-up and the "will they, won't they" question create excitement for the readers and viewers. The slow burn romance can be friends to lovers or enemies to lovers and I find them both intriguing.
And then there is the correlation to real life, and how the slow burn seems to be the recipe for long-term happiness and relationship longevity. Friends can and do become lovers and romantic partners and these relationships are the strongest. For shows with agonizing romance, here is my list of television shows with stand-out slow-burn romantic chemistry.
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Slow Burn Romance In Television
Carmy/Sydney - The Bear
Lucifer/Chloe - Lucifer
Any Vampire Series
Lan Mondragon/Nynaeve - The Wheel of Time
Marian/Larry - The Gilded Age
Phryne/Jack - Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries (Epic Slow Burn)
Archer/Lana Kane - Archer
Rick/Michonne - The Walking Dead
Jim/Pam - The Office
As much as the slow burn appeals to many people, the actually consummation seems to be a buzz kill. Many shows lose their steam after the slow burn couple gets together. Is it because the slow burn is fantasy and romantic, but with a relationship comes struggles.
Is it possible some of the relationship pitfalls and struggles can be avoided if the transition from crushes to lovers is handled carefully?
The slow burn is special because the foundation of the relationship is not based on appearance or sex, but genuine fondness and chemistry that grew into more. There is an internal switch that is flipped and a dynamic shift in the relationship. The scary thing, and the undeniable hotness about the slow burn, is the build-up. The build-up of wanting more, and suddenly wanting each other.
Over time, the desire for things to be out in the open is there, but there is also an element of fear. A fear that maybe you will not live up to each other’s fantasies. A fear that you will be disappointed, or even worse, that you will disappoint them. Highly unlikely with the slow burn chemistry, but still a very realistic fear.
I have had experience with a slow burn, and I would use three words to describe the feelings: complicated, intense, giddy. It catches you by surprise, and then it becomes all you can think about.
I truly believe that the slow burn flame never goes out. It may not always burn with the same intensity as it did when first ignited, but depending on those involved, I firmly believe the smolder is there to stay.
What are your thoughts on the slow burn? Any slow burn experience? If so, did you go for it or stay put? Please share your story or experience!
“Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald
What Is Negging? How To Spot This Form Of Emotional Manipulation
We love new terms in the dating world and negging is a newer term for an old tactic. Some of you may have never heard the term “negging” but you have most likely experienced it. “Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval.” - Wikipedia
So now that we know that negging is essentially a manipulation tactic used to knock you down a peg emotionally and psychologically, the question is how to recognize when it is being done to you and how to address it.
Negging can come in the form of words, negative body language, and even physical behavior such as moving away from your touch. They may even laugh at you or ignore you, but the goal is the same and that is to manipulate you with their negative feedback. In this blog, I list five signs to look for when you think negging is happening to you. I hope this helps to keep you away from relationships that do not feed your soul and make you happy.
5 Signs of Negging
Teasing or Making Fun Of You
Teasing can be in good fun and can be seen as flirtatious, but too much of it can start to feel like the other person is just being mean and intentionally hurting your feelings under the guise of “just joking”.
You two go out walking or for a hike and you hear jokes the whole time about how slow you are and need to be in better shape. Never mind the fact that their legs are six inches longer than yours or that they do this all the time.
Subtley Putting You Down
Negative comments about your looks, your cooking, and even your intelligence are all negging tactics and subtle ways to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. It is also a way to make themselves feel superior to you.
Disregarding Your Feelings
They use negging as a way to disregard your feelings and turn the tables on you. According to them, their mean jokes directed at you are fun and are all in good fun but you are just too sensitive and you have no sense of humor.
Disregarding Your Boundaries
You have told them your preferences many times. Whether you have said you do not like a certain food or to be touched or talked to a certain way they start negging to get around those boundaries. They will call you ungrateful or unappreciative of all of their efforts despite you expressing your likes and wants.
Comparing You To Others
A person who negs will want to take you down a notch and they will do that by trying to destroy your self-worth and self-esteem. They will compare you to other women who they view as smarter or prettier than you. They will say or indirectly imply that you should be thankful that someone like them would even give someone like you the time of day because they usually date women who are much hotter and prettier and skinnier than you are. But of course, if that were true then why is he dating or in a relationship with you?
My recommendation is to call out negging when you see. Tell them you do not like the negative comments. After the first warning regarding their negging behavior, there should be no other warnings. You just need to walk away from that toxic person because they will eventually destroy your self-esteem.
What are your thoughts on negging? Do you have any experience with negging? Please share your thoughts and how you handled negging situations!
“Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative, and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible.” – Les Brown
5 Signs They're Not Your Friend...They Are A Frenemy
Some friendships can be complicated. We all have that person in our life who we think of as a friend, maybe even a best friend, but there is something about the relationship that often makes you feel icky. You have known them for a long time and have become used to and conditioned to accept certain behaviors and bad treatment from them but is this person really your friend?
Friends are supportive and respectful, care about your well-being, and want to see you happy. If you question whether someone in your circle genuinely likes you as a person, cares about you, and wants the best for you, they may not actually be a friend.
Here are the 5 signs to look for if you are doubting your friendship.
5 Signs They’re Not Your Friend
They Hurt Your Feelings a Lot
Whether it comes in the form of direct attacks, backhanded compliments, or deliberate slights, this person always manages to make you feel bad about yourself.
If they are hurting your feelings with words or behaviors, you should voice your concerns and if they continue to do it, they are not your friend.
You Walk On Eggshells Around Them
You cannot be honest or direct with them. They will cut you quickly with words or cut you out of their circle. This friend is easily angered, offended, or feels disrespected at the slightest perceived insult or joke. And when they feel this way they retaliate with cruelty.
You Don’t Feel Comfortable Sharing With Them
This person does not celebrate others and is not usually happy to see you doing well or winning in life. You do not trust them with your feelings or good news. In the past, when you shared your good news, they managed to find a way to poo poo on it and dismiss your accomplishment.
You Have Negative Feelings About Them
You keep them in your life because you feel like you should. You rationalize their behavior but if you really think about it, you do not like them because of how they treat you and others. Deep down you have negative thoughts about them.
Do not waste your time or mental health being friends with someone you don’t even like.
You Don’t Think They Like You
You two hang out and do things together but they make you feel as if they are just tolerating you. You have fun sometimes together but then they will do and say things that you make you think they do not actually like you. It is a relationship of convenience but not a real friendship.
If you have people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, let them go. Life is too short to have people in our lives who create negativity and make us feel mentally and emotionally unsafe. You deserve better and do not need their validation.
What are your thoughts on frenemies? Have you had one? Share your thoughts and feelings!
“Fake friends; those who only drill holes under your boat to get it leaking; those who discredit your ambitions and those who pretend they love you, but behind their backs they know they are in to destroy your legacies.”
― Israelmore Ayivor, Shaping the dream
Signs Someone Secretly Doesn't Like You (Even If They Hide It)
Dealing with people is unavoidable. Some of these people you may like and others not so much. The same applies to them when it comes to you. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay, but knowing who doesn’t like you and who is not your friend is helpful as it will impact how you deal with them.
If it’s a coworker then keep it professional and polite. If they are an associate or a friend of a friend, limit interactions or avoid them altogether. Regardless of the role they play in your life, always choose your own mental health and well-being over trying to win them over because who cares, you’re amazing.
Here are the signs to look for and be aware of when someone dislikes you.
7 Signs Someone Dislikes You
Their Body Language Is Off
When someone does not like you they tend to keep their body turned away from you. Or their body language may seem openly hostile or threatening, including balled fists and unpleasant facial expressions. We often tell on ourselves with our body language and usually when we don’t like someone our body will send out cues, even if we are unaware that it is happening.
They Avoid You
Usually, when people dislike someone they tend to avoid any interaction with them as much as possible. However, on occasion, it may be difficult to avoid some individuals altogether if you are colleagues, have the same friend circle, or perhaps are even related.
They Give You Frosty Energy
When they cannot avoid you directly and interaction is forced, you may notice their behavior is cool towards you. They stand or sit far away from you and refuse to engage in any conversations you are part of unless they are forced to.
They Avoid Eye Contact
When someone does not like you they do not even want to look at you. People who dislike you will avoid eye contact with you. And when they are forced to make eye contact, they will give you the dead-eyes stare.
They Are Passive Aggressive
They may offer backhanded compliments or be overly sweet with you at times but with this behavior, you have to be on high alert and watch your back. They may also make jokes at your expense or try to embarrass you in front of others and pretend that it is all in good fun.
They Seem To Try To One Up You
Someone who dislikes you may be subtle or directly in your face with their attempts of showing you up or making you look bad. It may seem like they are in an unspoken competition with you and they will take great pleasure in beating you.
They Are Short With You
When someone dislikes you, their tolerance level for any mistake or imperfection from you is very low and they will show it. They may verbally express their displeasure with you or display negative body language towards you with deep sighs, rolled eyes, and crossed arms.
While it is important to recognize when someone does not like you, it is also important that you can accept that fact. Not everyone deserves your energy and is not worth your time. There is no need to launch an investigation into why someone doesn’t like you because not everyone has to and what purpose is really served. We cannot make someone like us.
You may not be for everyone, just like not everyone is for you. The moment you accept that you don’t have to be liked and that life is not a popularity contest, you will feel a weight lift. The desire to be liked is a desire for validation and your sense of worth should not be externally generated.
What are your thoughts on being disliked and recognizing the sign? Please share your thoughts and experiences!
“Better to be disliked for being you, than being liked for being someone else.” - Matt Haig
Twin Flame Or Soulmate? How To Tell The Difference?
Whether you are a hopeless romantic, a believer in astrology and the zodiac, or just someone curious about the mysteries of the universe and how everyone and everything may be connected, you may find the terms twin flame and soulmate intriguing. If you believe in fate, and love, and that some of us are just meant to cross paths, be together, or are destined to be intertwined, forever, then this blog is for you.
I think most people know what a soulmate is but some have never heard the term “twin flame” before. The two terms are often used as interchangeable but actually have different meanings.
What is a twin flame?
Twin flames are believed to be part of the same soul but divided into two separate bodies. These two individuals form a powerful bond that transcends time and space when they come together. When meeting, a twin flame will remind you of yourself and you will be able to form a bond effortlessly.
What is a soulmate?
Soulmate has many definitions. The basic definition is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. The true meaning of a soulmate is to have known and loved one another in many lives. Relationships between soulmates are magical and when romantic with passion that is off the charts. You cannot explain it, but there will be a connection between you and your soulmate that exists whether you two are together or apart.
What’s the difference a twin flame and soulmate?
The main difference between a twin flame and a soulmate is that you only get one twin flame while you may have multiple soulmates. The twin flame is literally your other half. Your twin flame may make you feel complete and feed your soul.
Soulmates are cosmically linked. You are meant to be and being together or being around one another just feels right. You may have a bestie who is your soulmate, while also having a lover or a partner who is a soulmate as well.
Which is better, the twin flame or the soulmate?
Many would say, myself included, that neither the twin flame or soulmate, is better or worse than the other because they each bring something similar, yet unique, to your life. There is room for both and if you are fortunate enough to find your twin flame or soulmate in this life, cherish them.
What are your thoughts on twin flames and soulmates? Have you found your person or person yet? Please share!
“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”— Maya Angelou
5 Signs He’s Deeply In Love With You
When you think you have found the one, you want to know if they feel the same way. It may be hard to tell if the guy you have fallen for is feeling the same way, and while you may crave to hear those three little words, just remember actions always speaks louder than words.
There are always signs early on and throughout relationships that are excellent barometers for determining the health and status of your partnership. Whether those signs are indicating a strong commitment from a loving man or red flags telling you to run the other way. The truth is plain to see if you are paying attention and know what to look for. Here are 5 signs he is deeply in love with you.
5 Signs He Is Deeply In Love With You
He Is Always Team You
A man deeply in love is always team “wife or partner”. He takes the you and me against the world to heart. He is not taking his family’s side over yours and he is definitely not taking his friend’s side over yours. He always thinks about your thoughts and feelings first because he loves you and wants to make and keep you happy. Even if he disagrees with you, that is a private conversation between the two of you and he never entertains outside interference in the relationship.
This man is also your biggest supporter and cheerleader. He wants to see you succeed, even if that means your success outpaces his because he views it as a win for you as a win for you both.
He Won’t Let You Struggle
Marriage and relationships can be tough at times and when you add children to the mix life can become extremely challenging. Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home wife or mom, the man who deeply loves you will pull his share and then some when needed. He does not wait to be asked or directed, but instead, he steps in to be a reliable helpmate because he cares about your mental and emotional well-being.
He’s Mentally and Emotionally Present
A man deeply in love does not make a habit of coming home from work and plopping down in front of the television or hopping on video games and not engaging with his partner. Sure, we all need and are entitled to some “me” time, but you will not have to compete with your partner’s phone to get their attention or just to spend time with them. In fact, a man deeply in love cannot wait to spend time with you and to talk and share, or just veg out watching Netflix with you.
He’s Honest With You
A man deeply in love is open and honest with you. He communicates with you about how he is feeling and what he is thinking. He is willing to share his fears, his concerns, and his pet peeves in your relationship in a respectful and constructive manner.
He is also honest about the who, what, when, where, and why. He’s not keeping secrets or being sneaky. If you wanted to see his phone, messages, or emails he would let you because he has nothing to hide and he wants you to know that you can trust him.
He Is Putting In The Work
A man deeply in love wants his relationship to last and for that to happen, he knows it requires work and dedication on both your parts. If that means listening more, putting in more effort, or even going to couples therapy he is willing to do it because to him it is worth it.
There are ebbs and flows in most relationships. Passion may wane but I believe love should still be present if the relationship is to survive. There should be no expectation of perfection but if he consistently has your back, is a great helpmate, is present for you, is honest, and is doing his best to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with you then he may be a keeper.
What are your thoughts on signs a man is deeply in love? Do you agree with my list? What would add or remove? Please share your thoughts and experiences!
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." –Victor Hugo
5 Signs He’s Emotionally Immature
Emotional maturity usually comes with time, age, and life experiences but that is not always the case. Some people have arrested development and maturity stops prematurely.
Emotional maturity is defined as a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionate to the situation. Someone who is emotionally immature may not take situations seriously or may overreact to what others consider normal circumstances.
Emotionally immature people tend to make everything about them and struggle with rational and critical thinking.
5 Signs He Is An Emotionally Immature Man
Liar Liar
Liar liar pants on pants on fire. Emotionally immature men lie all the time. They cannot help themselves because well…they’re immature. They fail to grasp that while their tendency to lie and over-exaggerate used to work years ago when the women they dated were young and immature as well, most of those women have matured and can see right through them.
The lies literally fool no one. It’s embarrassing.
Cheater
Emotionally immature men tend to be cheaters because often like a child, they are selfish, entitled, and don’t think things through, including what the consequences might be for their actions.
These men also tend to be impetuous and poor communicators, falling in and out of love easily. A mature man can say I don’t love you any more or it’s over, or say I’m not interested so move on. You know, like a mature adult.
No Accountability For Behavior
Elements of their personal and professional life are a mess. They have bad relationships with family and exes, but let them tell it, it was them, not me.
What he doesn’t understand is the common denominator factor. He will complain about family, friends, and exes without failing to see that while people and circumstances changed, he continues to have the same issues. Why is this? Because he’s the problem. He’s emotional immature and lacks self-awareness.
Self-Centered
He thinks everything revolves around him. While not nearly as charming or handsome as he thinks he is to women, his personality and lack of maturity leave something to be desired.
The emotionally immature man makes everyone else’s feelings and situations about him. How will it affect him, he often wonders.
Defensive and Easily Offended
The emotionally immature man is a big baby. He whines, he pouts, and he lashes out if he doesn’t get his way. You didn’t want to do what he wanted, how dare you? Don’t his feelings and desires come first?
Not giving him his way? Prepare for gaslighting. He feels disrespected, or unappreciated that you want what you want and are not catering to him.
A relationship with an emotionally immature man is exhausting and not worth it because if you recognize the signs now, he will never catch up to your level of maturity.
What are your thoughts? Recognize the signs from a past or present relationship? Please share your thoughts and experiences!
Immature people always try to win an argument, even at the cost of a relationship. - Unknown
Emotional Affairs 101 - 7 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair
Emotional affairs are more common than many of us would like to think. They happen quite often in the workplace and friendship groups. They can start at any place people spend time with others and have an opportunity to develop non romantic relationships. Those non romantic relationships may take an intimate or romantic turn, and that is where things can get complicated.
The term emotional affair describes a type of relationship between people. The term often describes a bond between two people that mimics or matches the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while not being physically consummated. An emotional affair is sometimes referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment.
Wondering if you or your partner may be having an emotional affair? Here are 7 signs to look out for.
7 Signs of An Emotional Affair
You’re Very Close
You are very close to your opposite-sex friend. You two are besties. You share thoughts, feelings, dreams, and even secrets. Your relationship is closer than the typical friendship and has a level of intimacy that mimics a romantic relationship.
Talking All The Time
You two talk all of the time. Whether it is face to face, on the phone, via text, or through emails. The communication between you two is frequent and has an element of angst. You talk more to each other than you do to your significant others and no topics are off limits.
You Think About Them All The Time
They are always on your mind. When you are not talking with them or texting them, you are thinking about them. It is almost obsessive. You may find yourself resisting the urge to reach out to them to share your good news, or bad news, or to just hear their voice because you miss them and crave contact.
The Relationship Is A Secret
Intentional or not, there is a level of secrecy to your relationship. Your partners and other friends are unaware of just how close you two are because you keep a large portion of your relationship hidden. And that’s how you both prefer it because the secrecy makes your relationship feel more special, and you realize others may not approve of your closeness.
You Share Secret About Your Partner
You share secrets about your partners with one another. You vent about your partners to each other. They seem to get you better than your partner, so when your partner does not react or respond to news or situations as you would prefer, the first person you think to go to is your emotional affair partner.
You Compare Them To Your Spouse or Partner
You may or may not be in love with your partner but when you compare your romantic partner to your emotional affair partner, your romantic partner doesn’t measure up. While things feel hard with your spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend, it feels lighter and easier with your emotional affair partner.
You Feel Like Time With Your Spouse Is A Betrayal
The more connected and attached you feel to your emotional affair partner, the more you question your relationship with your spouse or partner. As your emotional relationship grows, the more you secretly want to be with them, and the more not being with them feels like a betrayal of the relationship you two have. Sounds crazy but love and emotions can make us reckless and irrational.
An emotional affair will make you feel alive when you are missing something or feel dead in your committed relationship. But if you’re not willing to lose what you have with your current partner, and an emotional affair will blow that up, you need to change course and stay away from the temptation, and end the emotional affair. Or at least end one of the relationships.
Many people would rather their partner commit a physical affair over an emotional affair because sex is one thing but feelings and love is hard to come back from. The intimacy of an emotional affair goes deep and a partner accepting the fact that their spouse or partner fell in love with someone else is a hard pill to swallow and they may never get past it.
What Should You Do About Your Emotional Affair?
I cannot tell you what to do about your emotional affair because it’s your life and every situation is different. What I will advise is that you take a step back to figure out why you were vulnerable to an emotional affair in the first place.
Are there problems in your marriage or relationship that you are avoiding addressing or struggling with feeling trapped in your relationship? Do you bore easily in your romantic relationships and are always looking for something new? Or is your emotional affair partner the person you were always meant to be with?
There are no easy answers but how do you envision your life in the future? In your mind, is your future with your current partner or with someone else? Only you know what’s in your heart and mind.
What are your thoughts on emotional affairs? Have you ever been impacted by an emotional affair? Have you ever had one? Are you currently having an emotional affair? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.”
― Shannon L. Alder