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5 Signs They're Not Your Friend...They Are A Frenemy
Some friendships can be complicated. We all have that person in our life who we think of as a friend, maybe even a best friend, but there is something about the relationship that often makes you feel icky. You have known them for a long time and have become used to and conditioned to accept certain behaviors and bad treatment from them but is this person really your friend?
Friends are supportive and respectful, care about your well-being, and want to see you happy. If you question whether someone in your circle genuinely likes you as a person, cares about you, and wants the best for you, they may not actually be a friend.
Here are the 5 signs to look for if you are doubting your friendship.
5 Signs They’re Not Your Friend
They Hurt Your Feelings a Lot
Whether it comes in the form of direct attacks, backhanded compliments, or deliberate slights, this person always manages to make you feel bad about yourself.
If they are hurting your feelings with words or behaviors, you should voice your concerns and if they continue to do it, they are not your friend.
You Walk On Eggshells Around Them
You cannot be honest or direct with them. They will cut you quickly with words or cut you out of their circle. This friend is easily angered, offended, or feels disrespected at the slightest perceived insult or joke. And when they feel this way they retaliate with cruelty.
You Don’t Feel Comfortable Sharing With Them
This person does not celebrate others and is not usually happy to see you doing well or winning in life. You do not trust them with your feelings or good news. In the past, when you shared your good news, they managed to find a way to poo poo on it and dismiss your accomplishment.
You Have Negative Feelings About Them
You keep them in your life because you feel like you should. You rationalize their behavior but if you really think about it, you do not like them because of how they treat you and others. Deep down you have negative thoughts about them.
Do not waste your time or mental health being friends with someone you don’t even like.
You Don’t Think They Like You
You two hang out and do things together but they make you feel as if they are just tolerating you. You have fun sometimes together but then they will do and say things that you make you think they do not actually like you. It is a relationship of convenience but not a real friendship.
If you have people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, let them go. Life is too short to have people in our lives who create negativity and make us feel mentally and emotionally unsafe. You deserve better and do not need their validation.
What are your thoughts on frenemies? Have you had one? Share your thoughts and feelings!
“Fake friends; those who only drill holes under your boat to get it leaking; those who discredit your ambitions and those who pretend they love you, but behind their backs they know they are in to destroy your legacies.”
― Israelmore Ayivor, Shaping the dream
Twin Flame vs Soulmate - What Is The Difference?
Whether you are a hopeless romantic, a believer in astrology and the zodiac, or just someone curious about the mysteries of the universe and how everyone and everything may be connected, you may find the terms twin flame and soulmate intriguing. If you believe in fate, and love, and that some of us are just meant to cross paths, be together, or are destined to be intertwined, forever, then this blog is for you.
I think most people know what a soulmate is but some have never heard the term “twin flame” before. The two terms are often used as interchangeable but actually have different meanings.
What is a twin flame?
Twin flames are believed to be part of the same soul but divided into two separate bodies. These two individuals form a powerful bond that transcends time and space when they come together. When meeting, a twin flame will remind you of yourself and you will be able to form a bond effortlessly.
What is a soulmate?
Soulmate has many definitions. The basic definition is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. The true meaning of a soulmate is to have known and loved one another in many lives. Relationships between soulmates are magical and when romantic with passion that is off the charts. You cannot explain it, but there will be a connection between you and your soulmate that exists whether you two are together or apart.
What’s the difference a twin flame and soulmate?
The main difference between a twin flame and a soulmate is that you only get one twin flame while you may have multiple soulmates. The twin flame is literally your other half. Your twin flame may make you feel complete and feed your soul.
Soulmates are cosmically linked. You are meant to be and being together or being around one another just feels right. You may have a bestie who is your soulmate, while also having a lover or a partner who is a soulmate as well.
Which is better, the twin flame or the soulmate?
Many would say, myself included, that neither the twin flame or soulmate, is better or worse than the other because they each bring something similar, yet unique, to your life. There is room for both and if you are fortunate enough to find your twin flame or soulmate in this life, cherish them.
What are your thoughts on twin flames and soulmates? Have you found your person or person yet? Please share!
“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”— Maya Angelou
5 Signs You're Dealing With A User
The word user has many definitions but in today’s blog, we are discussing people who use other people. These users can be partners, family members, friends, coworkers, and even casual acquaintances. Users are selfish, self-serving, manipulative, and often unkind.
Users prey on the kindness, loyalty, and commitment of others to get what they want while giving very little, if anything at all, in return. Sound familiar? Whether or not you have a big heart, a caring soul, or a philanthropic nature, no one likes to feel like they are being used or taken advantage of. If you feel like you have a user in your life, then this blog is for you. Here are the 5 signs to look for that you have a user in your life.
5 Signs He Is A User
You Only Hear From Users When They Need Something
We all know these people. They never bother to call or message you ever. They never show up to any of your events to show support and are never there if you need assistance or just want someone to talk to. They are always too busy for you but expect you to drop everything when they call or need something. You may almost forget about them but when you see they are calling or messaging you mentally prepare yourself because you already know before you respond that they want something from you.
Users Always Play On Your Emotions
You have a soft heart and tend to be generous, which is why users love you so much. Users love to emotionally manipulate people. They always have lots of problems and their problems are always bigger and more important than yours, according to them. They are masters at guilting people and will sometimes not ask directly for money or favors but instead share their dilemma with you in hopes that you will offer your assistance without them even having to ask for anything.
You Do Not Think They Would Reciprocate For You
Users are not about helping or supporting others. The “user” family member or friend seems to be non-responsive when you reach out or ask something of them. They always have an excuse as to why they are too busy to help you or to attend something you invite them to. Although it is not surprising behavior for a user because they are selfish, you still find it hurtful, especially after all you have done for them over the years.
Users Always Expect A Yes
Users are master gaslighters. You are reluctant to say no to an ask or decline an invite from the user because you know you are likely to feel their wrath in one way or another. They may lash out with unkind words, or make you feel guilty for not being a “better” friend, partner, or family member to them. They may even stop speaking to you or ghost you for a bit, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but of course, the ghosting is only until they need another favor from you.
The User Leaves You Feeling Used and Dejected
After each round of rescuing or supporting the user, you feel worse and worse about yourself. Even though you realize you value your relationship with them more than they do yours, you also feel bad about the thought of dropping them completely from your life.
The important takeaway from this blog is for you dear reader to recognize when you are being used and to give you permission to set boundaries with these individuals. Your answer does not always have to be yes. In fact, sometimes the answer needs to be no for your own mental, emotional, and financial well-being.
One-way relationships are hurtful and toxic and you deserve to have people in your life who want to be there and are not only around when it is convenient for them. Learn to advocate for yourself. Learn to say no. And learn how to recognize when it is time to cut people out of your life.
After reading this blog are you able to identify any people in your life who meet the user criteria? If so, what will you do about it? Will you maintain the relationship, discuss it with them, or cut ties? Please share your thoughts and experience.
“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish, Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart, Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself, Be at peace with your decisions.” – Stephanie Lahart
Relationships…5 Types of Men To Choose Your Own Adventure With
Despite popular belief, humans do not have to mate for life. The thought of being with the same person sounds comforting, or horrendous, depending on where you fall on the commitment scale, but given the frequency of cheating and divorce, is mating for life natural?
Many people are waiting longer to get married or choosing not to tie the knot at all. For those on the fence about long-term committed relationships, marriage or not, I recommend the “choose your own adventure” tactic to try out mini relationships.
The goal is to try out guys with different personalities and interests, instead of the types you usually go for. Experiment, have fun, and find out what type of relationship brings you the most satisfaction, emotionally, mentally, or physically.
5 Different Types of Men… Choose Your Own Adventure With One Or All Of Them
The Adventurous Guy
The adventurous guy is the one you travel and you try new things with. He is fun and exciting but not too keen on commitment. He may be an adrenaline junky but fresh, new, and exciting is what he craves.
He’s perfect for getting you out of your shell and getting you to try new things without any pressure. He doesn’t take himself or life too seriously. And you shouldn’t take him too seriously either. This guy won’t settle down and has a short attention span. Enjoy him while it lasts because it will not last long.
The Bedroom Guy
It’s pretty obvious what you would do with the bedroom guy. He’s your booty call on speed dial. He comes when beckoned, is very eager to please, and always leaves you satisfied. If he leaves you with more to be desired, lose his number.
But otherwise, enjoy the carefree, no strings attached bedroom adventures with a man who loves to give, as much as he loves to receive in the bedroom. Now, the bedroom guy may not be a keeper, but he may be worth a repeat visit.
The Proper Guy
The proper guy is smart, and successful, and makes for a great date to a work event or something you have to attend with someone who will blend in. The proper guy is aloof, private, and not particularly affectionate, especially in public.
Where the proper guy lacks in excitement, he makes up for in reliability. He is dependable and honest, and he is a gentleman. These are not bad qualities to have in a mate but if you are easily bored, he is not the one.
The Fun Buddy
The fun buddy is the guy you go out to get drinks with, have over to veg out in front of the television or take as your plus one to a wedding. The fun buddy is a good time, always makes you laugh, and there is never any drama with him.
The downside with the fun buddy is that he can be irresponsible, immature, and unfocused. He’s a good time, but not the most reliable guy. He does not do serious situations very well and is uncomfortable with complex emotions. He likes to keep things light, which can be a good thing, most of the time.
The Polyamorous Experimental Guy
The polyamorous guy likes to spread his affection around. Polyamory would never be for me because I do not like to share but I do see the advantages of the relationship. Relationships can be tiresome, demanding, and boring, so having someone else there to take up the slack or step in when you need a break might be nice. Although I’m still not sharing someone I call my man, I can’t lie and say I don’t see the appeal.
A relationship with two men at once and everything is out in the open sounds like an interesting concept. But as a woman, and a wife, it also sounds like a lot of work. A guy who is polyamorous is greedy and not likely to be satisfied for very long with the love of just one woman, so you should always expect to share him.
To be clear, this is not an anti-marriage blog. Do what you want! But since conventional wisdom is changing on the concept of monogamy, marriage, and committed relationships, I think it is worth it to have the conversation. Of course, this is not Divergent, and people are multi-faceted and layered, but they all have prevailing traits. Find out which is more for you, or you can just keep trying them all. Do you!
What are your thoughts on trying out the 5 types of men? Do you already know your type? Or are you perhaps open to seeing who else is out there who you have not considered that may fulfill you in a new and different way? Please share your thoughts and experience.
“There are three different types of men in this world: There are weak men- men who run and hide when life slaps them in the ass. Then, there are men- men who have a backbone, yet occasionally, then life slaps them in the ass, will rely on others. And then, there are real men- men who don't cry or complain, who don't just have a backbone, then are the backbone. Men who make their own decisions and live with the consequences and who accept responsibility for their actions or words. Men who, when life slaps them in the ass, slap back and move on.” - Madeline Sheehan
7 Subtle Signs You're More Than Friends
Relationships are complicated, and so are friendships sometimes. Add to that, a friend with someone of the opposite sex whom you have amazing chemistry with. You have fun together, can talk to them forever, and you never get bored with one another. You feel comfortable and safe with them.
To muddle the waters even more, you find them attractive. They’re cute, sexy, or perhaps a ten on the hotness scale. However, you love your friendship and would never want to risk what you two have by bringing romance into the picture. Unfortunately, you’re getting a nagging feeling that romance has been there for quite some time between you two, just under the surface.
If you’re wondering if what you and your friend have is more than friendship, here are the signs to look for.
7 Signs You and Your Pal Are More Than Friends
Your Friendship Creates Issues In Your Romantic Relationship
The biggest telltale that a friendship is more than just friends is when it causes problems in your romantic relationships.
The age-old question “can men and women be just friends?” will often rear its ugly head when your significant other finds your friendship too close for comfort. Some partners will not be comfortable or secure enough to be okay with their boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse having a close friend of the opposite sex, especially if they are attractive.
Although you and your friend may be oblivious to your attraction and affection for one another, your partner will hone in on your behaviors towards one another when you all are together. Your partners will recognize the same signs of romantic affection you displayed toward them while courting. Or perhaps there are no signs of flirting or attraction but the relationship makes your partner uneasy, which you disregard when they mention it to you.
You Two Like To Snuggle Together
You don’t realize it but you two cannot keep your hands off each other. You hug, tease, poke, and high-five all the time. You find comfort in each other’s presence and each other’s arms.
When watching a movie, you two snuggle up. Listening to music you get close so you can share AirPods. And you gaze at the stars together, laying side by side, and it feels right.
You Prefer To Be Alone Together
You enjoy talking and spending time with them, preferably alone. Whenever other people are around it feels intrusive. You really just want to talk and laugh with one another but with others present, you feel obligated to politely interact with them as well. All the while, biding your time until you two can stand back next to each other.
Even with others present, you two still find your own way to secretly communicate by using your eyes and facial expressions. And don’t forget your non-stop inside jokes.
People Think You’re A Couple
You are compatible and a solid fit for one another and when around others you two give off a couple vibe. You are affectionate and so in tune to one another that you come off as a unit.
You don’t need to say pass the ketchup, he just does it, because he knows you. Just like you grab his hand when he’s over salting or over drinking. You know he’s going to be miserable the next day if he keeps going, because well…you just know him.
You Get Jealous
When you see him in a relationship or giving other women attention it bothers you deep down. You brush off the feeling as you are just being protective of your friendship but you know it’s more than that.
He’s yours or she’s yours is what you’re thinking but you lie to yourself, denying that your feelings are any more than friendship. Platonic friends do not get jealous of romantic partners.
You Miss Them When They Are Not Around
Although you two are “just friends” it feels like they are your other half. When they are not around, you miss them and desire to be with them.
Since you two are not physically together but missing each other, you text and try to connect virtually as much as possible to the annoyance of others around you.
You Choose Them
If you had to choose them over your partner, you would choose them and have chosen them over and over again. Even though it creates relationship drama, and your partner expresses their displeasure with your “friend”, you still choose to call them, text them, and hang out with them, in spite of the relationship consequences.
In some cases, regardless of the subtle romantic traits in your friendship, it may be best to just stay friends. But, in many cases, when it’s right it’s right. And when you fall in love with your best friend I recommend you shoot your shot and don’t let them get away without giving it a go.
What are your thoughts on the subtle signs of being more than friends? Have you experienced this? Is so, what did you do? How did it work out? Please share your story or experience!
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. - Fredrich Nietzsche
5 Signs You're In The Friend Zone and How To Escape It
The friend zone is the place no one ever wants to be. By definition, the friend zone only really applies if one of you wants more than a friendship, but the other person doesn’t see you romantically. The friend zone is heartbreaking, but most of us have been there.
Unfortunately, if you have found yourself in the friend zone and now you want out, you will have some work to do. Once you have been friend zoned it is hard to escape.
The first thing you need to do is recognize and accept that you are in the friend zone. The next step will be planning your escape.
5 Signs You’re In The Friend Zone
They Ask For Relationship Advice
If your friend complains to you about their relationships and sex life, and seeks your advice you are in the friend zone. When someone wants to be more than friends they will want you to know that they are available, so talking about other love interests is not usually something they will do.
They Talk About People They Are Dating Or Interested In
When someone is romantically interested in you they do not express interest in others. So if your friend discusses people they are dating, or openly comment on guys and girls they find attractive, then they only see you as a friend.
They Don’t Care How They Look Around You
When we are interested or trying to attract someone we take care in our appearance around them. If your friend is willing to let you see them without their hair done, no make up on, or in their lazy day clothes they are not trying to attract you.
They Ask For Help
We usually feel comfortable asking our buddies and friends for help and favors. The damsel in distress kind of helps with trying to draw someone in, but if they are always asking you for rides, to watch their dog, or to help them move, they likely view you as a friend, and not a romantic interest.
They Encourage You To Date or Try To Fix You Up
We want the best for our friends and want them to be happy. However, if someone is romantically interested in you, they will not want to see you with anyone but them. So if your friend is setting you up with people or encouraging you to date, then they do not see you as a potential mate.
How To Escape The Friend Zone
Escaping the friend is hard but not impossible. Here’s the thing though. In order to escape the friend zone you have to be willing to give up any potential romantic relationship with the one you are crushing on. It may come down to you admitting your feelings and getting rejected.
You Will Need To Be Less Available
One of the ways to escape the friend zone is to become less available. I’m not saying nice guys finish last, but old Mr. Reliable can easily get friend zoned. Show them you have a life outside of your friendship and make them miss you and desire your presence more.
Make Your Feelings Known
If you truly want out of the friend zone you will need to be brave and put your feelings out there. Either your feelings will be reciprocated or they won’t but either way, you can be free of the friend zone.
Start Dating
I know it seems counterintuitive to start dating when you are interested in some one. But if you want out of the friend zone you will need to show your love interest that you are able and willing to move on if they only want to be friends. Plus, somehow the fact that someone else wants you makes you more desirable.
So let’s be honest, the best thing to do is to not let yourself end up in the friend zone. If you thought your way In with the guy or girl you like was friendship, you were likely wrong.
Now don’t get me wrong, friendship is the most important foundation for a great relationship. But if you are already interested in them romantically but playing the buddy role, your plan will likely backfire. If they are not feeling you, or do not realize you like them in that way you will get pigeon holed in the friend zone.
What are your thoughts on the friend zone and escaping? How would you get out of the friend zone? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“The reality of life is this: some people will never really love you back no matter what you do.” - Unknown
6 Signs He Wants To Be More Than Friends
Some friendships are destined to take a romantic turn. A relationship rooted in friendship has a solid foundation, and the strong possibility of great compatibility, and many years of happiness. A beautiful friendship can become a beautiful romantic love.
Hopefully both individuals in this friendships are on the same page about whether or not the relationship will remain platonic.
We are often terrible at hiding our feelings from those who barely know us, and it is even harder to hide our feelings from those closest to us. Despite the fact that secret love, and crushes, are often obvious to the bystander, those involved are frequently clueless.
The signs that he wants more than friendship are there if you know what to look for.
6 Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend
FEATURED VIDEO - 6 Signs He Wants To Be More Than Friends
The Way He Looks At You
Do his eyes get all googly when he looks at you? Does he try to hold your gaze for a little too long, or stare at you intensely? If he is your “friend” but gazing into your eyes, he most certainly wants to be more than friends. Unfortunately for him, our eyes often betray us.
We cannot help but want to stare at the object of our affection. His eyes tell you how he feels, and deep, longing looks usually mean feelings of deep longing.
The Way He Communicates With You
Does he frequently find little ways to text you, call you, or just chat you up. You two have your own language, and he often teases you, or calls you by pet names. It is not just about the frequency of the communication, but also the way he talks to you.
He will likely be softer and gentler in his approach, or extra funny and charming. He will also be easy to talk to, which is a big one with women.
How He Treats You In Contrast To Others
Pay close attention to how he treats you in contrast to how he treats others. Do you find that you get to see the softer, funnier, more charming version of him than what others get to experience. While some people might describe him as cold, unapproachable, or quiet, with you he seems to be the complete opposite.
With you he tends to be warm, upbeat, and easy to talk to. So he is basically adorable and hard to resist.
The Amount Of Attention He Gives You
You are never far from his mind, so his focus is usually on you. In a group setting he will seek you out. If you are at a gathering he somehow always ends up by your side. He is always your biggest supporter, and advocate, and will not entertain a negative word against you.
If he cannot be by your side, he will keep you in his line of sight.
His Reaction To Your Presence
If your friend secretly wants more, his body will react immediately to your presence. When you walk into the room he will likely straighten his posture, he may unconsciously start to groom himself, and his eyes will beam, even though he doesn’t realize it.
He wants to look good for you. He may also get a little fidgety and nervous because he wants to make a good impression.
He Gets Jealous
He cannot help himself. The thought of you with another guy drives him crazy. Maybe you’re taken, or perhaps he’s taken, but no matter your current situations it doesn’t change the fact that he wants you to be his.
It doesn’t change the fact that he wants you all to himself, which is why seeing you talk to other guys, or hearing about your dates or relationships not only infuriates him, but also breaks his heart a little.
If a guy does more than a couple of these things in relation to a woman who is not his chick, he has got it bad. If you are interested in your friend as well, flat out confess, or find a way to let him know how you feel. However, if you are not interested, and he is permanently friend zoned, add some distance between you two so as to not lead him on.
What signs do you look for when think someone wants to be more than friends? Do you agree with my list? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“This isn't a crush, it's obsession. You are never not in my thoughts. Your scent carries across a room and paralyzes me with longing. I don't want to hold your hand. Part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you while the flame consumes us both, to eat your heart so I know that only I possess it entirely.” - Gwen Hayes, Falling Under
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7 Signs He’s Definitely Interested In You...
We have all been there. It can be both exciting, and torturous all at the same time trying to figure out if a guy is interested in you romantically. You try to decipher if he likes you just as a friend, or if there is a possibility of more. His lack of confession may be confusing, and seem like he playing games.
Take comfort that it is not always about playing games or being a player. Just like women, men want to protect their egos and their hearts too.
He wants to know how you feel before he puts himself out there. But as much as he may try to hide it, there are some definite signs that he has feelings for you, and is interested.
7 Signs He's Interested
The Way He Looks At You
A guy who is interested will lock eyes with you a lot. I call it the love gaze. He cannot help himself. And it's not just about the eye contact itself, but the look in his eyes. His desire for you, and his happiness to be in your presence is difficult for him to hide.
Check for dilated pupils. When someone is looking at someone they are interested in their pupils dilate.
The eyes truly are windows to the soul. An interested man's eyes will beam at you. Pay attention to the way he looks at you versus how he looks at everyone else. The difference will be obvious, even if he tries to mask it.
The Way He Remembers
When a man is interested he pays attention. He will remember your favorite food, your favorite color, and of course your birthday. He will even remember your allergies, and pet peeves if you have mentioned them. He wants to know everything about you. The more he knows about you, the better chance he will have of winning you over.
We tend to remember what we care about. Sure, he may just have a great memory, but we all data dump useless information. Your guys knows your likes and dislikes because you are important to him.
He Lets You Vent
Guys generally dislike drama and long conversations, especially via text and over the phone. But if a guy is willing to let you vent to him, he may be a keeper. Not only does he let you vent, but he tries to come up with solutions for your problems, and to cheer you up. A fella doing all of this is probably already in love.
The foundation of any good relationship is a strong friendship. A guy who is willing to listen to your frustrations, is a guy who is demonstrating that he can be there for you as a friend, and maybe more as well.
His Body Language
A guy's body language can tell you almost everything you want to know, without him having to say a word. He may show that he is nervous by being fidgety in your presence. Your guy's nervousness is because he cares about what you think of him. He may also be smiling really big, which is telling you that he is happy to see you.
Take a look at where he looks when something funny happens and you are in a group setting. Does he look to you first? If yes, he feels closest to you than any other person in the room.
Also notice where is feet are point in group setting. Is he facing your direction? His feet point towards where he wants to look. He want to keep you in his line of sight.
The Time and Effort He Gives You
We are all busy, and our time is valuable. So a guy who is willing to make time for you is showing you how important you are to him. Whether it is giving you a ride to the airport, or helping you with a school or work project, he is showing you that you mean something to him.
We make time for what is important to us. If he is interested, he will make the time and effort to see you. And if he is unable to see you, he will find a way to communicate with you to let you know you are on his mind.
He Asks About Your Day
his goes hand in hand with letting you vent. When a man asks you about your day, he is telling you he cares. He wants to know what is going on in your life, because he wants to be part of it.
Asking about your day is a big deal. He knows it can lead to a long conversation, and possible venting, and he's okay with that because you are a priority to him.
Your Gut Feeling
Even though we sometimes play coy or oblivious, we are usually aware deep down when someone is romantically interested. If he seems interested, then he probably is interested. You can either give him time to make his move, or you can take the lead.
Yes, guys can be confusing at times, and almost seem wishy washy. But just remember, just as you are trying to figure out how he feels about you, he is doing the same with you. Someone has to be willing to put themselves out there if anything is to ever happen.
Now you know the signs to look for in your crush. Is he interested? What are your thoughts? What other signs do you look for?
"The extreme form of passionate love is secret love." - Japanese Proverb
5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Friendship...
Boundaries are an important part of any relationship. If you do not set boundaries with those in your life, then you are not respecting your yourself, or requiring that they respect you either. Often times we recognize when our friendships have veered off course, and perhaps new boundaries need to be set, but we may find it difficult to take the necessary corrective steps.
The first step with boundaries, is recognizing when you need to set them.
5 Signs That It Is Time To Set Boundaries With Your Friends
They Don't Respect Your Time
This is the friend that believes all of your free time is theirs to do with as they please. You had a long, exhausting week, and all you want to do is hibernate all weekend. But without even calling, your friend shows up, with bag in hand, declaring she's spending the weekend. A boundary is needed with this friend.
It's Always A Competition
I don't believe in competing with my friends, and I don't believe in having frenemies in my life. If your friend is always trying to one up you, it is time for a talk, and to set boundaries.
They Are Emotionally Draining
Yes, friends are supposed to be there for each other, and listen to one another. But you are not supposed to be their therapist, and it cannot be about them, and their problems all of the time. If it feels like you are always on the phone with your friend dealing with one of his or her crises, it is time to set a boundary.
They Take Advantage of You
Your friend knows you will help anyone. She needs help moving, you are there. She needs a ride to the airport, of course you will take her. The problem is, this friend is always unable to reciprocate, and is taking advantage of your kindness.
It is time to set boundaries with this friend. You can say no sometimes, and still be a good person.
They Hurt Your Feelings
Whether it's a comment about your looks or your intelligence, your friend takes digs at you. And the worse part is you feel it is done intentionally to hurt and belittle. This goes back to competing. Set the boundary, and let them know that put downs are not acceptable to you.
Relationships, whether they are romantic or friendship, are complicated. It is boils down to two individuals trying to get what they want and need out of a relationship. Sometimes they may, or may not be, taking the other persons feelings into consideration, while doing so. This is why we have to speak up.
I am a firm believer that we show people how to treat us. If you set no standard for how you are to be treated, then they will treat you accordingly. - Charlene Eckstein