5 Signs You're Dealing With A User
The word user has many definitions but in today’s blog, we are discussing people who use other people. These users can be partners, family members, friends, coworkers, and even casual acquaintances. Users are selfish, self-serving, manipulative, and often unkind.
Users prey on the kindness, loyalty, and commitment of others to get what they want while giving very little, if anything at all, in return. Sound familiar? Whether or not you have a big heart, a caring soul, or a philanthropic nature, no one likes to feel like they are being used or taken advantage of. If you feel like you have a user in your life, then this blog is for you. Here are the 5 signs to look for that you have a user in your life.
5 Signs He Is A User
You Only Hear From Users When They Need Something
We all know these people. They never bother to call or message you ever. They never show up to any of your events to show support and are never there if you need assistance or just want someone to talk to. They are always too busy for you but expect you to drop everything when they call or need something. You may almost forget about them but when you see they are calling or messaging you mentally prepare yourself because you already know before you respond that they want something from you.
Users Always Play On Your Emotions
You have a soft heart and tend to be generous, which is why users love you so much. Users love to emotionally manipulate people. They always have lots of problems and their problems are always bigger and more important than yours, according to them. They are masters at guilting people and will sometimes not ask directly for money or favors but instead share their dilemma with you in hopes that you will offer your assistance without them even having to ask for anything.
You Do Not Think They Would Reciprocate For You
Users are not about helping or supporting others. The “user” family member or friend seems to be non-responsive when you reach out or ask something of them. They always have an excuse as to why they are too busy to help you or to attend something you invite them to. Although it is not surprising behavior for a user because they are selfish, you still find it hurtful, especially after all you have done for them over the years.
Users Always Expect A Yes
Users are master gaslighters. You are reluctant to say no to an ask or decline an invite from the user because you know you are likely to feel their wrath in one way or another. They may lash out with unkind words, or make you feel guilty for not being a “better” friend, partner, or family member to them. They may even stop speaking to you or ghost you for a bit, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but of course, the ghosting is only until they need another favor from you.
The User Leaves You Feeling Used and Dejected
After each round of rescuing or supporting the user, you feel worse and worse about yourself. Even though you realize you value your relationship with them more than they do yours, you also feel bad about the thought of dropping them completely from your life.
The important takeaway from this blog is for you dear reader to recognize when you are being used and to give you permission to set boundaries with these individuals. Your answer does not always have to be yes. In fact, sometimes the answer needs to be no for your own mental, emotional, and financial well-being.
One-way relationships are hurtful and toxic and you deserve to have people in your life who want to be there and are not only around when it is convenient for them. Learn to advocate for yourself. Learn to say no. And learn how to recognize when it is time to cut people out of your life.
After reading this blog are you able to identify any people in your life who meet the user criteria? If so, what will you do about it? Will you maintain the relationship, discuss it with them, or cut ties? Please share your thoughts and experience.
“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish, Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart, Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself, Be at peace with your decisions.” – Stephanie Lahart
