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From Friends To Lovers: How To Make The Transition
I have always thought that being friends before lovers was the key to long lasting, happy, and healthy relationships. You may have a friend you immediately thought about when you read the blog title but before you go making your friendship awkward, I have some things for you to consider first. Let’s discuss how to transition from friends to lovers.
The Power of Friendship First
A strong foundation makes for a wonderful relationship, and I am a big believer in the benefits of friends-to-lovers relationships. Being friends before lovers usually means you have a strong foundation established. Friendships are based on share interests, commonality, and shared values.
As a friendship develops, you learn how to communicate effectively with each other and to respect boundaries. Great communication and ability to openly and honestly discuss thoughts, feeling, and beliefs are the pillars needed for any long term romantic relationship.
Signs of Potential
In case you are unsure if your friendship has the ability to transition to more, you will need to look for signs of potential. One of the biggest signs that a friendship may be ready to transition to a romantic relationship is increased intimacy, both emotional and physical. You start spending more time alone talking or texting. The increased desire for communication and interaction may be a sign of romantic feelings.
Another sign is mutual physical attraction which may be demonstrated by long stares and prolonged eye contact, as well a frequent touching, even as simple as picking a piece of lint off of their clothes.
And the last big sign is that others think you are a couple because your interactions with one another give off more than just friends vibe.
Navigating the Transition
The transition from friendship to romantic couple can be tricky and uncomfortable to initially discuss because one of you will need to be willing to put yourself out there and ask your friend if they are feeling the same way about you. To transition your friendship you will need clear communication, mutual consent, and to respect boundaries as the relationship dynamics change.
Also, you should openly discuss your desire to explore your romantic connection with your friend and make sure they are comfortable with the relationship change.
Potential Challenges
While there so much potential for everlasting bliss with a transition from friendship to lovers, there are also a lot of challenges and risks involved as well. What if the romantic feelings are one sided and you have read your friend completely wrong? Fear of rejection is normal and one of you may be rejected in this situation for several reasons. The first being a lack of attraction and romantic chemistry on their end. One of may not be romantically attracted to the other and stating so will make things awkward for the both of you.
The second reason for rejection may be because one of you does not want to risk losing your friendship if the romantic relationship fails and therefore would opt to just stay friends.
Both of you will need to decide how to proceed but if one says no, their decision and boundaries will need to be respected and accepted without blame, anger, or resentment if a friendship is to be maintained.
Building a Lasting Connection
I am a romantic and hope two friends who feel that romantic pull are able to make the successful transition from lovers to friends. Three key components for a successful transition are open communication, active listening, and respecting individual needs. Being able to discuss your needs, hopes, desires, and expectations for the new stage in your relationship is paramount its success.
Moving forward in the relationship be sure to pay attention to each other’s emotions and perspective and continue to have fun with one another.
I hope this blog provided some clarity on what to look for and how to make the transition from friends to lovers. In my opinion, friends to lovers make the best relationship. Now, I am not saying that every relationship is destined to turn romantic because beyond the friendship, there needs to be mutual attraction and physical chemistry but having a great friendship with a wonderful person you are attracted to is a great start.
What are your thoughts on friends transitioning to lovers? Any experience with it? Please share your thoughts and stories!
Loving deeply starts with being friends first. - Unknown
8 Shows You Should Be Watching
It’s almost summertime and the perfect time of year to go on vacation or to just get out and about to the beach or the pool. But on those days when it’s just too hot outside, or for the nights you want to stay in, kick back with your favorite streaming service and enjoy some great shows.
I am providing a list of a some new shows, as well as some reality competition shows, and some newly returned shows to indulge in and binge-watch this month. All of these are fun, funny, intense, and just entertaining.
8 Shows To Watch Right Now
The Pitt
The daily lives of healthcare professionals in a Pittsburgh hospital as they juggle personal crises, workplace politics, and the emotional toll of treating critically ill patients, revealing the resilience required in their noble calling.
I cannot recommend The Pitt enough. It is such a great show with intense, realistic medical situations. Season 1 is fifteen episodes and all of them take place on one shift in a Pittsburgh emergency room. You can watch all episodes now on Max.
Black Mirror
Featuring stand-alone dramas -- sharp, suspenseful, satirical tales that explore techno-paranoia -- "Black Mirror" is a contemporary reworking of "The Twilight Zone" with stories that tap into the collective unease about the modern world.
Each Black Mirror episode takes me on an emotional roller coaster. I love that while watching, I never know what is going to happen and where the episode is going. Season 7 just premiered on Netflix.
Pulse
Follows the personal and professional lives of doctors and staff at a busy Miami trauma center.
Pulse is an entertaining, and somewhat soapy medical drama on Netflix. I’m not sure if there will be a season 2 but season one is very binge-worthy.
You
A dangerously charming, intensely obsessive young man goes to extreme measures to insert himself into the lives of those he is transfixed by.
The final chapter of Joe’s murderous life premiered on Netflix on April 24th. You has been twisty turny show that has made me root for the bad guy at times. I won’t spoil the ending but I highly recommend binging all 5 seasons of You on Netflix.
Running Point
Isla Gordon, overlooked her whole life, is appointed President of the LA Waves basketball team, a family business. She aims to prove she was the right choice despite skepticism.
Staring Kate Hudson, this is a fun, fast paced show that you can finish in a day. I watched most of this series while cycling on my Peloton. You can watch Running Point now on Netflix.
Million Dollar Secret
One player starts with $1 million, while 11 others engage in a countrywide pursuit to track and capture them, hoping to claim the cash prize for themselves.
For those who like Traitors, you will enjoy Million Dollar Secret, as it has a similar format. The stakes are high and the game manipulations are fun to watch. You can watch Million Dollar Secret right now on Netflix.
Got To Get Out
Follows contestants living together in a mansion for 10 days while they compete in physical and mental challenges.
With a cast of celebrity reality stars and your everyday person, one million dollars is at stake to those who can escape the house and make it out of the front gates. Got To Get Out is streaming now on Hulu.
G20
Terrorists take over the G20 summit with President Sutton, bringing her governing and military experience to defend her family, company, and the world.
Viola Davis helms this action film and it is a surprising, fun watch. And, yes, I am aware that G20 is a movie, not a show but I found it to be an easy and entertaining watch. You can watch G20 now on Prime Video.
All of the above shows are great choices for a night in or a good binge day. I don’t typically add reality television into my list of recommendations but I think we could all use some low stakes, fun viewing right now. I do no think you will be disappointed.
Please let me know your thoughts on my recommendations. Enjoy!
15 Perfect Finds To Get Your Backyard Summer Ready
Summer is quickly approaching and with that comes great weather, school breaks, barbecues and backyard get togethers. Not sure what you need to make your summertime relaxing and gatherings perfect? I have 15 of my favorite new summer items to make fun in the sun even better. This blog has everything from string lights and candles to games and food storage. Scroll on to find your perfect summer backyard accessories.
Double Hammock
Who doesn’t love laying in a hammock? This hammock is perfect for relaxing in the sun or shade and with room for two.
2. String Lights
Brightown outdoor strings lights give your patio and backyard that little extra something to bring your perfect look together.
3. Solar Garden Lights
These solar garden lights are such a wonderful addition to any garden. They are so pretty.
4. Citronella Candles
I love these candles. They are so pretty and decorative and they work in keeping those pesky bugs away.
5. Rolling Ice Chest
This rolling ice chest cooler is great to have if you love to entertain and spend time in your backyard. Plenty of space for drink and extra storage on the bottom.
6. Large Food Cover
These mesh food covers are perfect for setting up food outside and protecting it from bugs. They are large and easy to transport.
7. Giant Tumble Block
This Tumble Tower Block game is a ton of fun. Your friends and kids will love it.
8. Backyard Bug Control
The one negative of spending time outdoors during the summer is the bugs. Fortunately products like Cutter Backyard Bug Control exists. It works like a charm.
9. Solar String Lights
These strings lights will add beauty and the perfect ambiance to your outdoor space this summer and all year long.
10. Ice Chilled Condiment Caddy
No more having to worry about condiments going bad while sitting outside on warm day. This caddy will keep your food chilled and covered.
11. Bubble Wands
Adults and kids alike will enjoy these big bubble wands.
12. Extra Large Picnic Blanket
The perfect picnic and beach blanket with room for everyone. Plus it’s easy to transport and store.
13. Patio Umbrella Light
This umbrella light will add the perfect amount of brightness and ambiance to your umbrella to light up your table or camping area.
14. Water Resistant Uno Cards
With these water resistant Uno cards, you don’t have to worry about wet hands or sticky fingers. Just wipe the cards off and you are good to go.
15. Marshmallow Roasting Sticks
This is the perfect, multi-purpose roasting stick for everything from marshmallows to hotdogs, and the best part is that they travel easy and are reusable.
The 4 Relationship Attachment Styles... Which Are You?
We all have relationship attachment styles. Do you know yours? Relationship attachment styles, rooted in early childhood experiences, are patterns that influence how we form and maintain relationships in adulthood. The four main styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized, each impacting how we approach intimacy, trust, and conflict.
By being aware of your attachment style, you will be better able to recognize and change behaviors that are unhealthy for you. Your attachment style determines the type of partner you choose and how you navigate challenges, conflict, and communication in your relationships.
Here are the 4 attachment styles.
Anxious
The Anxious attachment style is a pattern of insecure attachment characterized by intense fear of abandonment and a strong desire for closeness and intimacy. A person with Anxious attachment style is constantly thinking about and seeking reassurance from partners. Signs of Anxious attachment style are:
Fear of abandonment
Hyper-sensitivity to criticism
Clingy and needy
Low self-esteem
Struggle with intimacy
Jealous and possessive
Someone with anxious attachment style will be closed off, emotionally, and will struggle to trust others and to open up. They also require constant assurance of their standing with you and lots of validation. This attachment style pushes their partners away with their constant jealousy and clinginess.
Avoidant
The Avoidant attachment style is a style of relating to others that is characterized by a fear of closeness and emotional intimacy. People with this attachment style may have difficulty trusting others and forming deep relationships. Signs of avoidant attachment are:
Denying the need for closeness
Avoiding meaningful social situations
Using excuses to limit interactions with others
Minimizing or suppressing emotions
Withdrawing and coping with difficult situations alone
Feeling as though their partners are being clingy
The person with the avoidant attachment style will often be non-committal. They avoid serious relationships and tend to leave when there are signs of feelings growing and emotional attachments. People with this attachment style like to keep their relationships casual and surface.
Disorganized
The Disorganized attachment style is a pattern of relating to others that is characterized by inconsistency and fear. Signs of disorganized attachment are:
Difficulty trusting others
Fear of abandonment
Inconsistent behavior in relationships
Difficulty regulating emotions
Low self-esteem
Anxiety when others want to be close
Depression
Contradictory behaviors
High levels of anxiety
Being in a relationship with someone who had disorganized attachment style will give you whiplash because they are all over the place. They love you; they don’t love. They think you could be the one and then they say they don’t want anything too serious. People with this attachment style tend to be moody and unpredictable.
Secure
The Secure attachment style is characterized by trust, emotional availability, and the ability to maintain healthy boundaries, fostering strong, healthy relationships with comfort in both intimacy and independence. Signs of Secure attachment style are:
Trust
Emotional Availability
Healthy Boundaries
Comfort with Intimacy and Independence:
Effective Communication:
Self-Awareness
Reliability
The secure attachment style is the goal for yourself and your partner. Someone with a secure attachment style has emotional maturity and a healthy communication style that allows for better conflict resolution.
If the goal is for healthier and happier relationships that last, then knowing your attachment and working on the psychology behind why you are the way you are in relationships will help you. It is also helpful to be able to recognize attachment styles in your partner to make a decision about compatibility and if they are in a place mentally and emotionally that would allow for the healthy relationship you desire.
People can work on their attachment style but I recommend doing the work before getting into a relationship.
Now I want to hear from you. Did you figure out your attachment style? Is it what you thought it would be? Please share your thoughts and experience on attachment styles.
9 Red Flags Your Relationship Is Doomed
Red flags often symbolize warnings of danger ahead. Proceed with caution. But what happens when we ignore red flags? They say hindsight is 20/20 and of course, there is a lot of truth in that statement when it comes to relationships. It is that people change or we did not see the potential problems? Or is it more about ignoring or disregarding the red flags you see in someone because you really want to make it work?
The whole point of dating is to get to know the person, find out compatibility, and to flesh out any behaviors or traits that are dealbreakers for you. In a new relationship, you may become so fascinated by your new beau that you start to miss the red flags that you definitely should be looking for. Knowing what signs to be on the lookout for is important, and will ultimately save you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.
What are the red flags?
So what exactly are red flags and why should you care? Well, red flags are behaviors, words, and past relationship history, which indicate they may not be who they seem to be or that they may not be right for you.
Maybe there are some red flags you can ignore because you don’t find them to be big deals but what about those red flags that are dealbreakers? Here are some red flags that he may exhibit early on that you may choose to ignore and that will likely doom your relationships.
Questionable Employment
Sketchy Relationship History
His Living Situation
Bad Habits
He Has A Temper
He’s Demanding
He’s Childish
He’s Secretive
His Friends Are Jerks
Subtle Signs That Often Go Unnoticed
I think the biggest red flag that is missed early on is controlling behavior. Initially, the controlling behavior is often disguised as being protective but what it is actually about is having control over you. They always need to know where you at, who you are with, and who you are talking to. You are an adult with a job and responsibilities but suddenly you have a leash essentially put on you. An unspoken rule of who you can be friends with and where you can go and how long you can be there. And you go along with it because they have convinced you that they are placing these restrictions on you because they care.
This type of behavior also becomes isolating. You pull away from friends and family because they see what he is doing and they don’t like it.
Importance of Early Identification
It is important to clock a man with red flags early on so as to not waste your time or at the very least allow you to address your concerns with him and set some expectations and boundaries. While every person is different and will have their own mental and emotional baggage they bring to your relationship, there are some common relationship red flags you should not ignore.
Common Relationship Red Flags
There are three common red flags that everyone should be on the lookout for when determining compatibility and whether someone is lifelong partner material.
Lack of communication and active listening
Disrespectful or belittling behavior
Control and manipulation tactics
Overlooking or ignoring these red flags will likely doom your relationship from the start because these are common issues cited by couples in therapy and by those who divorce.
How To Address Red Flags
The first step in addressing red flags in a mate starts with self-reflection. I know that sounds weird but while some red flags are universal, others are unique to each of us based on our needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. You have to ask yourself if the red flag is not a big deal and if it is a dealbreaker. You also need to be honest with yourself about why you are choosing to stay with someone with obvious red flags. Are you minimizing their red flags because you are afraid to be alone or think that you will not find anyone else? Or do you recognize that you have unrealistic expectations of perfection in any potential mate?
Having a strong sense of self and self-worth plays an important role in not only identifying red flags but also how you address them with your partner.
Building Healthy Communication and Boundaries
Poor communication and unhealthy boundaries will doom a relationship early on. To set your relationship up for success you want to:
Have Open and honest communication
Establishing healthy boundaries
Prioritizing individual needs
If you have done all you can to set your relationship up for a happy, successful union and are still finding red flag issues, it may be time to seek couples therapy or just move on. Some people are just not compatible with each other and that’s okay. There are billions of people and someone out there who is a better fit for you than your red flag guy or gal.
It may be tempting to try to change them and give them chance after chance despite their red flags but doing so is not wise or healthy for you. Remember, you have to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and be honest with yourself even if it means letting go of someone you care for and saw a future with.
Now I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts and experiences in dealing with red flags in romantic relationships? Please share!
If you ignore red flags, embrace the heartbreak to come. - Amanda Mosher
The Science of Attraction and Compatibility
Have you ever wondered why you are attracted to some people and not others? You find him handsome, but your bestie says he is just meh. Or how about the reverse? Why do some guys find it hard to take their eyes off you while others never give you a second glance? Well, science may be able to answer those questions for you. Let’s discuss the science of attraction and compatibility.
The Biology of Attraction
Our biology may play a significant role in determining what physical features we find attractive in others. Pheromones and hormones all play a part in how we view physical symmetry in positive and negative ways when finding mates. A pheromone is a chemical that animals produce, which changes the behavior of another animal of the same species. Pheromones can trigger behaviors, and is known as behavior-altering agents.
Some studies have shown that for humans it’s all about smell. Our olfactory receptors can detect odors and smells on a subconscious level. Smells that you are completely unaware of. Just take a man’s perspiration for example.
By a man’s sweat, a woman may be able to detect a man’s testosterone level, which may make her crave his sperm and want to mate with him. It is a very primal reaction.
Although the pheromone effect in nature is known to trigger behaviors such as fear and mating in animals and insects, the effects on human behavior are more theory and continue to be studied.
The Psychology of Attraction
Have you ever met someone for the first time and been instantly attracted to them? I know I have. But after being around them for a period of time the attraction lessened and in many cases went away altogether. While there have been other times when you have met someone and did not immediately find them attractive, but over time, and after getting to know them, you suddenly find yourself very attracted to them. That is the psychology behind attraction.
Familiarity, proximity, and personal connections all play a role in attraction. Their sense of humor, their intellect, and their kindness all work together to shape how you view them and can contribute to your attraction to them.
Also, as you get to know someone you may find you have shared interests and values and likes and dislikes, which may increase your connection and your attraction to them.
Compatibility Beyond Attraction
Physical attraction is based on physical appearance, and how attractive you find another person. Physical attraction is about a pretty or handsome face, or a nice figure or sexy body. You desire them. You want them. You like the sound of their voice, the way they move their body, and even the way they smell.
Attraction may lead you to someone but compatibility is what will ultimately keep you together and invested in the relationship. Once at this stage, emotional intelligence and emotional compatibility will come into play. Do you want the same things in life and envision a similar future? Do you have effective communication skills? And more importantly, are you two able to discuss and resolve issues? All of these attributes or lack thereof will determine your compatibility.
The Neuroscience of Love
The human brain is extremely powerful and when it comes to love and attraction, the brain does not hold back. The brain gets activated when you find someone attractive. Your pupils dilate and your system will release dopamine giving you a euphoric sensation. It’s a glorious feeling but it will eventually pass.
Once the dopamine highs pass and you have fallen in love, you must continue to build your connection through continuous interactions. Spending time together and sharing experiences grows your connection and your love.
During this time, you will also start to build trust and to feel physically and emotionally safe with your new love. Trust is a crucial element needed for a healthy, lasting relationship.
Finding Your Perfect Match
In order to find the right person for yourself, you need to have a good understanding of who you are, what you want, and what you need in a relationship. Self-awareness is a must. Your ideal man may be six foot two, has washboard abs, and is athletic, but ask yourself if this person is really someone you would be compatible with. Not likely if you are sedentary, love junk food, and hate the idea of going to the gym.
Instead of looking for a mate who is not compatible or attainable for you, focus on finding someone with shared values and interests. Similar lifestyles, values, and goals are key to finding your perfect match. And don’t be shy about being proactive in finding a mate.
Remember, finding love and happiness can be a journey but it will be worth it in the long run. Just be sure to love yourself first, don’t settle, and enjoy the process.
Now that we have discussed the science of attraction and compatibility, please share your thoughts, suggestions, and experience.
5 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex
Everyone has a past, and everyone has an ex. Starting a relationship with someone whose past is still very present in their thoughts and heart is a recipe for heartbreak. I do not think there is anything wrong with maintaining a cordial relationship with an ex, especially if you share children or a friend circle. However, I also believe it is important to ensure that your current love is over their ex-love to avoid disappointment and pain.
5 Signs He’s Not Over His Ex
He Talks About Her A Lot
Sometimes his inner thoughts will leak out. The ex and their former relationship may frequently be present. If an ex is a constant topic of discussion, that is a red flag that feelings for that person may still be there. Even if the talk about her is negative, it is indicative that his ex is constantly on his mind, and he is not over her.
He Compares You To Her
No one wants to be compared to anyone else, but a man still harboring feelings for his ex will do it subconsciously and sometimes let the thoughts come out of his mouth. For example, you two go on a trip together and he compares and contrast how different you are from her and how she was always when traveling.
He Relives Their Relationship With You
He takes you to the same places he took her. She loved Hawaii and he seems to always want to go there. She was adventurous and mentions that you when decline to go rock climbing, which was one of her favorite activities.
He’s Still Friends With Her
There is nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, but your boyfriend being too chummy with the ex he once considered his soulmate, is dangerous. With this relationship, feelings may still be there for one or both of them and it would not likely take much for things to reignite.
She’s A Priority
If she calls, he will go running for the smallest thing. If her dog runs off, he is off searching for it. She had a bad day, he is off to comfort her even if that means blowing off plans with you to be there for her. Just to be clear, you should be the priority, not the ex.
Not all relationships with an ex are the same. The how and why they broke up matter. Did she cheat on him? Was he against the breakup and tried to get back with her in the past? It also matters how long they were together and how serious they were. Were they talking marriage and kids? Was his family close to her? All things to keep in mind, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a dealbreaker.
Now I want to hear from you. Have you ever experienced this situation? What did you do? Maybe you’re the ex in this case. Please share!
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together."
What Is Love? Being, Falling, and Crazy In It
Valentine's Day is just a little more than a week away, so I thought I would write about love today. I am actually a Valentine's Day cynic. I find it lame, and a total consumer manipulation, however, I do love love.
So what exactly is love? And for this blog, we are talking about romantic love. Love is a feeling of strong affection and care for someone or something. It can also be a feeling of devotion or attachment.
How Does Romantic Love Feel?
A deep feeling of affection and care for another person
A strong or constant affection for and dedication to another
A warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
How Does Love Act?
When in love, you will show a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration
Love can take many forms and can be defined differently by different people.
I love the idea of falling in love, and being in love. I am not someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and I was recently described as aloof, but actually I am a romantic.
Being in a relationship, and in love is nice. It feels safe and comfortable to look over at the person sitting or laying next to you, and truly feel like you know them, and that you are in it together. But in all honesty nothing gives the euphoric feeling like falling in love.
Why Does Love Make You Crazy?
The newness is what makes it so different. It's obsessive. You eat, breathe, and live the other person. You cannot get enough of them. You could stay up all night talking to them, or staring at their face. You miss them the minute they leave, hang up the phone, or text goodnight.
They are the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and last thing you think about when you fall asleep at night. It makes you feel alive. It's an amazing feeling that cannot be replicated.
Falling in love is great, but a true, deeper love comes with getting to know the other person. They are not perfect, but a flawed individual. They share your interests, but have their own too. They truly "see" you, and not the fantasy person they want you to be. Seeing me has been my request with love. See me, and all of my flaws. No masks! Someone is sure to have buyer's remorse otherwise.
I know everyone loves differently and I think some of the outdated thoughts on love and Valentine’s Day specifically, have changed expectations for many women I know. More women are embracing being single and are pouring more into themselves and their non-romantic relationships. Galentine’s Day is also coming up. Which day will you be celebrating? Or maybe both?
You have no idea how fast my heart races every time I see you. - Unknown
6 Social Media Signs He Likes You
Many adults these days are on some form of social media, whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, or even TikTok. These social media platforms allow for a lot of interaction with friends, family, and strangers from behind a screen without ever having to speak or look the other person in the eyes.
While some things change, many things continue to stay the same. We are all human after all. Social media offers new ways to meet, connect, and to flirt with others. But what happens when you’re interested in someone who has primarily established a relationship with you from afar and online?
They seem to be just as interested as you are but how can you be sure without asking them and making things awkward or getting rejected? Now if you are not interested you can always ignore or block them but otherwise here are signs to look for that it may be time to take your social media relationship offline.
He’s The First
A big sign that he likes you is that he is always the first to view your post or to make a comment. Sure, maybe he is just always on social media and is always the first on everyone else’s post as well, which is why you have to look for other signs as well.
He Likes All of Your Posts
By all accounts, he is your biggest fan. He seems to like all of your posts, which is nice because he makes you feel supported. Of course, this could just be him being a nice guy. So, pay attention if he is giving everyone else the same amount of attention and support.
He Gets Cutesy In Messages
He direct messages funny and cute messages. Someone “dm”ing doesn’t automatically mean they are interested but they definitely want to be noticed by you and to keep your communication private.
He Initiates Contact
You may notice each other online and may even like each other’s posts and stories but that is usually it on your part. Then out of nowhere he DMs you to create a dialogue.
He Mimics Your Activity
You post about hiking or going to the movies and suddenly he’s commenting how he just went hiking or loves the movie you mentioned.
He Knows A Lot About You
You didn’t tell him about the cruise you took but he reaches out and asks you about your recent vacation. These are definitely signs that he is keeping tabs on you and what you are doing and interested in.
While there is no sure way to know if someone is interested in you through social media interactions without them coming out and directly saying it, but there are signs. It will be up to you to weigh the pros and cons of waiting or addressing it. I always recommend that if you really like them you shoot your shot instead of wasting time on someone who is not interested.
What are your thoughts? Does this sound like someone you know or maybe like yourself? Please share your thoughts!
The Shut Up Ring and Why It Will Make You Miserable In The Long Run
Marriage is great…for some, but it is not necessary to be happy in life. Society tells women their value is based on them having a man, getting married, and having children. Unfortunately, this can lead to miserable lives for some women who feel pressured to marry and often settle for men who do not love them, respect them, or treat them right, or for men who just don’t want to be married to them. And the worst part is that it is all just to please their family and friends and to check off some box on an imaginary list for life.
What Is A Shut Ring
So, you may be asking yourself what exactly is a shut-up ring. In simple terms, a shut-up ring is an engagement and wedding ring given by a man so his partner will stop nagging him about when he is going to propose to and marry her. He may not want to get married at all and may be content with the current state of their relationship but knows failure to propose may result in a breakup or her limiting his access to her time or body.
I once had a co-worker get engaged. When she excitedly showed me her engagement ring and after congratulating her I asked her about wedding dates and I was surprised by her response. She said, “Oh, it’s going to be soon because I need to lock this down”. I did not say anything in response but her statement stuck with me and really got me thinking about how someone who had just been proposed to felt insecure in their relationship. And then it dawned on me, it was a shut-up ring. Was it that she knew he really did not want to get married, or that she did not trust him, or was she just desperately trying to check off that box?
Why Shut Up Rings Are A Bad Thing
In the case of getting the coveted engagement ring and eventual marriage, my coworker won the battle but did she lose the war? Do you get a happily ever after with someone whose arm you have to twist to commit to you? Can you talk or guilt someone into marrying you and have them like and respect you till death do you part? Or does resentment and a clear relationship power imbalance make life a little, or a lot, miserable in the long run? The last time I saw my ex co-worker she looked and seemed different and unhappy but I do not know about her current situation. She did not share and I did not ask. What I do know is that after years of being on social media and seeing many women share their stories of regret about how their relationships began with a shut-up ring, I think that finding long-term happiness in a marriage that started like this would be the exception, not the rule.
The commitment to marriage is a big one and should not be taken lightly, especially considering the high divorce rates. Marriage is not easy but wedding the right person who is committed to working on the marriage when times get hard, and they will for many reasons, can see you through the trials and tribulations you are sure to face.
Only those in these situations will know if it was worth it but my advice is to never coerce or beg someone to love you or to be with you because it is unlikely to result in a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Do you or someone you know have experience with the shut-up ring? Any regrets? Please share your thoughts and experiences!