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What Is Negging and How To Recognize It In Relationships and Dating
We love new terms in the dating world and negging is a newer term for an old tactic. Some of you may have never heard the term “negging” but you have most likely experienced it. “Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval.” - Wikipedia
So now that we know that negging is essentially a manipulation tactic used to knock you down a peg emotionally and psychologically, the question is how to recognize when it is being done to you and how to address it.
Negging can come in the form of words, negative body language, and even physical behavior such as moving away from your touch. They may even laugh at you or ignore you, but the goal is the same and that is to manipulate you with their negative feedback. In this blog, I list five signs to look for when you think negging is happening to you. I hope this helps to keep you away from relationships that do not feed your soul and make you happy.
5 Signs of Negging
Teasing or Making Fun Of You
Teasing can be in good fun and can be seen as flirtatious, but too much of it can start to feel like the other person is just being mean and intentionally hurting your feelings under the guise of “just joking”.
You two go out walking or for a hike and you hear jokes the whole time about how slow you are and need to be in better shape. Never mind the fact that their legs are six inches longer than yours or that they do this all the time.
Subtley Putting You Down
Negative comments about your looks, your cooking, and even your intelligence are all negging tactics and subtle ways to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. It is also a way to make themselves feel superior to you.
Disregarding Your Feelings
They use negging as a way to disregard your feelings and turn the tables on you. According to them, their mean jokes directed at you are fun and are all in good fun but you are just too sensitive and you have no sense of humor.
Disregarding Your Boundaries
You have told them your preferences many times. Whether you have said you do not like a certain food or to be touched or talked to a certain way they start negging to get around those boundaries. They will call you ungrateful or unappreciative of all of their efforts despite you expressing your likes and wants.
Comparing You To Others
A person who negs will want to take you down a notch and they will do that by trying to destroy your self-worth and self-esteem. They will compare you to other women who they view as smarter or prettier than you. They will say or indirectly imply that you should be thankful that someone like them would even give someone like you the time of day because they usually date women who are much hotter and prettier and skinnier than you are. But of course, if that were true then why is he dating or in a relationship with you?
My recommendation is to call out negging when you see. Tell them you do not like the negative comments. After the first warning regarding their negging behavior, there should be no other warnings. You just need to walk away from that toxic person because they will eventually destroy your self-esteem.
What are your thoughts on negging? Do you have any experience with negging? Please share your thoughts and how you handled negging situations!
“Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative, and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible.” – Les Brown
5 Signs He’s Deeply In Love With You
When you think you have found the one, you want to know if they feel the same way. It may be hard to tell if the guy you have fallen for is feeling the same way, and while you may crave to hear those three little words, just remember actions always speaks louder than words.
There are always signs early on and throughout relationships that are excellent barometers for determining the health and status of your partnership. Whether those signs are indicating a strong commitment from a loving man or red flags telling you to run the other way. The truth is plain to see if you are paying attention and know what to look for. Here are 5 signs he is deeply in love with you.
5 Signs He Is Deeply In Love With You
He Is Always Team You
A man deeply in love is always team “wife or partner”. He takes the you and me against the world to heart. He is not taking his family’s side over yours and he is definitely not taking his friend’s side over yours. He always thinks about your thoughts and feelings first because he loves you and wants to make and keep you happy. Even if he disagrees with you, that is a private conversation between the two of you and he never entertains outside interference in the relationship.
This man is also your biggest supporter and cheerleader. He wants to see you succeed, even if that means your success outpaces his because he views it as a win for you as a win for you both.
He Won’t Let You Struggle
Marriage and relationships can be tough at times and when you add children to the mix life can become extremely challenging. Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home wife or mom, the man who deeply loves you will pull his share and then some when needed. He does not wait to be asked or directed, but instead, he steps in to be a reliable helpmate because he cares about your mental and emotional well-being.
He’s Mentally and Emotionally Present
A man deeply in love does not make a habit of coming home from work and plopping down in front of the television or hopping on video games and not engaging with his partner. Sure, we all need and are entitled to some “me” time, but you will not have to compete with your partner’s phone to get their attention or just to spend time with them. In fact, a man deeply in love cannot wait to spend time with you and to talk and share, or just veg out watching Netflix with you.
He’s Honest With You
A man deeply in love is open and honest with you. He communicates with you about how he is feeling and what he is thinking. He is willing to share his fears, his concerns, and his pet peeves in your relationship in a respectful and constructive manner.
He is also honest about the who, what, when, where, and why. He’s not keeping secrets or being sneaky. If you wanted to see his phone, messages, or emails he would let you because he has nothing to hide and he wants you to know that you can trust him.
He Is Putting In The Work
A man deeply in love wants his relationship to last and for that to happen, he knows it requires work and dedication on both your parts. If that means listening more, putting in more effort, or even going to couples therapy he is willing to do it because to him it is worth it.
There are ebbs and flows in most relationships. Passion may wane but I believe love should still be present if the relationship is to survive. There should be no expectation of perfection but if he consistently has your back, is a great helpmate, is present for you, is honest, and is doing his best to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with you then he may be a keeper.
What are your thoughts on signs a man is deeply in love? Do you agree with my list? What would add or remove? Please share your thoughts and experiences!
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." –Victor Hugo
5 Signs He’s Emotionally Immature
Emotional maturity usually comes with time, age, and life experiences but that is not always the case. Some people have arrested development and maturity stops prematurely.
Emotional maturity is defined as a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionate to the situation. Someone who is emotionally immature may not take situations seriously or may overreact to what others consider normal circumstances.
Emotionally immature people tend to make everything about them and struggle with rational and critical thinking.
5 Signs He Is An Emotionally Immature Man
Liar Liar
Liar liar pants on pants on fire. Emotionally immature men lie all the time. They cannot help themselves because well…they’re immature. They fail to grasp that while their tendency to lie and over-exaggerate used to work years ago when the women they dated were young and immature as well, most of those women have matured and can see right through them.
The lies literally fool no one. It’s embarrassing.
Cheater
Emotionally immature men tend to be cheaters because often like a child, they are selfish, entitled, and don’t think things through, including what the consequences might be for their actions.
These men also tend to be impetuous and poor communicators, falling in and out of love easily. A mature man can say I don’t love you any more or it’s over, or say I’m not interested so move on. You know, like a mature adult.
No Accountability For Behavior
Elements of their personal and professional life are a mess. They have bad relationships with family and exes, but let them tell it, it was them, not me.
What he doesn’t understand is the common denominator factor. He will complain about family, friends, and exes without failing to see that while people and circumstances changed, he continues to have the same issues. Why is this? Because he’s the problem. He’s emotional immature and lacks self-awareness.
Self-Centered
He thinks everything revolves around him. While not nearly as charming or handsome as he thinks he is to women, his personality and lack of maturity leave something to be desired.
The emotionally immature man makes everyone else’s feelings and situations about him. How will it affect him, he often wonders.
Defensive and Easily Offended
The emotionally immature man is a big baby. He whines, he pouts, and he lashes out if he doesn’t get his way. You didn’t want to do what he wanted, how dare you? Don’t his feelings and desires come first?
Not giving him his way? Prepare for gaslighting. He feels disrespected, or unappreciated that you want what you want and are not catering to him.
A relationship with an emotionally immature man is exhausting and not worth it because if you recognize the signs now, he will never catch up to your level of maturity.
What are your thoughts? Recognize the signs from a past or present relationship? Please share your thoughts and experiences!
Immature people always try to win an argument, even at the cost of a relationship. - Unknown
8 Signs He’s Crazy About You
Being in love is a wonderful feeling but when you are truly loved by that special someone there is something just magical about it. Crazy in love makes you feel, well a little crazy, but in the best way possible. And having that love returned by your crush or the guy you love makes you feel all gooey inside.
Sometimes you can be dating a guy or in a relationship and it feels like he is just going through the motions. Other times you can feel completely and totally loved even though the words may not have been spoken. If you are trying to figure out if he is as crazy about you as you are about him there are signs to look for.
8 Signs He’s Crazy About You
He Can’t Stay Away
When a man is crazy about you he cannot stay away for very long. He wants to see you, every day. He misses you when apart and if he can’t see you face to face he will want to FaceTime with you, talk on the phone, or just text with you. Anything to be near, talk to, or to see the face of the woman he’s crazy about.
Needs To Connect With You
A guy who is crazy about you will want to continually connect with you in some way. Whether it’s a physical connection and in person, or just a phone call or text, he desperately craves interaction with his love. His desire to connect is also about the mental, intellectual, and emotional connections you two have created.
Wants To Touch You
When a guy is crazy about you he will want to touch you a lot, and the touching will not be just about sex. When together he cannot keep himself from just kissing you or holding your hand, or just touching your hair. He wants to physically connect with you and express his feelings through touch. He would also love for these actions to be reciprocated.
He Can’t Stop Talking About You
A guy who is crazy about you will talk about you constantly without him even realizing it is happening. Your name comes out of his mouth constantly. He’s not doing it on purpose but he cannot help himself.
You are always on his mind. Plus he just likes talking about you and saying your name. Others tend to notice how frequently he mentions you.
He’s Willing To Change For You
None of us are perfect and a guy who is crazy about you may recognize he has some work to do if he wants to be with you. There could be some things about him that don’t necessarily mesh well with you and out of care for you, he is willing to change some behaviors or at least compromise to meet you halfway.
He’s Tolerating Your Crazy
When crazy about someone we tend to give them a pass on behaviors that we would find annoying or dealbreakers in others. You are far from perfect. You can be indecisive, moody, and you also snore, but he doesn’t care because he is crazy about you and loves you for you.
He Tells You
A guy who is crazy about you will have a hard time keeping his feelings to himself for long. A man who is serious about a future with you will never make you question where you stand with him. A guy who is crazy about you and in love with you will tell you his feelings because he doesn’t want to risk losing you.
You Just Know It
A man’s body language and actions will tell you everything you need to know about how he truly feels about you. The way he looks at you says it all. His eyes will show the depth of his feelings, as will his behavior. A man who is crazy about you will be consistent in his courtship and treatment of you.
When a man is crazy about you, he will be willing to be vulnerable and all in. He knows that letting you know how much you mean to him may give you the upper hand, but he won’t care because you are not a game to him. He cares about you and being with you, and expressing his feelings for you will start a new chapter in your relationship.
So while you will be able to tell how he feels about you, he won’t keep you waiting on confirmation.
What are your thoughts on the signs of a man crazy about you? Do you agree with the signs? How do you tell if a guy is crazy about you? Please share your advice or experience!
When you find someone, who can make you laugh. Smile. Grow. Lust. Want. Crave. Feel. Make you mad but happy. Keep that. That’s euphoria. - Unknown
Rekindling A Romance...Should You Fan Old Flames?
Life and love have lots of ups and downs and tend to leave many people wanting a do-over. If the Hallmark channel has taught me anything, it is that returning home and high school reunions are for rekindling old love and romance.
If you could go back and do it all over again, would you? Some old flames needed to be put out, but others burned so hotly that years later the embers still smoldered. There are pros and cons to rekindling an old love. As time has passed, you may be remembering more of the good and forgetting a lot of the bad.
If you are considering reigniting an old flame, here are the pros and cons to consider.
Pros Of Reigniting An Old Flame
It’s Familiar
No matter how much time passes, you never forget your first love. Coming back together years later may feel like coming home. The relationship feels familiar and comfortable, and comforting in many ways. You came back together and it was like you were never apart.
It’s Feels Good
Somehow the rekindling of an old flame takes you back in time and makes you feel all giddy and silly again. The excitement and passion are crazy. You have been transported back to being that gushy twenty-something girl who doodled his name over and over again.
You’re Both Different
Whether it has been ten years or twenty-five years, you have both grown and changed. The relationship ended for a reason in the past, but people can change, and perhaps the obstacles faced before are no longer an issue.
Cons Of Reigniting An Old Flame
Both The Same
While some things change, other things also stay the same. Yes, you are both older and hopefully wiser, but you are basically still the same people. Perhaps once you get past the newness of your old relationship, old issues and problems will resurface.
Your Lives Don’t Mesh
You may have reconnected at a reunion or on Facebook, but you live thousands of miles apart and your lives don’t fit together. You both have responsibilities and neither are capable nor willing to just pick up and leave your current life to chase a possibility.
Unrealistic Expectations
While you were once the hot “it” couple, neither of you was perfect, but you may be remembering things differently. You may be disappointed to find that you no longer share the same interests, that they are not as attractive as they used to be, and you may not actually be compatible anymore.
At the end of the day, I think many of us would love a do-over with a lost love. Whether you choose to give it a go should depend on why it ended the first time and if the current man or woman before you seems worthy of a second chance. If they have a history of abuse of any kind I say absolutely do not let them back in your life but otherwise, I recommend going for it. If your heart is open and you are available, what do you really have to lose?
What are your thoughts on rekindling an old flame? Romantic or ripe for disaster? Please share your thoughts and experience!
Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. - Pietro Aretino
5 Benefits Of Waiting To Have Sex
The dating game and how we find a mate has changed over time, but the fundamentals of the heart and human desire remain the same. The importance of sexual intimacy is different for everyone, and the weight placed on the act of sex in or out of relationships varies vastly from person to person depending on age, gender, upbringing, and religious beliefs.
I think many people, women in particular, struggle with the decision of when to sleep with a man. What is considered too soon to sleep with a guy you just met or just started dating? Is it okay to sleep with him on the first date or do I wait until after the fifth date? The truth is there is no right answer.
This blog is not about slut-shaming, but it is about thinking about how early intimacy can affect future relationship possibilities and how it may be more beneficial to wait depending on your own relationship goals.
The Benefits of Waiting To Have Sex
Takes Away The Pressure
The first time with a new partner can be exciting, but it can also be filled with nervousness and pressure. If this is someone who you barely know, and you want a second date, you may feel pressure to be more exciting or kinkier than you normally would be in bed to try to secure a second date.
If you establish your own personal rule that you are not putting out until the fifth or tenth date, you will feel less anxious and pressure because by that point you have a pretty good idea that you like him and he likes you.
Get To Know Each Other
Taking the time to get to really get to know the new guy in your life if you are looking for a long term relationship and love is the most important part of dating. Figuring out if you share commonality, chemistry, and life goals will be the determining factor if he may be the one or if seeing him again would be a waste of time.
Creates Mystery
Your relationship will eventually move to the bedroom, but until that time, you get to enjoy all of the flirting and fantasizing as the sexual tension builds up. The bedroom action for the first time is the big reveal, but some women allow everything to peak too soon in the relationship and the romance fizzles out quickly.
Changes Relationship Focus
Once sex is off the table, temporarily, of course, it allows the relationship to grow organically and for two people to get to know each other. Sex is great, but it can also be a distracter and become the focus of the relationship in the early stages, especially if it is good sex.
You may think that a relationship with a focus on good sex is not a bad thing, but if a young relationship is all about sex, it’s not much of a relationship, and not likely to last.
You Know He Likes You For You
If you have gone out with a guy six times and there has been no sex, chances are he keeps coming back for you because he likes you. But when a guy keeps coming back after you slept with him on the first date or when you first met him, maybe wasn’t even a date, you can’t be sure if he likes you or is just using you.
I am not advocating for “no sex” before marriage, in fact, I strongly encourage sampling and making a determination of sexual compatibility before making a lifelong commitment to someone. What I am saying is to maybe reconsider sleeping with a guy too soon if you are looking for a long term relationship. However, if you are just looking for a good time and no strings then do your thing.
What are your thoughts on waiting to have sex in a new relationship? Do you think it matters? Does becoming intimate too early in a new relationship sabotage future possibilities? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tim Robbins
Love Languages...The Importance Of Knowing Your Love Language
Every person has their own unique love language. Our individual love language is the basic way we show our romantic love for our partner or potential partner, and also how we perceive reciprocation of that love from our romantic partner.
Love Language is a term coined by author Gary Chapman in his book titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. The book discusses five general categories of how we express our love and I could not agree more with the categories.
In order to benefit from the language information in your current or future relationships, it is important to recognize how you prefer to give and receive love. I also believe it is important to be matched with a mate whose love language aligns with your own.
The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. As we go through each of love language try to determine which ones you use, and which ones you want to receive in a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled.
By the end of this blog, you should be able to identify your love language, both the way you show love and the way you want to receive love.
The Five Love Languages and How to Determine Your Love Language
Words of Affirmation
Word of affirmation are words of validation and appreciation. Many of us want and need to hear that we are loved and appreciated. We want to hear that we are doing a great job, that we are capable, and that we are enough. These words of affirmation can carry a lot of weight when coming from our partner.
It is also important to take note of how frequently you express words of affirmation to your partner. Are words of affirmation one of the ways you show love?
Acts of Service
Acts of service are about showing your loved one how you feel through your actions. Doing things for your partner or love interest “just because” can often be subtle but one of the sweetest ways to show your love. Simple things such as filling up their gas tank, bringing them lunch, or picking up their dry cleaning are examples of acts of service and doing for them.
Do you expect your partner to do regular acts of service in your relationship, and if they don’t do you think they love you less, or is it not a big deal to you?
Receiving Gifts
Receiving and giving gifts is like giving tokens of love and affection for some. The importance of giving and receiving gifts varies from person to person. Some people love to give gifts to others, especially their mates, but they want very little in return.
While certain individuals don’t expect or want frequent gifts from their partner, for some others, they see a direct correlation between the gifts they receive from their partner and how much they believe their partner cares about them.
Quality Time
Quality time with your partner means giving them your undivided attention. Your time is everything. We never seem to have enough of it, so how much or how little time you expect and make for your partner may be a reflection of your heart but also speaks to your love language.
If you make the time for quality time with your partner and view it as important to do so then quality time is one of your love languages.
Physical Touch
Humans need physical touch, but not all humans desire or are satisfied by the same level of physical touch. While one partner may be perfectly content to just kiss, hold hands, and snuggle the majority of the time, the other partner may feel the need for more sexual intimacy to feel connected and show their love.
Whether you enjoy nightly cuddles or intense rolls in the sack, physical touch can still be your love language, but it is helpful if your partner is fluent in your dialect.
After reading this blog I hope you are now able to identify your love language and your partner’s as well. Knowing both of your love languages will help explain why you are ridiculously happy in your relationship or why you are feeling like something is missing. Remember, we are who we are. We cannot force anyone to change. We either accept them or choose to move on.
What are your thoughts on love languages? Do you recognize your love language? Do you recognize your partner’s love language? Does having this information change anything for you? Please share your thoughts and experience with love languages!
“You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision.” ― Gary Chapman
Pros and Cons of Dating Someone Younger
While some believe that age is just a number, others believe that dating younger men is a waste of time. It can be hard to meet a great guy, especially when are limiting our own pool of candidates with very specific requirements.
For centuries men have been courting and marrying younger women, and it is still the socially accepted norm. But when a woman dates a younger man tongues start wagging and people tend to be a little more judgemental.
The truth of the matter is that when a woman dates a younger man there are pros and cons to that relationship. Every woman has to decide if a relationship with a younger man is ultimately for her or if she is just having fun.
Pros Of Dating A Younger Man
Flattering
We all have a little vanity. It feels good to feel attractive. It feels good to still be able to catch the eye of men as we age, especially when the man is younger.
Dating a younger man can make a woman feel like “she’s still got it”.
Exciting
As we age we tend to be more cautious and practical, but dating a younger man will force you out of your comfort zone and make life a little wild again.
Also, the fact that the older woman, younger man relationship tends still be considered taboo can make the older woman feel like she is a rule-breaker and being naughty, especially if she has always played by the rules.
Great Sex
Let’s be honest, a man’s sex drive doesn’t usually increase as he ages. His testosterone levels drop and he is more likely to suffer from ailments that cause impotence. Dating a younger man with a revved-up sex drive is what every single older woman needs in her life, if only for a little while.
Makes You Feel Younger
Depending on the age gap, there may be significant differences in tastes of music, food, and friends. Hanging out with your younger guy in his element can make you feel young again. His world can feel new, almost foreign, but also cool and different.
Cons Of Dating A Younger Man
Compatibility Issues
Age gaps can create compatibility issues. You are likely to have different tastes in music, different hobbies, and vastly different life experiences.
Maybe you’re a Gen X and he’s a Millennial. You grew up in different times and different world views and events shaped your childhood and points of view.
Not Equals
As we gain more life experience and professional experience, we become more knowledgeable and successful. Where we are at in our career and finances in our 30’s versus where we are at in our 40’s can be significantly different.
Chances are, the older woman is more settled in her career and more financially stable than her younger beau is in his career and finances. The disparity in success and finances may prove challenging and may make the man in the relationship feel inferior and emasculated.
Maturity Issues
Some people are just naturally more mature than others, and everyone is different, but when dating a younger man maturity may be an issue. He likely hasn’t experienced nearly as much in his life yet as his older woman partner has, so he may not be as thoughtful, responsible, or as reliable as she would like.
A woman can find her happily ever after with a younger man, but of course, just like any other relationship, there will be some issues to address and overcome. Depending on the age gap, different ages can also mean different stages in life.
Getting married, buying a home, having children, and planning for retirement are all big topics that come into play in any serious relationship, but can be more time-sensitive for an older woman/younger man relationship.
What are your thoughts on dating a younger man? Have you ever or are your currently dating a younger man? What is your experience and would you date a younger man again? Please share your story and experience!
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” ― Leo Tolstoy
Can Two Type A Personalities Make A Relationship Work? Here's How To Make It Work
It’s no secret that in order to have a healthy, successful relationship you will need to be able to compromise with your partner. However, it is also no secret that some people are far less willing to compromise than others, relationship or not.
In relationships, one half of the couple tends to be more assertive and takes the lead so to speak, while the other partner may be more passive or less decisive. But what happens when both partners are assertive decision-makers who like to have their own way?
Type A personality people tend to be outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. Type A personalities are often successful and hard working.
So the question I pose is, “ can two Type A’s be able to make a relationship work?” Will a relationship of two Type A’s lack the balance all relationships need? Possibly. Or can two Type A’s who are extremely compatible strike the right balance and make things work? I have always believed that compatibility and chemistry are the most important elements for a lasting relationship.
I think two Type A’s can find everlasting love, and here’s how they would do it.
How To Make It Work With Two Type A Personalities
Choose Your Battles
We all like to have things our own way, but not all “wants” are that big of a deal to you, so why battle for it? Meaning, let the little things go, but speak up and stand up for what counts. If you don’t care all that much about where you go for dinner then let your partner pick, but if the new bedroom wall color matters then make your feelings known.
Be Considerate
Think about what your partner likes, wants, and needs. Let it be about them sometimes without it having to be a discussion or a fight. You are both Type A’s so you are known for speaking your mind. For example, you know a wet towel on the floor drives your partner crazy, and even though you don’t think it’s a big deal, you make the effort to pick up your towel.
There will be issues in your relationship that are not a big deal to you, such as a wet towel on the floor, but it costs you nothing to hang up the towel and avoid frustrating your partner.
Be Mature
Relationship maturity is as much about understanding yourself as it is about understanding your partner. As we grow, we learn, hopefully. Take the high road in disagreements, and fight fair because with your aggressive personalities things could get pretty heated with two Type A’s.
Communicate
Good communication is always a must for any healthy relationship, but with two Type A personalities the communication needs to be stepped up a notch because you both may be used to doing more talking than listening.
Respect Them
The Type A personality types are badasses. They are go-getters, who are often fearless. Give each other the kudos you deserve, respect who they are, and do not ask them to be less than they are for you.
Two mature Type A personalities in a relationship make the ultimate power couple. They know how to play off of each other’s strengths and they understand the importance of knowing when to lead in the relationship, when to take a backseat, and when to allow their partner to shine.
What are your thoughts on two type A’s making a relationship work? Is this relationship possible in your opinion? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” – Kavita Ramdas
How To Determine Relationship Compatibility
Finding the right mate, or the “one” can feel like a daunting task to say the least. If you have been in the dating scene for a while, or have had several or many relationships over the years, you may be wondering why the relationships don’t work out.
As the old saying goes, “you will have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince”. While I do agree with the overall concept that you may need to meet a lot of different men to find the right one, I don’t think you will necessary need to date, kiss, or sleep with them all to find out if they are the right one, unless of course you want to.
Compatibility can be determined pretty early on and good conversation will usually help you figure it out.
How To Determine Compatibility
Featured Video
Ask Questions
There are many questions you need answers to if you really want to determine compatibility. All questions do not need to be asked and answered on a first date, but over time you definitely need to peel back the onion and find out where they stand on some really big issues, but also some smaller issues as well.
You will want to know about their thoughts on marriage and family. Do they expect their spouse to work or stay home. Do they want kids? How many and how far into the relationship? Where do they ultimately want to live and retire? And the big one is their relationship with money. Are they a spender or a saver? And of course what role will religion play in your lives and the lives of your children.
Do Things Together
Ideally you meet your mate while participating in an activity you are both very interested in, but if you don’t you will want to find common interests. If you love to read, it may not be a requirement but it is nice to have a partner who also enjoys reading and discussing books they have read.
If you are a very intellectual, critical thinker, you will not be compatible with someone you might describe as not very smart, and you definitely won’t be able to respect them.
If you are into fitness or the outdoors, you will want to try out these activities together. While you do not have to work out together, being able to enjoy activities together that interest you both will keep you bonded.
Meet Family and Friends
People from similar backgrounds tend to be more compatible. Of course, different upbringings doesn’t necessarily need to be a deal breaker, but it does make relatability and the understanding of points of view more challenging. Similar upbringings also plays a big role in how you view marriage, family, and especially how to raise children.
It is important to be open minded but also realistic in choosing a partner from a different background.
Kiss/Sleep Together
Physical attraction and sexual compatibility are extremely important to a relationship. I am not encouraging anyone to sleep around, and I understand that for some this is a moral issue, but ask yourself how many things do you purchase without sampling? If you knew you couldn’t return something would you still buy it?
Well, I look at selecting a partner the same way. Sexual compatibility is very important. For long term happiness and fulfillment you want to have an enjoyable sex life, and if you didn’t know what you were getting into, you were taking a gamble that may or may not pay off.
In all honesty, you can force and make just about any relationship work if you are determined to. But if you want to be happy and fulfilled for the long run you will want to be with someone you are truly compatible with.
We are who we are, and while we change some over the years, we also stay very much the same, so hoping someone will change and become more of who you want them to be is wishful thinking. It is better to choose someone you are compatible with, than to try to change someone to fit your mental, emotional, and sexual needs.
What are your thoughts on compatibility? How important do you think it is to relationship longevity and happiness? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Research shows that couples who have a lot of similarities, including intellectual compatibility, end up staying together.” - Helen Fisher