Relationship Expectations…5 Signs Your Relationship Expectations Are Unreasonable
Nothing kills a relationship faster than unmet expectations, but so many questions come to mind when discussing this topic. Chances are if you’re feeling disappointed in your partner’s failure to meet your expectations, they are probably feeling disappointed in themselves or feeling some kind of way about your reaction to their alleged letdown.
During relationships, I expect love and respect and consider them non-negotiables. However, I do recognize that my partner’s time and money are theirs to do with what they want and are up for negotiation, such as who pays for dinner or if we go to my family’s barbeque.
In case you need to be reminded, your partner is not a mind reader. But more importantly, while you are focusing on how disappointed you are in your partner you need to ask yourself a few questions first, because maybe, just maybe your expectations are not reasonable.
Signs Your Expectations Are Unreasonable
You’ve Been Told So In The Past
If you have been told in the past by ex-boyfriends, lovers, or husbands, that you are too demanding or that your relationship expectations are unreasonable maybe they are.
It’s either you’re unreasonable or you keep picking the wrong people. Keep in mind that both can be true.
Your Partner Says So
It’s like your old relationship is on replay. Your current partner has pointed out that your expectations are unfair or unreasonable.
You place demands on their time, their money, and their treatment of you but fail to recognize the double standard, especially when they are not allowing you to call the shots.
You Make Up Random Rules
You just make up relationship rules as you go along. Your partner “always” has to do this, or can “never “ do that, because if they don’t follow your rules that means that they do not love you.
Of course, these made-up rules are a double standard and do not apply to you. These rules come up situationally, and at your convenience.
Not Based On Love
You often equate love to material things. The saying, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t mean much to you. People show their love in many ways.
A simple gesture of filling up your gas tank weekly when they notice it’s getting low is a thoughtful, loving gesture, but since it wasn’t the expensive gift you pointed out that you wanted, you feel disappointed instead of appreciative.
You Keep Losing People
You keep losing people from your life, which is the number one red flag that you are unreasonable, difficult, and maybe even toxic. Whether it be romantic partners, or family members or friends, your unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a partner, a sister, or a friend, your behavior pushes people away.
I always recommend that you set expectations and boundaries early on in a relationship, but be careful about being unrealistic, self-serving, and demanding. Demands in a relationship will often be viewed as hostile, and I for one do not negotiate with terrorists, and neither should you or your partner.
What are your thoughts on relationship expectations? Do you agree or disagree with my article? Should someone be expected to tamp down their expectations in a relationship or would that be considered settling? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life
