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5 Signs He’s Playing Mind Games
Mind games are relationship manipulations that keep you both mentally and emotionally off balance. Mind games are usually about feeding the ego. In order to feed the ego, a guy who plays mind games will string you along for as long as possible, because you know, it’s all about him.
Mind games are cruel and misleading and are far too common in the dating world. It’s not only about ego, it can also be about control and self-preservation but playing mind games can lead to people really getting hurt. No one wants to be led on or toyed with.
To protect yourself, it’s important to know if you are being played so you don’t get hurt. Here are the signs to look for to know if he is playing mind games.
5 Signs He’s Playing Mind Games
He’s Hot and Cold
Sometimes it’s all about you. He is giving you lots of attention and affection and making you feel special. You actually start to believe that this could be something real between the two of you.
Just when you were starting to let your guard down and catch feelings he starts giving you the cold shoulder and it’s like you do not exist. He basically stops calling or texting. He doesn’t even really return your calls or texts or take forever to respond if he does. And if he sees you out and about he will barely acknowledge you and instead force you to create an interaction with him.
This is a huge power play and mind game tactic. He is showing you he’s in control of this relationship and can stop dealing with you whenever he wants without a care in the world.
He Disappears
He was calling or coming around all the time, and then suddenly nothing. He basically ghosts you temporarily. Then he reappears as if nothing happened. Why did he do this? Well, because he can and because he’s testing you and playing mind games. But in the process, he may have got you thinking you did something wrong or said something wrong. He made you question yourself.
His motivation? He wants to see just how easily you are manipulated and how desperate you are to have him. These are huge red flags and a major power play on his part.
He Tells What You Want To Hear
He says the right things but his actions seemed to be the opposite. You ask if he is seeing other people and he denies it or dodges the question completely. You have seen him with other girls but he says they are just friends even though there are tons of rumors about him being an untrustworthy player.
He tells you that you are special to him and says he cares for you but after spending time with him you often feel used and more like a side chick or booty call than a potential mate or girlfriend.
He’s Seeing Other Girls
In his defense, I guess, he may have made it clear that you are not the only one he’s seeing or that he has a lot of female friends. But when you are together he lays it on thick, making you feel like he is really into you and that he has strong feelings for you. Which is confusing because how could he be this way with you and have feelings for others too, right?
That is the mind game part. That is the player playing you and reeling you in. Guys who do this are not falling for you, and they do not have romantic feelings for you. They are grooming you to reciprocate a false love story they have created to get what they want from you and keep you waiting in the wings.
Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
He dangles a future with him. If you were a little sexier, or your boobs were bigger, or if you were just skinnier he could see a future with you. He always manages to make you feel like you are not good enough for him. Like you will never be good enough for him.
But he gives you just enough attention and romance to make you want to be enough to truly win him over. This is him playing on your self-esteem issues. This is playing mind games. This is him slowly tearing you down. Now ask yourself, is this really a guy you want a future with.
At the end of the day, it should not come down to how hot he is or how much money he has but how he treats you and how he makes you feel about him and you.
Here’s the thing, if a guy is playing mind games he already knows that he is really not that into you. But that won’t stop him from using you when he is lonely or needs to feel good about himself. If he really cared about you he would not make you feel so confused or like you are less than all of the time. You deserve better than a guy who plays mind games with you.
What are your thoughts on dealing with a man playing games? Do you agree with my list? How do you handle a guy playing mind games? Do you play them right back or bounce? What is your experience? Please share!
“In a narcissist's world, you are not their one and only. You are an extension of that person and last place in their mind, while they secure back up narcissistic supply.” ― Shannon L. Alder
Relationship Expectations…5 Signs Your Relationship Expectations Are Unreasonable
Nothing kills a relationship faster than unmet expectations, but so many questions come to mind when discussing this topic. Chances are if you’re feeling disappointed in your partner’s failure to meet your expectations, they are probably feeling disappointed in themselves or feeling some kind of way about your reaction to their alleged letdown.
During relationships, I expect love and respect and consider them non-negotiables. However, I do recognize that my partner’s time and money are theirs to do with what they want and are up for negotiation, such as who pays for dinner or if we go to my family’s barbeque.
In case you need to be reminded, your partner is not a mind reader. But more importantly, while you are focusing on how disappointed you are in your partner you need to ask yourself a few questions first, because maybe, just maybe your expectations are not reasonable.
Signs Your Expectations Are Unreasonable
You’ve Been Told So In The Past
If you have been told in the past by ex-boyfriends, lovers, or husbands, that you are too demanding or that your relationship expectations are unreasonable maybe they are.
It’s either you’re unreasonable or you keep picking the wrong people. Keep in mind that both can be true.
Your Partner Says So
It’s like your old relationship is on replay. Your current partner has pointed out that your expectations are unfair or unreasonable.
You place demands on their time, their money, and their treatment of you but fail to recognize the double standard, especially when they are not allowing you to call the shots.
You Make Up Random Rules
You just make up relationship rules as you go along. Your partner “always” has to do this, or can “never “ do that, because if they don’t follow your rules that means that they do not love you.
Of course, these made-up rules are a double standard and do not apply to you. These rules come up situationally, and at your convenience.
Not Based On Love
You often equate love to material things. The saying, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t mean much to you. People show their love in many ways.
A simple gesture of filling up your gas tank weekly when they notice it’s getting low is a thoughtful, loving gesture, but since it wasn’t the expensive gift you pointed out that you wanted, you feel disappointed instead of appreciative.
You Keep Losing People
You keep losing people from your life, which is the number one red flag that you are unreasonable, difficult, and maybe even toxic. Whether it be romantic partners, or family members or friends, your unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a partner, a sister, or a friend, your behavior pushes people away.
I always recommend that you set expectations and boundaries early on in a relationship, but be careful about being unrealistic, self-serving, and demanding. Demands in a relationship will often be viewed as hostile, and I for one do not negotiate with terrorists, and neither should you or your partner.
What are your thoughts on relationship expectations? Do you agree or disagree with my article? Should someone be expected to tamp down their expectations in a relationship or would that be considered settling? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life
The Pheromone Effect and Why You Crave Him
Sometimes a guy comes along and you find him irresistible. Literally irresistible. I mean you can barely stop yourself from pouncing on him like a wild animal catching its prey.
There is just something about him, but you cannot explain it. He isn’t necessarily the most handsome man you have ever met, but still you are drawn to him. You crave him in every way. When you see him, or just think about him, you want to do things with him and to him that even shock you.
So what is it about him and why do you desire him so bad? Is it possible that it is the pheromone effect?
The Pheromone Effect
A pheromone is a chemical that animals produce, which changes the behavior of another animal of the same species. Pheromones can trigger behaviors, and is known as behavior-altering agents.
Although the pheromone effect in nature is known to trigger behaviors such as fear and mating in animals and insects, the affects on human behavior is more theory and continues to be studied.
While the affects of pheromones in humans is up for debate by some, others believe in the power of pheromones so strongly that they have bottled pheromones. Some people call pheromones a love potion, and whether or not you are a believer, for about $100 you can buy and spray on some sex appeal to attract the one you desire.
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How Does The Pheromone Effect Work
Some studies have shown that for humans it’s all about smell. Our olfactory receptors can detect odors and smells on a subconscious level. Smells that you are completely unaware of. Just take a man’s perspiration for example.
By a man’s sweat, a woman may be able to detect a man’s testosterone level, which may make her crave his sperm and want to mate with him. It is a very primal reaction.
Humans are after all just animals. Animals who have learned to control and suppress their animal instincts.
Are you a believer in the pheromone effect? I am. The pheromone effect is separate from compatibility and attraction, although the two can overlap. Is it pheromones that creates amazing emotional and sexual chemistry between two people? Probably.
What are your thoughts on the pheromone effect? Have you ever had an unexplainable pull or attraction to someone? Have you ever used a pheromone spray? Please share your thought and experience!
“I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me” - I Want You To Want Me, Cheap Trick
In-Law Issues...6 Signs It's Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
When we get married, we are not just marrying the person, we are actually marrying their whole family. With family comes a lot of love, but also family drama. You may get lucky and marry into a wonderful family who are loving and supportive of your union.
Or you may end up with in-laws who butt in, undermine, and sabotage your relationship.
I would like to hope that the in-laws who butt in are well meaning, but regardless of their intentions, they need to respect your relationship, and not crossover into disrespectful intrusiveness.
Whether it’s your parents, your spouses parents, or your respective siblings, in-laws can actually cause a lot of relationships issues that lead to divorce.
6 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
They Show Up Unannounced
You had no plans to see your in-laws, but they just show up at your door whenever they want. You are then expected to drop everything you had planned, whether that was running errands or taking a nap, and host them.
They Criticize Your Parenting
When it comes to your parenting, your in-laws always have a lot to say. You’re holding the baby wrong. You’re not discipling enough. They even have something to say about whether or not you should not be working, because of course they made all the right parenting decisions.
They Give Unsolicited Relationship Advice
They want to try to tell you what you are doing wrong as a wife or husband. Perhaps maybe even your spouse confided in their sibling or parent about some relationship issues you are having, or they are making some assumptions about your relationship. Either way, they are butting in where they don’t belong.
Whether your in-laws have been married for 50 years or they are twice divorced, every relationship is different and no one has all the answers.
They Are Hyper Critical Of Your Partner
Some people will never be perfect enough for daddy’s little girl or a mama’s boy, but interfering in-laws can ruin a relationship by poisoning with words and creating doubt. No one is perfect, but having a parent point out everything that is wrong with your spouse is toxic and unhealthy.
They Make Demands On Your Free Time
You and your spouse like to spend most weekends being cozied up at home or spending time be with friends and being active. However, your parents expect Sunday dinners every week or family game night every Friday. Attendance is required…or else. You love your family, but you are an adult and you get to decide how you spend your free time.
They Emotionally Blackmail
When you and your partner are not complying with all of your in-laws wishes they engage in guilt trips and emotional blackmail. They may call you ungrateful, selfish, or any other term in order to make you feel like crap to get their way. Don’t fall for this. It’s a manipulation tactic used to control.
Family is important, but family can also be a big pain in the butt when they try control you and your partner, and refuse to respect appropriate boundaries. Everyone needs boundaries, even our loved ones.
It can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, especially with your parents, to tell someone they need to give you and your partner space and respect your established boundaries.
Your marriage and relationship will have many challenges of its own without outside interference. It is better to bite the bullet, and be honest, than to allow overbearing family members to create more problems for you and your partner.
What are your thoughts on dealing with intrusive in-laws? Have you experienced situation? What did you do? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” ― Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
5 Signs Of Emotional Blackmail...A Manipulation Tactic
Emotional blackmail is something that happens between a manipulative or abusive person and a victim. It is often described as threats and punishments that are meant to control another person's behavior, while not escalating to physical violence.
Unhealthy relationships often have emotional blackmail used by one or both people in the relationship. Emotional blackmail is a manipulation tactic used to control someone you have a close relationship with. It is done by both men and woman.
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Relationships with emotional blackmail are mentally and emotionally draining. It is important to know the signs of this unhealthy relationship so you can address it, end it, or stop doing it if you are the culprit.
5 Signs Of Emotional Blackmail
Withholding Sex
It’s one thing to be not in the mood, but it’s another thing to use the withholding of sex in your relationship to punish your partner or get your own way. Withholding sex to manipulate your partner into doing what you want them to do is emotional blackmail, and signs of an unhealthy relationship.
The Silent Treatment
Healthy relationships need communication. So refusing to talk to your partner or respond to calls or text as a tactic to punish is counterproductive, and also childish and petty.
It’s one thing to tell your partner to give you some space because you are upset, and do not want to discuss an issue while upset. It is another thing to just cut off all communication and completely ignore your partner.
Threatens To Leave Relationship
When someone in the relationship constantly drops the D word or threatens to break up because they are upset or angry they are being manipulative, and using the threat of leaving to make their partner comply.
Someone who threatens to end the relationship whenever they are angry or not getting their way is someone who is not ready or capable of having a healthy relationship.
If they want to leave, let them go.
Threatens To Withhold Access To Your Children
Unfortunately, children are often used as pawns when relationships sour. The threat of not being able to see your children is often used to keep people in bad and unhappy relationships.
Threats to keep children away from a parent, not because the parent is unfit, but in order to control the other parent is manipulative, selfish, and the act of a bad parent.
Guilt Trips
Your partner is sometimes in the wrong, but they never own their faults, and often place the blame on you. And then they make you feel guilty for even trying to bring up your concerns or issues. They gaslight you constantly, and make you feel bad anytime you call them on their crap.
They should offer frequent flyer miles for all the guilt trips they take you on, but instead all you get are mind games.
We all like to get our own way, but there are healthy ways to go about making it happen. In a healthy relationship you will need to compromise, which will mean that you will not have your way all of the time.
What are your thoughts on emotional blackmail in relationship? Do any of these signs resonate with you? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“I've been doing this a long time- manipulating people to get my way. That's why you think you love me. Because I've broken you down and built you back up to believe it. It wasn't an accident. Once you leave this behind..... you'll see that. -Caleb” ― CJ Roberts, Seduced In The Dark
5 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, without even realizing it. Unlike physical abuse, the scars from emotional abuse are invisible, but just as damaging.
Emotional abuse can destroy the person that you once were, and leave behind an empty shell.
Sadly, many people stay in emotionally abusive relationships because they make excuses for the behavior of their partners, often blaming themselves. All signs of emotional abuse are not cut and dry. Relationships have ups and down, and people have fights and disagreements, but it is how you fight and disagree that can be abusive.
Signs Of Emotional Abuse
Talked To Disrespectfully
In an emotionally abusive relationship there is a lack of respect. You may be told to shut up, yelled at, or completely dismissed as you try to communicate your feelings or concerns. Sometimes the verbal abuse happens in front of others, but many times while you are alone. Emotional abusers are good at hiding their abusive side.
Blamed For Everything
Your partner is mean and disrespectful to you, but guess what, it’s your own fault. If you were not so overly sensitive, or whiny, or demanding, then they wouldn’t lose their temper and have to be mean to you.
They make you feel like everything is your fault, including their poor choices and mistakes. You often fear their anger here.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it's all in your head and you are just being paranoid or remembering incorrectly.
Your partner makes you feel completely faulty. As if you have the worst memory ever, and are going completely crazy. It’s not them, it’s you.
Made To Feel Stupid
An emotionally abusive partner loves to belittle and make you feel less than. Your partner will humiliate and embarrass you in front of others with blatant disrespect, or making you the butt of a joke. They are even worse in private.
If you dare to challenge or question their judgement, they are quick to remind you how mentally superior they are to you. They do not value you or your opinion.
Controlling
An emotionally abusive partner tends to also be controlling. They want to know where you are at, where you are going, and who are you with. They want to tell you how to dress, how to act, and what to do. You are punished with silence or withdrawals of affection if you do not do things their way.
An emotionally abusive relationship can leave you feeling depressed, alone, and questioning your self worth. It is important to remember that you are not worthless, you do not need to stay in an abusive situation, and that you will be loved again, the right way.
What are your thoughts on emotional abuse? There are many signs to look for, which would you add? Please share your experience!
“Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.” - Unknown
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