Death Of A Marriage...6 Reasons Marriages Become Unhappy
When I first started blogging about relationships 4 years ago, I was not sure what to expect as far as interest in what I had to say, because let’s be honest, much like food blogs, the market is flooded with relationship advice as well.
In writing my blogs, I have striven to provide a unique perspective based on personal experiences, observations, research, and interviews. Over the years, my audience has grown, and I am so proud of the unexpected success, but I believe much of my success can be contributed to one blog in particular that continues to draw to the largest audience daily.
Two years ago I wrote an article titled 8 Signs You Are Not A Couple Anymore…You’re Just Roommates. The Roommates article has resonated with so many readers and continues to provide nearly 40% percent of the daily traffic to my blog, with over 1,000 daily views.
Over the years, I have received many heartbreaking emails and comments from people feeling trapped and unhappy in their marriage, and recognizing they are just roommates. Between hearing from readers, doing research, and seeing what family and friends have gone through, I have definitely started to view marriage through a different prism.
When you think about the high divorce rate, which is currently approximately 40% depending on your age and where you live, and how many people we all know who are staying in marriages for reasons other than happiness and love, that equates to a lot of unhappy people.
So, the question is, why do so many marriages become unhappy, and is that seemingly inevitable unhappiness preventable? The short answer is yes if you know the causes. Here’s 6 reasons marriages become unhappy.
6 Reasons Marriages Become Unhappy
No Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is highly recommended to get a marriage started off right. Premarital counseling provides a facilitated forum to discuss marital expectations and concerns of each partner prior to saying “I do” because you both should have an idea of what your partner expects of a husband or wife in a marriage.
Idealized Marriage
Marriage is not a fairytale, despite what the stories tell you. In fact, choose the wrong mate and your marriage can end up a horror story. Your spouse is not going to be Prince Charming sweeping you off your feet non-stop. He will burp, fart, and may be a complete slob at times, who does not help around the house or with the kids as much as you would like.
Obligated/Forced To Marry
You got married because your religion dictated it or you were pregnant and felt obligated to get married. Honestly, I think any marriage that required or pressure for one or both partners to commit doesn’t stand much of a chance at a happy union.
Immature When Married
It doesn’t matter if you are 20, 30, or 40 when you get married, because it is not only about age. Immaturity does not necessarily just mean young because maturity is a mental state. Some people never grow up, and some never make sound decisions regardless of how many years they are on this earth.
Keeping Up With The Joneses
You married because everyone your age was doing it and you did not want to be outdone by anyone or feel like a loser for still being single. Playing the game of keeping up is a fast track to unhappiness and debt. People who focus more on the outward than the inward are never very happy with themselves and definitely not with their partners.
Ignoring/Not Addressing Issues
You have not been paying attention to your marriage. If this blog applies to you, you may have been reading this thinking, nope this is definitely not me or my marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s not your spouse. I get emails all the time from unhappy spouses who feel trapped in their marriage and I always encourage them to discuss their feeling with their spouse.
Of course, most people recognize that things are off with their marriage but are not sure sometimes how to fix it, and in some cases, if they even want to fix it. I think the death of a marriage is preventable for some marriages, and not so much for others. Sheer determination and love will not make a person who no longer loves you want to be with you, no matter what you do.
I believe the death of a marriage can be prevented if two mature individuals willingly enter the relationship with open hearts and minds, be completely honest with each other and themselves, and focus on building up their partner and their relationship.
What are your thoughts on the death of a marriage? What advice would you give? Do you agree with the assessment? Please share your thoughts and experience!
