When Love Turns To Hate Then Murder

Love is the ultimate goal for many of us. We meet our perfect mate, and after some wining and dining we are in love, envisioning the white picket fence and a happily ever after.

We are all allowed to dream and have romantic goals, but unfortunately when it comes to happily ever after the odds are not in your favor. Marriage takes work, more than many want to deal with, especially if the love you once had has turned to dislike, resentment, and even hate for your partner.

When Love Turns To Hate Then Murder

Divorce Rates

Marriage can be hard, even when you are with the right person. But if you were unfortunate enough to end up with someone with whom you were not really compatible with, or who changed significantly after the “I Do’s” were said, trouble is likely on the horizon.

Divorce rates are staggering, and many marriages are likely to end in divorce. In fact, the current divorce rate in the United States approximately 40 to 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce. Of course, the number does not include the couples who are separated, no longer cohabitating or couples who decide to remain married while living separate lives.

While the end of a marriage is very sad, if two people cannot make it work and do not want to be together, it is a better option than wasting your life being miserable in an unhappy marriage. Let’s be honest, sometimes divorce is necessary for the mental and emotional well-being of the couple and the children if there are any.

While divorce may be the right choice, some spouses decide to take a different, more violent, final path to end the marriage. Some spouses would rather kill their partners than get a divorce.

Is There Always Abuse Before The Murdering of A Spouse Or Partner?

Statistics show that most people, usually but not always women, who were murdered by their spouse had reported verbal or physical abuse to their friends, their families, or the authorities in the past.

But to be clear, there are not always signs of abuse or that someone is capable of murder. Some of the most high-profile cases of spouses being murdered showed that friends and family were shocked by the crime. While they thought the couples were very happy and in love, the husbands were living double lives and in love with other women, and plotting to get rid of their wives, and in some cases their children.

Murder Statistics

It’s a scary thought to think that the person sleeping next to you, that person who you love most in all the world could someday hate you enough to take your life. Rest assured that odds are that spousal murder will not be your fate, but for an astounding number of both men and women, that is exactly what happened to them.

According to Department of Justice statistics, approximately 9 percent of murders in the United States are spousal murders, primarily the murder of the wife with 83 percent of family murders being committed by the male. Alcohol is often a factor in the murders as well.

The Motivation To Murder

Unfortunately, the reason for killing the spouse usually comes down to money, one way or another. They don’t want to pay child support, or split assets, or pay spousal support. The opposite mentality of “cheaper to keep her”. Greed and selfishness take over any thoughts and sense of decency and morality.

Money is not the only motivating factor when spouses are murdered. The murder motivation can also be about control. The spouse is leaving and killing them is their last act of control over them. If I can’t have you, then nobody can type of crap.

The last motivating factor is another man or woman. They want a fresh start with their new love and do not want to deal with divorce, or custody battles, or losing anything, especially money. Falling for someone else can happen, especially when someone is unhappy in their current relationship, but Prince Charming murdering his wife isn’t romantic or attractive to a new partner, it’s scary and psychotic.

Many of us will never understand the decision to kill someone we once loved rather than just get a divorce. I’m not sure the killers always understand their actions either, but the important thing is your safety. Don’t hide abuse and be willing to walk away from crazy, even if that means not getting everything you feel you deserve from the divorce.

If you or someone you love are in danger or need help please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you believe in making a marriage work at all costs? Would you be willing to walk away from it all if it meant you could leave your spouse in peace? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people,” Jonathan Franzen, Freedom

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Death Of A Marriage...6 Reasons Marriages Become Unhappy

When I first started blogging about relationships 4 years ago, I was not sure what to expect as far as interest in what I had to say, because let’s be honest, much like food blogs, the market is flooded with relationship advice as well.

In writing my blogs, I have striven to provide a unique perspective based on personal experiences, observations, research, and interviews. Over the years, my audience has grown, and I am so proud of the unexpected success, but I believe much of my success can be contributed to one blog in particular that continues to draw to the largest audience daily.

Two years ago I wrote an article titled 8 Signs You Are Not A Couple Anymore…You’re Just Roommates. The Roommates article has resonated with so many readers and continues to provide nearly 40% percent of the daily traffic to my blog, with over 1,000 daily views.

Over the years, I have received many heartbreaking emails and comments from people feeling trapped and unhappy in their marriage, and recognizing they are just roommates. Between hearing from readers, doing research, and seeing what family and friends have gone through, I have definitely started to view marriage through a different prism.

When you think about the high divorce rate, which is currently approximately 40% depending on your age and where you live, and how many people we all know who are staying in marriages for reasons other than happiness and love, that equates to a lot of unhappy people.

So, the question is, why do so many marriages become unhappy, and is that seemingly inevitable unhappiness preventable? The short answer is yes if you know the causes. Here’s 6 reasons marriages become unhappy.

6 Reasons Marriages Become Unhappy

No Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling is highly recommended to get a marriage started off right. Premarital counseling provides a facilitated forum to discuss marital expectations and concerns of each partner prior to saying “I do” because you both should have an idea of what your partner expects of a husband or wife in a marriage.

Idealized Marriage

Marriage is not a fairytale, despite what the stories tell you. In fact, choose the wrong mate and your marriage can end up a horror story. Your spouse is not going to be Prince Charming sweeping you off your feet non-stop. He will burp, fart, and may be a complete slob at times, who does not help around the house or with the kids as much as you would like.

Obligated/Forced To Marry

You got married because your religion dictated it or you were pregnant and felt obligated to get married. Honestly, I think any marriage that required or pressure for one or both partners to commit doesn’t stand much of a chance at a happy union.

Immature When Married

It doesn’t matter if you are 20, 30, or 40 when you get married, because it is not only about age. Immaturity does not necessarily just mean young because maturity is a mental state. Some people never grow up, and some never make sound decisions regardless of how many years they are on this earth.

Keeping Up With The Joneses

You married because everyone your age was doing it and you did not want to be outdone by anyone or feel like a loser for still being single. Playing the game of keeping up is a fast track to unhappiness and debt. People who focus more on the outward than the inward are never very happy with themselves and definitely not with their partners.

Ignoring/Not Addressing Issues

You have not been paying attention to your marriage. If this blog applies to you, you may have been reading this thinking, nope this is definitely not me or my marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s not your spouse. I get emails all the time from unhappy spouses who feel trapped in their marriage and I always encourage them to discuss their feeling with their spouse.

Of course, most people recognize that things are off with their marriage but are not sure sometimes how to fix it, and in some cases, if they even want to fix it. I think the death of a marriage is preventable for some marriages, and not so much for others. Sheer determination and love will not make a person who no longer loves you want to be with you, no matter what you do.

I believe the death of a marriage can be prevented if two mature individuals willingly enter the relationship with open hearts and minds, be completely honest with each other and themselves, and focus on building up their partner and their relationship.

What are your thoughts on the death of a marriage? What advice would you give? Do you agree with the assessment? Please share your thoughts and experience!

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