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Rushing Love?...5 Reasons To Fall In Love Slowly
Dating is one thing but falling in love ups the ante. When it comes to love many will say, “when you know, you know’” And that saying applies in some cases, but in most cases, not so much. In the early stages of romantic relationships, our heads tend to be in the clouds.
You may be thinking how in the world do I fall in love slowly, or saying “I cannot help how I feel”. To which I say, you have more control than you think you do. I am not saying for you to not to fall in love, I am just suggesting that you give time and space for the rational thoughts to come into play.
5 Reasons To Fall In Love Slowly
You Need To Get To Know Them
Falling in love with a stranger is a dangerous act. It is completely possible that this new person is your forever person and soulmate, but in the beginning, it is too early to tell. You don’t know them, and won’t know them for a while, despite how connected you feel to them.
In the first year or two, the masks are still on. Over time people will let down their guards and show you the real them. The real them is the person you want to base your decisions on, not who they pretended to be to charm you and win you over.
You Need Time To Assess
Once you have gotten to know them to some degree, now you need to figure out if you are compatible in the long run. It takes time to get to know someone. Getting to know someone is not a process that can be rushed, no matter how great they seem.
You will also need time to decide if you actually like the real them because you may not. We are all flawed and have some pretty good ideas of what those flaws are. In a new relationship, we tend to mask those flaws, but eventually, they come out and once they tend to come out, and once they do, you may find some dealbreakers.
You Need To Have The Hard Conversations
You definitely do want to scare someone off early on by talking about certain topics. But if you are hoping for a relationship to go somewhere serious, the discussions will need to eventually happen. Do they want to get married? Do you want children? Are they religious? What are their political views?
All of their answers to the big questions may be a dealbreaker. Maybe you really want to get married, but they don’t believe in marriage. Or perhaps you have opposing political views, that cause heated debates and arguments. None of these topics are likely discussed early on but may be dealbreakers in the long run.
You Need to Meet Their People
You can learn a lot about someone by meeting the people they choose to have in their life. Some friends and family members can be a huge thorn in a relationship’s side.
You should remember that family is not chosen, but friends are. If he has friends that are big liars and cheaters, that says something about his judgment and may be reflective of what he thinks is okay as well.
Give Time For True Colors To Show
You need to ask yourself some tough questions and be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what the rush is. The mask is on early in the relationship and once it comes off you may not like what is beneath them. What is more important to you? Being in a relationship with someone just for the sake of not being alone, or finding that special someone you really vibe and connect with and that can be a lasting partnership? You could have both if you are patient, but rushing it may ruin everything.
I am not saying to fight your feelings, but instead give your heart and mind time to assess, because let’s be honest, sometimes the heart gets it wrong. Odds are they are not the one, and you are not in love, but instead infatuated and headed for heartbreak.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you dive headfirst into relationships or do you take your time and have a long courtship? Please share your thoughts and stories!
I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast
I fall in love too terribly hard, for love to ever last
My heart should be well schooled, 'cause I've been fooled in the past
And still I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast - Sammy Cahn
5 Signs He’s Playing Mind Games
Mind games are relationship manipulations that keep you both mentally and emotionally off balance. Mind games are usually about feeding the ego. In order to feed the ego, a guy who plays mind games will string you along for as long as possible, because you know, it’s all about him.
Mind games are cruel and misleading and are far too common in the dating world. It’s not only about ego, it can also be about control and self-preservation but playing mind games can lead to people really getting hurt. No one wants to be led on or toyed with.
To protect yourself, it’s important to know if you are being played so you don’t get hurt. Here are the signs to look for to know if he is playing mind games.
5 Signs He’s Playing Mind Games
He’s Hot and Cold
Sometimes it’s all about you. He is giving you lots of attention and affection and making you feel special. You actually start to believe that this could be something real between the two of you.
Just when you were starting to let your guard down and catch feelings he starts giving you the cold shoulder and it’s like you do not exist. He basically stops calling or texting. He doesn’t even really return your calls or texts or take forever to respond if he does. And if he sees you out and about he will barely acknowledge you and instead force you to create an interaction with him.
This is a huge power play and mind game tactic. He is showing you he’s in control of this relationship and can stop dealing with you whenever he wants without a care in the world.
He Disappears
He was calling or coming around all the time, and then suddenly nothing. He basically ghosts you temporarily. Then he reappears as if nothing happened. Why did he do this? Well, because he can and because he’s testing you and playing mind games. But in the process, he may have got you thinking you did something wrong or said something wrong. He made you question yourself.
His motivation? He wants to see just how easily you are manipulated and how desperate you are to have him. These are huge red flags and a major power play on his part.
He Tells What You Want To Hear
He says the right things but his actions seemed to be the opposite. You ask if he is seeing other people and he denies it or dodges the question completely. You have seen him with other girls but he says they are just friends even though there are tons of rumors about him being an untrustworthy player.
He tells you that you are special to him and says he cares for you but after spending time with him you often feel used and more like a side chick or booty call than a potential mate or girlfriend.
He’s Seeing Other Girls
In his defense, I guess, he may have made it clear that you are not the only one he’s seeing or that he has a lot of female friends. But when you are together he lays it on thick, making you feel like he is really into you and that he has strong feelings for you. Which is confusing because how could he be this way with you and have feelings for others too, right?
That is the mind game part. That is the player playing you and reeling you in. Guys who do this are not falling for you, and they do not have romantic feelings for you. They are grooming you to reciprocate a false love story they have created to get what they want from you and keep you waiting in the wings.
Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
He dangles a future with him. If you were a little sexier, or your boobs were bigger, or if you were just skinnier he could see a future with you. He always manages to make you feel like you are not good enough for him. Like you will never be good enough for him.
But he gives you just enough attention and romance to make you want to be enough to truly win him over. This is him playing on your self-esteem issues. This is playing mind games. This is him slowly tearing you down. Now ask yourself, is this really a guy you want a future with.
At the end of the day, it should not come down to how hot he is or how much money he has but how he treats you and how he makes you feel about him and you.
Here’s the thing, if a guy is playing mind games he already knows that he is really not that into you. But that won’t stop him from using you when he is lonely or needs to feel good about himself. If he really cared about you he would not make you feel so confused or like you are less than all of the time. You deserve better than a guy who plays mind games with you.
What are your thoughts on dealing with a man playing games? Do you agree with my list? How do you handle a guy playing mind games? Do you play them right back or bounce? What is your experience? Please share!
“In a narcissist's world, you are not their one and only. You are an extension of that person and last place in their mind, while they secure back up narcissistic supply.” ― Shannon L. Alder
What Do When You Have Fallen Out Of Love With Your Significant Other
You promised forever but your heart is no longer in it. Perhaps you cannot pinpoint the moment you fell out of love with your significant other, or perhaps you actually can, but either way, the feelings are gone and you are torn about what to do.
It may surprise you, but romantic love in relationships can be cyclical. Yep, it’s true. Over the course of a long-term relationship, you may fall in and out of love with your partner, many times. Or you may fall out of love and are never able to get that loving, romantic feeling back.
You have some choices to make if or when you find yourself in this situation.
What To Do When You Have Fallen Out Of Love
Make An Effort To Reconnect
Sometimes we fall out of love because we sort of forget about one another. We get so busy with other things in life like work or children that we forget to nurture one of our most important relationships.
If you notice a lack of connection with your partner, it is important to try to get your relationship and your connection to one another back on track. You can reconnect by talking and listening to one another. Or by doing things together that require conversation and interaction.
So no plopping down on the couch in front of the television. Try going out for a nice dinner or just on a walk together, and build up to a trip with just the two of you. Spending time together will either help make you closer or help you make a decision about ending things.
Become Friends
As I have said many times before, friendship, true friendship is the real foundation of a long-lasting, loving relationship. We trust our friends, we depend on our friends, and we confide in our friends.
It is important to be that safe place for each other. If you were never friends, this may be a good time to explore a friendship with each other and see where that takes you. People in relationships fall in and out of love, but having a friendship with one another can get you through that lull in love.
Self-Reflect
You need to figure out what has changed. Has your partner changed or have you changed? Has your partner committed an unforgivable deal breaker?
Self-reflection is an important tool to use in deciding where do you go from here. Do you no longer want to be married, are you struggling mentally and emotionally, or do you think the relationship has run its course?
You may not like the conclusion you come to after reflecting on how you got to this place, but it knowing the answer will help you move forward, either with your partner or alone.
Relationship Counseling
Counseling can help, especially if you have identified a cause for your change of heart but still want to work things out. Of course, your partner also has to be a willing participant for couple’s counseling to work, but either way, it is worth a shot.
You may also want to consider individual counseling. Counseling just for you will assist with some much-needed self-reflection and will help you process your feelings and emotions about no longer being in love with your partner.
Relationships are work. Some relationships are hard work. And some relationships are not worth the work. At the end of the day, only you can decide if the relationship is worth fighting for. Is it worth the work and effort you need to put in to make things better or do you just want to be done and move on with your life? It’s a difficult decision but and a necessary one if you are no longer in love.
What are your thoughts on handling a relationship when you have fallen out of love? Do you agree with my recommendations? What would you do? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“The way I see it, you mostly stop loving a person the same way you stop respecting them. It can happen all at once if something enormous and terrible falls over the two of you. But for the most part, it happens in inches. In a thousand tiny moments of contempt that unravel the image you had of the person you thought you knew.”
― Sarah Gailey, The Echo Wife
Here's Where You Will Meet Your Future Husband....Based On Statistics
As much as things seem to change they also seem to stay the same. Not every woman is necessarily looking for a husband but many are looking for a partner or husband to spend their life with. Unfortunately meeting a quality mate is not easy, and many women have no idea where to start their search.
New to the dating scene? Back on the market after a breakup or divorce? Chances are you have been strongly encouraged to try a dating app. The online dating game is strong for many but how many of these relationships turn into happily wedded bliss? Well probably a lot less than you would guess…or maybe you know that a lot of online dating is about playing the game and just running up the scoreboard.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not putting down online dating, but statistics show that the majority of people, both married and in relationships, met their current partners through other, more traditional methods.
Here Are The Most Common Ways People Are Meeting Their Forever Mate
At Work/School
Work and school are the places we spend most of our time as adults. Whether it’s college, the business world, or a small office, spending time together gives love time to grow. It’s no wonder over 30% of people report meeting their current mate or spouse at work or school.
People are going to be people and we cannot help who we fall for sometimes. Yes, it may be asking for trouble to date someone you work with or you may just end up with the man of your dreams and finding your happily ever after.
Through Mutual Friends
Being set up or introduced by friends is a great way to meet your next guy or forever mate. Nearly 20% of people met their current spouse through mutual friends. Your mutual friends know you both and can make great matchmakers.
They can also vouch for each of you and your character. They are like a built-in background check.
Random Run-Ins
Whether it’s the bar, the club, a sporting event, or the grocery store, public places are still popular places for meeting your forever guy. Your church is a great place to meet someone with shared values. And the gym is great for finding a mate who shares your love of fitness.
Approximately 11% of couples met in public places. This just proves you can find love anywhere.
Dating Apps/Online
Yes, people do meet, fall in love, and get married thanks to dating apps. Meeting online and dating apps can lead to long-lasting relationships and love for approximately 8% of people. Are those odd great, no, but just like the lottery, if you don’t play you can’t win. Right?
Family Fix-Up
Your meddling, I mean well-intentioned, mom knows his well-intentioned mom and they cannot wait for you two to meet. Or maybe Mr. Right is your brother’s co-worker or college friend.
Either way, family fix-ups are cute and another great way to meet a mate. And it’s also nice to have someone close to you be able to vouch for the character of this new guy in your life. Approximately 7% of the love birds out there met through a family member.
So just in case you are out there thinking you are never going to get married or that your ex-husband is the last man you will ever have, think again. People are meeting and falling in love every day. If you want love for yourself, don’t give up. It is out there. Just live your best life and it will happen.
What are your thoughts on where to meet a mate? Where did you meet yours, past or present? Please share your experience!
“I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything but think about him. At night I dream of him, all day I wait to see him, and when I do see him my heart turns over and I think I will faint with desire.” - The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
5 Benefits Of Waiting To Have Sex
The dating game and how we find a mate has changed over time, but the fundamentals of the heart and human desire remain the same. The importance of sexual intimacy is different for everyone, and the weight placed on the act of sex in or out of relationships varies vastly from person to person depending on age, gender, upbringing, and religious beliefs.
I think many people, women in particular, struggle with the decision of when to sleep with a man. What is considered too soon to sleep with a guy you just met or just started dating? Is it okay to sleep with him on the first date or do I wait until after the fifth date? The truth is there is no right answer.
This blog is not about slut-shaming, but it is about thinking about how early intimacy can affect future relationship possibilities and how it may be more beneficial to wait depending on your own relationship goals.
The Benefits of Waiting To Have Sex
Takes Away The Pressure
The first time with a new partner can be exciting, but it can also be filled with nervousness and pressure. If this is someone who you barely know, and you want a second date, you may feel pressure to be more exciting or kinkier than you normally would be in bed to try to secure a second date.
If you establish your own personal rule that you are not putting out until the fifth or tenth date, you will feel less anxious and pressure because by that point you have a pretty good idea that you like him and he likes you.
Get To Know Each Other
Taking the time to get to really get to know the new guy in your life if you are looking for a long term relationship and love is the most important part of dating. Figuring out if you share commonality, chemistry, and life goals will be the determining factor if he may be the one or if seeing him again would be a waste of time.
Creates Mystery
Your relationship will eventually move to the bedroom, but until that time, you get to enjoy all of the flirting and fantasizing as the sexual tension builds up. The bedroom action for the first time is the big reveal, but some women allow everything to peak too soon in the relationship and the romance fizzles out quickly.
Changes Relationship Focus
Once sex is off the table, temporarily, of course, it allows the relationship to grow organically and for two people to get to know each other. Sex is great, but it can also be a distracter and become the focus of the relationship in the early stages, especially if it is good sex.
You may think that a relationship with a focus on good sex is not a bad thing, but if a young relationship is all about sex, it’s not much of a relationship, and not likely to last.
You Know He Likes You For You
If you have gone out with a guy six times and there has been no sex, chances are he keeps coming back for you because he likes you. But when a guy keeps coming back after you slept with him on the first date or when you first met him, maybe wasn’t even a date, you can’t be sure if he likes you or is just using you.
I am not advocating for “no sex” before marriage, in fact, I strongly encourage sampling and making a determination of sexual compatibility before making a lifelong commitment to someone. What I am saying is to maybe reconsider sleeping with a guy too soon if you are looking for a long term relationship. However, if you are just looking for a good time and no strings then do your thing.
What are your thoughts on waiting to have sex in a new relationship? Do you think it matters? Does becoming intimate too early in a new relationship sabotage future possibilities? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tim Robbins
Pros and Cons of Dating Someone Younger
While some believe that age is just a number, others believe that dating younger men is a waste of time. It can be hard to meet a great guy, especially when are limiting our own pool of candidates with very specific requirements.
For centuries men have been courting and marrying younger women, and it is still the socially accepted norm. But when a woman dates a younger man tongues start wagging and people tend to be a little more judgemental.
The truth of the matter is that when a woman dates a younger man there are pros and cons to that relationship. Every woman has to decide if a relationship with a younger man is ultimately for her or if she is just having fun.
Pros Of Dating A Younger Man
Flattering
We all have a little vanity. It feels good to feel attractive. It feels good to still be able to catch the eye of men as we age, especially when the man is younger.
Dating a younger man can make a woman feel like “she’s still got it”.
Exciting
As we age we tend to be more cautious and practical, but dating a younger man will force you out of your comfort zone and make life a little wild again.
Also, the fact that the older woman, younger man relationship tends still be considered taboo can make the older woman feel like she is a rule-breaker and being naughty, especially if she has always played by the rules.
Great Sex
Let’s be honest, a man’s sex drive doesn’t usually increase as he ages. His testosterone levels drop and he is more likely to suffer from ailments that cause impotence. Dating a younger man with a revved-up sex drive is what every single older woman needs in her life, if only for a little while.
Makes You Feel Younger
Depending on the age gap, there may be significant differences in tastes of music, food, and friends. Hanging out with your younger guy in his element can make you feel young again. His world can feel new, almost foreign, but also cool and different.
Cons Of Dating A Younger Man
Compatibility Issues
Age gaps can create compatibility issues. You are likely to have different tastes in music, different hobbies, and vastly different life experiences.
Maybe you’re a Gen X and he’s a Millennial. You grew up in different times and different world views and events shaped your childhood and points of view.
Not Equals
As we gain more life experience and professional experience, we become more knowledgeable and successful. Where we are at in our career and finances in our 30’s versus where we are at in our 40’s can be significantly different.
Chances are, the older woman is more settled in her career and more financially stable than her younger beau is in his career and finances. The disparity in success and finances may prove challenging and may make the man in the relationship feel inferior and emasculated.
Maturity Issues
Some people are just naturally more mature than others, and everyone is different, but when dating a younger man maturity may be an issue. He likely hasn’t experienced nearly as much in his life yet as his older woman partner has, so he may not be as thoughtful, responsible, or as reliable as she would like.
A woman can find her happily ever after with a younger man, but of course, just like any other relationship, there will be some issues to address and overcome. Depending on the age gap, different ages can also mean different stages in life.
Getting married, buying a home, having children, and planning for retirement are all big topics that come into play in any serious relationship, but can be more time-sensitive for an older woman/younger man relationship.
What are your thoughts on dating a younger man? Have you ever or are your currently dating a younger man? What is your experience and would you date a younger man again? Please share your story and experience!
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” ― Leo Tolstoy
The 5 Traits That Attract Women To Men The Most
Just like women, men come in all different shapes and sizes. We all have a type, a personal preference so to speak. That one thing we look for in man after man. It could be dark hair, dark skin, or green eyes, but that's all aesthetics, right?
I am not going to lie, looks do matter, but only so much. I think often times we can meet people, and have that instant physical attraction, which is normal. But based on a guys personality, their visual appeal can go down hill very fast if talking to him is like watching paint dry. Or even worse, he knows he's good looking, and is an arrogant tool.
Ultimately, once you get passed the looks, whether someone is gorgeous, plain, or unattractive, it comes down to other attributes. Suddenly that plain faced or chubby guy, who once didn't warrant a second look is all you can think about.
Personalities, senses of humor, and intelligence all ultimately matter when it comes to attraction because attraction is not always just about the physical. Women will also want a mental and emotional attraction.
Here Are The 5 Trait That Attract Women To Men
Intelligence
He doesn't need to be Ivy League, but women want a guy that can hold his own intellectually. He must be able to sustain a conversation about various topics and show that he is knowledgeable. Smart men are sexy, and smart men can appreciate smart women.
Kindness
Women want a good man, and this starts with kindness. A man that is kind to others, will be kind and respectful to his woman. Kindness can be shown in the simplest ways.
A good indicator of kindness, or lack thereof, is how a man treats people in the service industry, such as waiters and housekeepers. If he thinks they are beneath him, then he is not worth your time.
Sense Of Humor
A good sense of humor is a must, and a guy who can make a girl laugh is very attractive. There will be tough days, and tough times, and having a guy who can bring some lightness is a treasure.
It also helps when a man doesn’t take himself too seriously and can laugh at himself.
Generous
There are many ways for a man to be generous. He can be generous with his time, generous with his money, and generous in bed. Generous men are men to be appreciated.
A generous man gives because he wants to not because he expects something in return. He is usually kind and caring, which are both wonderful attributes.
Confidence
Guys who are cocky, or arrogant are big turn offs. A man who is sure of himself, knows what he is about, and knows his worth are the things that make a confident man very sexy. He doesn't need to tear down others, or constantly have his ego stroked, but he has a certain air about him that makes a woman believe in him.
No man or woman is perfect, but we all have expectations and minimum requirements of what is needed in a potential partner. A good personality, and being of strong character are much more important and valuable than looks or money in the long run. After all, looks fade, and while money is nice, it will not make you laugh, it will stimulate mentally, and it will offer you comfort in your darkest times.
What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the list? What traits attract you? Please share your story or experience!
“One can love any man that is generous.” - Leigh Hunt
Relationship Expectations…5 Signs Your Relationship Expectations Are Unreasonable
Nothing kills a relationship faster than unmet expectations, but so many questions come to mind when discussing this topic. Chances are if you’re feeling disappointed in your partner’s failure to meet your expectations, they are probably feeling disappointed in themselves or feeling some kind of way about your reaction to their alleged letdown.
During relationships, I expect love and respect and consider them non-negotiables. However, I do recognize that my partner’s time and money are theirs to do with what they want and are up for negotiation, such as who pays for dinner or if we go to my family’s barbeque.
In case you need to be reminded, your partner is not a mind reader. But more importantly, while you are focusing on how disappointed you are in your partner you need to ask yourself a few questions first, because maybe, just maybe your expectations are not reasonable.
Signs Your Expectations Are Unreasonable
You’ve Been Told So In The Past
If you have been told in the past by ex-boyfriends, lovers, or husbands, that you are too demanding or that your relationship expectations are unreasonable maybe they are.
It’s either you’re unreasonable or you keep picking the wrong people. Keep in mind that both can be true.
Your Partner Says So
It’s like your old relationship is on replay. Your current partner has pointed out that your expectations are unfair or unreasonable.
You place demands on their time, their money, and their treatment of you but fail to recognize the double standard, especially when they are not allowing you to call the shots.
You Make Up Random Rules
You just make up relationship rules as you go along. Your partner “always” has to do this, or can “never “ do that, because if they don’t follow your rules that means that they do not love you.
Of course, these made-up rules are a double standard and do not apply to you. These rules come up situationally, and at your convenience.
Not Based On Love
You often equate love to material things. The saying, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t mean much to you. People show their love in many ways.
A simple gesture of filling up your gas tank weekly when they notice it’s getting low is a thoughtful, loving gesture, but since it wasn’t the expensive gift you pointed out that you wanted, you feel disappointed instead of appreciative.
You Keep Losing People
You keep losing people from your life, which is the number one red flag that you are unreasonable, difficult, and maybe even toxic. Whether it be romantic partners, or family members or friends, your unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a partner, a sister, or a friend, your behavior pushes people away.
I always recommend that you set expectations and boundaries early on in a relationship, but be careful about being unrealistic, self-serving, and demanding. Demands in a relationship will often be viewed as hostile, and I for one do not negotiate with terrorists, and neither should you or your partner.
What are your thoughts on relationship expectations? Do you agree or disagree with my article? Should someone be expected to tamp down their expectations in a relationship or would that be considered settling? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life
Is Meeting The Right One Coincidence Or Fate?
Are you a believer in fate? Do you think that some things are just meant to happen no matter what we do? Or do you believe that life is a series of chances and choices and that anything can happen?
When it comes to love, I like the idea of both fate and coincidence bringing two people together who should be together. Love is wonderful, and finding the right one by coincidence is awesome, but finding the one via fate is amazing.
Both fate and coincidence are beyond our control. They just happen. Fate is what’s meant to be, no matter what you do, and coincidence is a matter of right place, right time. Is the love of your life fate or coincidence?
Fate
What is fate? Fate, also known as destiny, is the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power. A relationship that is fated to happen is meant to be.
Now, just because a relationship with a certain person is meant to be doesn’t mean that the relationship is guaranteed to give you a happily ever after.
The relationship or relationships that are your destiny may be such because there is an experience you need to have or a lesson you need to learn, which could be good or bad.
Signs Your Relationship Is Fate
You Keep Crossing Each Others Path
You Share Similar Experiences, Both Past and Present
Feels Like Kindred Spirit
Invisible Forces Pulling You To Each Other
Coincidence
What is a coincidence? A coincidence is a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection.
When I refer to a relationship as being coincidence I just mean that it is not about some cosmic force bringing two lovers together, but about two people who find each other attractive in a chance meeting by being at the right place at the right time.
Signs Your Relationship Is Coincidence
Grew Up In or Live-In Same City or Town
Mutual Friends or Coworkers
Dating App or Matchmaker
I know that fate and coincidence sound similar, but know that fate has been at work when you find out that you both went to the same college years before, or lived in the same city somewhere else and never met. Or were at the same party but never crossed paths. It was fate at work but the timing was off.
Personally, I can look back on relationships and easily identify the coincidence relationships versus fate relationships. I was once at a crossroads and had a decision to make about where I would move for my career. One path seemed very simple, more familiar, and almost easy. The other path was the unknown, it was scary, and it would be harder.
I sought the counsel of an older friend and mentor and she said to take the path of the unknown. She said that is where your destiny is, and you already know where the other path leads. I know it sounds kooky, but I followed her advice and she was absolutely right. That decision led me to where I am today. It let me to where I was always meant to be.
What are your thoughts on fate versus coincidence? Do you believe you are fated to be with one particular person? Do you think coincidental relationships are equally as important and special? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Fate is the promise that life is not a random string of tragedy and comedy without meaning. Fate proclaims that our lives are in fact so meaningful, so necessary, that our stories are written by the gods and goddesses, by the heavens themselves. We may only glimpse our fate, hinted by the stars or the creases of our hands; but even this glimpse is evidence of our contract with the universe, that we are players in the great wheel of life and death and rebirth.” - Sy Montgomery, Spell of the Tiger
How To Determine Relationship Compatibility
Finding the right mate, or the “one” can feel like a daunting task to say the least. If you have been in the dating scene for a while, or have had several or many relationships over the years, you may be wondering why the relationships don’t work out.
As the old saying goes, “you will have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince”. While I do agree with the overall concept that you may need to meet a lot of different men to find the right one, I don’t think you will necessary need to date, kiss, or sleep with them all to find out if they are the right one, unless of course you want to.
Compatibility can be determined pretty early on and good conversation will usually help you figure it out.
How To Determine Compatibility
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Ask Questions
There are many questions you need answers to if you really want to determine compatibility. All questions do not need to be asked and answered on a first date, but over time you definitely need to peel back the onion and find out where they stand on some really big issues, but also some smaller issues as well.
You will want to know about their thoughts on marriage and family. Do they expect their spouse to work or stay home. Do they want kids? How many and how far into the relationship? Where do they ultimately want to live and retire? And the big one is their relationship with money. Are they a spender or a saver? And of course what role will religion play in your lives and the lives of your children.
Do Things Together
Ideally you meet your mate while participating in an activity you are both very interested in, but if you don’t you will want to find common interests. If you love to read, it may not be a requirement but it is nice to have a partner who also enjoys reading and discussing books they have read.
If you are a very intellectual, critical thinker, you will not be compatible with someone you might describe as not very smart, and you definitely won’t be able to respect them.
If you are into fitness or the outdoors, you will want to try out these activities together. While you do not have to work out together, being able to enjoy activities together that interest you both will keep you bonded.
Meet Family and Friends
People from similar backgrounds tend to be more compatible. Of course, different upbringings doesn’t necessarily need to be a deal breaker, but it does make relatability and the understanding of points of view more challenging. Similar upbringings also plays a big role in how you view marriage, family, and especially how to raise children.
It is important to be open minded but also realistic in choosing a partner from a different background.
Kiss/Sleep Together
Physical attraction and sexual compatibility are extremely important to a relationship. I am not encouraging anyone to sleep around, and I understand that for some this is a moral issue, but ask yourself how many things do you purchase without sampling? If you knew you couldn’t return something would you still buy it?
Well, I look at selecting a partner the same way. Sexual compatibility is very important. For long term happiness and fulfillment you want to have an enjoyable sex life, and if you didn’t know what you were getting into, you were taking a gamble that may or may not pay off.
In all honesty, you can force and make just about any relationship work if you are determined to. But if you want to be happy and fulfilled for the long run you will want to be with someone you are truly compatible with.
We are who we are, and while we change some over the years, we also stay very much the same, so hoping someone will change and become more of who you want them to be is wishful thinking. It is better to choose someone you are compatible with, than to try to change someone to fit your mental, emotional, and sexual needs.
What are your thoughts on compatibility? How important do you think it is to relationship longevity and happiness? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Research shows that couples who have a lot of similarities, including intellectual compatibility, end up staying together.” - Helen Fisher