5 Signs You're Dealing With A User

The word user has many definitions but in today’s blog, we are discussing people who use other people. These users can be partners, family members, friends, coworkers, and even casual acquaintances. Users are selfish, self-serving, manipulative, and often unkind.

Users prey on the kindness, loyalty, and commitment of others to get what they want while giving very little, if anything at all, in return. Sound familiar? Whether or not you have a big heart, a caring soul, or a philanthropic nature, no one likes to feel like they are being used or taken advantage of. If you feel like you have a user in your life, then this blog is for you. Here are the 5 signs to look for that you have a user in your life.

5 Signs He Is A User

You Only Hear From Users When They Need Something

We all know these people. They never bother to call or message you ever. They never show up to any of your events to show support and are never there if you need assistance or just want someone to talk to. They are always too busy for you but expect you to drop everything when they call or need something. You may almost forget about them but when you see they are calling or messaging you mentally prepare yourself because you already know before you respond that they want something from you.

Users Always Play On Your Emotions

You have a soft heart and tend to be generous, which is why users love you so much. Users love to emotionally manipulate people. They always have lots of problems and their problems are always bigger and more important than yours, according to them. They are masters at guilting people and will sometimes not ask directly for money or favors but instead share their dilemma with you in hopes that you will offer your assistance without them even having to ask for anything.

You Do Not Think They Would Reciprocate For You

Users are not about helping or supporting others. The “user” family member or friend seems to be non-responsive when you reach out or ask something of them. They always have an excuse as to why they are too busy to help you or to attend something you invite them to. Although it is not surprising behavior for a user because they are selfish, you still find it hurtful, especially after all you have done for them over the years.

Users Always Expect A Yes

Users are master gaslighters. You are reluctant to say no to an ask or decline an invite from the user because you know you are likely to feel their wrath in one way or another. They may lash out with unkind words, or make you feel guilty for not being a “better” friend, partner, or family member to them. They may even stop speaking to you or ghost you for a bit, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but of course, the ghosting is only until they need another favor from you.

The User Leaves You Feeling Used and Dejected

After each round of rescuing or supporting the user, you feel worse and worse about yourself. Even though you realize you value your relationship with them more than they do yours, you also feel bad about the thought of dropping them completely from your life.

The important takeaway from this blog is for you dear reader to recognize when you are being used and to give you permission to set boundaries with these individuals. Your answer does not always have to be yes. In fact, sometimes the answer needs to be no for your own mental, emotional, and financial well-being.

One-way relationships are hurtful and toxic and you deserve to have people in your life who want to be there and are not only around when it is convenient for them. Learn to advocate for yourself. Learn to say no. And learn how to recognize when it is time to cut people out of your life.

After reading this blog are you able to identify any people in your life who meet the user criteria? If so, what will you do about it? Will you maintain the relationship, discuss it with them, or cut ties? Please share your thoughts and experience.

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish, Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart, Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself, Be at peace with your decisions.” – Stephanie Lahart

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5 Signs Of Emotional Blackmail...A Manipulation Tactic

Emotional blackmail is something that happens between a manipulative or abusive person and a victim. It is often described as threats and punishments that are meant to control another person's behavior, while not escalating to physical violence.

Unhealthy relationships often have emotional blackmail used by one or both people in the relationship. Emotional blackmail is a manipulation tactic used to control someone you have a close relationship with. It is done by both men and woman.

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Relationships with emotional blackmail are mentally and emotionally draining. It is important to know the signs of this unhealthy relationship so you can address it, end it, or stop doing it if you are the culprit.

5 Signs Of Emotional Blackmail

Withholding Sex

It’s one thing to be not in the mood, but it’s another thing to use the withholding of sex in your relationship to punish your partner or get your own way. Withholding sex to manipulate your partner into doing what you want them to do is emotional blackmail, and signs of an unhealthy relationship.

The Silent Treatment

Healthy relationships need communication. So refusing to talk to your partner or respond to calls or text as a tactic to punish is counterproductive, and also childish and petty.

It’s one thing to tell your partner to give you some space because you are upset, and do not want to discuss an issue while upset. It is another thing to just cut off all communication and completely ignore your partner.

Threatens To Leave Relationship

When someone in the relationship constantly drops the D word or threatens to break up because they are upset or angry they are being manipulative, and using the threat of leaving to make their partner comply.

Someone who threatens to end the relationship whenever they are angry or not getting their way is someone who is not ready or capable of having a healthy relationship.

If they want to leave, let them go.

Threatens To Withhold Access To Your Children

Unfortunately, children are often used as pawns when relationships sour. The threat of not being able to see your children is often used to keep people in bad and unhappy relationships.

Threats to keep children away from a parent, not because the parent is unfit, but in order to control the other parent is manipulative, selfish, and the act of a bad parent.

Guilt Trips

Your partner is sometimes in the wrong, but they never own their faults, and often place the blame on you. And then they make you feel guilty for even trying to bring up your concerns or issues. They gaslight you constantly, and make you feel bad anytime you call them on their crap.

They should offer frequent flyer miles for all the guilt trips they take you on, but instead all you get are mind games.

We all like to get our own way, but there are healthy ways to go about making it happen. In a healthy relationship you will need to compromise, which will mean that you will not have your way all of the time.

What are your thoughts on emotional blackmail in relationship? Do any of these signs resonate with you? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“I've been doing this a long time- manipulating people to get my way. That's why you think you love me. Because I've broken you down and built you back up to believe it. It wasn't an accident. Once you leave this behind..... you'll see that. -Caleb”  ― CJ Roberts, Seduced In The Dark

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