Death and Dying...The Shock and Awe We Feel When The Inevitable Happens
I have experienced more than my share of loss in my lifetime. I have lost friends, a sibling, a parent, and grandparents. It has not gotten easier over the years, even when the losses were expected. Why doesn't it get easier? Why does it hurt so much? And more than anything, why does it scare us so much?
Is it because death is this mystical unknown? Or to some degree our own fear of mortality? I don't know if I fear death so much as the thought of leaving my girls behind and what that loss would do to them. How would they handle it? I suffered very traumatic losses at their ages and know they I am forever damaged from the trauma.
I recently loss a work friend and it has been very difficult. Mostly difficult because of everyone else's grief. I spoke with a girlfriend of mine about how she was dealing with the loss and she said it helped her to be with others and talk about our departed friend. I am the opposite. While normally I am an extrovert, free with opinions and thoughts, I withdraw when I suffer a loss. I have been uncomfortable being around people and taking about it because I prefer to compartmentalize this new pain.
I do make exceptions to shutting people out, and I made one with this loss. I had a friend that felt this loss more than others, and was in so much pain that their need of comfort outweighed my desire to cocoon myself. It was worth it because I know my support and comfort made a difference for them.
Death seems so unfair and yet we live everyday knowing it's always there. Waiting, lurking in the shadows. A constant reminder of our mortality, but also a reminder to live our lives to the fullest with no regrets as today may be our last day. Do it, say it, change it...time won't wait for you and death won't be denied.
Our bodies are prisons for our soul. Our skin and bone, the iron bars of our confinement. But, fear not. Death turns all to ash. And thus, death frees every soul. The Fountain 2006