The Shut Up Ring and Why It Will Make You Miserable In The Long Run

Marriage is great…for some, but it is not necessary to be happy in life. Society tells women their value is based on them having a man, getting married, and having children. Unfortunately, this can lead to miserable lives for some women who feel pressured to marry and often settle for men who do not love them, respect them, or treat them right, or for men who just don’t want to be married to them. And the worst part is that it is all just to please their family and friends and to check off some box on an imaginary list for life.

What Is A Shut Ring

So, you may be asking yourself what exactly is a shut-up ring. In simple terms, a shut-up ring is an engagement and wedding ring given by a man so his partner will stop nagging him about when he is going to propose to and marry her. He may not want to get married at all and may be content with the current state of their relationship but knows failure to propose may result in a breakup or her limiting his access to her time or body.

I once had a co-worker get engaged. When she excitedly showed me her engagement ring and after congratulating her I asked her about wedding dates and I was surprised by her response. She said, “Oh, it’s going to be soon because I need to lock this down”. I did not say anything in response but her statement stuck with me and really got me thinking about how someone who had just been proposed to felt insecure in their relationship. And then it dawned on me, it was a shut-up ring. Was it that she knew he really did not want to get married, or that she did not trust him, or was she just desperately trying to check off that box?

Why Shut Up Rings Are A Bad Thing

In the case of getting the coveted engagement ring and eventual marriage, my coworker won the battle but did she lose the war? Do you get a happily ever after with someone whose arm you have to twist to commit to you? Can you talk or guilt someone into marrying you and have them like and respect you till death do you part? Or does resentment and a clear relationship power imbalance make life a little, or a lot, miserable in the long run? The last time I saw my ex co-worker she looked and seemed different and unhappy but I do not know about her current situation. She did not share and I did not ask. What I do know is that after years of being on social media and seeing many women share their stories of regret about how their relationships began with a shut-up ring, I think that finding long-term happiness in a marriage that started like this would be the exception, not the rule.

The commitment to marriage is a big one and should not be taken lightly, especially considering the high divorce rates. Marriage is not easy but wedding the right person who is committed to working on the marriage when times get hard, and they will for many reasons, can see you through the trials and tribulations you are sure to face.

Only those in these situations will know if it was worth it but my advice is to never coerce or beg someone to love you or to be with you because it is unlikely to result in a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Do you or someone you know have experience with the shut-up ring? Any regrets? Please share your thoughts and experiences!