Liars...Can You Ever Trust Them?
I am most certainly not perfect. I tell the occasional "white lie", or omit the truth to avoid hurting someone's feelings. I do try to be a truthful, honest person at all times, so that's why it is really bugging me that I have someone in my life that does not exactly share this philosophy.
I really like this person, and genuinely enjoy spending time with them until a lie joins us. For this particular person I think their lies are about wanting me to see them a certain way. It is sad because I think they're great until they lie, and then not so much. I cannot tell if they are trying to delude me, or themselves about their relationship, and other aspects of their life. But at what point do you turn away because you worry that all is false?
You might ask why am I so sure they are lying. Well for starters I have a pretty good memory and remember lots of little details. So basically some of their stories are inconsistent. Also their body language and my gut instinct. If something sounds like an exaggeration or a lie, it probably is. I find it insulting that they think I will believe the lies, but worse that the feel they need to lie to me.
I did some research on lying and my pal seems to meet the criteria for compulsive liar. It does not make them a bad person but it means they have some issues they need to deal with, at the least, figure out the root cause of all the lying. Here are some reasons people lie:
- To Look Good
- Personal Gain - Financial or Social
- Avoid Punishment
I think reasons one and two apply to my friend. They lie to protect themselves from judgement of others. They want to be respected and for people to think highly of them and their life, so much so that they over-exaggerate and lie to achieve this goal. They also want to look good, but don't realize they don't need to lie to accomplish this because they are good at what they do.
So what do I do? Do I call them out when I think they are lying to me? Maybe, but would a liar admit to lying? Do I drop this person from my life even though I believe the lying stems from insecurities, sadness, and disappointment at some aspects of their life. I truly believe my friend is a good person and good enough, in fact, wonderful in so many ways. If only they believed it too.