How To Spot A Liar...Both In Person And Through Text

I really dislike the word liar, but let's be honest, don’t we all tell the occasional lie? No one wants to be labeled a liar, but most people do not tell the truth all the time. Sure, the motivation for lying may vary from dishonest compliments with the purpose of not hurting someone’s feelings, to self-serving statements to elevate an individual’s status. But a lie is a lie.

Studies have found that most people lie in everyday conversation. No one should be lying and no one wants to be lied to, but there is a big difference between the harmless “white lie”, and the lie meant to deceive, manipulate, or control. It comes down to intent. Ironically, many people lie about never lying.

Some of us are more observant than others at reading people and can tell when we are being lied to, or when someone is lying a little or a lot. Being a human lie detector is a very useful skill that requires attention to detail, a great memory, and the ability to read body language.

If you are not a bonafide human lie detector, here are some tips to help you figure out when someone is lying.

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Signs Someone Is Lying In Person

• Avoids Eye Contact

• Eyes Shift Frequently

• Body Is Still, With Little Hand Movement

• Voice May Get Higher In Pitch

• Voice and Body Language Do Not Match

• Seems Nervous

• Clears Throat and Swallows A Lot

• Talks Very Fast or Really Slow

• Starts To Groom Self

Signs Someone Is Lying Through Text

• Over-Explains

• Too Much Detail and Unnecessary Info

• Delayed Responses To Texts

• Text Bubble Starts and Stops A Lot

• Avoids Direct Responses To Certain Questions

• Changes Subject Without Really Answering Questions

• Texting “Voice” Seems Different

If you think someone is lying to you then they probably are. Especially if this is someone you know fairly well, and have had many encounters with them. Trust your gut. Liars have a tell, you just need to pay attention and you will hear them loud and clear.

We are all imperfect humans, who lie occasionally to avoid hurting someone’s feeling, admitting fault, and to save face. It happens. But there is a difference between lying to spare someone pain, and being a self-serving coward who is uses lies to avoid responsibility, avoid difficult conversations, and to use and abuse people.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsch

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Liars...Can You Ever Trust Them?

I am most certainly not perfect. I tell the occasional "white lie", or omit the truth to avoid hurting someone's feelings. I do try to be a truthful, honest person at all times, so that's why it is really bugging me that I have someone in my life that does not exactly share this philosophy.

I really like this person, and genuinely enjoy spending time with them until a lie joins us. For this particular person I think their lies are about wanting me to see them a certain way. It is sad because I think they're great until they lie, and then not so much.

I cannot tell if they are trying to delude me, or themselves about their relationship, and other aspects of their life. But at what point do you turn away because you worry that all is false?

You might ask why am I so sure they are lying. Well for starters I have a pretty good memory and remember lots of little details. So basically some of their stories are inconsistent. Also their body language and my gut instinct.

If something sounds like an exaggeration or a lie, it probably is. I find it insulting that they think I will believe the lies, but worse that the feel they need to lie to me.

I did some research on lying and my pal seems to meet the criteria for compulsive liar. It does not make them a bad person but it means they have some issues they need to deal with, at the least, figure out the root cause of all the lying. Here are some reasons people lie:

• Protection

• To Look Good

• Personal Gain - Financial or Social

• Avoid Punishment

I think reasons one and two apply to my friend. They lie to protect themselves from judgement of others. They want to be respected and for people to think highly of them and their life, so much so that they over-exaggerate and lie to achieve this goal.

They also want to look good, but don't realize they don't need to lie to accomplish this because they are good at what they do.

So what do I do? Do I call them out when I think they are lying to me? Maybe, but would a liar admit to lying? Do I drop this person from my life even though I believe the lying stems from insecurities, sadness, and disappointment at some aspects of their life.

I truly believe my friend is a good person and good enough, in fact, wonderful in so many ways. If only they believed it too.

What are your thoughts on lying and liars? Do you think you can ever trust someone who you know lies to sometimes? I know my answer. Please share your thought and experience on dealing with liars!

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