Is It A Break Or A Break Up?

Sometimes we need a break from a relationship, and other times we just need to break up. Some relationships are meant to be, and if you are meant to be together things will come together for the two of you. But if it is not meant to be you will not find your way back to each other mentally or emotionally.

No matter what the reason is for the break, your true intentions and their intentions should be clear. It needs to be understood if whether the break is to take some time apart to make things better, or if it is really just an extended break up because neither of you have the courage to call it quits.

If you are unsure if your relationship is just on a break or if you have really broken up, I have some guidelines for you.

How To Tell If It’s A Break Or A Break Up

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Spending Time Together

If you are on taking a break from your relationship but still spending time together then you are on a break. It means you care for one another, that you like each other, and still want to spend time together as friends as you figure things out.

Dating Other People

If the moment you two decided you needed a break, and one or both of you starts hitting up the dating sites or starts going to clubs and bars seeking someone new, then it is a break up.

Taking a break from the relationship is supposed to be a time to reflect and maybe reconnect, but if one or both of you is taking this opportunity to see what else is out there then it is time to make the break permanent.

Frequent Communication

If you continue to talk and text to each other everyday then you are just on a break. Frequent communication during a break means you miss each other, and respect each other enough to keep one another in the loop of what’s going on in your life, and to confide and seek advice.

Sleeping With Other People

If you are taking a break but not officially broken up, you should not be having sex with other people. Sleeping with other people can mean the end of any possible reconciliation.

If one of you sleeps with someone else it will likely be hurtful to your partner. If you are both sleeping with other people on your break, then you are not ready for a committed, monogamous relationship, at least not to each other.

Talking To Your Ex

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Now that you’re on a break, you or your partner decide to reconnect with your ex. If you are reconnecting with your ex for comfort, friendship, or sex, it is a break up and not just a break. There should be awareness that reconnecting with an ex would be considered extremely hurtful and like a betrayal.

Sometimes a break from a relationship is needed to give you both perspective. Maybe you had started to take each other for granted or were starting feel your love fading away.

A relationship break can be a good a thing or just a delay of the inevitable, but al least now you will have a better idea of whether or not you two will come back together.

What are your thoughts on breaks from a relationship versus a break up? Do they work or do they ultimately turn into a break or make the relationships stronger? Please share your thoughts and experience on this topic?

“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.” - Paulo Coelho

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Best Quotes About Breaking Up

Breaking up is hard to do, usually. I say usually because sometimes breaking up is the best thing ever. If the relationship was no longer fulfilling, or joyful, and ending may indeed be needed.

The great thing about endings is that they allow for new beginnings.

For this blog, I picked 15 great quotes about breaking up. Some are sweet, some are sad, but they all share the common thread of ending. A break up can make you feel sad, relieved, and sometimes hopeful.

Best Quotes About Breaking Up

“Breaking up is just like having the worst nightmare, after having the best dream. “- Unknown

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.” - Unknown

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” — Mark Twain

“So lets ignore each other, try to pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this.” - Unknown

“The last time I felt alive – I was looking into your eyes. Breathing your air….. Touching your skin…. Saying goodbye…. The last time I felt alive…. I was dying.” – Ranata Suzuki

“I learned that people leave. Even if they have promised a thousand times that they won’t.” - Unknown

“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.” – Paulo Coelho

“It hurts when you realize you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.” - Unknown

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” - Unknown

“How do you know when its over? Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.” – Gunnar Ardelius

“The hottest love has the coldest end.” – Socrates

“If someone does not care about losing you, then move on. There are many people out there that would die if it meant losing you.” - Unknown

“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles. They’re reasons to break up.” – Patti Callahan Henry

“Sometimes you have to accept that just because you can have room for someone in your heart, it does not always mean that you should have room for them in your life.”

“There comes a time when you have to accept …You chose wrong, he wasn’t the one, and you deserve better.” - Charlene Eckstein

We all can relate to heartbreak and break ups. Relationships end, one way or another. Just remember, while it may hurt for some time, the pain will not last forever. Just like memories, pain fades with time.

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5 Signs It's Time To Break Up

Relationships are a lot of work, but worth it if you are happy and fulfilled. A healthy relationship consists of good communications, trust, and a lot of compromise. An "all in" end effort is needed by both parties to make a relationship work.

But what happens when one or both people in the relationship feels like the other is not doing their part? Or worse, you are just not feeling the relationship anymore.

Although you may be aware that things are no longer working, it can be hard to identify if it is a relationship that can be saved, and if it is worth saving. The big question is "how do you know when it is time to throw in the towel?". 

We often stay in relationships long after the expiration date has come and gone. After spending months, and even years, investing time, effort, and love in another person, it can be hard to let go. But sometimes you have to let go and move on. 

There are many signs that a relationship may be over, but we often choose to ignore them. The relationship lacks chemistry, true intimacy, and mutual respect. I have listed 5 signs you need to look for to help you make a decision regarding your "fight or flight" option in your relationship.

5 Signs It's Time To Break Up

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You Are Unhappy 

You just feel unhappy, sad, or unfulfilled by your relationship. Something is missing, or has changed, although you cannot necessarily pinpoint what it is.  Once you were happy and couldn't wait to see their face, but now you feel dread, anxiety, or nothing at all in their presence.

You also notice the change in your mood when they are not around. You feel lighter, happier, and more like your old self.

Remember, no one is happy all of the time in their relationship. But if you are unhappy more often than not, you need to reevaluate your circumstances.

You Are Bored Or Uninterested 

Spending time with your partner has started to feel like a chore, or an obligation. There was a time when you found your partner to be the most interesting, fun, and exciting person you knew.

Unfortunately, now you have to feign interest in what they are saying to you, but secretly you are only half listening, if even that.

You are mentally elsewhere when with your partner. You sometimes fantasize that they were different, or that you were with someone else.

There Is A Lot Of Fighting

Somehow everything turns into a fight. Whether the fighting consists of yelling, or giving the silent treatment, it has become the norm. To avoid fighting you constantly bite your tongue, because you feel like you cannot say or do anything right. Or you just avoid them completely.

If fights elevate to throwing things, slamming doors, or many nights sleeping apart, you have a big problem.

Poor Or No Communication 

No communication can be due to you or your partner feeling like they cannot do or say anything right, so they withdraw and turn inward. However poor communication can also be speaking in disrespectful tones, using sarcasm, and yelling. 

In relationships, communication also involves personal accountability, and not playing the blame game. If you or your partner believe that all of the problems in your relationship are due to the other person, then there is big communication problem. No one is being heard.

You Avoid Spending Time With Them 

There are many ways to avoid spending time with your partner. Avoiding spending time with someone doesn't necessarily mean you are physically apart.

You can be in the same home, or at the same place, and still be avoiding one another. You can be sitting right next to one another, and still be a million miles away mentally and emotionally.

Avoidance can be burying your head in your computer or your phone,  sleeping, or playing video games. Anything to avoid interacting with one another.

Another way to avoid spending time with your partner is by working longer hours at the office. Working longer hours, or just always being "busy" is the passive aggressive way of avoiding the relationships issues.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the list? If most or all of the list applies to your relationship, you need to think about making a change. Life is short. Don't waste it hoping things will miraculously get better, because that is highly unlikely. You hold the key to your own happiness. 

"The hottest love has the coldest end." - Socrates

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Photo by Anthony Tran

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