Gender Roles In Marriage...Is "Taming" A Woman Still A Thing?

This topic came to mind as I was watching the series Miss Scarlet and The Duke. The series combines both elements of mystery and the classic undertones of a slow-burn romance. Set in a time when women were second-class citizens and men were in charge, women were expected to be passive, unopinionated, and to follow the man’s lead.

Depending on the country you live in or your religious affiliation not much may have changed. However, from my American woman's point of view, everything has changed. But if that’s the case why do so many relationships seem to struggle with gender roles and expectations from the female partner?

I suppose it’s not necessarily so much about taming a woman as it is about domesticating her and reverting a modern woman to a housewife from yesteryears. Let’s discuss.

Young single women often ask the question of what do men want. What are men looking for in a potential mate? Here’s what men say they are looking for in a potential mate.

• Attractive

• Nice and Kind

• Intelligent

• Independent

• Easy to Be With

Notice how good cook, housekeeper, and mommy material are not the priorities stated by men when most are looking for mates. But somewhere along the way expectations and desired attributes seem to change.

Modern relationships start off with two young adults dating and getting married and possibly starting a family. Both were independent individuals prior to the nuptials with their own dreams and goals, yet once rings are on their fingers expectations and relationship roles slowly start to change.

Although this was a “modern” relationship, traditional roles and behaviors slowly rear their ugly heads. At first, it may seem cute cooking dinner every night for your man, and doing the laundry, and all the other domestic stuff but then you say, “Hey, wait a minute, I work too, so why am I doing everything?”

Did you know that women, whether you are a stay-at-home or work outside the home, do most of the cooking, house cleaning, and child care? According to one study by Oxfam and the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, women spend two more hours each day on housework and child care.

Whether you work from home, are a stay-at-home mom, or work outside of the home, balance in household and child-rearing responsibilities is important for not only your relationship but your own mental and emotional well-being.

If you are feeling overburdened and unsupported, discuss it with your partner and do not allow resentment and frustrations to grow and fester. Communicate and let your feelings be known.

What are your thoughts on taming women and how we can go from independent women to domesticated homemakers by simply saying “I do”? Please share your thoughts. Do you disagree? What has been your experience? Please share!

“Stop making excuses for them. … They have eyes! They can see that the toilet paper roll needs changing and the wastebasket is full and that there is no more orange juice and we drink orange juice and orange juice is sold in grocery stores. They’ve trained themselves not to notice things because the less they notice the more we’ll just take care of it for them. They say, you should have told me you wanted my help when we had twelve people coming over for dinner! You should have told me not to sit in front of the computer looking at football scores while you’re running around doing everything by yourself. If you needed my help why didn’t you ask for it? I didn’t know you needed help. It’s madness.” ― Jeanne Ray, Calling Invisible Women

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I Had My DNA Tested With Two Different Lab Tests To Trace Ancestry, And Here Is What I Discovered...

First off, I am sure you are wondering why I tested with two different DNA companies. The answer is pretty simple. I am a skeptic. I wanted to see if I would get completely different, similar, or the same results from the labs. 

So I first tested with Ancestry DNA a few years ago. My girls were getting older, and I was working on a family tree. I was able to trace my husband's side all the way back to the 1700s. His German and Scottish roots were not hard to trace. But for me, a black woman, with African roots, the trail came to a screeching halt.

I was using Ancestry.com for the family trees and research, so their DNA kit seemed like a natural progression for my research. My husband and I did the DNA testing together, sitting in bed laughing as we had to spit "A LOT” into a tube. The test comes with everything you need, including prepaid postage. Just a few weeks later we received an email that our results were available. When it came time to look at my results I became nervous. 

Congo, Cameroon, and Senegal Roots

My results were surprising, and not surprising all at the same time. I consider myself a black woman, but my father is of mixed races, so I knew I was not 100 percent black.  I wanted to know where in Africa did my ancestors originate, and what else was I. According to Ancestry DNA, I am 68% African with a combination of Cameroon/Congo, Ivory Coast/Ghana making up 52%, Senegal 7%, and some other small percentage possibilities as well.

French, German, and Belgium Roots

The other 32% was comprised mostly of Europe West, which is France, Belgium, and Germany. Also I was found to be 5% Irish, and had a small percent of Scandinavian as well. I was disappointed, and surprised not to find any Native American relation on this test. I had always been told my paternal grandmother was Native American.

I sat on the results for a couple of years, but wondered how accurate they were, so I decided to do a 23 and Me kit. Pretty much the same process with the spitting, and approximately the same wait time for results. When I was notified my results were ready, and I read them, and again I was a little surprised. The results were similar, but not the same.

My 23 and Me results showed me as 66.6% West African, and 28.4% European. Not much different than the last results. But this test also showed 2% Asian and Native American, as well 1.1% of undetermined ancestry. 23 an Me is less country specific, than Ancestry DNA, but seems broader over all. Also 23 and Me identified my European genealogy as British and Irish, instead of French and German.

So there you have some of my genealogy story. A story that is just beginning because I still have so many questions, and I plan on finding out answers. I cannot say which test is more accurate. Perhaps I will never know my true genealogy. It's a journey, but an interesting one.

I know there is a challenge in tracing my genealogy. It's the challenge that many African Americans face. Our ancestors were brought here as slaves, and not many records were not kept. I know who I am. I am just trying to get some answers on where I came from.

What's your DNA story? Think you know it?

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