Nice vs Good...How Do Others See You? How Do You See Yourself?

The terms nice and good are often used as if they are interchangeable, but they are not. Nice is defined as someone who is pleasant, agreeable, and amiable. Nice people don't like to ruffle feathers or deal with conflict.

Those who are "nice" may often take the easy way out. Basically nice is a facade. Nice is what others want you to see. To be fair, nice people are usually nice to be around, just don't expect them to make good decisions.

Good is defined as morally excellent, virtuous, honorable, and worthy. Good people can be nice but their decisions are based on their morals and values, not what they think will please others or to avoid conflict. Good people do the right thing, even when it's the hard thing. 

Like many people, I want to be accepted and liked, so I try to be nice. But in a choice between nice and good, it is always more important to me to be a good person and do what is right. Sometimes that means saying no or telling someone something they do not want to hear.

It takes courage and conviction to truly be a good person. I struggle daily because being nice is easier. Giving in and telling people what they want to hear is easier.

Nice vs good can be applied to many situations in our lives. I take pride in being a good mom, not a nice mom. I am nice to my children, but more importantly my girls are told no sometimes because there has to be limitations, and it is my job to set an example.

A nice mom may not set limitations because she doesn't want to deal with a tantrum or may fear her child being angry or upset with her. As a woman, ask me what kind of man I want and I will tell you I want a good man all day long.

So I ask you, where do you fall on the nice vs good spectrum? I always strive to be a good, honest person. Maybe too honest sometimes to truly be considered a nice person. Nice people give me pause, as there is an element of falseness within them.

Early on I question what's behind the mask a nice one wears, but if you give them enough time the mask will slip and much will be revealed. 

Blog RSS

The Look Back...Why You Can't Just Walk Away

I like to people watch because I find human behavior so interesting. We do so many subtle things that mean so much. One particular behavior has caught my eye recently, and that is the look back. Some of you may be wondering what the heck is the “look back”, but others knew right away.

Once I noticed it, I mean really noticed it, I had to know more. I started to notice it in the morning drop offs with parents and their children at my daughter's school. I saw it with groups of friends parting ways after a movie.  But the big stand out was with couples, and the slow budding romances.

I suppose this blog goes hand in hand with my recent “ Love…Being, Falling, Crazy In It” blog. The look back in the case of love and lust is often about regret. It is the silent “one last look at you before I leave you, because believe me, I don’t want to leave you". 

The look can be subtle or smoldering, but either way it is still telling. The return look is just as telling, and important. If only one of the two looks back, it does not bode well for a future dalliance.

Just about every romantic movie I have seen has the look back moment. I had to think back over the years for the look back moments in my history. In the past I fought the temptation sometimes. I wanted to look back, to see him again yes, but also to know if he was looking back at me.

When your eyes meet that one final time on the look back, it sends your heart fluttering, and you feel warm and tingly all over. It puts a smile on your face, and thoughts in your mind that will leave you restless.

FEATURED VIDEO

Here Are Some Movies That Have Memorable Look Back Moments

• Sixteen Candles

• Sense and Sensibility

• Bridget Jones's Diary

• Waiting to Exhale

• The Princess Bride

• 10 Things I Hate About You

• Dirty Dancing

• Never Been Kissed

• The Titanic

• Love Actually

• The Notebook

• The Wedding Singer

Does a look back at someone after you, or they have started to walk away mean nothing, or everything? I suppose one could say it depends, and that may be true. In the case of love and lust, only the two looking back at each other know why they couldn't resist that one last glance. What do you think?

Blog RSS

The Friend Zone...Can Men and Women Be Just Friends Without One Or Both Wanting More?

The short, honest answer is it depends. I have always had lots of male friends, and they have never left the friend zone, and I never wanted them to. I truly love and value my guy pals, both gay and straight. The friendships are somewhat different from my female friendships.

The dynamic is different and fulfilling in unique ways, without the drama and challenges of a romantic relationship. They work for me.

I suppose the real questions is, "Is it possible that some of my male friends were just playing the waiting game?" Were they waiting for the right time to make their move, or hoping that I would see them differently? Which of course was never going to happen, because I see my close guy friends like brothers. Yes, I can find them attractive, but in a non sexual way. They might as well be eunuchs. 

Now, do not confuse the friend zone with the free parking zone. I refer to the guy you are really cool with, but there is also potential for more, as being in free parking zone. You are his friend and content to keep it that way for now, but you are also careful not to do, or say anything to sabotage a possible relationship in the future.

So you don't burp in front of him, or pig out, and definitely do not discuss any gross bodily functions with him.

There is also sexual tension in free parking, and occasional flirting and looks that are more friendly than not. Maybe the timing is not right, and nothing will ever happen. Or just maybe fate will bring you two together. There is possibility in free parking.

In taking a very unscientific poll, I discovered more women than men thought the opposite sex friendships were possible. Most of the women I know have close male friends, and said they do not have a problem with their man having female friends, but there were some restrictions.

Men on the other hand were less definitive in their response. A couple guys didn't mind at all. While others were not okay with the wife or girlfriend having male friends at all. Is it because they worry that he is thinking what they think when they are with their female "friends"? Hmm.

Have I been so naive this whole time? I refuse to believe so. Yes, I understand that men think about sex way more than women do. And I know that some of my closest male friends over the years have had deep feelings for me. Some confessed at the time, and others told me years later.

Unfortunately, as wonderful as they were I just could not see them in that way. In theory, if a male and female are good friends then they are very compatible. They have a lot in common and truly enjoy each others company.

Friendship is the foundation for any long lasting relationship, but you also need romantic and sexual chemistry.

So what are your thoughts? Can men and women be just friends? Are you currently friendzoning someone? Have you been friendzoned and want out? Or just maybe you are in free parking, waiting for the right time to make your move.

Blog RSS

Is It Ever Too Late To Reset Your Life? I Say No! Here Is My Advice On A Reset...

I am currently giving my body a reset. I am trying to eat super clean for the next month. No sugar, no alcohol, and no processed foods. Just lots of fruits, veggies, and fish and chicken.

I am miserable, and loving it all at the same time. I am craving chips and fries, but also excited for how I will feel when those craving fall away. I do this a few times a year, and it seems to work for me.

I think that many people are generally okay with the idea of resetting their diet, or dieting in general. But what about the idea of giving your life a reset? Getting rid of the junk food of your life? Maybe get rid of that person who is a taker and not a giver? That one who is the ultimate life sucker. Or that person who is very negative and brings you down.

Perhaps you have a friend or a love who hurts you emotionally and makes you feel bad about yourself. These people need to go. 

Doing the life reset is like doing a diet reset. You will have cravings and want to give in, but do not do it. It won't taste good and it won't feel good if you give in. In fact you will only feel worse because your were so weak. Know your worth. Your body deserves better. Your spirit deserves better than someone who takes you for granted, and does not appreciate you. How different would your life be if certain people were no longer a part of it? 

To be clear, this blog is about being your best, inside and out. Feeling good about yourself, and having good people in your life that value you. Anytime is a good time to reassess the people in your life. Ask yourself, "do they add value to my life?". If the answer is no, then they need to go so you can reset and be happy. 

That last page turned is a perfect excuse to write a whole new book. - Toni Sorenson

Blog RSS

The Love Gaze...Does It Really Mean Anything?

They say the eyes are the windows to our souls. I am not so sure about the soul part, but the eyes say more than we realize at times. Our eyes can betray us, and tell our true feelings when we are trying to hide them.

The eyes can show excitement, and anger. They even communicate fear, confusion, and dishonesty. The eyes also reveal love and lust. Have you ever locked eyes with a stranger? Maybe on a train or at a bar? You might have felt an instant attraction. You liked what you saw and wanted to keep staring. You felt lust.

Now, what about locking eyes with someone you are familiar with? Someone you have been casually dating, a friend, or even a crush. You lock eyes from across the room and something happens.

FEATURED VIDEO

There is an intensity in those moments that is unexplainable. You only break the gaze because you realize that too much has been revealed, and silently communicated. Butterflies are in the stomach and panic almost sets in as you are flooded with emotions. Was it love, was it lust, or maybe both?

The love gaze is the staring into each other's eyes by two people who are falling or in love. A study was conducted to determine the gaze of someone in love versus someone in lust. Those in lust tended to look at the body, while those in love looked at the face and in the eyes. The two feelings do not have to be mutually exclusive. I want the man who loves me to also lust for me, but I would not expect lust to necessarily turn into love.

The truth is you may never truly know what the other person is thinking when you lock eyes. But chances are, if they were caught in a gaze with you, they were thinking the same thing as you. You both know whether or not it was a love or lust gaze, because you felt it, everywhere.

“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew it. “- Pablo Neruda

Blog RSS

Sometimes The Grass Is Greener...Here's Why You Shouldn't Fear Change

We have all heard the saying that the grass isn't always greener. The key word is "always", which means that sometimes it actually is greener. Sometimes making a change in your life, even though scary, is the better choice.

I have always really disliked this saying because I feel that to a large degree it is rooted in fear. A fear of change. Yes, we should appreciate what we have. And yes, big life changes should be well thought out. One should not just quit a job they hate, when they need it to pay the bills, without having a plan in place.

Maybe don't leave a relationship for another without truly being sure of what you are giving up, and having a damn good idea of what you are getting. Of course you don't just pack up and move to a new, exciting city, if the cost of living is high, and you have very little or no money.

Did you know there is something called the "grass is greener syndrome"? The syndrome is basically when someone is incapable of experiencing happiness and satisfaction in life because they believe there is always something better out there.

Wherever they are at, there is some place better to be. Whoever they are with, whether romantic or friendship, is never enough, because there is always someone better.

The grass is greener syndrome is an unhealthy mental state and not at all what I am supporting.

Career changes, relationship changes, and location changes are the big choices that people are are told to stop and think about. Sometimes we are talked out of making decisions, and big life changes when presented with all of the facts. Sound advice at times, but ultimately it is your life, and it is my life.

We all walk our own path, and at the end of the day we reap the benefits, and have to face the consequences for our decisions as well. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they do not. 

It takes a brave person to give up the financial stability of a good job to follow their dreams, but you only live once. It takes a special person to follow their heart, and risk all for love. There are no guarantees, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

A once in a lifetime love could be at stake. It takes an adventurous spirit to pick up and move to a new place with new people. But a life with new places and new people can be very exciting and rewarding.

Moral of the story is to live your life. Make the best decisions you can with the information you have, but never make them out of fear. What joy is there in that? Do you live by the grass isn't greener motto? Do you fear change? Please share!

Doubts and fears are the heaviest burdens - James Lendall Basford

Blog RSS

Relationships...Beginnings and Endings

Relationships are complicated. At least they seem to be so at times to me. Relationships can be fun and exciting, but also frustrating and painful. Relationships can also be confusing, particularly in the beginning and at the end.

There are many types of relationships. There are friendships, romantic relationships, and the familial kind of relationship. No matter the type of relationship, there is always the potential for complex and confusing feelings.

FEATURED VIDEO

There are no real "how to books" on navigating relationships because each relationship is unique with its own dynamic. For this blog, I want to discuss romantic relationships, and the inevitable beginnings and endings.

Beginnings

Have you ever started dating or seeing someone and questioned the relationship status as things "seemed" to progress? What are we to each other? Are we exclusive? Is he or she my boyfriend or girlfriend?

I mean, do adults still ask each other to be boyfriend or girlfriend? Perhaps things progress a little more, and then you wonder if you can leave something at their house. A change of clothes maybe, or a toothbrush.

Yes, some of the questions could be resolved by simply asking, but who wants to put themselves out there like that? Who wants to be vulnerable or perceived as moving too fast? Or forbid, you come off as clingy or desperate.

The beginning of a relationship is much like a dance, but everyone dances to a different beat. You have to figure out how to get in sync, and how to stay that way.

Endings

The end of a relationship can be just as confusing. Some breaks-ups are very definitive in nature. But other relationships sort of fizzle out, or fade away over time. Unfortunately, in the case of the fade away, one or both involved parties are unsure of the relationship status.

Are we still a couple or going through the motions? Sure they both know it is over, but no one wants to call it quits? It still hurts for it to end no matter who says the words.

There are other times when one is unsure about ending a relationship. Their mind knows it's over, but the heart isn't quite there yet. It is hard to let go of something that once seemed so magical, so perfect. But time is ticking. How much of it are you willing to waste on could have beens, and should have beens?

Well, personally I'll take a confusing beginning any day over the sad ending. No matter what, it is destined to end. Be it break-up, death, or divorce, nothing lasts forever. The important thing to remember is to enjoy it while it lasts, and know when to let go.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. - M. Kathleen Casey

Blog RSS

Patience...How Do We Wait For The Things In Life That May Never Come?

They say patience is a virtue. I say patience is a test. It is a test of endurance. A test I am more than willing to take if I know at the end it will be worth the frustration, the pain, the heartache, the suffering. But it's the not knowing that is the challenge. 

I am very impatient in some ways. I can admit that sometimes I just want what I want, when I want it. No, I don't throw a tantrum, externally, but on the inside, argh. We are in a society of instant knowledge, and instant gratification. Yes, I am going to blame society, at least a little.

So many things are at our fingertips and come so easy, and yet so much is beyond our control. For example, my expiration date. I truly believe I will live to be an old woman, and die holding the hand of a beautiful man who is the love of my life. The thing is I am in my early 40s, and have a lot of life left to live. I know that I am probably in for a rollercoaster ride the next few decades of my life, especially with two girls. What will the next 40 years bring me? That's the exciting, and the frustrating question.

Life is unpredictable, crazy at times, and sometimes cruel. When we are telling ourselves "this too shall pass", it would be nice to know these words were not said in vain. A crystal ball would really come in handy, but then I suppose that would really take all of the fun out of life.

I truly believe that everything works out as it should, and I believe in fate to a large degree. I also believe that everyone ultimately gets theirs in the end, good and bad. We usually reap what we sow. I can be patient. I know it will happen.

I know this is a blog full of old adages and proverbs, and while I do not consider myself a religious person, I find them very fitting. To answer my own question posed in this blog, you just do. You just wait. What other option is there?

Do you consider yourself a patient person? Do you skip to the end of the book to see how it ends? If you could find out how your story ends, would you? 

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. - Leo Tolstoy

Blog RSS

This Life...How Did I Get Here?

Have you ever sat and reflected on your life and on how you got to where you were? Not necessarily in a bad way. Maybe your life is great, but admittedly maybe there are some things you would change if you could, right?  Life is one big series of decisions. Choice after, after choice, after choice. Although many times we feel like we do not have a choice in a particular situation, it is quite often a matter of not liking the options.

I think there comes a point in all of our lives when we ask the question, "how did I get here?". Whether it is health and fitness issues, marital problems, financial problems, a work situation, or addiction. It all always comes down to our decisions along the way. You will not always choose right, but it is important to learn from your mistakes. Do not continue making poor choices, because there is always another decision to make right around the corner. There is always another chance to do better, to be better.

There is no going back in life, and very rarely are we allowed a do over.  We can procrastinate, delay, stall, but eventually you have to choose, and live with that choice. Fail to choose timely, and the decision is made for you. Sometimes the options are between something easy, and something difficult. Rarely will the easy choice lead down the path of success, true happiness, or fulfillment.

Perhaps even worse than the bad decision, is no decision. A "default" decision, so to speak. Leaving your fate in the hands of others is no way to live, and the coward way out. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, own it, and hope for the best. Better yet, make additional good decisions along the way to increase the odds of success and happiness. Those are my words of wisdom, but I am still a work in progress.

You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny - Roy T. Bennett

Love, Relationships, Dating & Attraction | Charlene Eckstein RSS

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Signs Of Flirting...A Learned Skill Or Natural Instinct?

There is a certain art to flirting. It can be fun and exhilarating, if you get it right. Or a hot mess, and make for a great bloopers reel if you get it wrong. Flirting means to act amorous without serious intent, but it can also be about sending out feelers.

If he flirts back maybe he's interested. Or if he's too dense to pick up on your signals, he's not the guy for you.

I know some people who are notorious flirts. They flirt with everyone, young or old, male or female. It's a game to them, and they play it well.

I learned how to flirt pretty young, around 12 years old. Of course very innocently, with passing notes, teasing, and smiles. I got better. I think my flirting abilities are a combination of natural instinct, and learned skills over time.

I suppose one could ask why do we flirt. Do we flirt for attention? To see if we still "got it". Do we flirt to manipulate, to perhaps get out of a ticket? I think this is often the case. We flirt to get what we want.

We also flirt to get who we want. Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it. A coy smile here and there. A little inside joke. The teasing and playfulness. It's all flirting, albeit innocent intentions. Or not so innocent.

Flirting is safe. It is a way to test the waters, without truly putting yourself out there. If you flirt and they flirt back, there may be something there.

So where do you do most of your flirting? At the bar or club? I bet most flirting happens at work or school. The places we spend most of our time. Maybe you know how to flirt, and you know how to recognize when someone is flirting with you. But just in case you don't know, here are some body language clues that someone is flirting.

Signs Of Flirting

Signs He's Flirting...

• Smile

• Remembers what you say

• Touches you

• Nervous twitch while talking to you

• Blushing or sweaty hands

• Leans in to be closer

Signs She's Flirting

• Smile

• Touches lips or hair

• Touches you

• Lots of laughing (you are not that funny)

• Compliments and/or insults you

• Leans in to be closer

Men and women are similar creatures. Some have perfected the art of flirting, while others are still trying to figure it out. If you are not a great flirt, don't worry about it. It is actually cute and refreshing to see the unskilled flirter. Ultimately, fate will have its way. If it is meant to be, it will happen. 

We try to hide our feelings, but forgot our eyes speak. - Unknown

Blog RSS