5 Signs You Are Obsessed... Who Or What Consumes Your Thoughts?
Obsessions are such odd, powerful feelings. An obsession is a persistent, dominating idea, desire, thought, or feeling. We all obsess at some point or another. We obsess about our bodies, and our lovers, or potential lovers, and food, or money, and even cars. Honestly, the list could go on and on.
My Obsessions
I am currently obsessing about shoes, Jamba Juice, health and fitness, and scents. Truth be told I really don't think I have a shoe obsession, but those close to me would disagree. Fortunately California Closets designed my master closet around my shoe collection, so there is always room for a little more of my so called obsession. Now my Jamba Juice obsession is pretty guilt free. I could drink a Berry Upbeet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and at only 400 calories for a large, I would still have calories to spare.
I as I approach my mid 40's I have really started to take my health and fitness very serious. I have a bad back and knees, but regardless, I make sure to hit my target active calorie burn everyday. Whether it's with walking, weight training, or elliptical, I make the effort. I am not getting any younger, and a lot of health issues run in my family, so I had to step up my game.
My last obsession is scents. Scents in many forms. I am obsessed with lovely perfumes, clean smelling candles, and beautiful flowers. I have several vases in my home currently filled with Freesia, which is such a fragrant, pretty flower. I cannot get enough of wonderful smells. Thank goodness my olfactory system is working well.
Many of us obsess about things, our bodies, and sometimes people. An obsessions with people, or to be more specific, that certain person, we can develop obsessive love. When we initial start to fall for someone we tend to be obsessed. All thoughts and feeling revolve around that particular person.
So there you have some of my current obsessions. I say current because they change. Last year I was obsessed with fish tacos. Now tell me what are you obsessed with? Who are you obsessed with? Come on, I bet when I ask those questions, a face, or image comes to mind immediately.
How Do You Netflix And Not "Chill"?
So I grudgingly admit I am a huge nerd, and perhaps a little naive. I was woefully unaware what was truly meant by the saying "Netflix and Chill". I thought you hang out with friends or your boo, and watch Netflix. I was so wrong.
My husband heard me say to my teen daughter that we were going Netflix and Chill, and he told to me to look in Urban dictionary, because I was completely using that phrase incorrectly. Okay, so a more accurate account would be that I was referred to Urban dictionary and Google after I said, "no way does it mean that" about five time.
Urban dictionary defines Netflix and Chill as "going to your partners house to bang with Netflix on in the background". Isn't that just lovely. Well when I say Netflix and Chill (NAC), I mean vegge out and watch some Netflix.
So on to how you can have a great night enjoying Netflix, that may or may not end with some "chill" time. I really enjoy Netflix as a stay at home date, with the family for movie night, and even by myself. I prefer to have a theme for the snacks and to set the mood.
On some occasions I will buy movie theatre size candy, Coca Cola in bottles, and pop lots of popcorn. There will be lots of blanket, lights turned out, and the surround sound blasting. For a date night theme, I like to do cocktails, finger foods, and candle light.
Now what to watch? There are so many choices from series, movies, stand up comedy, and great documentaries. I recommend Santa Clarita Diet, which is funny and quirky, for maybe a girl's night in. The Princess Bride is perfect for a family movie night.
For date night, maybe go for something scary or creepy, but please no romantic comedies. Perhaps Penny Dreadful, because although it's not a romantic series, Penny Dreadful can be very sexy and sexual, and then maybe you will chill after all.
So now you know how I Netflix and Chill. Did you all know what NAC meant? Hopefully I am educating someone tonight, because otherwise this is so embarrassing.
My Lazy Saturday...I So Needed It!
Despite it being a Saturday, I was wide awake in the wee hours of the morning. Unable to sleep any longer, I got out of bed and headed down to make coffee. I sat quietly sipping coffee and reading. I always cherish my quiet hours, since most other hours of the day are spent with lots of noise, requests, and questions.
Once the family was up, we decided to go for an early morning swim. The swim was wonderful, and relaxing, but also very exhausting. My energy levels were low even before we went swimming due to lack of sleep.
Plus, I am clean eating all month, and probably need to up my caloric intake. We were done swimming by nine thirty, and then it was time to head out for our usual trip to Trader Joe's. I loaded up on fresh flowers for the house, and some other goodies as well. Last stop of the morning was Jamba Juice, for my favorite Berry Upbeet smoothie. Yum! Then back home for a long nap.
After napping I did a little laundry and packing for an upcoming trip, while I had Bates Motels on in the background on Netflix. I have been binge watching the series, and I am almost caught up to the current season.
Once I wrapped up with packing, I headed out for a short walk with my youngest daughter. Once we returned, I got dinner started, and hung out with my family. After dinner we played Yahtzee and listened to eighties music.
I will end my night with a nice bubble bath, with lavender oil, in hopes of a good night's sleep. My stress levels are very high right now so if I had to guess, I will be back at it early again tomorrow morning with coffee in hand, enjoying the silence. TTFN
The Stranger In Your Bed...How Well Do You Really Know The Person Sleeping Next To You?
When people are in relationships, and in love, we think we know our partners well. The reality is you know them as well as they want you to know them. They pick and choose what information to share and divulge. It is not always a matter of deceit, but sometimes they don't find some things relevant enough to share, but you might feel differently about the intel they choose to withhold. Other times they fear your judgement, or just want to avoid conflict.
The truth is we don't know ourselves all that well either. We are still growing and changing, and managing to surprise ourselves on occasion. Have you ever done something or said something, and later questioned your behavior? You could not explain why you did what did, or said what you said.
Ever feel conflicted about what you want, whether it's car, a person, or what to have for lunch? So if you cannot truly answer for your own wants and desires, how can you claim to know what your partner wants or thinks? Your answer might be "well they told me what they wanted or felt". Well, there has to be a certain amount of openness and trust in any relationship, but the desire to please, and not to disappoint is often present as well.
I am surprised how often people seemed to not truly know their partners. I've seen individuals behave one way with partners around, and completely different when outside of their presence. Is it that they are a complete phony? Maybe. Or is it that they fear showing their true self because that is not who the partner fell in love with? I guess that is one way to end up with a stranger in your bed.
Denial is another way to end up with a stranger. You choose not see what is right in front of you, and then write your own narrative to provide a more comfortable "reality".
How well do you think you know your partner? Have you put them on a pedestal so high that they fear showing you their true self, and falling from grace in your eyes? Remember, love is acceptance, not excuses, and denial.
People dont' want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Cyberstalking...Are You Guilty Of It?
The thought of cyberstalking sounds insanely creepy. The concept of stalking period is creepy. One usually stalks with the intent to catch eventually, right? Like an animal in the wild, watching its prey, learning its patterns, and waiting for the right moment to strike.
After all, timing is everything.
Human beings are not much different than animals in the wild. We all carry with us some basic, predatory instincts. It is our nature. Humans are also curious creatures, which can lead us to some "light" cyberstalking.
Maybe you start peeking at his Facebook, and Instagram postings. You debate messaging him, but you don't. Instead you slowly gather intel about him from the Internet. Is this stalking?
Some might say so, but you believe it's harmless. Others might say you are just being smart in finding out everything you can before initiating contact.
In all seriousness, cyberstalking is a growing problem. There is so much information readily available on the Internet, and then you add in social media, and we are all very exposed.
True cyberstalking is a crime, and involves harassing and stalking someone through email, instant messaging, and social media. But let's be honest, even if you never make contact, deep down you know you are being a little creepy.
I admit that I have definitely looked at an exes online info. Can you blame me? If I were a single woman, a guy would be smart to go through, and read my blogs. He would learn a lot about my likes and dislikes, and most importantly, the fastest way to my heart.
Unfortunately this could lead to a pretender, a guy who tricks me into loving them because we just have "so much in common". I always hope for authenticity in people, but I know to a degree, that I'm forever vulnerable because of my blogs.
Let's face it, we have now become a society of over-sharers and voyeurs. Which are you? Do you consider yourself a bit of a cyberstalker? If you are, what do you hope to gain from it? Nothing, some sort of advantage, or someone's heart? I hope you at least know why you are doing it.
There Is Always Room For Happiness...Add Some More To Your Life
Life is short, and in reality becoming shorter every day, which is why it is so important to find your happiness. It is very easy to get caught up in the day to day crap, and fall into a cycle of doom and gloom.
Trust me, it happens to me too. But I also know how to find my happiness. Happiness is defined as a quality or state of pleasure or joy. Happiness is whatever makes you feel good.
I derive so much happiness from spending time with my family, but honestly sometimes it just has to be about me. Everyone, even moms, deserve autonomy sometimes. A time when you are just a man or a woman.
A time when I am just Charlene. During these times I find happiness in quietly reading a book. I find happiness in fantasizing and writing my own book. I find happiness gardening. I find happiness cooking. I find happiness in long walks, and even long stimulating talks.
Happiness is there for you. Maybe you already have it. Maybe you lost it, or perhaps you never had it. Maybe going shopping makes you feel a little happy, but ask yourself is it really shopping that makes you happy? Or is it spending time with your friends? Or looking at pretty things? Or being out in the fresh air?
Here are some simple things that bring happiness
Hold A Kitten Or A Puppy
Make Out Like A Teenager
Go For A Hike
Volunteer
Flirt
Go Roller Skating
Have A Water Balloon Fight
Go To The Beach
Fly A Kite
Hold Hands
Get A Massage
Next time you need to add some happiness to your life try this little trick. Close your eyes, take slow, deep breaths, and picture your last genuine happy. Find the happy moment or time that made you smile from the inside, and warmed your heart. Only you, truly know you.
Don't be afraid of your happy. It is okay to be a little selfish sometimes.
What are your thoughts on finding happiness? How do you cheer yourself up when feeling down or bring joy to your life? Please share your thoughts and experience!
Actions And Words...Where Is Your Follow Through?
I am a believer in the saying that "actions speak louder than words". We can say anything, but it means nothing if we never follow through. Our words mean nothing if everything we say is in direct contradiction to our actions. If you want people to believe you, to believe in you, then show them that you are more than talk. Show them you are worthy of their trust, their friendship, their love.
I have a few people in my life who make empty promises, or say they are going to do things, but never actually do it. I learned very young in life that there are some people you just cannot count on, no matter how much you want to. I guess the way I am laying this out, the people who are all talk would be deal breakers for friends or loves, but not necessarily.
Sometimes the individuals are not hurting anyone but themselves. They are making promises to themselves about what they are going to do, or deceiving themselves about reality. I know people who say every year they are going to lose weight and get healthy. Hasn't happened yet. I know they want to, but for whatever reason they cannot find the motivation to move forward. This is not someone I would cut out of my life. I have a friend who dreams of being a writer, but takes no steps in that direction to make their dream a reality. I encourage them to write, and they keep telling me they are going to get started, but never do. Is it fear of failure that is holding them back? An inner voice telling them it's never going to happen so why try? I am not sure why they are unable to make efforts towards something they claim to want so badly, but I will continue to be supportive, as there is nothing else I can do.
Matters of the heart are different. Trusting the non-doer in a relationship does become an issue. People are not mind readers, at least I am not. Your words do not really tell me what you think, or what is in your heart, especially if you have shown me your words mean little, and you don't follow through. Telling me you love me would never be enough. Domestic abusers tell their partners that they love them, but their actions say different. Love is shown through action. Being there when needed most, even if its inconvenient, shows your love. Caring about someone's well being, checking in on them after a bad day, or even just sending an encouraging text can show your love. It isn't grand "look at us" moments, but subtle and honest actions that are special and meaningful for two people. Love is often quiet, but very powerful.
Bottom line is, words mean very little in the grand scheme of things. They can be used to hurt, and manipulate, but it is always the actions that show true intent. I can tell when someone dislikes me, and when someone loves me. Although their words may indicate otherwise, their actions tell a very different story.
10 Signs You’re Being Gaslighted In Your Relationship (And How To Recognize It)
I first heard the term "gaslighting" about a year or so ago while listening to a radio talk show in my car. The term is derived from the 1938 play and the 1944 movie titled "Gaslight".
In the movie, a husband tries to drive his wife insane by convincing her that what she thought was said or had happened was not the reality. She begins to not trust on her own memory and questions her sanity.
Gaslight is a good film, but the cruelty heaped upon the main character makes you want to yell at the screen, or shake her to wake up, and see that she is being manipulated.
The term gaslighting is making a comeback as more and more people realize that this is a tactic often used today in both social and professional circles. Gaslighting is most often used in close or intimate relationships.
Have you ever try to call someone out for something they did to you that made you feel wronged, and they deny that it ever happened?
Did you clearly witness them do or say something, but they deny it so convincingly that you start to question if what you really saw or heard was real? You must have misunderstood or are being overly sensitive, is often the received response.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it is all in your head, and you are just being paranoid, overly sensitive, or remembering incorrectly. I have definitely felt the burn of a gaslighter.
For the most part, I realized they were full of it and not owning their own crap. However, at the same time, there was this other part of me that did question my assessment of the situation. Was I remembering the events as they really happened?
A relationship where gaslighting appears to be happening is one you should not be in. The gaslighter can be a spouse or significant other, a friend, a parent, or a co-worker. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting in your life.
10 Signs To look For In A Gaslighting Relationship
You Often Question Your Own Memory
You Wonder If You Are Too Sensitive
You Feel Less Confident
You Have Trouble Making Decisions
You Often Feel Confused And Crazy
You Feel Like You Cannot Do Anything Right
You Are Always Apologizing
You Feel Hopeless And Joyless
You Lie To Avoid Put Downs
You Often Second Guess Yourself
Gaslighting is a manipulation and deception used in order to misdirect, gain control, and avoid blame. Narcissist often use gaslighting to manipulate. Recognize it and know when it is happening to you.
What is your experience with gaslighting? Have you ever been the victim or the culprit? Please share your experience!
“So often victims end up unnecessarily prolonging their abuse because they buy into the notion that their abuser must be coming from a wounded place and that only patient love and tolerance (and lots of misguided therapy) will help them heal.” - George K. Simon
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Nice VS Good...How Do Others See You? How Do You See Yourself?
The terms nice and good are often used as if they are interchangeable, but they are not. Nice is defined as someone who is pleasant, agreeable, and amiable. Nice people don't like to ruffle feathers or deal with conflict. Those who are "nice" may often take the easy way out. Basically nice is a facade. Nice is what others want you to see. To be fair, nice people are usually nice to be around, just don't expect them to make good decisions.
Good is defined as morally excellent, virtuous, honorable, and worthy. Good people can be nice but their decisions are based on their morals and values, not what they think will please others or to avoid conflict. Good people do the right thing, even when it's the hard thing.
Like many people, I want to be accepted and liked, so I try to be nice. But in a choice between nice and good, it is always more important to me to be a good person and do what is right. Sometimes that means saying no or telling someone something they do not want to hear. It takes courage and conviction to truly be a good person. I struggle daily because being nice is easier. Giving in and telling people what they want to hear is easier.
Nice vs good can be applied to many situations in our lives. I take pride in being a good mom, not a nice mom. I am nice to my children, but more importantly my girls are told no sometimes because there has to be limitations, and it is my job to set an example. A nice mom may not set limitations because she doesn't want to deal with a tantrum or may fear her child being angry or upset with her. As a woman, ask me what kind of man I want and I will tell you I want a good man all day long.
So I ask you, where do you fall on the nice vs good spectrum? I always strive to be a good, honest person. Maybe too honest sometimes to truly be considered a nice person. Nice people give me pause, as there is an element of falseness within them. Early on I question what's behind the mask a nice one wears, but if you give them enough time the mask will slip and much will be revealed.
Death and Dying...The Shock and Awe We Feel When The Inevitable Happens
I have experienced more than my share of loss in my lifetime. I have lost friends, a sibling, a parent, and grandparents. It has not gotten easier over the years, even when the losses were expected. Why doesn't it get easier? Why does it hurt so much? And more than anything, why does it scare us so much?
Is it because death is this mystical unknown? Or to some degree our own fear of mortality? I don't know if I fear death so much as the thought of leaving my girls behind and what that loss would do to them. How would they handle it? I suffered very traumatic losses at their ages and know they I am forever damaged from the trauma.
I recently loss a work friend and it has been very difficult. Mostly difficult because of everyone else's grief. I spoke with a girlfriend of mine about how she was dealing with the loss and she said it helped her to be with others and talk about our departed friend. I am the opposite. While normally I am an extrovert, free with opinions and thoughts, I withdraw when I suffer a loss. I have been uncomfortable being around people and taking about it because I prefer to compartmentalize this new pain.
I do make exceptions to shutting people out, and I made one with this loss. I had a friend that felt this loss more than others, and was in so much pain that their need of comfort outweighed my desire to cocoon myself. It was worth it because I know my support and comfort made a difference for them.
Death seems so unfair and yet we live everyday knowing it's always there. Waiting, lurking in the shadows. A constant reminder of our mortality, but also a reminder to live our lives to the fullest with no regrets as today may be our last day. Do it, say it, change it...time won't wait for you and death won't be denied.
Our bodies are prisons for our soul. Our skin and bone, the iron bars of our confinement. But, fear not. Death turns all to ash. And thus, death frees every soul. The Fountain 2006