Managing Stress...How Do You Find The Calm When Your World Is Storming?
Life can feel overwhelming at times. I am not talking or thinking about giving up in any way. But sometimes I feel almost unable to catch my breathe. I am keeping a pace right now that is probably unsustainable. Trying to find the work/life balance, and be everything to everyone is draining, and nearly impossible. Have I set myself up for failure? I think so.
I have been called Super Mom, and Super Woman by many people in my life, and I know they truly mean it as a compliment. But I cannot help but feel there is some judgment of me as a mom, as a wife, as friend, even as a woman. That's probably the problem.
I generally could care less what anyone thinks of me, except when it comes to me as a mother. I have chosen to be a working mom, but I always try to ensure that my kids do not feel they are losing out on anything they would get if I were a stay at home mom.
I rush home from work everyday to make sure dinner is cooked, and we sit down together and eat as a family. Then it's off to dance class, or swim class, or swim practice. You get my point, my kids have a lot of activities. I try to squeeze in a workout at the YMCA during their classes. Then it's home for showers, homework, and prep for the next day.
Don't get me wrong, my husband helps. Some days it's divide and conquer, as one of us goes with one child to something, while the other tackles the second one.
Plus I try to write every night, and blog a couple times a week. Unfortunately my body is starting to rebel. Migraines have been almost daily, and my insomnia is as bad as it has ever been. Add in a stressful work life, and voila instant stress ball in the neck.
I confided in a friend how stressed I was, and they were really surprised. Apparently I hide it well. Too well perhaps, which is probably not good for me. My friend did a very nice gesture to lighten my mood, and said "this too shall pass", and I know that's true. But the storm still persists, as I strive to find temporary calm.
I have found some calm with reflection on the people in my life. I have people in my life who truly love and appreciate me, and others who do not. I made the decision to remove certain people from my life who I feel do not value or appreciate me.
I also made the decision to open up more, and appreciate the wonderful people in my life. The storm still rages, but I know I can weather it.
Over-Sharing...Are You Putting Way Too Much On Social Media?
In the age of reality television, exhibitionism is at an all time high. There is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snap Chat just to name a few. Yes, I have the aforementioned accounts, with the exception of Snap Chat, but I try to post with caution.
Social media is great in so many ways. It is fun to see what your friends and family are up to, especially if they live far away, and you never get to see them. But some seem to have no online filter. Posting sexy pictures of themselves, and revealing details about their personal lives that no one has any business knowing. Well I guess it is just confiding in your 500 closest followers, I mean "friends".
Here are some of the real life posts (paraphrased) I have seen on Facebook from "friends", acquaintances, and family members. Needless to say some of the these people were unfriended.
I cannot wait to get high!
Thanks, all of you "so called" friends for not telling me my a**hole husband was cheating. F*** you all!
Obama is the devil!
He hit it so good last night...
Can you believe he wants me to get an abortion?
Did the walk of shame this morning. Just woke up at some guys house. Yikes!
I am sorry but it is very hard not to judge people who say these things basically to the world. I once asked a friend of my sister's why she would want to post a particular thing online, and her response was, "because I can". Fair enough answer I suppose, but I guess one might also want to address the question of "should I?". Just because you can, does not mean you should.
I think sometimes people forget that their future bosses, future in-laws, and possibly their children will see these posts. Once it's online there are no takesies-backsies.
Bucket List...Should Everybody Have One?
I have a friend with a serious illness. We speak on a weekly basis by phone and discuss many topics, including the treatment she is currently undergoing. Although my friend is very brave and extremely positive, I can tell that a certain amount of acceptance of what's to come is growing.
Lately the topic of discussion has been her bucket list. A bucket list is a log of things you want to accomplish before you die. At nearly 60 years old, she never thought to have one until now. She had started to become fearful, and worrisome, and understandably so, with the fierce return of the disease she thought she had beat. But starting a bucket lists seems to have rejuvenated her, and really given her a new lease on life. She went zip lining a few weeks ago and was so proud of herself for overcoming a fear, and for checking something off her shiny, new bucket list. I was proud of her as well, and so happy to hear excitement in her voice again.
Of course her being the type A woman that she is, she strongly encouraged me to start my own bucket list. I really had not thought about it before. I have had a pretty good life, and have done many things. The thing is, once I put some real thought into it, I realized there were so many more things I wanted to do before I kick the bucket. I am not going to share my bucket list, I find it too personal. I will, however, share some popular recommendations in case you are thinking about creating your own list.
- Run a Marathon
- Base Jump
- Visit Great Barrier Reef
- Learn To Fly
- Skydive
- Scuba Dive
- Go On A Safari
- Volunteer
- Travel Around the World
- Climb A Mountain
- Lose Weight
- Learn A New Language
- Float In The Dead Sea
- Do Something Kind for a Stranger
- Pursue Your Passion
- Let Someone Know How Much They Mean To You
- See the Northern Lights
So I confess, some of these are on my list, but not saying which ones. There are so many ways to live life to the fullest, or go it slow if you choose. It's your life. The point is, life is short, and always full of surprises. So enjoy it while you can.
The Pastime...What Is Your Favorite Way To Spend Your Free Time?
Favorite pastime comes to mind because I was at the Padres game last night. Baseball was once considered the national pastime, and is still a good time out, but it has recently lost its crown to football. Football is more fast paced, and people enjoy having and attending football parties.
Personally I would choose football any day over baseball, but as far as my favorite pastime, it is a tie between reading and hiking. It's ironic right? One pastime keeps me inside, while the other allows me to be out and about, and explore. Both are equally satisfying in their own way.
A pastime can be anything. By definition it is what you enjoy doing, and how you choose to spend your free time. Today I am having guests over for a barbecue because I enjoy cooking all the time, and entertaining occasionally.
Based on my personal observations in my community, and my oh so scientific polls of friends and family, here are some of the most current favorite pastimes.
Video Gaming
Cycling
Cross Fit
Watch/Attending Sporting Events
Eating
Watching TV/Netflix
Going to Movies
Listening to Music
Camping
Traveling
Favorite pastimes change as we as individuals, and as a society change. Once upon a time a favorite pastime was watching men fight beasts in an arena. Oh wait there is still bull fighting, but you get my point. The point is you have something you love doing. It makes you happy. So I am going to enjoy grilling today in beautiful weather, with friends and family, and have a yummy cocktail, or two. Cheers!
Dread...What Responsibilities, Tasks, And Chores Do You Avoid Or Try To Get Out Of?
The topic of dread comes to mind because once again I am up for jury duty. Yes, I am aware that it is my civic duty, but as it seems that I am called upon about every 18 months, by both city and federal, I am over it. I have served on three juries in the last five years. Sounds like a bit much, right?
The dreaded is really "to each his own" because there are chores I find joy in that others hates. Take for example cooking. I love to cook, and I would only dread it if I am feeling unwell.
I also love to garden, but it can be a lot of maintenance, and miserable if you don't get out in the morning before the day gets too warm.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at, life is full of the "musts". You must pay your taxes. You must follow laws and rules, whether you agree or not. I always tell to my kids, "agreement is not necessary but compliance is".
You must show up if summoned for jury duty. You do not however, have to clean your house, or do laundry, or wash dishes. But who wants to live like that?
People dread doing many things. Based on complaints from friends, family, and coworkers over the years, here is my list of the most dreaded:
Mondays
Public Speaking
Going to DMV
Holidays with the family
Dusting/vacuum
Traffic
Meetings
Paying bills
Going to the doctor/dentist
Doing dishes
Honestly, there are bigger things in life to dread other than chores, but why go there. We know what they are, and I wanted to keep this blog light. What things do you dread? Is going to work on that list?
There are some positives to all these tasks and chores, and they are cleanliness and structure. Unless of course you don't like those things.
Who Are You Listening To? Here's My Go To Playlist...Depending On Mood and Activity
Music has always been a part of my life. I listen to it when I am happy, and especially when I am sad. I listen to it when I am madly in love, or crazy angry. It gets me through a distance hike, and difficult workouts. I turn to it for long drives, and boring workdays.
Music has an amazing ability to transform my mood, and affirm my feelings.
I grew up listening to Al Green, Mahalia Jackson, and Donna Summer. I have fond memories of skating down Hollywood Blvd. as a youngster with my mom and aunt, boogieing along to Donna Summer on my Walkman.
It was early evening, the sun had recently set, and I felt so free. I felt incredible. It was over 30 years, and that feeling always returns whenever a Donna Summer's song comes on.
I really love all kinds of music, and manage to surprise my kids occasionally when we are jamming out, and singing along to the same song. I love electronic dance music (EDM), and went to lots of raves in high school. Don't judge me. I was really into Depeche Mode, and to this day cannot stop listening to Massive Attack. Massive Attack truly works for any mood, especially Angel and Unfinished Sympathy, which are often on repeat.
Here's Who's Likely Playing Based On Mood...
Happy Mood - Janet Jackson, Lady Gaga, Nelly Furtado, Blondie, Black Eye Peas
Sad Mood - Sia (Colour the Small One), Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, Hooverphonic, Lauren Hill
Workout Mode - Deadmau5, Araabmuzik, Calvin Harris, Bassnectar, Daft Punk
Wild Mood - Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, Chemical Brothers, Jes, Outkast
Cooking/Dancing Around the House - Rihanna, Kaskade, The Rolling Stones, Britney Spears
So that is a small sample of what's on my playlist, and what I enjoy. There is definitely some overlap between mood music. What's on your playlist? Do you change it up based on mood or activity? Please share!
April Fool's Day...What's So Funny About It?
I was born on April 1st over two scores ago, and as far back as I can remember someone has tried to play an April Fool's joke on me. They felt that it being my birthday and all that I was especially deserving of some sort of prank or trick. I never found the jokes funny, and I never found any sort of appreciation for pranking people in general.
Annoyance aside, the whole tradition brought about a lot of questions. Why this day? Where did this "April Fool's Day" originate?
I started my research and found that the day itself seems almost to be some sort of prank. There are theories of its origin, but no definitive answers about where this day for making someone feel like a fool got its start.
To be fair, the pranks are supposed to be harmless and in good fun, but someone always takes it too far. There are many theories, and one is bound to be close to truth, I suppose.
One theory that stood out to me was the Roman holiday "Halaria". Hilaria was usually celebrated at the end of March and people dressed up in disguise. Even more interesting than all of the origin theories is that April Fool's Day, also called All Fool's Day, is celebrated all over the world, which I think is actually pretty cool.
Now, no one has attempted an April Fool's Day joke on me in years. I think that perhaps they realized they were more likely to face my wrath, than they were to hear a laugh.
Do not get me wrong, I enjoy a great joke and good natured teasing amongst friends and loved ones, but there has always been something about pranks that seem innately nasty, and overall mean spirited.
Honestly, I have to admit there is one great benefit to having your birthday on April Fool's Day. No one ever forgets your birthday. My birthday is a day my friends and family always remember. My birthday was wonderful today, with lots of well wishes coming from all over the country, and the world. I hope your April Fool's Day was wonderful as well.
Spring Bloom...Here's What Is Growing In My Garden
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Spring is officially here and I couldn't be any more excited. I am very fortunate to live in southern California for many reasons. The wonderful weather being my favorite. Southern California is perfect weather for growing fruits, and vegetables, but also growing beautiful perennials and annuals. Due to such mild weather, mild winters in particular, spring comes early.
Hyacinths, daffodils, lilies, and irises have already started to shoot up in my garden. The garden is lovely right now, but I have to enjoy it while it last because they will start to die after a month or so. The hyacinths are my favorite right now, because they are so fragrant and add a special something to my courtyard. Purple is the theme with blooming lavender, purple irises, and my lovely hyacinths and hydrangeas.
If you have read any of my other blogs then you know that fall is my favorite time of year. Spring is a close second because you can finally start getting back outdoors again. The days are longer, and the air is crisp, but not cold. I love the comforts and convenience of city living, but I think I am a country girl at heart. I love growing stuff!
For me, spring also means preparing my garden and the start of lots of planting. This is a great time to plant parsley, cilantro, mint, basil, and thyme. I plant everything in planters, with the exception of thyme. I grow thyme inside in a mason jar. I have actually grown parsley and cilantro indoors in mason jars as well, with relative ease.
So now you know how I will be spending my weekend. Outside, enjoying nature. I will go for a hike, come back home, and start working my garden. Gardening can be enjoyable, fun even. You can make it fun. Put on some music, and have nice cool beverages on stand by. Let the kids or hubby help, or go solo for some alone time. It will be worth it in a few short months when you can pluck fresh herbs from your garden.
Signs Of Flirting...A Learned Skill Or Natural Instinct?
There is a certain art to flirting. It can be fun and exhilarating, if you get it right. Or a hot mess, and make for a great bloopers reel if you get it wrong. Flirting means to act amorous without serious intent, but it can also be about sending out feelers.
If he flirts back maybe he's interested. Or if he's too dense to pick up on your signals, he's not the guy for you.
I know some people who are notorious flirts. They flirt with everyone, young or old, male or female. It's a game to them, and they play it well.
I learned how to flirt pretty young, around 12 years old. Of course very innocently, with passing notes, teasing, and smiles. I got better. I think my flirting abilities are a combination of natural instinct, and learned skills over time.
I suppose one could ask why do we flirt. Do we flirt for attention? To see if we still "got it". Do we flirt to manipulate, to perhaps get out of a ticket? I think this is often the case. We flirt to get what we want.
We also flirt to get who we want. Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it. A coy smile here and there. A little inside joke. The teasing and playfulness. It's all flirting, albeit innocent intentions. Or not so innocent.
Flirting is safe. It is a way to test the waters, without truly putting yourself out there. If you flirt and they flirt back, there may be something there.
So where do you do most of your flirting? At the bar or club? I bet most flirting happens at work or school. The places we spend most of our time. Maybe you know how to flirt, and you know how to recognize when someone is flirting with you. But just in case you don't know, here are some body language clues that someone is flirting.
Signs Of Flirting
Signs He's Flirting...
Smile
Remembers what you say
Touches you
Nervous twitch while talking to you
Blushing or sweaty hands
Leans in to be closer
Signs She's Flirting
Smile
Touches lips or hair
Touches you
Lots of laughing (you are not that funny)
Compliments and/or insults you
Leans in to be closer
Men and women are similar creatures. Some have perfected the art of flirting, while others are still trying to figure it out. If you are not a great flirt, don't worry about it. It is actually cute and refreshing to see the unskilled flirter. Ultimately, fate will have its way. If it is meant to be, it will happen.
We try to hide our feelings, but forgot our eyes speak. - Unknown
Bad News... How Do You Tell Someone Something You Know They Don't Want To Hear?
It is hard being the bearer of bad news, and too often the old adage "shoot the messenger" holds true. There is some news that must be shared, such as a death. But other issues such as an illness, cheating, or a betrayal of sorts, can wait or possibly, never have to be shared.
Of course there is always room to argue whether or not some things should ever be revealed. Should you ever tell your friend that their partner is cheating or a big liar? I guess it depends on the friend, the friendship, and the impact you think the information could have on their life. Some might say you should mind your own business, but this blog is about being there for your friend, and giving them difficult news.
I think that once you decide to tell someone bad news, some planning is required. You will need decide the when, the where, and the how. It is very important to know what you are going to say, and practice a couple of times if possible. Provide as much detail as possible, and allow the receiver of the news to ask questions.
Here are some additional recommendations for delivering bad news.
Do It In Person
Do It In A location That Allows For Privacy
Be Empathetic
Praise Them, A Betrayal Is Not Their Fault
Remember You Are Not The Bad Guy, You Are Doing This For Them
Allow Them To Have Their Reaction, But Remember Initial Response May Be Shock Or Denial
The most important thing to remember when delivering bad news is to make the receiver feel supported. Whether they realize it or not at the time, they will need others to lean on to get through a challenging time. Remember to be a good friend, sister, daughter, or partner.
At some point in time, we are all the recipient of bad news. Hopefully, we are all fortunate enough to have someone to lean on during those times.
How do you give bad news? Are there some things you just would not want to know? Is ignorance bliss?