5 Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man

5 Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man

It can be difficult to recognize and accept that your partner is emotionally unavailable, but doing so is a must for your own mental and emotional well being. An emotionally unavailable person is someone who is unwilling, or unable to communicate, discuss, or share and open up about how they feel. Good communication, especially when it comes to communicating feelings is a must for a relationship to function in a healthy manner.

It is frustrating to care deeply for someone, and not feel that love in return. Part of a healthy, loving relationship is discussing and sharing your feelings, but when you are with someone who is emotionally unavailable they can often seem cold and distant. You will have an overwhelming desire to heal their wounds that have made them so closed off and emotionally stunted, but this will come at the cost of your own heart and emotional well being.

Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Commitment Issues

He likes to "casually" mention that he doesn't believe in marriage or monogamy. Or he often says that is not really the relationship type, or that he is not good at relationships. If he is saying this...believe him and get out of dodge fast. This guy doesn't necessarily want to be alone, but he wants you in his life on his terms, and when it's convenient for him. It's about control and a power play for him.

He's Inconsistent

One minute he is crazy about you, he cannot get enough of you, and is making plans for a future with you. Then the next week you barely hear from him, and cannot get him to return a text or commit to a time to see you. This is a big red flag and should be a one and done situation. He is all over the place, playing games because he can, and is not to be trusted with your heart.


Early in the relationship he was Mr. Charming, and that's how he reeled you in. Once he had you, he slowly became detached and disengaged from the relationship.  He avoids difficult discussions, he has bad habits such as drinking too much, and sometimes avoids you completely, except of course when you are putting out. He can be very cold at times, and easily disregards your feelings.

Rocky Past Relationships

He has nothing nice to say about his exes. They were crazy, or liars, or cheaters, or all three. But I am willing to bet if you heard their side of things, it was him who was the crazy, cheating, liar. If his past is filled with bad women, then he is the common denominator. He is making himself the victim, and not being truthful about why those past relationships didn't work out. Every story has three sides, his is not likely the entire truth.

He's A Jerk

I know, this one is really hard to come to terms with. You want to see your man as a good guy, but be honest with yourself, and don't make excuses for his behavior. How is he really? How do your friends and family see him? Do you have to apologize for his behavior sometimes? Being nice sometimes, while being an obnoxious ass the rest of the time makes him not a nice guy. In fact, it makes him a jerk who can be nice when it suits him.

The Psychology Behind Emotional Unavailability

There are many reasons as to why a man may be emotionally unavailable, the main one being his childhood. He may have grew up in an environment where expressing and showing emotions were discouraged, ridiculed, or possibly flat out not allowed. His role models growing up were also emotionally unavailable, and he modeled himself after them.

A man may also be emotionally unavailable due to having suffered a trauma. The trauma may have been in their childhood or later in life, but that trauma left them with emotional wounds. Sadly, a good old fashioned broken heart and betrayal can lead to a man being emotionally unavailable, and to being unable to be open again. 

When someone is emotionally unavailable, they are unavailable. You are not going to heal them with your love, or change them and make them suddenly see the light. They have to be willing make the necessary changes to have a healthy relationship, and probably should get some counseling to deal with their unresolved issues.

Being with someone who is emotionally unavailable is not a relationship, it is a project, and so not worth it. What are your thoughts on the emotionally unavailable man? Are you currently in a relationship or in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable? Please share your experience!

"Pity those who don't feel anything at all." - Sarah J. Mass, A Court of Thorns and Roses

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