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A Lack Of Intimacy...Where Did It Go and Why Do You Miss It?
Intimacy is a must for a romantic relationship, but everyone has their own definition of what intimacy is. When your relationship began your partner made you feel a certain way and you felt that special way about them as well.
Your partner once made you feel wanted, sexy, loved, and safe, but at some point one or both of your feelings and actions towards one another faded away.
Did one of you become too comfortable in your relationship where you stopped caring about the others happiness or was it just laziness and taking your partner for granted? Perhaps a little bit of all of the above?
What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy can be defined as a closeness either by friendship or familiarity. While the basic definition is closeness, I know that sex and physical closeness comes to mind for me with the word intimacy. Here are some examples of intimacy.
Being Physical Close
Long Talks
Comfortable Silence
Touching
Sex
Where Did The Intimacy Go?
At some point in your relationship the intimacy left. There are no more loving words, or sweet kisses, and no hand holding, no comfortable silence, and no sex. Though not always the case, when intimacy leaves so does romantic love, and even friendship.
You may find yourself asking what happened, and why aren’t you and your partner intimate anymore. Was it because you had children and your relationship dynamic changed?
Or did you allow yourselves to focus more on work and other things outside of your relationship and fail to make each other a priority? Or you just grow apart, into the people you were always meant to be?
No matter the reason, course correction is usually possible, if the desire is there. Relationships require maintenance and effort, and when you and your partner stop caring enough to make the effort the relationship is doomed.
Why Do You Miss Intimacy?
Although you may not feel attracted to your partner, or even love them anymore, you still have a desire for intimacy. It is natural to want to feel desired and loved, especially by someone with whom you once felt loved and desired by.
When our relationships lack intimacy we can feel incomplete and like there is something missing from our life. Intimacy in the relationship is how you connect with one another, and whether or not you are having sex, without true intimacy in your relationship you will not feel fulfilled or happy.
What are your thoughts on intimacy or the lack of in relationships? Do you think you could endure a relationship lacking in intimacy? Have you dealt with or are you dealing with this issue in a relationship now? What did you do? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” ― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
The Importance Of Passion In Relationships
Passion is defined as intense, driving, or overmastering of feeling or conviction. Passion is ardent love. Passion is most certainly present in courtships. Passion is shown in that crazy desire to see each other, and to be together all of the time in the early stages of relationships.
Passion is shown in hot kisses, and intense sex, but passion is not love. Love is the most important element for a good relationship, but without passion can it truly be a happy union? I do not believe so, but we all set our own standards for what makes a good, healthy relationship.
The Importance of Passion
The argument could be made that passion fades over time in a relationship, and that the fading is not necessarily a bad thing. Over the course of a relationship, as you really get to know one another, you communicate more effectively, and understand each other better.
Better communication will reduce disagreements, however, not every discussion is the same or equal.
Hopefully you and your partner can have passionate discussions about books, movies, and even politics. Two people with their own thoughts, and opinions, disagreeing respectfully, but keeping the everyday fun and interesting, makes life more exciting.
Otherwise what do you have? I suppose just two people going through life together, waiting for death.
Signs Of Passion In Relationship
You Long For and Miss Each Other When Apart
Great Sex
You Inspire Each Other
You Want To Spend Time Together
Opinionated Conversations and Occasional Intense Discussions
Signs Of No Passion In Relationship
No Sex
Boring, Mechanical Sex
No Disagreements
Nothing To Talk About
Not Excited About Each Other
What To Do
What you do about the lack of passion in your relationship depends on how you got to this place, and how you feel about the need for passion in your relationship.
Did you marry someone who was always kind of boring, and with no fire, and thought they would somehow change? Or was the relationship once hot and intense, and has slowly fizzled out?
There are things you can do if you want to bring back the passion to your relationship. There is a lot of advice out there, and some will work and some will not.
It all depends on the people involved, how committed they are to fixing the lack of passion, and the starting levels of passion in the beginning of the relationship
My advice is to keep is simple. Put down the devices. Go on a date night. Discuss everything, including your sexual fantasies. If the thought of discussing sexual fantasies with your partner makes you uncomfortable, then that may also be why there is a passion problem.
There are great self- help books on market, and last but not least there is couples counseling.
What are your thoughts on the importance of passion in a relationship? Passion in a relationship is not just about sex, it is about an overall feeling and desire towards your partner, and each other. Do you think one can have a happy, fulfilling relationship without passion? Please share your story or experience!
“Does your relationship match your sensuality? If it doesn't, you've settled.” - Lebo Grand