6 Relationship Red Flags

Dating and taking things slow with someone new serves a purpose. Diving right in to a relationship with a man or woman you barely know is not wise to say the least. The whole point of dating is to get to know the person, find out capability, and to flesh out any behaviors or traits that are dealbreakers for you.

In a new relationship, you may become so fascinated by your new boo that you start to miss the red flags that you definitely should be looking for. Knowing what signs to be on the lookout for is important, and will ultimately save you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.

6 Relationship Red Flags To Avoid

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Red Flag #1 He’s A Taker

Everything revolves around him and what he wants. He is showing signs of being selfish. He is selfish with his time, selfish with money, and he is even selfish in bed. Selfish people will always ask for more than they give, which is not a behavior likely to change in the future.

Plus, selfish men make bad lovers, and who wants to put up with that.

Red Flag #2 He Has Questionable Employment

Does he describe himself as an entrepreneur or always seems to be “in between” jobs? Is his current career or employment, and past employment, sounding a little sketchy to you? If you are not sure what he does for a living, or doubt that he is telling is the truth, then you are getting a big red flag that you need to listen to.

People go through hard times for sure, but someone who is struggling to get their life together is someone who should be focusing on that, not on dating.

Red Flag #3 His Living Situation

You have never been to his home or if his living situation seems questionable, the that is a red flag. Depending on his age, there is nothing wrong with him having roommates, but there is a lot he can be hiding if you never go to his place. Maybe he is still living at home with his parents, or worse he is living with his girlfriend or wife.

He may also be crashing on someone’s couch, which means he has some instability in his life and things he needs to focus on other than dating.

Red Flag #4 He Has Bad Habits

You need to pay attention if they seem to be a heavy partier, drinker, or gambler. In the early stages we get to see the best a romantic partner has to offer. If questionable behaviors are popping up like drinking, gambling, and drug use, you need to ask yourself if this is someone you want to have in your life.

Don’t try to rescue him or make him your project. Your job is to focus on making a good life for yourself. Besides, you can easily get in over your head trying to deal with someone with addiction issues if you are not a professional.

Red Flag #5 He’s Has A Temper

When you first met him he was fun loving, sweet, and kind. That’s partly what drew you to him. But if you start seeing flashes of anger, rudeness, and unkindness, consider it a red flag. None of us are perfect. And all of us can be angered under the right circumstances, but if he lashes at you or others people with cruel words and cruel behavior, he may be hiding an abusive side.

You do not want to end up in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, so take this red flag sign very serious.

Red Flag #6 Something Seem Not Quite Right About Him

He often seems great, then other times something about him seems not quite right. He is handsome, and funny, and so easy to talk to, but alarm bells are sounding internally telling you that he is not what he seems. Your instincts are telling you that he is hiding a part of himself, and wearing a mask. This is a big pretender red flag. What you see is not what you get.

Some red flags are more obvious than others. When it comes to deciding who to date, who to spend time with, and who to love, you should listen to your head and gut, and not ignore the obvious signs that he’s not a keeper.

What are your thoughts on identifying red flags? Do you take your cues from red flags or do you ignore them?Please share your experience with calling it quits because of red flags, or ignoring them and having a relationship work out.

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5 Signs He’s Just Your Type...The Reasons You Go For The Same Guys

Break ups are tough, and after each one we swear to ourselves we are never doing that again. We will never go for that type of guy ever again. Makes sense, right? Your last relationship didn’t work out and you were left heartbroken.

You are not swearing off men altogether, but you promise yourself the next guy will be completely different than guys from your past.

You promised yourself things would be different in your next relationship, but at some point it started to feel like groundhog day. It feels as if you are having the same relationships over and over again. But why, you ask yourself? He seemed different, but was he really?

Believe it or not, we all have a type. And try as we might, we are just innately drawn to certain people. When we try to venture into a relationship with someone out of the norm it just doesn’t feel right. Something feels off.

You can force the relationship of course, and hope for a different outcome, but it will not necessarily be better, just different.

5 Signs He’s Your Type

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Strong Physical Attraction

You know he’s your type when you find yourself extremely attracted to him. Whether your type is tall, with green eyes, and black wavy hair, or bald with caramel skin and an amazing ass, there is a man whose looks makes you go weak in the knees.

Amazing Chemistry

Chemistry is just off the charts with some people, and is especially amazing with guys who are your type. Chemistry happens naturally between two people. Romantic chemistry is an intense connection you will feel with the right person.

You Get Each Other

Maybe you’re a little weird or quirky, and he’s a standoffish and introverted but it doesn’t matter because you both just get each other. What others find odd or annoying, you two find endearing and cute. You get the same jokes and have the same sense of humor. You can communicate with just a look.

Just Feels Right

We can try to be open and get out of our comfort zone to date others who are not really our type, but something will always feel off. When we our true to ourselves and date our type we feel more at ease and happier in the relationship. Being with your type feels like “home”. It feels like you are where you belong.

Unexplainable Pull To Each Other

The reality is that we are just more compatible with some people than others. We find some people more attractive than others on both physical and mental levels. In many ways it’s unexplainable why we like who we like, and who we are drawn to. It’s unexplainable, but the feeling is everything.

As people, we evolve and change and so does our taste and types we are attracted to some degree. If you had a thing for bad boys in your teens, you may still like men who have a little bit of a rebel in them but you can also want someone reliable and mature.

What are your thoughts on having a type? Has the type of men you go for evolved over time or stayed the same? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“I get so breathless, when you call my name. I've often wondered, do you feel the same? There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity, when we're all alone.” ― Corinne Bailey Rae

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What Men Want In A Relationship...According To Men

We all have wants and needs for an ideal relationship. Women tend to have strong opinions about what they want in a relationship, and often set relationship goals. Men are no different. Communication is often a biggie for women in relationships, but men have a slightly different list.

In the beginning, a relationship may be based on attraction, but that will not be enough to sustain a relationship in the long run. There are elements needed in a relationship for both individuals to feel emotionally and mentally satisfied and fulfilled.

In my opinion, men are pretty simple and straight forward creatures. This blog is specifically discussing things men want in a relationship. Here are the top six things men want in a relationship, based on discussions with the guys in my life.

6 Things He Wants In A Relationship

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Respect

Respect is a must for any healthy relationship. Men want to be treated with respect in a relationship. Although what one considers respectful or disrespectful may vary, it goes without saying that yelling, cursing, and talking to your man any way you choose is not respectful.

Affection

Men want and crave affection just like women do. You can show him affection by rubbing his back, or with a soft kiss on the lips. But affection can also be shown with sweet, loving words. Tell him how much you miss him. Let him know that you appreciate him. Let him know how much he means to you.

Good Sex

I think it goes without saying that a man wants good sex in a relationship. Not sure what he likes? Make the effort, and find out how to please him. I’m just guessing, but I think there are some universal ways to please a man, but your man may have a particular preference in the bedroom, or kitchen counter, or wherever the mood strikes.

Space

We all need alone time, and time outside of our relationship. Your man needs his space to do his hobbies, hang with buddies, or just to be alone with his thoughts. The good thing about him needing space is that you get have your time as well.

Good Conversation

Physical attraction, and great sex are important for a relationship, but good conversation is just as important in the long run. If you can have good conversations, that likely means you are compatible, and share things in common. Your man wanting to talk to you is a good thing.

Support

He wants to feel supported by you. Your man wants to feel like you have his back, and that you are always team “him”. It’s you and him against the world so to speak. Your words of encouragement, and belief in him mean a lot, because you mean a lot to him.

I think that men and women often want the same things in relationships, but the orders of priority are different. Men want communication in a relationship as well, but that is not necessarily high on their list of needs in a relationship.

What are your thoughts on what men want in a relationship? Do you agree with my list? What would you add or remove from list? Please share experience or opinion!

"What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What men want: Tickets to the World Series." — Dave Berry

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6 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Relationship

As the years go by, we grow and we change. Our wants and desires from 10 years ago may be vastly different than what they are today. It is inevitable. Life happens, priorities change, and as we gain insight and knowledge, our world view changes as well.

Unfortunately, sometimes our growth can negatively impact relationships in our lives, especially romantic relationships. The guy or girl that you were at 25 is not the same person at 35. You basically outgrow people in your life, including romantic partners.

If you are reading this, chances are you have already realized that you have outgrown your partner, but are looking for some definitive signs. Here are the six signs that you have outgrown your relationship.

6 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Relationship

Your Priorities Are Different

She is an ambitious, career focused money saver, while he prefers to focus on his hobbies, spend money like there is a never ending pot of money, and bounces from job to job. While once on the same page, one person has grown and become focused, while the other partner has become stagnant.

Your Interests Are Different

He is a political junkie and a huge Star Wars fan, while she is into reality television and fashion. He wants to talk about the upcoming election, and she is not even a registered voter. There is a problem here.

At some point these two people became polar opposites, and started to lack commonality. One is interested in world events, while the other is interested in looking cute and taking selfies.

Nothing To Talk About

You know that you have outgrown each other when you really have nothing to talk about, or it is the same old stories over and over.

It important to recognize that you have nothing to talk about because you have nothing in common, and you have nothing in common because you have outgrown each other.

You’re Bored

If you find your partner boring, you have outgrown them. The truth is that you find them boring because you now share different interests, are on a different intellectual levels, and no commonality any longer.

Different Values

Once upon a time you were both drinkers and into going out a lot. Now she’s a homebody, but he still likes to drink and go out a lot. She also likes to attend church, but he is a non believer.

Lifestyle and differing religious beliefs are big changes that happen as we grow and mature.

Different Goals

His goal is to have a nice family life with a few kids, while her goal is retire by 50 and then travel world. She doesn’t see kids in her future, and views them as a burden, while he sees children as a blessing.

It is hard to admit to yourself that you have outgrown your relationship without sounding like you are criticizing your partner or being judgey, but it is what it is. You should not feel guilty because you have grown and changed, especially if your growth has been for the better.

What are your thoughts on outgrowing relationships? Do you agree with the signs? When you outgrow a relationship do you stick it out or move on? Please share your experience!

“Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” - Lee Goff

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First Date Conversation Starters

First dates can either be super fun and cute, or crazy awkward and uncomfortable. There’s usually not a whole lot of in between. I equate a first date to a job interview. You are nervous, but trying to project confidence, and make a good first impression.

There are literally thousands of questions you could ask your date, but remember your goal, and remember that you are also being interviewed for a possible date number two as well.

The goal is to get to know enough about them on the first date to make a determination of basic compatibility, which is the decider for a second date.

I chose the below questions for the first date because I think they are safe, non controversial questions that give you enough intel about your date, but shouldn’t creep them out. You do not want to make them feel like they are being interrogated, or like they being interviewed to be a sperm donor.

The first date questions should be light and fun, but also informative.

First Date Conversation Starters

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1. Where are you from originally?

Many adults move for education and for work, so there is a good chance your date is not a local native. Depending on the part of the country someone is from, or if they were born and raised outside the US, it really shapes the person they are.

2. Where did you go to school?

Asking about his school will give him an opportunity to humble brag, and for you to learn about his educational background and career. Alma Mater pride talk is always fun.

3. What are you favorite things to do?

The purpose of this question is to find commonality. If he enjoys spending his weekends antiquing and visiting art galleries, while you spend your weekends surfing and camping, you are probably not a good fit.

But you also find out that you both love doing the same things, which makes planning a second date a no-brainer.

4. Do you have pets?

Is he a cat lover or dog lover, or hates animals altogether? Sounds like no a big deal, but it would be if the relationship progressed.

It’s great to find out early that your potential mate is allergic to cats, and you have two cats at home.

5. What’s your favorite form of entertainment? Books? Music? Movies?

I do not necessarily consider any answers to these questions deal breakers, and you do not need to have everything in common with a mate, but it is nice when you share similar taste in music and movies.

6. What is your guilty pleasure?

This is just a fun question, and a test to see how much they are willing to open up, and possibly a peek into their silly side. We all have a guilty pleasure, but will they admit to theirs?

There’s nothing wrong with being a terrible singer and loving karaoke.

7. What really annoys you?

Some people find large crowds annoying, while others would rather not interact with children or animals.

It might be helpful to know that their pet peeve is people who are indecisive, especially if you know that is one of your main quirks.

8. Who is your favorite entertainer?

The answer to this question should be very telling, and it should spark lively conversation. Is he open to fun banter and disagreement about who is the best singer, actor, writer, or musician, or does his opinion have to rule?

Be sure to keep the conversation natural, and space your questions out over the course of your time together. Hopefully you will find these questions helpful on your next first date, but remember that while you are asking these questions you are also trying to determine if you and your date have good chemistry.

What is your experience with first dates? Do you agree with my list of conversation staters? What questions would you ask on a first date? Please share your experience!

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control.” - Gwen

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Love At First Sight...Is It Possible?

Love at first sight is a phenomenon. You see someone across a crowded room and feel an instant connection and a gut feeling that this person is who you were meant to be with.

Fortunately, luck would have it that the one you fell in love with at first sight just so happens to be hot or gorgeous. No coincidence there, right?

Love, at first sight, is rare, but do you believe it can actually happen? Many will poo poo the concept of love at first sight, and rightfully so, in my opinion.

I mean after all, what could we possibly know about someone after just one sighting or meeting? But others are firm believers that it can happen, mainly because it has happened to them.

Movies and literature would have you believe that love at first happens all of the time and will lead to a “happily ever after” ending.

I mean, after all, didn’t Cinderella get her glass slipper after just one encounter? A moment in time can be wonderful, but what happens when reality sets in?

Is Love At First Sight Possible?

Reasons To Believe In Love At First Sight

• Instant Attraction

• Amazing Chemistry

• Soulmates

• Gut Feeling

Reasons To Not Believe In Love At First Sight

• Based Solely On Physical Attributes

• Unknown Commonality

• Masks Are Still On

• You Can’t Love What You Do Not Know
  
  

I have often heard love at first sight referred to as “lust” at first sight, and I have to agree. While I have personally never felt like I have fallen in love with someone at first sight, I have had that instant attraction.

I have experienced seeing someone from across the room and feeling a strong emotion as our eyes met. The next time our paths crossed we hit it off and dated for a couple of years. Was it love at first sight? No, it was not love because I didn’t know him, I desired him. Big difference in my opinion.

Would it surprise you to know that more than 50 percent of people believe in love at first sight? It surprised me quite honestly. It just goes to show how much we link feelings of love to physical attraction, at least initially. I say initially because we tend to find people more or less attractive as we get to know them, which I think disproves the possibility of love at first.

What I believe can happen is that an initial attraction and fascination can grow and turn into everlasting love.

What are your thoughts on love at first sight? Are you a believer or a cynic? Has it ever happened to you? Can it be love at first sight if the feeling is only one-sided? Please share your story and experience!

“I meant it when I said I didn’t believe in love at first sight. It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don’t belong to yourself any longer, not completely. Part of you belongs to him; part of him belongs to you. After that, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try.” - Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces Of You

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5 Signs He's Not Interested...So Keep It Moving

If the man you are crushing on is a friend or if he is a nice guy, he will not want to hurt your feelings by coming out, and directly stating that he is not interested in you romantically. So he may intentionally or unintentionally drop hints in order to spare your feelings.

To spare yourself some heartache and embarrassment you need to know what signs to look for.

Let's be honest, you are probably sending signals, and he may not even be picking up on them. A man can be pretty clueless sometimes when a woman is romantically interested in him. However, if a man is romantically interested as well, there are many signs to look for.

The first sign, and most obvious, is the look in his eyes. Try as we might, we cannot hide love in our eyes.

Signs He Is Not Interested

He Will Talk About Other Women

If a man is romantically interested in you, the last thing he wants is for you to think about him being with another woman. He will avoid discussing other women who could be considered a romantic threat with much care.

But if he is not interested and does not see you romantically, he may openly discuss the women he finds attractive, talk of girlfriends, and mention the women he is dating.

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Often Reminds You That You Are Friends

Friendship is the foundation of any strong romantic relationship. However, when you are his "buddy", and he is always reminding you that you are his friend, you have been friend zoned.

Yes, it is possible that he wants you to know how much you mean to him, and how much he values your friendship, but if it is also accompanied by him being gross in front of you and treating you like one of the guys, you're out. He is not interested.

He Avoids Being Alone With You

If a guy is interested, he will want to be able to have his alone time with you. He just wants to talk, and stare, and spend as much one on one time with you as possible. However, if a guy is not romantically interested it will not occur to him to spend alone time with you, or he many even actively avoid it.

The Way He "Doesn't" Look At You

When a man is interested in you romantically there is a lot of eye contact. Ask yourself does he look deep into your eyes when you talk to each other? Does his face light up when you walk into a room? Chances are if you have not seen these behaviors from your love interest, then he is not interested.

Your Gut Feeling

Forget what you want to believe, and listen to your gut feelings. While those deep down feelings, those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind, are not always right, most of the time they are accurate.

You will likely have a feeling deep down that your affection is not returned. It is important not to cloud your thoughts with your desire for a different outcome.

You will not win his heart by doing his laundry, buying him things, or even by being his friend with benefits. He is either feeling you or he is not. You deserve someone who wants to be your guy. You deserve someone who feels the same way you that you do about them.

By now you should be able to recognize whether or not your feelings are returned by your romantic interest. Unrequited love is heartbreaking, but we cannot force someone to feel something they do not, no matter how much we want them to. For the sake of your own heart, and well being, you will need to find a way to move on and get over your love.

Take comfort in knowing that you will fall in love again, and that love will be returned. What is your experience with a romantic interest who seems less than interested? Do you wait and hope, try harder to win them over, or move on? Please share your experience!

“A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.”  ― Rose Gordon, Her Imperfect Groom

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