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10 Signs Of Gaslighting...Are You The Victim Or The Culprit?
I first heard the term "gaslighting" about a year or so ago while listening to a radio talk show in my car. The term is derived from the 1938 play and the 1944 movie titled "Gaslight".
In the movie, a husband tries to drive his wife insane by convincing her that what she thought was said or had happened was not the reality. She begins to not trust on her own memory and questions her sanity.
Gaslight is a good film, but the cruelty heaped upon the main character makes you want to yell at the screen, or shake her to wake up, and see that she is being manipulated.
The term gaslighting is making a comeback as more and more people realize that this is a tactic often used today in both social and professional circles. Gaslighting is most often used in close or intimate relationships.
Have you ever try to call someone out for something they did to you that made you feel wronged, and they deny that it ever happened?
Did you clearly witness them do or say something, but they deny it so convincingly that you start to question if what you really saw or heard was real? You must have misunderstood or are being overly sensitive, is often the received response.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it is all in your head, and you are just being paranoid, overly sensitive, or remembering incorrectly. I have definitely felt the burn of a gaslighter.
For the most part, I realized they were full of it and not owning their own crap. However, at the same time, there was this other part of me that did question my assessment of the situation. Was I remembering the events as they really happened?
A relationship where gaslighting appears to be happening is one you should not be in. The gaslighter can be a spouse or significant other, a friend, a parent, or a co-worker. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting in your life.
10 Signs To look For In A Gaslighting Relationship
You Often Question Your Own Memory
You Wonder If You Are Too Sensitive
You Feel Less Confident
You Have Trouble Making Decisions
You Often Feel Confused And Crazy
You Feel Like You Cannot Do Anything Right
You Are Always Apologizing
You Feel Hopeless And Joyless
You Lie To Avoid Put Downs
You Often Second Guess Yourself
Gaslighting is a manipulation and deception used in order to misdirect, gain control, and avoid blame. Narcissist often use gaslighting to manipulate. Recognize it and know when it is happening to you.
What is your experience with gaslighting? Have you ever been the victim or the culprit? Please share your experience!
“So often victims end up unnecessarily prolonging their abuse because they buy into the notion that their abuser must be coming from a wounded place and that only patient love and tolerance (and lots of misguided therapy) will help them heal.” - George K. Simon
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Liars...Can You Ever Trust Them?
I am most certainly not perfect. I tell the occasional "white lie", or omit the truth to avoid hurting someone's feelings. I do try to be a truthful, honest person at all times, so that's why it is really bugging me that I have someone in my life that does not exactly share this philosophy.
I really like this person, and genuinely enjoy spending time with them until a lie joins us. For this particular person I think their lies are about wanting me to see them a certain way. It is sad because I think they're great until they lie, and then not so much.
I cannot tell if they are trying to delude me, or themselves about their relationship, and other aspects of their life. But at what point do you turn away because you worry that all is false?
You might ask why am I so sure they are lying. Well for starters I have a pretty good memory and remember lots of little details. So basically some of their stories are inconsistent. Also their body language and my gut instinct.
If something sounds like an exaggeration or a lie, it probably is. I find it insulting that they think I will believe the lies, but worse that the feel they need to lie to me.
I did some research on lying and my pal seems to meet the criteria for compulsive liar. It does not make them a bad person but it means they have some issues they need to deal with, at the least, figure out the root cause of all the lying. Here are some reasons people lie:
Protection
To Look Good
Personal Gain - Financial or Social
Avoid Punishment
I think reasons one and two apply to my friend. They lie to protect themselves from judgement of others. They want to be respected and for people to think highly of them and their life, so much so that they over-exaggerate and lie to achieve this goal.
They also want to look good, but don't realize they don't need to lie to accomplish this because they are good at what they do.
So what do I do? Do I call them out when I think they are lying to me? Maybe, but would a liar admit to lying? Do I drop this person from my life even though I believe the lying stems from insecurities, sadness, and disappointment at some aspects of their life.
I truly believe my friend is a good person and good enough, in fact, wonderful in so many ways. If only they believed it too.
What are your thoughts on lying and liars? Do you think you can ever trust someone who you know lies to sometimes? I know my answer. Please share your thought and experience on dealing with liars!
10 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair...And What Do About It
Emotional affair is a popular term for the growing trend, particularly in the workplace. An emotional affair is defined as a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship, while never being physically consummated. Also known as affairs of the heart.
Emotional affairs can be crushes or real love. They can also be signs of trouble on the homefront and a big warning sign that you are feeling unfulfilled by your primary relationship. If you think you or your partner are engaged in an Emotional Affair, here are the signs to look for.
FEATURED VIDEO - 10 Signs Of An Emotional Affair
10 Signs That You May Be Having An Emotional Affair...
He/She Is The First Thing You Think About When You Wake Up
He's The First One You Want To Share Good News With
You Text Him A Lot
You Plan What You Are Going To Wear/Say/Do When She's Around
You Start Wishing Your Partner Was More Like Her
She Just "Gets" You
You Share Secrets You Haven't Even Shared With Your Spouse
You Blow Off Others For Him
You Share Secrets About Your Spouse
You Fantasize About Her
Photo by Sjale/iStock / Getty Images
Emotional affairs can be intense, hot, and mean the end of your marriage or relationship. The individuals involved in the emotional affair share a connection, and usually have great chemistry. But is the connection and amazing chemistry worth the risk?
Perhaps your emotional affair partner is your soulmate, or maybe you take the leap and the relationship is a bust. Either way, those engaging in emotional affairs are seeking something outside of their relationships that seems to be missing from within their relationships.
What To Do If You Are Having An Emotional Affair
If you are involved in an emotional affair you have to figure out what you really want. You are unhappy to some degree with your current relationship, and you are using the emotional affair to make the relationship bearable.
Maybe you are trying to buy time until you figure how to leave your current relationship, or perhaps you are completely clueless about what you need to truly be happy. Either way, a decision is needed.
You have two choices for dealing with your emotional affair situation. The first choice, and honestly probably the least desirable option for those involved, is to break it off. If you want your current relationship to work you cannot be engaged in an emotional affair.
However, breaking off the emotional affair doesn’t miraculously fix the relationship issues that made you vulnerable to the emotional affair. You need to be truly committed to fixing your problems, otherwise you will end up in another emotional affair or sexual affair with the same person or someone else.
The second choice is to end your relationship. You are unhappy in your relationship, no longer in love with your partner, living like roommates, and just going through the motions. It is not fair to you or your partner to continue on in a relationship when the love has gone.
The important thing to keep in mind is that your decision to end your current relationship should be based on “that” relationship, and not the possibility of a future with your emotional affair partner.
Emotional affairs are complicated and bring up so many questions. Does the emotional affair cause relationships problems, or does the emotional affair occur because of the existing relationship problems?
Some relationships are worth saving and fighting for, while others are dying a slow death. You know in your heart if it is time to break up and move on.
What are your thoughts on emotional affairs? How do you feel about emotional affairs? Have you ever been impacted by an emotional affair? If so, how did things work out? Please share your story or experience!
“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.” ― Shannon L. Alder