10 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair...And What Do About It

10 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair...And What Do About It

Emotional affair is a relatively new term for me, but apparently it is a growing trend, particularly in the workplace.  An emotional affair is defined as a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship, while never being physically consummated.  Also known as affairs of the heart.

The topic comes to mind because I have a married girlfriend who is having an emotional affair with her married co-worker. She has realized, and admitted to me that she is engaged in the emotional affair, but also admits that she is not ready to break it off. She says she loves her husband, and believes he loves his wife. So why are they having an emotional affair? That is what really needs to be addressed. What is missing in their current relationships that makes them so vulnerable to an emotional?

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10 Signs That You May Be Having An Emotional Affair...

  • He/She Is The First Thing You Think About When You Wake Up

  • He's The First One You Want To Share Good News With

  • You Text Him A Lot

  • You Plan What You Are Going To Wear/Say/Do When She's Around

  • You Start Wishing Your Partner Was More Like Her

  • She Just "Gets" You

  • You Share Secrets You Haven't Even Shared With Your Spouse

  • You Blow Off Others For Him

  • You Share Secrets About Your Spouse

  • You Fantasize About Her

The list is not all inclusive, so be honest with yourself. Most people who get caught up in emotional affairs convince themselves that they are just "friends", and that they are not doing anything wrong because the relationship is not sexual. The reality is that many partners consider emotional affairs a form of cheating, and depending on the closeness, the emotional affair is worse, and more threatening than a sexual relationship. 

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Emotional affairs can be intense, hot, and mean the end of your marriage or relationship. The individuals involved in the EA share a connection, and usually have great chemistry. But is the connection and amazing chemistry worth the risk? Perhaps your EA partner is your soulmate, or maybe you take the leap and the relationship is a bust. Either way, those engaging in emotional affairs are seeking something outside of their relationships that seems to be missing from within their relationships. 

What To Do If You Are Having An Emotional Affair

If you are involved in an emotional affair you have to figure out what you really want. You are unhappy to some degree with your current relationship, and you are using the emotional affair to make the relationship bearable. Maybe you are trying to buy time until you figure how to leave your current relationship, or perhaps you are completely clueless about what you need to truly be happy. Either way, a decision is needed.

You have two choices for dealing with your emotional affair situation. The first choice, and honestly probably the least desirable option for those involved, is to break it off. If you want your current relationship to work you cannot be engaged in an emotional affair. However, breaking off the emotional affair doesn’t miraculously fix the relationship issues that made you vulnerable to the emotional affair. You need to be truly committed to fixing your problems, otherwise you will end up in another emotional affair or sexual affair with the same person or someone else.

The second choice is to end your relationship. You are unhappy in your relationship, no longer in love with your partner, living like roommates, and just going through the motions. It is not fair to you or your partner to continue on in a relationship when the love has gone. The important thing to keep in mind is that your decision to end your current relationship should be based on “that” relationship, and not the possibility of a future with your emotional affair partner.

Emotional affairs are complicated, and bring up so many questions. Does the emotional affair cause relationships problems, or does the emotional affair occur because of the existing relationship problems? Some relationships are worth saving and fighting for, while others are dying a slow death. You know in your heart if it is time to break up and move on.

How do you feel about emotional affairs? Have you ever been impacted by an emotional affair? If so, how did things work out? Please share your story or experience!

First, you must admit to yourself your attraction for someone else. - Unknown

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