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7 Signs He Is Too Possessive In Your Relationship
In relationships there are many feelings felt besides love. Sometimes there is hurt, anger, jealousy, and possessiveness. When someone is jealous they are fiercely protective and watchful over something or someone they believe to be their possession.
Jealousy happens to the best of us occasionally.
I admit that I have felt the sting of jealousy a time or two in a relationship, but I do not consider myself to be a jealous person in general. When I reflect on the times in my past when I have felt jealous, it was due to feelings of insecurity in those relationships.
People tend feel jealous and insecure in relationships where there are issues of trust, and uncertainty of where you stand.
Possessiveness is not the same as jealousy. Possessiveness in a relationship consists of jealousy, but taken up a few notches. Someone who is possessive is demanding, controlling, and jealous to the extreme. They are also master manipulators, and great at making you feel like crap for questioning their methods and motives.
The Signs He Is Too Possessive
He's Controlling
He has to decide the when, where, and how for most of your activities. He wants to have a say so in your friends and who you hang out with. He tries to tell you how to dress, and even tells you how to act.
He Asks For Passwords
He wants the passwords for your email and social media accounts for your safety and well being of course, or so he says. Whether or not he is willing to share his passwords, the answer to this request should be no. This request is about trust and control.
He Smothers
He gives you no space or personal time. He acts like you are joined at the hip and wants to go everywhere with you. It is never healthy for couples to do everything together, and have no life outside of the relationship. But in the case of the possessive guy, he wants to be with you all of the time so he can keep an eye on you.
You're On Call
He has to know where you are at at all times, and if he calls or texts you and you do not immediately answer or respond he freaks out, and the accusations start. He is quick to accuse you of not loving him, not appreciating him, and cheating too. Remember, he is the master manipulator.
He Stalks
He checks your social media and shows up where you are at just to make sure you are where you said you would be. The possessive man obsesses about who you are talking to and what you are doing behind his back. He will watch and stalk you both physically and electronically.
He Doesn't Respect Boundaries
He goes through your personal things, including your purse, your phone, and your drawers. He goes through anything that he thinks you might be able hide something from him. If you are hiding something, you better hide it well.
He Just Loves You So Much
He justifies his controlling, possessive behavior by constantly telling you he is doing it because just loves you "so much". He makes a habit of making you feel guilty for wanting your privacy, your own space, and wanting to make your own decisions.
Jealousy and possessiveness are not the same things. Jealousy is a natural feeling that we all have at some point in time, and can be take too far if we let it. But possessiveness on the other hand is unhealthy, damaging, and dangerous to relationships.
What are your thoughts on jealousy and possessiveness in relationships? Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt extreme jealousy or possessiveness? What was the outcome? Please share your experience!
"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening." - Maya Angelou
Cushioning....The Back Up Plan In Case Your Relationship Doesn't Work Out
Cushioning is the Plan B guy or girl kept waiting in the wings in case your current relationship doesn't work out. Here's a hint, if you have a plan b guy or girl, or someone waiting in the wings, your relationship is ultimately NOT going to work out.
If you have been cushioning, you are not 100 percent invested in the person you are with, or that relationship, and probably should find someone you feel more passionate about.
Cushioning is really just a new term for an age old relationship tactic. The relationship behavior is called cushioning because it is the fall back plan. A safe landing spot so to speak, so you are not left out there completely on your own when you break up or divorce.
While I always believe in having a plan A, B, C, for most things in life, I never once considered having other romantic partners as part of a back up plan. You are either in and committed, or you are out and want to move on.
Cushioning can be done by having an emotional affair, flirting and texting, or it can be with outright sex and cheating. I say outright cheating because each person has their own definition of what they consider to be cheating in a relationship.
Either way, the relationship is nearing an end, but like a monkey, he or she will not let go of one branch until they have the next branch firm in hand. Lovely, right?
5 Signs Your Partner is Cushioning
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Your Partner Is Being Secretive
They are being secretive because there is someone else, or several someones, and they are trying to hide them from you. It can be as basic as some light flirting in text, sexting going on, or an actual sexual affair. Whatever they are doing, they have a motivation to hide their phone activity from you.
The hiding of the their phone, taking calls in private, and secretive computer behavior are all telltale signs of cushioning, or let's be honest, flat out cheating.
He’s Inconsistent
Your partner treats you inconsistently because that is how they feel about you. One day they want to make it work and want to stay in the relationship, and they next moment not so much. Their heart is not in the relationship any longer, but they feel an obligation to stick it out. Whatever “sticking it out” means to them.
He’s Non Committal
They do not want to make future plans and commitments with you because they kind of want out, and want to keep their options open. They do not want to move in with you, get a dog, or even put down money on a nice vacation because they know it may complicate ending the relationship.
If they were always the planner and the dreamer in the relationship, and now they barely show any interest in plans, it does not bode well for a future together.
Distant
There has been a shift in their feelings for you, and a change in their behavior towards you. They cannot help it. They are not that into you anymore and cannot hide it. They may just want out because the love is gone, or they are torn between you and another. A person can only pretend for so long.
If they are engaged in an emotional affair, they will likely be distant, but it could be a little trickier to catch on to, and far more threatening than any of the other shenanigans. An emotional affair would be a biggie because that would mean they are in love, or at least believe themselves to be, in love with someone else.
Your Gut Says So
I am a big believer in trusting gut feelings, and if your gut is telling you your guy or girl has someone on the side, or one foot out the door, listen to it. We all get that sinking feeling when something is off, especially in relationships. Love yourself enough, and respect yourself to let someone go who doesn’t want to be with you.
After all, how happy can anyone really be with someone who is cheating, staying with you out of obligation, or loves another.
Cushioning is mainly considered a dating trend, but it can happen to any relationship, including marriages. While cushioning may seem like a way to protect yourself, you may really hurt others, and it is cowardly behavior. Cushioning is rooted in fear, insecurities, and selfishness.
n my opinion, it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, and if there is cushioning in your relationship you are with the wrong person.
What is your experience with cushioning? Have you ever cushioned someone? Or have you ever knowingly been someone's cushion? Are you the monkey or the branch in the case of cushioning? No judgement! Please share your story or experience!
“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.” - Shannon L. Alder
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8 Signs You Are Not A Couple Anymore...You’re Just Roommates
How does a once hot and passionate couple go from being lovers to roommates? No one can say for sure, but the why varies from relationship to relationship. At some point in the relationship, you fell out of love, the passion left, and you just continued on as usual minus all the elements that actually made you a couple.
Whether you are married, or in a long term committed relationship, the roommate syndrome can happen to anyone. People change, circumstances change, and relationships evolve over time. The newness and excitement that is present in the early stages of a relationship will eventually fade, and reality will set in.
Once the relationship comes back down to earth after spending months in the clouds with crazy love and passion, it can be challenging to maintain that fire. Compatibility, good chemistry, and shared values and life goals will go a long way in keeping a relationship strong, and help prevent the roommate syndrome.
Here are 8 signs to look for if you think you might have become roommates.
Signs You Are Living Like Roommates
Sleeping Apart
If you are sleeping apart, whether it is every night, or just a couple of days a week, you are roommates. The marital bed is where your true intimacy happens. You have sex there, it is where you cuddle, and it's that place you have your deep talks before falling asleep.
No Touching
You barely touch one another, if you touch each other at all. Maybe you are not one for public displays of affection, but there should be kisses, hugging, hand holding, and gentle touches given to each other on a regular basis.
If you can barely remember the last time you had a passionate kiss with your significant other, you are roommates.
No Fighting
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You both are just so polite to one another. Not that you should be screaming at one another, but no fighting means no passion and no fire.
When you become so detached from your partner that you cannot be bothered to have a disagreement, or you just stop speaking to one another because they annoy you all the time, you have checked out of your relationship, and you are just roommates.
Lack Of Intimacy
If you rarely have sex, if you have it at all, you are just roommates. When the sex feels like a chore, or like something you just have to get done and over with, you are not a couple. If the sex is not enjoyable, and foreplay is non existent, the relationship is all but over.
No Quality Time Together
Quality time can be spent many ways, but the key word is quality. Quality time can be had while cooking together, having a nice meals together, or by just vegging out together in front of the television with a glass of wine. Discussions about the kids, household chores, or talks about bills or finances is not quality time.
Quality time will deepen your connection. If you are not spending quality time together, and do not want to spend quality time with one another, you are just roommates.
No Deep Conversation
When you do talk to each other it is very surface discussion, or about the kids. You avoid discussing your relationship issues, or about anything that will rock the boat. Talking about hopes and dreams is a thing of the past, and you avoid discussing the future because you know you will not likely be together much longer.
Nothing In Common
You have come to the realization that you have nothing in common with your partner. In the early stages of relationships it is easy to get so caught up in the passion and attraction that you don't realize that you have next to nothing in common.
You convinced yourself that it didn't matter, or pretended to like and enjoy things you really didn't, for the sake of making the relationship work. If the only things you share in common with your partner is that you live together, have a dog, or both eat food, you are not a couple, you are just roommates.
Always Apart When Together
You are upstairs, and he is downstairs. You’re in the garage, and she’s in the kitchen or with the kids. Anything to avoid spending any real time together. If when you get home from work you consistently go your separate ways in your home, you are just roommates.
Although every relationship is unique, and different in their own way, they all tend to share some fundamental challenges. Life happens, and we all get busy with work and kids, but that is not the reason you become roommates. In fact, being busy with work and kids is the excuse you give yourself for why the magic and love has left.
You ignore the problems in your relationship, and tell yourself that it's just a phase, and it will get better. But it won't.
In my personal opinion, the roommate relationship occurs because the relationship has died, but no one wants admit it, or deal with the obstacles that come with untangling your lives. So instead of being honest with yourself, and your partner, you hope things will get better or just accept that this is your life, and settle for having a roommate.
What are your thoughts on the roommate syndrome? Is a roommate relationship better than being alone? Do you think these relationships can get better? Or are they a waste of the valuable time you have in this life? Please share!
"In some relationships there comes a time when the two people just outgrow each other." Unknown
5 Signs He's Cheating...Or Is Thinking About It
Trust is everything in a relationship. It is a miserable feeling when you think your partner may be stepping out on you. Chances are, if you are suspicious you have a pretty good reason to be so.
It's that gut feeling, and really just knowing your man. If something feels off, then that it is because something is off.
It is a big leap to go from having a suspicion to accusing. I had the unfortunate experience many years ago of playing detective in a relationship, and as much as I enjoy being right, I had hoped to be wrong in that situation.
The truth is, if you think he's cheating, he probably is. Or at least he wants to, or is thinking about it.
The 5 Signs Of Cheating
He Seems Distant
The distance you feel can come in the form of physical as well, but he is mostly going to be mentally and emotionally distant. He is no longer open with you and is not interested in you.
He is not interested in talking to you very much, and when he does talk to you, he is barely listening or engaged.
Physically he can avoid you by working late or avoiding your home life. He may also create distance by sleeping on the couch, or coming to bed after you have already turned in for the night.
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You Catch Him In Lies
The lies are the biggest telltale. He is not where is said he was going to be. He is not home when he said he would be. You can tell he's lying to you even though you cannot always prove it.
He Avoids Intimacy
He avoids your touch, and is no longer very affectionate. Kisses, hand holding, and cuddling are a thing of the past. He rarely initiates sex anymore, when once upon a time he couldn't keep his hands off of you.
When you do have sex with him he is not there mentally. He seems to be a million miles away, and possibly even thinking of someone else.
A big sign of intimacy avoidance is failing to look you in the eyes. Gazing into each others eyes is extremely intimate, and creates a connection. Failure to make that eye contact shows that he may be emotionally checked out of the relationship, and focused elsewhere.
He's Secretive
He doesn't allow you to see his phone, his emails, or his wallet. If you walk into the room unexpectedly he will close his laptop or close out of things on his computer. He has changed passwords, and gets defensive when you ask questions.
The Relationship Feels Off
Your partner has become different, almost like a stranger to you. It feels off because it is. You sense that he is no longer into you, he is no longer in love with you, and is just going through the motions.
What To Do
You have options if you think you are being cheated on. The first is to confront the situation directly and ask your partner if they are having an affair, including emotional and online affairs. Of course this is the scariest option because you may not get the answer or response you are hoping for, but for many of us it is better to know.
There is also the big possibility that he is going to lie because he's not quite ready to call it quits, and leave the comfortable home life.
You could take a more conservative approach, and just discuss your concerns about how you feel the relationship has changed, and tell your partner how it makes you feel.
The positive to this approach is that it puts your feelings out there, but if he is already done and emotionally closed to you, this conversation will go nowhere. In fact, the discussion may annoy him and give him an excuse to grab his keys and go get some "fresh air".
The last option is to play detective. This is probably the most mentally anguishing and painful choice to make, but you may find the answers you need. You clearly do not trust him, and will drive yourself nuts trying to find evidence that there is someone else, all the while hoping there is no evidence.
The positive is that you may not find a smoking gun, but the negative is that your gut is telling you he is involved or in love with someone else.
The Reality
A cheater is not likely to admit to cheating. They will usually lie through their teeth, until you have indisputable evidence of their infidelity. Trust your instincts in this case, because chances are your gut is on to something. They are cheating or thinking about it.
Counseling is usually recommended for marital issues, including infidelity. Of course this would mean that your man has come clean about his cheating, and is willing to do the work to get the relationship back on track.
I suppose the "positive" in the case of marital infidelity is that a man is statistically unlikely to leave his marriage for his lover. However, the negative in this matter is his motivation for staying in the marriage. A man will stay for financial reasons, for the kids, and to maintain a status and the appearance of a happy family life.
The 5 signs listed are not all inclusive. In fact, you may find that your man becomes extra nice, and buys you gift to help him alleviate his guilt. He may also have a revved up sex drive with you to cover up his extra activities, and also to relieve his pent up sexual desires because he cannot have the other woman in the moment.
We all have our relationship deal breakers, and only you know what is tolerable and acceptable for you. Many relationships survive infidelity, but I am not sure if anyone ever gets over the broken trust, and feelings of betrayal.
What are your thoughts on cheating? What signs do you consider red flags? Please share your experience!
"No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want." - Unknown
5 Signs It's Time To Break Up
Relationships are a lot of work, but worth it if you are happy and fulfilled. A healthy relationship consists of good communications, trust, and a lot of compromise. An "all in" end effort is needed by both parties to make a relationship work.
But what happens when one or both people in the relationship feels like the other is not doing their part? Or worse, you are just not feeling the relationship anymore.
Although you may be aware that things are no longer working, it can be hard to identify if it is a relationship that can be saved, and if it is worth saving. The big question is "how do you know when it is time to throw in the towel?".
We often stay in relationships long after the expiration date has come and gone. After spending months, and even years, investing time, effort, and love in another person, it can be hard to let go. But sometimes you have to let go and move on.
There are many signs that a relationship may be over, but we often choose to ignore them. The relationship lacks chemistry, true intimacy, and mutual respect. I have listed 5 signs you need to look for to help you make a decision regarding your "fight or flight" option in your relationship.
5 Signs It's Time To Break Up
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You Are Unhappy
You just feel unhappy, sad, or unfulfilled by your relationship. Something is missing, or has changed, although you cannot necessarily pinpoint what it is. Once you were happy and couldn't wait to see their face, but now you feel dread, anxiety, or nothing at all in their presence.
You also notice the change in your mood when they are not around. You feel lighter, happier, and more like your old self.
Remember, no one is happy all of the time in their relationship. But if you are unhappy more often than not, you need to reevaluate your circumstances.
You Are Bored Or Uninterested
Spending time with your partner has started to feel like a chore, or an obligation. There was a time when you found your partner to be the most interesting, fun, and exciting person you knew.
Unfortunately, now you have to feign interest in what they are saying to you, but secretly you are only half listening, if even that.
You are mentally elsewhere when with your partner. You sometimes fantasize that they were different, or that you were with someone else.
There Is A Lot Of Fighting
Somehow everything turns into a fight. Whether the fighting consists of yelling, or giving the silent treatment, it has become the norm. To avoid fighting you constantly bite your tongue, because you feel like you cannot say or do anything right. Or you just avoid them completely.
If fights elevate to throwing things, slamming doors, or many nights sleeping apart, you have a big problem.
Poor Or No Communication
No communication can be due to you or your partner feeling like they cannot do or say anything right, so they withdraw and turn inward. However poor communication can also be speaking in disrespectful tones, using sarcasm, and yelling.
In relationships, communication also involves personal accountability, and not playing the blame game. If you or your partner believe that all of the problems in your relationship are due to the other person, then there is big communication problem. No one is being heard.
You Avoid Spending Time With Them
There are many ways to avoid spending time with your partner. Avoiding spending time with someone doesn't necessarily mean you are physically apart.
You can be in the same home, or at the same place, and still be avoiding one another. You can be sitting right next to one another, and still be a million miles away mentally and emotionally.
Avoidance can be burying your head in your computer or your phone, sleeping, or playing video games. Anything to avoid interacting with one another.
Another way to avoid spending time with your partner is by working longer hours at the office. Working longer hours, or just always being "busy" is the passive aggressive way of avoiding the relationships issues.
What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the list? If most or all of the list applies to your relationship, you need to think about making a change. Life is short. Don't waste it hoping things will miraculously get better, because that is highly unlikely. You hold the key to your own happiness.
"The hottest love has the coldest end." - Socrates
You can also find the video version of this blog on YouTube. Please don’t forget to like my video, and to subscribe to my channel.
Photo by Anthony Tran
He's Not A Good Guy...10 Signs Of A No Good Man
There are many good men in this world, just perhaps not enough to go around. I have been fortunate these past 20 years to see an example of a really good man. I have honed my skills, and can recognize the no good man much more quickly nowadays, but that wasn’t always the case for me.
In my early twenties I fell hard for a no good man. Today I look back on that relationship, and smile because I learned so much from it. I would describe him as a very handsome con artist.
I overlooked red flags far too long, and doubted my inner voice. He was a cheater and a liar, and I was young and naive.
One day I woke up, and it was like a spell had been broken. I saw him for who he really was, and finally was strong enough to be free of him. Fortunately, I was not foolish, or desperate enough to marry him, or have children with him. But we were engaged for a period of time.
That relationship in my early twenties changed me, and I said never again. I learned my lesson, became more guarded, and demanded a certain level of treatment from future partners. I share my PG stories with young women in my life, in hopes of saving them "some" heartache.
Heartbreak is inevitable, but there are some ways to avoid the no good man and not get conned.
Here Are The 10 Signs I Say To Look For In A No Good Man...
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Your Friends and Family Do Not Like Him
Love makes us blind and we tend to overlook, make excuses for, and block out all of our loves’ faults. This one is a huge red flag. If your family and friends do not like your guy, it is because they are seeing the real him that you are choosing not to see. They love you, and want the best for you, and chances are, he is not it.
You catch him in lies, or his stories are inconsistent. He is not a trust worthy individual, and you find yourself questioning everything with him. You cannot trust a liar, and if you cannot trust your man, you cannot have a healthy, happy relationship.
Controlling
A man who tries to control you does not respect you, but wants to own you. He tells you who to be friends with, how to act, and even what to say. Controlling men are very insecure.
Rumors Follow Him
A man who constantly has negative “press” is a man who is likely up to no good. There is some truth to what has been said about him. Do not believe his bogus reasons as to why there is always something bad being said about him.
Question why his reputation is so poor that people so readily believe the worst of him. Trust me, it is not because people are jealous of him or your coupledom.
Something Seems Off
He seems wonderful, nearly perfect for you, but if something feels off about him then there probably is. Trust your gut instinct, which is picking up on some behaviors you are ignoring on a conscious level..
Doesn't Keep His Word
A man with empty promises, or no follow through is no good. He is all talk and frequently lets you down. He has big plans, and big dreams, but no effort to actually do anything.
Unreliable
He doesn’t show up when he says he will, or is not available or there when you need him. He is frequently late, shows signs of laziness, and is never willing to inconvenience himself.
No Friends
Be very wary of a man who cannot make, or keep friends. This guy will be very clingy, and try to keep you all to himself. If he doesn’t have friends, it is because he runs people off with his behavior and attitude. Other men find him unlikeable, although he will try to say it is because they are “jealous”.
He Values Things Over People
This is a man whose value system is really screwed up. He puts importance on labels, expensive things, and he is a braggart. A man who brags about things shows his immaturity, and a lack of social awareness. He might as well be wearing a sign that says ”douchebag” on it.
He Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
If he makes you feel bad about your clothes, your looks, your intelligence, or your cooking, he is no good. He should lift you up, not bring you down. He plays games, and loves to emotionally manipulate you into doing what he wants.
This list is not all inclusive, and the no good man does not need meet all of these signs. Ultimately, we all have to decide if he is "no good". I think it goes without saying that a man who is physically aggressive, or violent towards you is no good. Violence aside, it is up to the individual to decide what they are willing to accept.
For me, trust is everything. I know that when I really care about someone as a person, I only want to see the good in them. I still have blind spots for people close to me, so I always have to ask myself if I am ignoring red flags.
Do you agree with the signs of a no good man? Are you ignoring red flags with someone? Please share your story or experience!
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle. - Benjamin Franklin
10 Signs You Are In A Co-Dependent Relationship
Type the term "co-dependent relationship" in any search engine, and hundreds of articles will come up. Is it that co-dependent relationships are a growing phenomenon, or is it that more and more people are recognizing it for the unhealthy cycle it creates?
Relationships are about give and take, and a partnership of two individuals. But in a co-dependent relationship, all things tend to revolve around one half of the couple. Often times it is the female in the relationship that is the co-dependent partner.
She is eager to please, always with a smile on her face, even when she is sad or upset. Usually a learned behavior from the household she grew up in.
Co-dependent relationship can loosely be defined as the feeling that one cannot exist, be happy, or even feel complete without the other person. This type of relationship tends to stunt personal growth, create or exacerbate low self-esteem, and prevent those involved from truly being happy.
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Couples in codependent relationships tend to struggle for power and control. One or both are often anxious, resentful, and are guilt stricken. They do not respect each other’s individuality, or the need for autonomy.
Surprisingly, the relationships are usually drama free, because one or both are not honest with their feelings. The relationship also tends to lack in passion, and true intimacy.
10 Signs That You Are In A Co-Dependent Marriage:
Spouses opinion matters more than your own, especially in decision making
You prioritize their happiness, even if it makes you unhappy
You do not do anything without them, and do not have your own identity
You do not set appropriate boundaries with your spouse, and fear telling them “no”
You ignore their dishonesty, possessiveness, and jealous tendencies
You avoid confronting your partner about important issues because you fear rejection
You can’t "live" without the other person
You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner
You feel as if your life revolves around your partner
You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims
According to marriage counselors, autonomy is the key to a healthy, balanced marriage. In a marriage, yes you love each other and want to be spend time together, but you should also be able to function independently. There needs to be allowances for separateness, differences, and one’s own thoughts and feelings. A partner should feel like a support beam, not an anchor.
What are your thoughts on co-dependent relationships? Are you in a co-dependent relationship or know someone who is? Are some couples blissfully ignorant existing in this state? Or are they in denial? Either way, the bliss or denial cannot last forever.
What other telltale signs of co-dependency would you add to this list? Please share your story or experience!
A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your goals, your dreams, or your dignity. - Unknown
Relationships...Beginnings and Endings
Relationships are complicated. At least they seem to be so at times to me. Relationships can be fun and exciting, but also frustrating and painful. Relationships can also be confusing, particularly in the beginning and at the end.
There are many types of relationships. There are friendships, romantic relationships, and the familial kind of relationship. No matter the type of relationship, there is always the potential for complex and confusing feelings.
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There are no real "how to books" on navigating relationships because each relationship is unique with its own dynamic. For this blog, I want to discuss romantic relationships, and the inevitable beginnings and endings.
Beginnings
Have you ever started dating or seeing someone and questioned the relationship status as things "seemed" to progress? What are we to each other? Are we exclusive? Is he or she my boyfriend or girlfriend?
I mean, do adults still ask each other to be boyfriend or girlfriend? Perhaps things progress a little more, and then you wonder if you can leave something at their house. A change of clothes maybe, or a toothbrush.
Yes, some of the questions could be resolved by simply asking, but who wants to put themselves out there like that? Who wants to be vulnerable or perceived as moving too fast? Or forbid, you come off as clingy or desperate.
The beginning of a relationship is much like a dance, but everyone dances to a different beat. You have to figure out how to get in sync, and how to stay that way.
Endings
The end of a relationship can be just as confusing. Some breaks-ups are very definitive in nature. But other relationships sort of fizzle out, or fade away over time. Unfortunately, in the case of the fade away, one or both involved parties are unsure of the relationship status.
Are we still a couple or going through the motions? Sure they both know it is over, but no one wants to call it quits? It still hurts for it to end no matter who says the words.
There are other times when one is unsure about ending a relationship. Their mind knows it's over, but the heart isn't quite there yet. It is hard to let go of something that once seemed so magical, so perfect. But time is ticking. How much of it are you willing to waste on could have beens, and should have beens?
Well, personally I'll take a confusing beginning any day over the sad ending. No matter what, it is destined to end. Be it break-up, death, or divorce, nothing lasts forever. The important thing to remember is to enjoy it while it lasts, and know when to let go.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. - M. Kathleen Casey
10 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair...And What Do About It
Emotional affair is a popular term for the growing trend, particularly in the workplace. An emotional affair is defined as a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship, while never being physically consummated. Also known as affairs of the heart.
Emotional affairs can be crushes or real love. They can also be signs of trouble on the homefront and a big warning sign that you are feeling unfulfilled by your primary relationship. If you think you or your partner are engaged in an Emotional Affair, here are the signs to look for.
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10 Signs That You May Be Having An Emotional Affair...
He/She Is The First Thing You Think About When You Wake Up
He's The First One You Want To Share Good News With
You Text Him A Lot
You Plan What You Are Going To Wear/Say/Do When She's Around
You Start Wishing Your Partner Was More Like Her
She Just "Gets" You
You Share Secrets You Haven't Even Shared With Your Spouse
You Blow Off Others For Him
You Share Secrets About Your Spouse
You Fantasize About Her
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Emotional affairs can be intense, hot, and mean the end of your marriage or relationship. The individuals involved in the emotional affair share a connection, and usually have great chemistry. But is the connection and amazing chemistry worth the risk?
Perhaps your emotional affair partner is your soulmate, or maybe you take the leap and the relationship is a bust. Either way, those engaging in emotional affairs are seeking something outside of their relationships that seems to be missing from within their relationships.
What To Do If You Are Having An Emotional Affair
If you are involved in an emotional affair you have to figure out what you really want. You are unhappy to some degree with your current relationship, and you are using the emotional affair to make the relationship bearable.
Maybe you are trying to buy time until you figure how to leave your current relationship, or perhaps you are completely clueless about what you need to truly be happy. Either way, a decision is needed.
You have two choices for dealing with your emotional affair situation. The first choice, and honestly probably the least desirable option for those involved, is to break it off. If you want your current relationship to work you cannot be engaged in an emotional affair.
However, breaking off the emotional affair doesn’t miraculously fix the relationship issues that made you vulnerable to the emotional affair. You need to be truly committed to fixing your problems, otherwise you will end up in another emotional affair or sexual affair with the same person or someone else.
The second choice is to end your relationship. You are unhappy in your relationship, no longer in love with your partner, living like roommates, and just going through the motions. It is not fair to you or your partner to continue on in a relationship when the love has gone.
The important thing to keep in mind is that your decision to end your current relationship should be based on “that” relationship, and not the possibility of a future with your emotional affair partner.
Emotional affairs are complicated and bring up so many questions. Does the emotional affair cause relationships problems, or does the emotional affair occur because of the existing relationship problems?
Some relationships are worth saving and fighting for, while others are dying a slow death. You know in your heart if it is time to break up and move on.
What are your thoughts on emotional affairs? How do you feel about emotional affairs? Have you ever been impacted by an emotional affair? If so, how did things work out? Please share your story or experience!
“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.” ― Shannon L. Alder