5 Signs He's Cheating...Or Is Thinking About It
Trust is everything in a relationship. It is a miserable feeling when you think your partner may be stepping out on you. Chances are, if you are suspicious you have a pretty good reason to be so. It's that gut feeling, and really just knowing your man. If something feels off, then that it is because something is off.
It is a big leap to go from having a suspicion to accusing. I had the unfortunate experience many years ago of playing detective in a relationship, and as much as I enjoy being right, I had hoped to be wrong in that situation. The truth is, if you think he's cheating he probably is. Or at least he wants to, or is thinking about it.
The 5 Signs Of Cheating
He Seems Distant
The distance you feel can come in the form of physical as well, but he is mostly going to be mentally and emotionally distant. He is no longer open with you and is not interested in you. He is not interested in talking to you very much, and when he does talk to you, he is barely listening or engaged.
Physically he can avoid you by working late or avoiding your home life. He may also create distance by sleeping on the couch, or coming to bed after you have already turned in for the night.
You Catch Him In Lies
The lies are the biggest telltale. He is not where is said he was going to be. He is not home when he said he would be. You can tell he's lying to you even though you cannot always prove it.
He Avoids Intimacy
He avoids your touch, and is no longer very affectionate. Kisses, hand holding, and cuddling are a thing of the past. He rarely initiates sex anymore, when once upon a time he couldn't keep his hands off of you. When you do have sex with him he is not there mentally. He seems to be a million miles away, and possibly even thinking of someone else.
A big sign of intimacy avoidance is failing to look you in the eyes. Gazing into each others eyes is extremely intimate, and creates a connection. Failure to make that eye contact shows that he may be emotionally checked out of the relationship, and focused elsewhere.
He doesn't allow you to see his phone, his emails, or his wallet. If you walk into the room unexpectedly he will close his laptop or close out of things on his computer. He has changed passwords, and gets defensive when you ask questions.
The Relationship Feels Off
Your partner has become different, almost like a stranger to you. It feels off because it is. You sense that he is no longer into you, he is no longer in love with you, and is just going through the motions.
What To Do
You have options if you think you are being cheated on. The first is to confront the situation directly and ask your partner if they are having an affair, including emotional and online affairs. Of course this is the scariest option because you may not get the answer or response you are hoping for, but for many of us it is better to know. There is also the big possibility that he is going to lie because he's not quite ready to call it quits, and leave the comfortable home life.
You could take a more conservative approach, and just discuss your concerns about how you feel the relationship has changed, and tell your partner how it makes you feel. The positive to this approach is that it puts your feelings out there, but if he is already done and emotionally closed to you, this conversation will go nowhere. In fact, the discussion may annoy him and give him an excuse to grab his keys and go get some "fresh air".
The last option is to play detective. This is probably the most mentally anguishing and painful choice to make, but you may find the answers you need. You clearly do not trust him, and will drive yourself nuts trying to find evidence that there is someone else, all the while hoping there is no evidence. The positive is that you may not find a smoking gun, but the negative is that your gut is telling you he is involved or in love with someone else.
A cheater is not likely to admit to cheating. They will usually lie through their teeth, until you have indisputable evidence of their infidelity. Trust your instincts in this case, because chances are your gut is on to something. They are cheating or thinking about it.
Counseling is usually recommended for marital issues, including infidelity. Of course this would mean that your man has come clean about his cheating, and is willing to do the work to get the relationship back on track.
I suppose the "positive" in the case of marital infidelity is that a man is statistically unlikely to leave his marriage for his lover. However, the negative in this matter is his motivation for staying in the marriage. A man will stay for financial reasons, for the kids, and to maintain a status and the appearance of a happy family life.
The 5 signs listed are not all inclusive. In fact, you may find that your man becomes extra nice, and buys you gift to help him alleviate his guilt. He may also have a revved up sex drive with you to cover up his extra activities, and also to relieve his pent up sexual desires because he cannot have the other woman in the moment.
We all have our relationship deal breakers, and only you know what is tolerable and acceptable for you. Many relationships survive infidelity, but I am not sure if anyone ever gets over the broken trust, and feelings of betrayal.
What are your thoughts on cheating? What signs do you consider red flags? Please share your experience!
"No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want." - Unknown