5 Signs You Don’t Trust Him

Trust, or lack there of can make or break a relationship. Trust has to be earned, and once lost it is very difficult to get it back. Once you start to distrust your partner, your relationship starts to feel off as you wait with impending doom. You see them differently and interact with him differently.

Your lack of trust for your man may be due to a past betrayal on his part, your own personal insecurities, or just a gut feeling. If you are dating or married to a liar or a cheater then you expect to play detective to some degree throughout the life of your relationship.

Be mindful if you are allowing past relationships or insecurities to create distrust of your man. That is not fair to him.

5 Signs You Don’t Trust Him

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You Check His Phone

The minute he heads to the shower or falls asleep you are trying to get a peek at his phone. His phone is never far from him, so your suspicion that he is hiding something is always there.

If you are snooping on your man’s phone when he is not around, that is a big violation of his privacy, but also indicative that you do not trust him.

You Get Clingy

You feel uneasy when apart from him. You worry what he is doing and who he’s with when away from you. So you become super clingy, wanting to be with him all the time. Unfortunately this is a turn off and usual backfires making him want to spend more time away from you.

You Interrogate

You are always trying to verify his stories and catch him in a lie. You directly or subtly ask him questions about where he’s been, where he’s going, and who was he talking to. If you truly trust him, you will not feel the need to know his every move.

But if you do not trust him you will feel paranoid about what he’s doing behind your back.

You Analyze

You are always looking for clues and evidence of betrayal. Every word that comes out of his mouth is scrutinized. You note his every move expecting to, but also hoping not to, catch him in a lie.

It is always there just under the surface, which makes it hard sometimes to enjoy your time together.

You Check His Social Media

You are snooping on his Facebook account. You check to see who he has direct messaged on Instagram, and you want to know whose pictures he is liking. All signs that you don’t trust him.

It is an awful feeling to be with someone you do not trust, and just as terrible a feeling to not be trusted. If you are doing the behaviors listed in this blog you need to ask yourself why, and then deal with it. Either you have trust issues that you need to work out, or you are with the wrong person.

What do you do when you are having trust issues in your relationship? Do you agree with the signs of you not trusting him? Please share your thought and feelings on lack of trust in a relationship!

“Distrust is like a vicious fire that keeps going and going, even put out, it will reignite itself, devouring the good with the bad, and still feeding on empty.”  ― Anthony Liccione

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Cushioning....The Back Up Plan In Case Your Relationship Doesn't Work Out

Cushioning is the Plan B guy or girl kept waiting in the wings in case your current relationship doesn't work out. Here's a hint, if you have a plan b guy or girl, or someone waiting in the wings, your relationship is ultimately NOT going to work out.

If you have been cushioning, you are not 100 percent invested in the person you are with, or that relationship, and probably should find someone you feel more passionate about.

Cushioning is really just a new term for an age old relationship tactic. The relationship behavior is called cushioning because it is the fall back plan. A safe landing spot so to speak, so you are not left out there completely on your own when you break up or divorce. 

While I always believe in having a plan A, B, C, for most things in life, I never once considered having other romantic partners as part of a back up plan. You are either in and committed, or you are out and want to move on.

Cushioning can be done by having an emotional affair, flirting and texting, or it can be with outright sex and cheating. I say outright cheating because each person has their own definition of what they consider to be cheating in a relationship. 

Either way, the relationship is nearing an end, but like a monkey, he or she will not let go of one branch until they have the next branch firm in hand. Lovely, right?

5 Signs Your Partner is Cushioning

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Your Partner Is Being Secretive

They are being secretive because there is someone else, or several someones, and they are trying to hide them from you. It can be as basic as some light flirting in text, sexting going on, or an actual sexual affair. Whatever they are doing, they have a motivation to hide their phone activity from you.

The hiding of the their phone, taking calls in private, and secretive computer behavior are all telltale signs of cushioning, or let's be honest, flat out cheating.

He’s Inconsistent

Your partner treats you inconsistently because that is how they feel about you. One day they want to make it work and want to stay in the relationship, and they next moment not so much. Their heart is not in the relationship any longer, but they feel an obligation to stick it out. Whatever “sticking it out” means to them.

He’s Non Committal

They do not want to make future plans and commitments with you because they kind of want out, and want to keep their options open. They do not want to move in with you, get a dog, or even put down money on a nice vacation because they know it may complicate ending the relationship.

If they were always the planner and the dreamer in the relationship, and now they barely show any interest in plans, it does not bode well for a future together.

Distant

There has been a shift in their feelings for you, and a change in their behavior towards you. They cannot help it. They are not that into you anymore and cannot hide it. They may just want out because the love is gone, or they are torn between you and another. A person can only pretend for so long.

 If they are engaged in an emotional affair, they will likely be distant, but it could be a little trickier to catch on to, and far more threatening than any of the other shenanigans. An emotional affair would be a biggie because that would mean they are in love, or at least believe themselves to be, in love with someone else.

Your Gut Says So

I am a big believer in trusting gut feelings, and if your gut is telling you your guy or girl has someone on the side, or one foot out the door, listen to it. We all get that sinking feeling when something is off, especially in relationships. Love yourself enough, and respect yourself to let someone go who doesn’t want to be with you.

After all, how happy can anyone really be with someone who is cheating, staying with you out of obligation, or loves another.

Cushioning is mainly considered a dating trend, but it can happen to any relationship, including marriages. While cushioning may seem like a way to protect yourself, you may really hurt others, and it is cowardly behavior. Cushioning is rooted in fear, insecurities, and selfishness.

n my opinion, it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, and if there is cushioning in your relationship you are with the wrong person.

What is your experience with cushioning? Have you ever cushioned someone? Or have you ever knowingly been someone's cushion? Are you the monkey or the branch in the case of cushioning? No judgement! Please share your story or experience!

“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.” - Shannon L. Alder

Photo by Bruce Mars from Pexels

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5 Signs He's Cheating...Or Is Thinking About It

Trust is everything in a relationship. It is a miserable feeling when you think your partner may be stepping out on you. Chances are, if you are suspicious you have a pretty good reason to be so.

It's that gut feeling, and really just knowing your man. If something feels off, then that it is because something is off.

It is a big leap to go from having a suspicion to accusing. I had the unfortunate experience many years ago of playing detective in a relationship, and as much as I enjoy being right, I had hoped to be wrong in that situation.

The truth is, if you think he's cheating, he probably is. Or at least he wants to, or is thinking about it.

The 5 Signs Of Cheating

He Seems Distant

The distance you feel can come in the form of physical as well, but he is mostly going to be mentally and emotionally distant. He is no longer open with you and is not interested in you.

He is not interested in talking to you very much, and when he does talk to you, he is barely listening or engaged.

Physically he can avoid you by working late or avoiding your home life. He may also create distance by sleeping on the couch, or coming to bed after you have already turned in for the night.

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You Catch Him In Lies

The lies are the biggest telltale. He is not where is said he was going to be. He is not home when he said he would be. You can tell he's lying to you even though you cannot always prove it.

He Avoids Intimacy

He avoids your touch, and is no longer very affectionate. Kisses, hand holding, and cuddling are a thing of the past. He rarely initiates sex anymore, when once upon a time he couldn't keep his hands off of you.

When you do have sex with him he is not there mentally. He seems to be a million miles away, and possibly even thinking of someone else.

A big sign of intimacy avoidance is failing to look you in the eyes. Gazing into each others eyes is extremely intimate, and creates a connection. Failure to make that eye contact shows that he may be emotionally checked out of the relationship, and focused elsewhere.

He's Secretive

He doesn't allow you to see his phone, his emails, or his wallet. If you walk into the room unexpectedly he will close his laptop or close out of things on his computer. He has changed passwords, and gets defensive when you ask questions.

The Relationship Feels Off

Your partner has become different, almost like a stranger to you. It feels off because it is. You sense that he is no longer into you, he is no longer in love with you, and is just going through the motions.

What To Do

You have options if you think you are being cheated on. The first is to confront the situation directly and ask your partner if they are having an affair, including emotional and online affairs. Of course this is the scariest option because you may not get the answer or response you are hoping for, but for many of us it is better to know.

There is also the big possibility that he is going to lie because he's not quite ready to call it quits, and leave the comfortable home life.

You could take a more conservative approach, and just discuss your concerns about how you feel the relationship has changed, and tell your partner how it makes you feel.

The positive to this approach is that it puts your feelings out there, but if he is already done and emotionally closed to you, this conversation will go nowhere. In fact, the discussion may annoy him and give him an excuse to grab his keys and go get some "fresh air".

The last option is to play detective. This is probably the most mentally anguishing and painful choice to make, but you may find the answers you need. You clearly do not trust him, and will drive yourself nuts trying to find evidence that there is someone else, all the while hoping there is no evidence.

The positive is that you may not find a smoking gun, but the negative is that your gut is telling you he is involved or in love with someone else.

The Reality

A cheater is not likely to admit to cheating. They will usually lie through their teeth, until you have indisputable evidence of their infidelity. Trust your instincts in this case, because chances are your gut is on to something. They are cheating or thinking about it.

Counseling is usually recommended for marital issues, including infidelity. Of course this would mean that your man has come clean about his cheating, and is willing to do the work to get the relationship back on track.

I suppose the "positive" in the case of marital infidelity is that a man is statistically unlikely to leave his marriage for his lover.  However, the negative in this matter is his motivation for staying in the marriage. A man will stay for financial reasons, for the kids, and to maintain a status and the appearance of a happy family life.

The 5 signs listed are not all inclusive. In fact, you may find that your man becomes extra nice, and buys you gift to help him alleviate his guilt. He may also have a revved up sex drive with you to cover up his extra activities, and also to relieve his pent up sexual desires because he cannot have the other woman in the moment.

We all have our relationship deal breakers, and only you know what is tolerable and acceptable for you. Many relationships survive infidelity, but I am not sure if anyone ever gets over the broken trust, and feelings of betrayal.

What are your thoughts on cheating? What signs do you consider red flags? Please share your experience!

"No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want." - Unknown

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5 Signs It's Time To Break Up

Relationships are a lot of work, but worth it if you are happy and fulfilled. A healthy relationship consists of good communications, trust, and a lot of compromise. An "all in" end effort is needed by both parties to make a relationship work.

But what happens when one or both people in the relationship feels like the other is not doing their part? Or worse, you are just not feeling the relationship anymore.

Although you may be aware that things are no longer working, it can be hard to identify if it is a relationship that can be saved, and if it is worth saving. The big question is "how do you know when it is time to throw in the towel?". 

We often stay in relationships long after the expiration date has come and gone. After spending months, and even years, investing time, effort, and love in another person, it can be hard to let go. But sometimes you have to let go and move on. 

There are many signs that a relationship may be over, but we often choose to ignore them. The relationship lacks chemistry, true intimacy, and mutual respect. I have listed 5 signs you need to look for to help you make a decision regarding your "fight or flight" option in your relationship.

5 Signs It's Time To Break Up

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You Are Unhappy 

You just feel unhappy, sad, or unfulfilled by your relationship. Something is missing, or has changed, although you cannot necessarily pinpoint what it is.  Once you were happy and couldn't wait to see their face, but now you feel dread, anxiety, or nothing at all in their presence.

You also notice the change in your mood when they are not around. You feel lighter, happier, and more like your old self.

Remember, no one is happy all of the time in their relationship. But if you are unhappy more often than not, you need to reevaluate your circumstances.

You Are Bored Or Uninterested 

Spending time with your partner has started to feel like a chore, or an obligation. There was a time when you found your partner to be the most interesting, fun, and exciting person you knew.

Unfortunately, now you have to feign interest in what they are saying to you, but secretly you are only half listening, if even that.

You are mentally elsewhere when with your partner. You sometimes fantasize that they were different, or that you were with someone else.

There Is A Lot Of Fighting

Somehow everything turns into a fight. Whether the fighting consists of yelling, or giving the silent treatment, it has become the norm. To avoid fighting you constantly bite your tongue, because you feel like you cannot say or do anything right. Or you just avoid them completely.

If fights elevate to throwing things, slamming doors, or many nights sleeping apart, you have a big problem.

Poor Or No Communication 

No communication can be due to you or your partner feeling like they cannot do or say anything right, so they withdraw and turn inward. However poor communication can also be speaking in disrespectful tones, using sarcasm, and yelling. 

In relationships, communication also involves personal accountability, and not playing the blame game. If you or your partner believe that all of the problems in your relationship are due to the other person, then there is big communication problem. No one is being heard.

You Avoid Spending Time With Them 

There are many ways to avoid spending time with your partner. Avoiding spending time with someone doesn't necessarily mean you are physically apart.

You can be in the same home, or at the same place, and still be avoiding one another. You can be sitting right next to one another, and still be a million miles away mentally and emotionally.

Avoidance can be burying your head in your computer or your phone,  sleeping, or playing video games. Anything to avoid interacting with one another.

Another way to avoid spending time with your partner is by working longer hours at the office. Working longer hours, or just always being "busy" is the passive aggressive way of avoiding the relationships issues.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the list? If most or all of the list applies to your relationship, you need to think about making a change. Life is short. Don't waste it hoping things will miraculously get better, because that is highly unlikely. You hold the key to your own happiness. 

"The hottest love has the coldest end." - Socrates

You can also find the video version of this blog on YouTube. Please don’t forget to like my video, and to subscribe to my channel.

Photo by Anthony Tran

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10 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair...And What Do About It

Emotional affair is a popular term for the growing trend, particularly in the workplace.  An emotional affair is defined as a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship, while never being physically consummated.  Also known as affairs of the heart.

Emotional affairs can be crushes or real love. They can also be signs of trouble on the homefront and a big warning sign that you are feeling unfulfilled by your primary relationship. If you think you or your partner are engaged in an Emotional Affair, here are the signs to look for.

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10 Signs That You May Be Having An Emotional Affair...

He/She Is The First Thing You Think About When You Wake Up

He's The First One You Want To Share Good News With

You Text Him A Lot

You Plan What You Are Going To Wear/Say/Do When She's Around

You Start Wishing Your Partner Was More Like Her

She Just "Gets" You

You Share Secrets You Haven't Even Shared With Your Spouse

You Blow Off Others For Him

You Share Secrets About Your Spouse

You Fantasize About Her

Photo by Sjale/iStock / Getty Images

Emotional affairs can be intense, hot, and mean the end of your marriage or relationship. The individuals involved in the emotional affair share a connection, and usually have great chemistry. But is the connection and amazing chemistry worth the risk?

Perhaps your emotional affair partner is your soulmate, or maybe you take the leap and the relationship is a bust. Either way, those engaging in emotional affairs are seeking something outside of their relationships that seems to be missing from within their relationships. 

What To Do If You Are Having An Emotional Affair

If you are involved in an emotional affair you have to figure out what you really want. You are unhappy to some degree with your current relationship, and you are using the emotional affair to make the relationship bearable.

Maybe you are trying to buy time until you figure how to leave your current relationship, or perhaps you are completely clueless about what you need to truly be happy. Either way, a decision is needed.

You have two choices for dealing with your emotional affair situation. The first choice, and honestly probably the least desirable option for those involved, is to break it off. If you want your current relationship to work you cannot be engaged in an emotional affair.

However, breaking off the emotional affair doesn’t miraculously fix the relationship issues that made you vulnerable to the emotional affair. You need to be truly committed to fixing your problems, otherwise you will end up in another emotional affair or sexual affair with the same person or someone else.

The second choice is to end your relationship. You are unhappy in your relationship, no longer in love with your partner, living like roommates, and just going through the motions. It is not fair to you or your partner to continue on in a relationship when the love has gone.

The important thing to keep in mind is that your decision to end your current relationship should be based on “that” relationship, and not the possibility of a future with your emotional affair partner.

Emotional affairs are complicated and bring up so many questions. Does the emotional affair cause relationships problems, or does the emotional affair occur because of the existing relationship problems?

Some relationships are worth saving and fighting for, while others are dying a slow death. You know in your heart if it is time to break up and move on.

What are your thoughts on emotional affairs? How do you feel about emotional affairs? Have you ever been impacted by an emotional affair? If so, how did things work out? Please share your story or experience!

“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.” ― Shannon L. Alder

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