8 Signs You Are Not A Couple Anymore...You’re Just Roommates

8 Signs You Are Not A Couple Anymore...You’re Just Roommates

How does a once hot and passionate couple go from being lovers to roommates?  No one can say for sure, but the why varies from relationship to relationship. At some point in the relationship, you fell out love, the passion left, and you just continued on as usual minus all the elements that actually made you a couple.

Whether you are married, or in a long term committed relationship, the roommate syndrome can happen to anyone. People change, circumstances change, and relationships evolve over time. The newness and excitement that is present in the early stages of a relationship will eventually fade, and reality will set in.

Once the relationship comes back down to earth after spending months in the clouds with crazy love and passion, it can be challenging to maintain that fire. Compatibility, good chemistry, and shared values and life goals will go a long way in keeping a relationship strong, and help prevent the roommate syndrome. Here are 8 signs to look for if you think you might have become roommates.

Signs You Are Living Like Roommates

Sleeping Apart

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If you are sleeping apart, whether it is every night, or just a couple of days a week, you are roommates. The marital bed is where your true intimacy happens. You have sex there, it is where you cuddle, and it's that place you have your deep talks before falling asleep.

No Touching


You barely touch one another, if you touch each other at all. Maybe you are not one for public displays of affection, but there should be kisses, hugging, hand holding, and gentle touches given to each other on a regular basis. If you can barely remember the last time you had a passionate kiss with your significant other, you are roommates.

No Fighting

You both are just so polite to one another. Not that you should be screaming at one another, but no fighting means no passion and no fire. When you become so detached from your partner that you cannot be bothered to have a disagreement, or you just stop speaking to one another because they annoy you all the time, you have checked out of your relationship, and you are just roommates.

Lack Of Intimacy

If you rarely have sex, if you have it at all, you are just roommates. When the sex feels like a chore, or like something you just have to get done and over with, you are not a couple. If the sex is not enjoyable, and foreplay is non existent, the relationship is all but over.

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No Quality Time Together

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Quality time can be spent many ways, but the key word is quality. Quality time can be had while cooking together, having a nice meals together, or by just vegging out together in front of the television with a glass of wine. Discussions about the kids, household chores, or talks about bills or finances is not quality time. Quality time will deepen your connection. If you are not spending quality time together, and do not want to spend quality time with one another, you are just roommates.

No Deep Conversation

When you do talk to each other it is very surface discussion, or about the kids. You avoid discussing your relationship issues, or about anything that will rock the boat. Talking about hopes and dreams is a thing of the past, and you avoid discussing the future because you know you will not likely be together much longer.

Nothing In Common


You have come to the realization that you have nothing in common with your partner. In the early stages of relationships it is easy to get so caught up in the passion and attraction that you don't realize that you have next to nothing in common.

You convinced yourself that it didn't matter, or pretended to like and enjoy things you really didn't, for the sake of making the relationship work. If the only things you share in common with your partner is that you live together, have a dog, or both eat food, you are not a couple, you are just roommates.

Always Apart When Together


You are upstairs, and he is downstairs. You’re in the garage, and she’s in the kitchen or with the kids. Anything to avoid spending any real time together. If when you get home from work you consistently go your separate ways in your home, you are just roommates.

Although every relationship is unique, and different in their own way, they all tend to share some fundamental challenges. Life happens, and we all get busy with work and kids, but that is not the reason you become roommates. In fact, being busy with work and kids is the excuse you give yourself for why the magic and love has left. You ignore the problems in your relationship, and tell yourself that it's just a phase, and it will get better. But it won't.

In my personal opinion, the roommate relationship occurs because the relationship has died, but no one wants admit it, or deal with the obstacles that come with untangling your lives. So instead of being honest with yourself, and your partner, you hope things will get better or just accept that this is your life, and settle for having a roommate.

What are your thoughts on the roommate syndrome? Is a roommate relationship better than being alone? Do you think these relationships can get better? Or are they a waste of the valuable time you have in this life? Please share!

"In some relationships there comes a time when the two people just outgrow each other." Unknown

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels

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