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I love storytelling and always want my readers to have options. You can find my blogs on my YouTube channel and listen to them on the go.
What Piques Your Curiosity? It’s Human Behavior For Me...
I have always been fascinated by human behavior. I wanted to understand why we do the things that we do. Why do we hurt each other so much? How does a human being become a monster? And there are most certainly monsters walking amongst us, but were they made or born that way?
I am by no means a mental health expert, but once upon a time my education was heading in that direction. I had hoped to become a criminal psychologist or federal agent profiling and chasing monsters, but I ultimately I chose a “lighter” path. But my desire to understand human behavior has never waned.
If you haven’t watched Mindhunter on Netflix yet, I highly recommend you check it out. I binged watched it a few weeks ago, and it didn’t disappoint. It quenched my thirst for peaking into the psyche of the criminal mind, but also it shows how the childhood plays such an important role in creating healthy adults.
Nature versus nurture has always been a debatable topic. If nature decides, then your seed is bad or good no matter the upbringing or love, or lack there of. But if nurture is the determinant, then the positive or negative household will decide the human that goes forth into society.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you view it, nurture seems to make the most monsters. Historically, most serial killer seemed to grow up in unstable, and abusive households.
I am not saying unstable upbringings create serial killers, but they do tend create “hot mess” adults. Unstable households can consist of physical, sexual, or verbal abuse, all of which emotionally damages the child.
Also keep in mind that if a child witnesses addiction, frequent fighting and yelling, or even just unhappy parents can do damage. Children absorb their environments, and sometimes blames themselves for adult problems.
No one’s life is perfect, but we are all products of our childhood households and environment, for better or worse. Ultimately we all get to choose if we are going to rise above our “unfair” beginnings, or be a victim, or even worse a predator.
Do you believe in “tabula rasa”, which is the belief that everyone is born with a blank slate? Or do you believe that some people are just born good or bad? Please share your story or opinion!
“So many broken children living in adult bodies.” - Unknown
Are We There Yet? And By There I Mean Old...
There is nothing wrong with aging. In fact, I love the 42 year old me so much more than I did the 22 year old me. I feel like I finally know myself. I trust myself. I am happy with who I am, and I feel confident and good in my own skin. For many, aging means blossoming, and growing into who we were always meant to be. While unfortunately, some other's growth will forever remain stunted.
When I ask are we there yet, I am talking about being at that place in life where loss seems more imminent than ever before. Loss is a part of life. This I know. I have heard that phrase hundreds of times over the years. But no one ever warned me that many times it is a slow, painful process. No one ever told me that one day those I admired, and looked up to as a child would one day look at me and not recognize my face, or remember my name. Loss doesn't always mean death.
Aging can be beautiful and cruel at the same time. There is so much unknown about why some people develop dementia at the age of 65, while some 100 year olds are as sharp as they were 65 years ago. Is it genetic, environmental, diet, or luck of the draw? Hopefully one day those questions are answered.
I did not intend to write a depressing or downer blog tonight. I write what is on mind, or in my heart at any given time. I have a friend whose 60 something mother has early signs of dementia, and severe depression. My friend has tried to be nonchalant about it, and is very open about her family's struggle, but I know she is scared as hell. I’m scared for her. It is heartbreaking to see someone once so full of life and wicked smart no longer remember how to tie their own shoes.
I suppose part of this all comes down to fear of my own geriatric future. Will I age with grace and dignity, still able to do crossword puzzles at 90? Or will I be a burden on my children? I am fine with aging. I really am. I just do not want to be an old woman.
"It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone." - Andy Rooney
I Got Hacked...And Now I Am Left Feeling Completely Violated
There is a lot of truth in the saying that you never think it is going to happen to you, of course until it does. I was hacked last week, and I am still reeling from the experience. Being hacked is like another form of violating someone. For me, it is a very similar feeling to be groped, or burglarized.
Like many women, I have been groped in crowded places, like at a party or club, and public transportation. Every time I was left with the feeling of, "how dare they put their hands on me!" Unfortunately, in crowded locations, the assailant is not always obvious. However, if I saw who did it, they received a verbal assault, and I made sure everyone in the vicinity knew what they did.
The violation of a hack is very similar for me, but unfortunately there is potential for even greater violations and damage, depending on what they got. It started last week near the end of my workday. I was at my desk working when I received an email on my Apple Watch saying “find my iPhone” had been activated. I immediately picked up my phone, and sure enough my phone was locked and the only option I had on my phone was for an emergency call. My phone was useless.
I called my husband from my desk phone and told him someone, or something had activated find my iPhone. He was nearly home, so within minutes he was able to log into the iMac and take my phone out of that mode. Once my phone was unlocked, I received a notice that someone in Kaluga, Kaluga was trying to access my iCloud. At this point I realize something was really wrong. I selected “do not allow” for access and immediately, with the help of my husband, started changing passwords. I also googled Kaluga, which also happens to be in Russia.
Once I got home, family mode kicked in with cooking dinner, and shuttling my girls to dance class. Later that night, after my shower, I grabbed my MacBook to start writing. To my surprise, and fury, my MacBook was locked. It was locked with a six digit pin that I clearly had not created, and therefore could not unlock. I tried everything to unlock it, only to become locked out of my own computer completely.
With no other options, I contacted Apple. A tech called me within minutes, but unfortunately this type of problem had a requirement of me going to the Apple store, and bringing proof of purchase for my MacBook. Awesome! I headed out of town for a mini vacay, and scheduled my appointment with the"Genius Bar" after my return. The technician who helped me was very friendly and knowledgeable, but he said they needed to keep my laptop for 24-48 hours. He also asked if I had backed up before coming to the store. Of course I hadn't, but moot at this point. They could tell I was hacked, and could unlock my MacBook easily, but they wanted to figure out how the hackers hacked me, and see what they got into on my computer, if anything. The process was free of charge at least.
So here I am still wondering "why me?". I mean seriously. I have no election, or national secrets on my computer. There is nothing juicy, or even titillating, unless they are looking for some steamy short stories I have yet to publish. I do not have my computer back yet, so I am not sure how they got in. But I do realize my passwords needed to be more secure. Between Equixfax and Russian hackers, I am not feeling so safe right now in the Internet world. The reality is this sucks! It is inconvenient, and stressful, but also an eye opening experience.
If it could happen to me, it cold happen to you too. Protect your information. Be careful who you share your passwords with, make stronger passwords, backup frequently. and use free wifi with caution.
Beware of the online boogeyman. He's waiting for any sign of weakness. - Charlene Eckstein
Will The Mean Girl In The Room Please Stand Up? The Adult Bullies In Our Lives..
Teen girl being bullied by text
If there is one thing that I have learned over the years it is that people rarely change, and never truly grow up. Sometimes I sit in meetings and look around the room and see little kids, trapped in big bodies, pretending to be adults. It is funny and sad all at the same time.
Every childhood is filled with a “mean girl” or bully. Maybe you were the mean girl and bully, or victim, or witness. Unfortunately, mean girls and bullies follow us throughout our lives, but they disguise their tactics better.
Crazy enough, sometimes there is a reversal of fortunes. Years later the once bullied gains power through position or money, and becomes the bully. The mean girl can come in the form of your HOA president, head of the PTA, your spouse, and even your boss.
As adults, we know that bullying behavior is unacceptable, so it can often be veiled and hard to pinpoint at times. It is frequently passive aggressive, and can come in the form of back handed compliments, or outright insults. In the workplace, according to studies, men are primarily the bullies. But unfortunately women go hard after other women.
The mean girl in the workplace does under the radar wickedness. She uses her position to sabotage, which is usually subtle so it can be hard to prove. Especially given her position, she will be given the benefit of the doubt if accusations are made. The mean girl will also engage in exclusion, intentionally leaving some out of events. The mean girl is petty and pathetic, but is she you?
I frequently ask myself if I am the mean girl. I try not to be mean, and really do not like hurting others feeling. I am very blunt and direct, and if I have an issue with you you know it, and why. I limit interaction with people I dislike. I cannot stand the mean girl who actually think she is a nice person. So how do I describe myself? Bitchy, yes. Cold sometimes, yes. Out to take you down? Only for the good of the cause.
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely - Lord Acton
Fall Cooking...How Do You Warm Your Kitchen?
I always love cooking, but more so in the fall. I think it's because I cut back on cooking big meals indoors during the summer because of the heat. So when the weather starts to cool, I am especially eager to get back at it.
For the moment, I am about all things squash and soups. My favorite soup to make right now is my Lemony Chicken and Spinach soup. It is one of the tastiest and easiest soups you will ever make. My other current favorite is Cauliflower Rice and Chicken Soup. These soups are light, tasty, good for you, and oh so filling. And best of all gluten free!
For my squash addiction, I am making spaghetti squash weekly. Squash is plentiful this time of year, and at only 35 calories in a cup serving, how can you resist. My girls are picky eaters, so in order to appeal to their palates, I cook up a quick basil, olive oil, and garlic marinara sauce and add in some seasoned ground chicken. The squash absorbs the flavor, and turns into a yummy low calorie meal.
The last thing that warms my kitchen in the fall is baking. I love baking fresh bread, and some sweets as well. I am gluten intolerant, so finding good tasting gluten free bread is both difficult and costly. Baking fresh bread is easy, except for when is comes to making sourdough. Feeding the cultures for sourdough is time consuming, but worth it.
My recommendation is to enjoy that warm kitchen of yours, with family, friends, and a nice glass of wine or prosecco. Please check out my Recipe of the Week page and get to cooking!
Hot Button Issues...What Topics, If Any, Do You Keep Off The Table With Family And Friends?
I have been told many times to never discuss politics and religion because someone is sure to be offended. Pro choice or pro life? I have my opinions, but not particularly interested in going round and round on the topic. How much money people make and social inequalities? Ugh I can get pretty hot discussing this topic real fast. Immigration and War? Nope, not going there.
The crazy thing is I love a good debate, but there are some topics that fall into the realm of “agree to disagree “. Not because I am afraid of confrontation, or getting my feelings hurt. In fact it is nearly the opposite. But do you find that once you know someone’s views on gun rights or control, that you will see them somewhat differently? Yes, you can believe they are good person deep down, but are they really a good person if they feel a certain way about x, y, or z? Or worse yet, you start to view them as a complete idiot, and someone you cannot respect.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and points of view. The purpose of these discussions is to share different points of view, and perhaps offer a different or new perspective. Unfortunately I feel like I have been having these same discussions since my teens, and most people seemed to have drawn their lines in the sand. For those times when you want to not think about the heavy, and avoid the hot button issues, go for the light convo topics.
Here Are Some Less Controversial Topics For Discussion....
- Sports
- Education
- Local News/Events
- Travel
- Hobbies
- Parenting
- The Opposite Sex/Dating
- Entertainment/Movies/TV
- Books/Plays
Don't get me wrong, discuss any and everything that you want with whomever you want. Just be warned that it very well may ruin your lovely dinner party or barbecue. Carefully choose your when, where, and with whom. I verbally spar all the time with my brother in law about this stuff but I know he can take it, and is not going to get offended. With others I am more cautious, and guarded with my opinions. I may even bite my tongue on the occasion if I sense things could get heated.
So how free are you with your opinions on hot button issues? They call them hot buttons for a reason. Do you push them?
The Friend Zone...Can Men and Women Be Just Friends Without One Or Both Wanting More?
The short, honest answer is it depends. I have always had lots of male friends, and they have never left the friend zone, and I never wanted them to. I truly love and value my guy pals, both gay and straight. The friendships are somewhat different from my female friendships.
The dynamic is different and fulfilling in unique ways, without the drama and challenges of a romantic relationship. They work for me.
I suppose the real questions is, "Is it possible that some of my male friends were just playing the waiting game?" Were they waiting for the right time to make their move, or hoping that I would see them differently? Which of course was never going to happen, because I see my close guy friends like brothers. Yes, I can find them attractive, but in a non sexual way. They might as well be eunuchs.
Now, do not confuse the friend zone with the free parking zone. I refer to the guy you are really cool with, but there is also potential for more, as being in free parking zone. You are his friend and content to keep it that way for now, but you are also careful not to do, or say anything to sabotage a possible relationship in the future.
So you don't burp in front of him, or pig out, and definitely do not discuss any gross bodily functions with him.
There is also sexual tension in free parking, and occasional flirting and looks that are more friendly than not. Maybe the timing is not right, and nothing will ever happen. Or just maybe fate will bring you two together. There is possibility in free parking.
In taking a very unscientific poll, I discovered more women than men thought the opposite sex friendships were possible. Most of the women I know have close male friends, and said they do not have a problem with their man having female friends, but there were some restrictions.
Men on the other hand were less definitive in their response. A couple guys didn't mind at all. While others were not okay with the wife or girlfriend having male friends at all. Is it because they worry that he is thinking what they think when they are with their female "friends"? Hmm.
Have I been so naive this whole time? I refuse to believe so. Yes, I understand that men think about sex way more than women do. And I know that some of my closest male friends over the years have had deep feelings for me. Some confessed at the time, and others told me years later.
Unfortunately, as wonderful as they were I just could not see them in that way. In theory, if a male and female are good friends then they are very compatible. They have a lot in common and truly enjoy each others company.
Friendship is the foundation for any long lasting relationship, but you also need romantic and sexual chemistry.
So what are your thoughts? Can men and women be just friends? Are you currently friendzoning someone? Have you been friendzoned and want out? Or just maybe you are in free parking, waiting for the right time to make your move.
Is It Ever Too Late To Reset Your Life? I Say No! Here Is My Advice On A Reset...
I am currently giving my body a reset. I am trying to eat super clean for the next month. No sugar, no alcohol, and no processed foods. Just lots of fruits, veggies, and fish and chicken.
I am miserable, and loving it all at the same time. I am craving chips and fries, but also excited for how I will feel when those craving fall away. I do this a few times a year, and it seems to work for me.
I think that many people are generally okay with the idea of resetting their diet, or dieting in general. But what about the idea of giving your life a reset? Getting rid of the junk food of your life? Maybe get rid of that person who is a taker and not a giver? That one who is the ultimate life sucker. Or that person who is very negative and brings you down.
Perhaps you have a friend or a love who hurts you emotionally and makes you feel bad about yourself. These people need to go.
Doing the life reset is like doing a diet reset. You will have cravings and want to give in, but do not do it. It won't taste good and it won't feel good if you give in. In fact you will only feel worse because your were so weak. Know your worth. Your body deserves better. Your spirit deserves better than someone who takes you for granted, and does not appreciate you. How different would your life be if certain people were no longer a part of it?
To be clear, this blog is about being your best, inside and out. Feeling good about yourself, and having good people in your life that value you. Anytime is a good time to reassess the people in your life. Ask yourself, "do they add value to my life?". If the answer is no, then they need to go so you can reset and be happy.
That last page turned is a perfect excuse to write a whole new book. - Toni Sorenson
Ways To Get Your Fitness On In The Fall...No Waiting For The New Year!
Summer is winding down, and autumn is nearing. It's time to start packing away your shorts, tank tops, and swim suits, and begin pulling out your sweaters and cooler weather clothing. It is also time to start packing on some pounds, if we are not careful, as we get to hide them under layers of clothes, after indulging in Halloween candy, and yummy turkey dinners.
I know many of us make New Year's resolutions, or focus on getting that perfect summer body, but I think if there is ever a time to commit to your fitness, it is fall. We tend to be less active this time of year, eat more, and gain more weight.
The days are shorter, the weather may be challenging depending on your location, and the food temptations are ridiculous. Not to mention game day Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays with all of the gatherings with snacks and drinks. But you can get fit and stay fit in the fall, despite what seems like the worst time of year to achieve your fitness goals.
The first thing to remember is nothing has changed. Nothing will taste as good as you will look or feel as being at your best weight or in your "skinny" pants. The second thing to remember is that you can indulge, but in moderation. No second servings, and stop at one piece of candy, or maybe two depending on what kind it is. DO NOT raid your kids trick or treat stash. But most importantly remember that a bad day, or even a bad week does not undo all of your progress. Get back at it.
The next part is to keep moving. If you are like me, then you like going for long walks everyday. But going for a 1-2 hour long walk in the dark after work is not safe, no matter where you live. So you will need to make those lunch breaks at work really count and take the stairs whenever you can. Also hit the gym, or workout at home with a dvd and free weights. When there is a will there is a way.
I plan to continue to work on my fitness and get stronger and healthier. I know I will have my bad days and I am okay with that, but I also know how to get myself back on track. What's your fitness plan for the fall? Or are you waiting for 2018?
The Psychology Behind Always Feeling Like You Forgot Something...WTH
Lately when I get into the car in the morning I feel like I am forgetting something. In my home I feel like I forgot something. I lay down for bed at night, and I feel like I forgot something.
The problem is I am not forgetting anything, but of course I spend the five minutes making sure I have my purse, and my wallet, and work badge. I check the doors, the stove, the alarm, but nothing. Everything is as it should be, so what the hell is the problem.
Is This OCD?
Is this the beginning of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) setting in? Is this what anxiety feels like? I remember growing up my mom would almost compulsively check the stove, and the doors and windows, multiple times every night.
Now as a mom I too check everything, but I have the help of technology to assist. Don't get me wrong, I am not checking everything multiple times, but I seem to be having my own version of crazy setting in. So what gives?
A part of me think this is "normal", a word that I hate. I dislike the word normal because it feels like it really boxes people in. Be this way or act this way, because if you don't then something is wrong with you. You are abnormal, and who wants to be that?
What Is OCD and The OCD Cycle?
So in order to put my self at ease, and self diagnose, I did some research. Obsessions are those repetitive, non productive thoughts that we all have from time to time.
Many people may experience this when heading out on vacation for example, worrying if you locked the doors, or if you unplugged an iron. You may obsess to the point that you turn around to go check and put your mind at ease.
Compulsions are the repetitive, non productive behaviors. OCD causes a great deal of anxiety, but an anxiety disorder does not necessarily cause OCD.
About 3% of the population will experience OCD at some point. Men and women experience it equally. Women tend to obsessively clean, while men tend to obsessively check things. It also tends to run in families.
What's my diagnosis? Well since I am self-diagnosing, I think it is stress with a touch of anxiety and a sprinkle of OCD. It is a coping mechanism. Honestly, after reading the articles, I do not think I truly meet the criteria, except with my hand sanitizer addiction. But hey, that's just good sense. Am I right?
All jokes aside, mental disorders are serious and can negatively impact our lives. I have added a link for more information on OCD.
“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” – Dan Millman