What To Do When You Love Them But Don't See A Future Together?
It sounds crazy to think that you could be in love with someone, madly even perhaps, but you have a nagging feeling telling you that he’s not the one. That feeling takes over and it becomes virtually impossible to see a future with someone you care so much for.
I am all about trusting your gut instincts, but I am also about analyzing and asking why we feel this way. Is it really a gut instinct talking or is there a bias, a judgment, or an unrealistic standard holding you back from finding true love.
When you don’t see a future with someone the right thing to do is to walk away, but before you do, I suggest you ask yourself these questions first.
Questions To Ask Before Walking Away From A Relationship
Am I Embarrassed For People To Meet Him"?
Is he is older or younger than the typical guy you date? Or perhaps a little shorter or balder than you are comfortable with?
You have every right to want a certain type of man, but if any of the above is the reason you do not see a future you are being shallow and may regret your decision to walk away in the long run.
Do I Think He’s Good Enough?
This is a tough question to ask ourselves and even tougher to admit when the answer is negative. Does he come from a poor family or the wrong side of the tracks and this bothers you?
If he is a good man, with a good heart who treats you well, you need to think twice before dismissing him as not being good enough.
Does His Income or Job Matter To Me?
Maybe you need a partner who makes a lot of money or at least more than you do. Sometimes it’s about status or material things, or maybe you are just a traditionalist, but either way, you cannot see yourself with a man who doesn’t make a lot of money or doesn’t make more money than you.
Good, available men are not easy to come by, so you may need to ask yourself what’s more important.
Do We Want Different Things?
They say opposites attract but making it work with someone who views the world differently, and wants different things in life can be challenging and perhaps somewhat disheartening.
If he wants different things, it is not your job to convince him otherwise. And if you are certain of the future you want, or don’t want, that may be a very good reason to walk away.
Will I Be Happier Without Him?
In the beginning, you were all starry-eyed and full of hope of a future together, but as you drifted from cloud nine back down to earth you realized that a future with this man may not make you as happy as you once thought. The masks fell off and you didn’t like what you saw.
There is no judgment here because you have every right to decide what you want and don’t want in a partner. And let’s be honest, only you know deep down inside the real answers to these questions. However, if you are being honest with yourself, you fell in love with this person for a reason, and since they are not a violent, horrible person (otherwise this would be a different conversation), it begs to question what prevents you from seeing a future with them?
Have you ever been in a situation where you love someone but didn’t see a future with them? If so, what did you do? What advice would you give? Please share your thoughts or story!
“Real love" - "This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
