The Self Fulfilling Prophecy of Getting Dumped: The 5 Reasons Why They Left You

Some relationships were never meant to last, and deep down we always knew it. We want to be happy and enjoy the relationship, but we cannot get the negative thoughts out of our heads which tends to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The self-fulfilling prophecy is also known as the interpersonal expectancy effect.

A self-fulfilling prophecy is the psychological phenomenon of someone "predicting" or expecting something, and this "prediction" or expectation coming true simply because the person believes or anticipates it will and the person's resulting behaviors align to fulfill the belief. Wikipedia

The sad thing about self-fulfilling prophecies is that our behaviors play a huge part in the outcome of situations, in this case, relationships. When you had doubts, you acted out, and possibly changed the trajectory of your relationship, and drove them away.

Here’s Why They Left You

You Are Insecure

Confidence is sexy, and insecurity is…well, unsexy. Your lack of confidence in yourself makes you feel insecure in your relationship, which makes you behave clingy and possessive. No matter how many times your partner tells you they love you, they find you attractive, and that they think you are wonderful, you continue to seek more and more validation, which is annoying and drives them away.

Your insecurity is a turnoff. If you do not believe you are worthy of love, how can you expect anyone else to believe it?

You Are Jealous

A certain level of jealousy is normal, but you freak out if your partner smiles at the attractive bartender or waitress. You are checking their phone, tracking their whereabouts, and constantly grilling on their comings and goings. They wanted a partner, not a parent.

If they give attention to anyone other than you, it puts you in a mood and you punish them for it later by ignoring them or withholding affection or intimacy.

Ultimately, behavior like this ends with the opposite of the intended effect.

You Are Controlling

Controlling partners make their mates miserable. Relationships are supposed to be about compromise, but it has to be your way all the time. You want to decide where you live, who you are friends with, where you eat, what you eat. It all has to be your because you believe if you can control them, and control the relationship, they will stay with you.

Unfortunately, when you try to control your partner, you only motivate them to want to leave you and take back control of their life.

You Are Mean

Our fears can manifest themselves in many ways, anger and meanness are a couple of examples. You fear losing your partner, which makes you angry and resentful of them for “making” you feel that way. Instead of recognizing the emotion for what it is, lashing out and meanness occur.

You become insulting and short-tempered with them, and may even betray them because you feel entitled to because you suspect they will eventually leave you.

You Checked Out of the Relationship

Hurt them before they hurt you may be your philosophy, which is terrible, self-destructive, and doesn’t actually prevent you from getting hurt. It just ensures you always end up alone.

Relationships require work and maintenance to function. When someone emotionally checks out of a relationship, they stop being a supportive partner. They stop trying. If you emotionally check out of a relationship you may stop doing both the big and the little things that made your partner feel cared for and valued. Once you check out, you ensure the demise of your relationship.

It takes a lot of self-analysis and self-awareness to recognize when you are unintentionally sabotaging your relationship and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy that will lead to your partner dumping you. This blog gives you examples of what not to do if you are worried about being hurt and being dumped.

You have to remember, just like you chose them, they chose you, as you are. They chose you with your looks, your income, your intellect, your body, and your brain. Yes, some relationships will not work out., but a successful or a failed relationship does not determine your value. You are good enough, but not everything is meant to be.

What are your thoughts on self-fulfilling prophecies? Any experience with ruining a relationship because you were worried your partner would break things off? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Then she told herself to stop her nonsense. If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them, more easily each time, so easily, soon, that you did not even realize you had gone out searching.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker

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What To Do When You Love Them But Don't See A Future Together?

It sounds crazy to think that you could be in love with someone, madly even perhaps, but you have a nagging feeling telling you that he’s not the one. That feeling takes over and it becomes virtually impossible to see a future with someone you care so much for.

I am all about trusting your gut instincts, but I am also about analyzing and asking why we feel this way. Is it really a gut instinct talking or is there a bias, a judgment, or an unrealistic standard holding you back from finding true love.

When you don’t see a future with someone the right thing to do is to walk away, but before you do, I suggest you ask yourself these questions first.

Questions To Ask Before Walking Away From A Relationship

Am I Embarrassed For People To Meet Him"?

Is he is older or younger than the typical guy you date? Or perhaps a little shorter or balder than you are comfortable with?

You have every right to want a certain type of man, but if any of the above is the reason you do not see a future you are being shallow and may regret your decision to walk away in the long run.

Do I Think He’s Good Enough?

This is a tough question to ask ourselves and even tougher to admit when the answer is negative. Does he come from a poor family or the wrong side of the tracks and this bothers you?

If he is a good man, with a good heart who treats you well, you need to think twice before dismissing him as not being good enough.

Does His Income or Job Matter To Me?

Maybe you need a partner who makes a lot of money or at least more than you do. Sometimes it’s about status or material things, or maybe you are just a traditionalist, but either way, you cannot see yourself with a man who doesn’t make a lot of money or doesn’t make more money than you.

Good, available men are not easy to come by, so you may need to ask yourself what’s more important.

Do We Want Different Things?

They say opposites attract but making it work with someone who views the world differently, and wants different things in life can be challenging and perhaps somewhat disheartening.

If he wants different things, it is not your job to convince him otherwise. And if you are certain of the future you want, or don’t want, that may be a very good reason to walk away.

Will I Be Happier Without Him?

In the beginning, you were all starry-eyed and full of hope of a future together, but as you drifted from cloud nine back down to earth you realized that a future with this man may not make you as happy as you once thought. The masks fell off and you didn’t like what you saw.

There is no judgment here because you have every right to decide what you want and don’t want in a partner. And let’s be honest, only you know deep down inside the real answers to these questions. However, if you are being honest with yourself, you fell in love with this person for a reason, and since they are not a violent, horrible person (otherwise this would be a different conversation), it begs to question what prevents you from seeing a future with them?

Have you ever been in a situation where you love someone but didn’t see a future with them? If so, what did you do? What advice would you give? Please share your thoughts or story!

“Real love" - "This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

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Rejection Lessons...Here's Why Being Rejected Is A Good Thing

Rejection hurts. It hurts to be rejected from something you wanted, or thought you wanted. I am a believer in “meant to be”. If you didn’t get the job you wanted or the guy you wanted then it was not meant to be.

Rejection, especially when it comes to love, can make you feel horrible. Rejection can come in the form of not returning feelings and requited love, to a refusal to commit to you, to even cheating or leaving you for another. It may be painful at the time, or for a while, but there are lessons to be learned from the rejection.

5 Takeaways From Rejection

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Maybe It Is You

I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but are you always finding yourself on the receiving end of rejection? You may be asking yourself if there is something wrong with you. Well it is not so much about there being something wrong with you, but the things you do and say.

You may be unintentionally pushing people away or scaring them off by your behavior.

Lowering Your Standards

When we lower our standards we resent it to a large degree. You choose to be in a relationship with some guy or a booty call to a guy who is not really into you or is no good. You know it deep down that you are being used or that he is no good, and push and sabotage subconsciously, hoping he will prove you wrong.

Blindspots

We all have blindspots, especially in relationships that we are determined to make work. Red flags will pop up all over the place but you may choose to ignore them, but eventually you will learn. Things will not work out with a guy full of red flags, but that take away will be to listen to your inner voice and your gut instincts.

With the next guy you will be more cautious, and will not be misled or fooled as easily.

You Are Strong

Rejection doesn’t feel good, but you get through it and live to fight another day. The first heartbreak is the worst. We think this guy is the “one” and if I am not with him I will never be happy. Of course this isn’t true because you will be happy again whether you are single or in another relationship. Rejection teaches us to be self reliant and to create our own happiness.

Leaves The Door Open

A rejection just means another chance at an opportunity. The best thing that can happen to your heart and your love life will be to get rejected from the wrong guy. Wasting time with the wrong man makes you unavailable for the right one.

Although you may feel like it at the time, rejection is not the end of the world. Learn from it, grow, and move the hell on.

How do you handle rejection? Yes it hurts, but do you take it as a lesson learned? If so, what lessons have you learned from being romantically rejected? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn't feel a part of their heart break at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.”
― Jennifer Salaiz

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