5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Relationship
Boundaries are limits that define acceptable behavior. These limits apply very much so to relationships. In fact, perhaps boundaries in our personal, romantic relationships are the most important ones to set. We often become comfortable, maybe too comfortable, in our relationships, and we can forget how to treat our partners.
I see boundaries as being about trust and respect. Boundaries apply to everyone, whether you are the male or female in your relationship, or you are a same sex couple. Read the below boundary breakers, and ask yourself if you are doing any of these, or if they are being done to you. If they apply, ask yourself if you are okay with the status quo of your relationship.
The 5 Signs You Need To Set Boundaries
Whether it's a work call, or your candle party, they interrupt with non-urgent issues. This is a disrespectful power play, and it is a boundary issue. While they think they are marking their territory with you, what they are really doing is putting their lack of respect for you on full display for co-workers, friends, and family. Respect yourself enough to set boundaries.
They Track and Spy
Everyone, even those in relationships, are entitled to some privacy. They will disguise it as worry for your safety, but it is really about controlling you. Needing to know where another adult is every second of the day, who is supposed to be a partner and equal, is a boundary issue.
In addition to tracking and spying being about control, it is also about a lack of trust and respect in the relationship. The boundary issue is unhealthy and needs to be addressed.
Alone time is important, as is time with others outside of your relationship. If your significant other makes you feel guilty for doing things, or wanting to do things, without them, you have a boundary problem.
If they do not respect your need or desire for alone time, or to occasionally do things without, they have serious boundary issues.
Always About Them
Does just about everything you do as a couple revolve around their wants? Do you get input? Do you try to give input but always seem to get shot down? You are paying for half the trip, but get none of the say. These are boundary issues. Your voice is not heard, and your opinion is not valued. Set the expectation.
They Treat You Disrespectfully
Are things said to you by your significant other that you would be ashamed if your family or friends ever overheard or knew about? That is a boundary issue. Many things go on between couples, but verbal and emotional abuse should not be tolerated. Hands are not the only way to beat a person down. Set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and tell them to never speak to you like that again.
Relationships are work, but I believe too many people spend far too much time ignoring problems that can be fixed, such as boundary breaking. They spend too much time hoping things will turn around, while not facing problems head on. And unfortunately, they spend too much time working on relationships that are beyond repair, or that was never going to work at all.
What are your thoughts? These are just my opinions, and I know everybody has one. Please share your story or experience!
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” - Brene Brown