Rekindling A Romance...Should You Fan Old Flames?

Life and love have lots of ups and downs and tend to leave many people wanting a do-over. If the Hallmark channel has taught me anything, it is that returning home and high school reunions are for rekindling old love and romance.

If you could go back and do it all over again, would you? Some old flames needed to be put out, but others burned so hotly that years later the embers still smoldered. There are pros and cons to rekindling an old love. As time has passed, you may be remembering more of the good and forgetting a lot of the bad.

If you are considering reigniting an old flame, here are the pros and cons to consider.

Pros Of Reigniting An Old Flame

It’s Familiar

No matter how much time passes, you never forget your first love. Coming back together years later may feel like coming home. The relationship feels familiar and comfortable, and comforting in many ways. You came back together and it was like you were never apart.

It’s Feels Good

Somehow the rekindling of an old flame takes you back in time and makes you feel all giddy and silly again. The excitement and passion are crazy. You have been transported back to being that gushy twenty-something girl who doodled his name over and over again.

You’re Both Different

Whether it has been ten years or twenty-five years, you have both grown and changed. The relationship ended for a reason in the past, but people can change, and perhaps the obstacles faced before are no longer an issue.

Cons Of Reigniting An Old Flame

Both The Same

While some things change, other things also stay the same. Yes, you are both older and hopefully wiser, but you are basically still the same people. Perhaps once you get past the newness of your old relationship, old issues and problems will resurface.

Your Lives Don’t Mesh

You may have reconnected at a reunion or on Facebook, but you live thousands of miles apart and your lives don’t fit together. You both have responsibilities and neither are capable nor willing to just pick up and leave your current life to chase a possibility.

Unrealistic Expectations

While you were once the hot “it” couple, neither of you was perfect, but you may be remembering things differently. You may be disappointed to find that you no longer share the same interests, that they are not as attractive as they used to be, and you may not actually be compatible anymore.

At the end of the day, I think many of us would love a do-over with a lost love. Whether you choose to give it a go should depend on why it ended the first time and if the current man or woman before you seems worthy of a second chance. If they have a history of abuse of any kind I say absolutely do not let them back in your life but otherwise, I recommend going for it. If your heart is open and you are available, what do you really have to lose?

What are your thoughts on rekindling an old flame? Romantic or ripe for disaster? Please share your thoughts and experience!

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. - Pietro Aretino

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Should You Get Back With Your Ex? 5 Reasons To Go For It and 5 Reasons To Let It Go

Time and distance apart from someone can offer clarity. Unfortunately, time can also distort our memories and amplify reality. The farther we get from situations, the worse they may seem, and the more we minimize the significance of certain events.

It can be tricky when deciding if you should give a previous relationship another go, and get back with an ex. There is nothing wrong with considering another go with a former love.

Maybe the timing wasn’t right for either of you at the time, but things have changed and you have changed.

In making your decision on whether or not to try again with an ex, you have some things to consider.

5 Reasons You Should Get Back With Your Ex

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The Reason You Broke Up Is No Longer An issue

Whether you broke up because of distance or just being too busy with creating a career or life for yourself, your life is now different. You are now living in the same city, and your education and career are where you want them to be.

You Have Changed

You have realized that you are a different person, and don’t want the same things you used to. You broke up because he wanted to get married and settle down, and you didn’t want that life. You didn’t think you would ever want that life, but you have grown and changed and want to settle down now, preferably with him.

You Realized You Made A Mistake

You had unreasonable expectation for relationships and thought you could find better. You realized he was a wonderful man, and you blew it with your immaturity. No one is perfect and there is no such as Prince Charming. Recognizing he is a good man who truly loved you is a strong reason to consider getting back with an ex.

You Still Love Him

It’s not only that you still love him, but you are comparing every new guy to him. You cannot get over him, and miss him terribly. If your break up was amicable and in your heart and mind it never felt truly over, then you have a good reason to give it another try.

He Was The One

Being with him felt a little too perfect, and it scared you. Now that you have had time apart from your ex, and perhaps dated a few others, you come to a realization that he may have been the one. You two had something special, and the chemistry and passion you experienced with him cannot be replicated.

5 Reasons Not To Get back With Your Ex

You Don’t Think You Can Do Better

Low self-esteem can wreak havoc on our lives, and often makes people settle for relationships that are less than what they deserve because they do not think they can do any better. If your ex was lazy, rude, or abusive, trust me, you can do better.

You Are Lonely

We all feel lonely from time to time, whether we are in a relationship or not. However, loneliness is not a reason to be in a relationship where you don’t feel valued, respected, or happy. Don’t let fear and moments of weakness be a determining factor in getting back with someone.

Pregnancy Or Children Together

Being with someone just because you have a child together is a bad idea. If you love them and want to be with them then that is one thing, but forcing a relationship because you are pregnant is not a reason to push a relationship that did not work. Learn how to co-parent together, and leave the romance out of it.

You Hate Being Single

You have never been good at dating and meeting new people. In fact, you hate it. On days when you feel lonely, it may seem easier to just go back to what was familiar and comfortable. On those days remind yourself of all the reasons why it ended with your ex.

You Feel Pressured To Get Back With Them

Whether it’s your ex, or family and friends interfering, you should not let others opinions pressure you into being in a relationship you don’t want. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and what really happens between to people in a relationship when no one else is around.

You know why you do not want to be with your ex, and really shouldn’t have to explain your reasons to anyone.

You now have five reasons for and against getting back with your ex. Weigh the pros and cons and make the decision that makes the most sense to you and leads you down a path of happiness.

What are you thoughts on getting back with ex? Do you think once a relationship has ended that it can be rekindled and better the second time around? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” -Anthony Robbins

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