words to video
I love storytelling and always want my readers to have options. You can find my blogs on my YouTube channel and listen to them on the go.
Why Smart, Successful Women Are With Losers
Not all smart, successful women are dating or married to losers of course, but the ones that are really stand out. We all have these amazing girlfriends who currently have or had men in their lives that made us cringe. Or worse, we were the one with the guy who made our friends ask, “What is she thinking?”.
Love can make us blind, but it can also make us very determined to make a relationship that’s not worth it, work. Successful women are used to getting it done and making it work, no matter the cost at times.
To be clear, my definition of loser has nothing to do with his looks, his bank account, or his education level. He is a loser if he is untrustworthy, he’s lazy, he’s a user, he’s selfish, and he’s rude and disrespectful.
Here’s Why Smart Women Are In Toxic Relationships
Enjoys A Challenge
Smart women like to solve problems and fix issues. Sometimes that includes fixing men. A man who lacks direction and ambition can present a project and challenge for a successful woman. She likes the idea of proving others wrong about him but also being able to “mold” him into the man she wants.
Over-Rationalizes
Smart women are thinkers and analyzers. A smart woman tends to look for the “why” behind the behaviors. She quickly turns into his therapist or surrogate mother, instead of being the partner she is supposed to be.
She will tell herself that he grew up in a broken home or doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, so she tolerates unacceptable behavior and treatment, all the while making excuses for him.
Over-Confident
A successful woman is used to succeeding and achieving her goals. Once she has set her sights on a man, no matter how bad he is for her, she will be determined to make the relationship work, sometimes even to her own detriment.
Stubborn
Successful women can be very stubborn and determined. She just knows that he has potential and if she can help him see that, everything would work out. This may especially be the case if others have expressed doubt choosing him or about things working out.
She Is Settling
Some would say that success comes at a price. Years spent focusing on schooling and career don’t necessarily leave much time for a love life.
The successful woman may feel the pressure to have it all. The job, the man, and the family. So she settles because “the clock” is ticking, and everyone else her age is already settling down and starting a family.
Love is a beautiful thing, but it cannot change the fundamentals of who a person truly is. People can change, but they have to want to. There are good men, there are bad guys, and there are choices in life.
What are your thoughts on smart, successful women ending up with losers? Are you one of these women? If so, why did you end up with a loser? Please share!
“This is what I know. Don't settle for 40, 50, or even 80 percent. A relationship-it shouldn't be too small or too tight or even a little scratchy. It shouldn't take up space in your closet out of guilty conscience or convenience or a moment of desire. Do you hear me? It should be perfect for you. It should be lasting. Wait. wait for 100 percent.” ― Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming
6 Relationship Red Flags
Dating and taking things slow with someone new serves a purpose. Diving right in to a relationship with a man or woman you barely know is not wise to say the least. The whole point of dating is to get to know the person, find out capability, and to flesh out any behaviors or traits that are dealbreakers for you.
In a new relationship, you may become so fascinated by your new boo that you start to miss the red flags that you definitely should be looking for. Knowing what signs to be on the lookout for is important, and will ultimately save you a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.
6 Relationship Red Flags To Avoid
Featured Video
Red Flag #1 He’s A Taker
Everything revolves around him and what he wants. He is showing signs of being selfish. He is selfish with his time, selfish with money, and he is even selfish in bed. Selfish people will always ask for more than they give, which is not a behavior likely to change in the future.
Plus, selfish men make bad lovers, and who wants to put up with that.
Red Flag #2 He Has Questionable Employment
Does he describe himself as an entrepreneur or always seems to be “in between” jobs? Is his current career or employment, and past employment, sounding a little sketchy to you? If you are not sure what he does for a living, or doubt that he is telling is the truth, then you are getting a big red flag that you need to listen to.
People go through hard times for sure, but someone who is struggling to get their life together is someone who should be focusing on that, not on dating.
Red Flag #3 His Living Situation
You have never been to his home or if his living situation seems questionable, the that is a red flag. Depending on his age, there is nothing wrong with him having roommates, but there is a lot he can be hiding if you never go to his place. Maybe he is still living at home with his parents, or worse he is living with his girlfriend or wife.
He may also be crashing on someone’s couch, which means he has some instability in his life and things he needs to focus on other than dating.
Red Flag #4 He Has Bad Habits
You need to pay attention if they seem to be a heavy partier, drinker, or gambler. In the early stages we get to see the best a romantic partner has to offer. If questionable behaviors are popping up like drinking, gambling, and drug use, you need to ask yourself if this is someone you want to have in your life.
Don’t try to rescue him or make him your project. Your job is to focus on making a good life for yourself. Besides, you can easily get in over your head trying to deal with someone with addiction issues if you are not a professional.
Red Flag #5 He’s Has A Temper
When you first met him he was fun loving, sweet, and kind. That’s partly what drew you to him. But if you start seeing flashes of anger, rudeness, and unkindness, consider it a red flag. None of us are perfect. And all of us can be angered under the right circumstances, but if he lashes at you or others people with cruel words and cruel behavior, he may be hiding an abusive side.
You do not want to end up in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, so take this red flag sign very serious.
Red Flag #6 Something Seem Not Quite Right About Him
He often seems great, then other times something about him seems not quite right. He is handsome, and funny, and so easy to talk to, but alarm bells are sounding internally telling you that he is not what he seems. Your instincts are telling you that he is hiding a part of himself, and wearing a mask. This is a big pretender red flag. What you see is not what you get.
Some red flags are more obvious than others. When it comes to deciding who to date, who to spend time with, and who to love, you should listen to your head and gut, and not ignore the obvious signs that he’s not a keeper.
What are your thoughts on identifying red flags? Do you take your cues from red flags or do you ignore them?Please share your experience with calling it quits because of red flags, or ignoring them and having a relationship work out.