5 Ways You May Be Sabotaging Your Relationships Without Realizing It

You say you want a relationship, but the minute you are in one you tend to do things to end it. It is a pattern repeated all too often by you. You are a self-saboteur, and relationship destroyer. If you find yourself entering relationships with high hopes, only for it to crash and burn unexpectedly, time and time again, it may be time for some self-analysis.

There are many reasons people will sabotage a relationship, but fear is usually the number one culprit. Fear of being of alone, and fear of rejection. Sounds weird, right? You fear being alone, so you do things in relationships that make you end up alone.

It’s about protecting your heart, and self-preservation. Unfortunately, you may lose out on a great relationship, maybe even the love of your life, due to your sabotaging.

Perhaps after reading this blog, you won’t stop sabotaging your relationships, but at least you will be aware of the signs when you are doing it.

The Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship

Unrealistic Expectations

Did you really think that you would continue having sex twice a day, every day, for your entire relationship? Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it is unrealistic to think that your sex life would not change over the course of your relationship, for many different reasons.

If you find yourself unhappy with the frequency of sex in your relationship you need to make your feelings known, in a thoughtful, non-accusatory manner.

Did you think your partner would not age, or that their body wouldn’t change over the years, especially after having kids? Completely unrealistic, shallow, and possibly indicative that you are not truly in love if you hyper-focus on your partner’s aging, or gaining a few pounds over the years.

Comparing Your Relationship To Others

If there is one thing that I have learned over the years, it is that things and people are not often what they seems to be. People tend to have a public and private persona, and that goes for couples as well. Some couples can seem so loving and perfect in public, and may be a hot mess behind closed doors.

It is often after couples split that truths come out, and only then do we realize we were trying to live up to an illusion.

Focus on your relationship. Live your best happy. No one’s relationship is perfect. Your relationship may be amazing, or it may completely suck. Either way, your thoughts and feelings about your relationship should be based on how your relationship makes you feel about yourself, and how it makes you feel about your partner.

Not Communicating Your Feelings

While we sometimes assume or wish our partners were mind readers, they are not. If something in your relationship is bothering you, or upsetting you, you need to speak up, and let your partner know. They cannot fix a problem they are unaware of.

Yes, there are times when it should be obvious, at least to you, that something they do or say is not okay with you. But remember, they are not you.

If your partner is constantly doing and saying things that annoy or anger you, tell them. If it continues, it may be time to move on.

Keeping Secrets

Whether you sneak the occasional cigarette or hide purchases from your partner, eventually you will be caught, and the issue of trust will come up. Do you need share every single thought or desire that comes to mind, I would say not necessarily, but keeping secrets in a relationship can be dangerous.

The gauge I recommend using regarding whether or not you are keeping a secret is to think about how your partner would feel about the information you are not sharing. If you are withholding information from your partner because you think they would be hurt, angry, or feel betrayed, then you are keeping secrets.

Being Selfish

It’s all about you, all the time. It has to be your way, and if it is not, temper tantrums, and bouts of sulking will commence. Does that sound familiar? We all want to have things our own way. We all have our own wants, desires, and preferences, but in a relationship sometimes you don’t get your preference.

Relationships require compromise, and sometimes that compromise may mean doing what your partner wants. If you choose your partner wisely, their wants and desires will closely align with yours. If you chose an opposite, or someone pretty different, be prepared for a lot of compromise, or to be completely selfish.

Relationships are challenging, and require work to maintain a healthy one. Not every relationship will work out, or is meant to be, but is important give yourself an opportunity to truly be happy. If the right person comes into your life, don’t sabotage things because you are afraid. Life is short and there are no guarantees, but taking a risk for a chance of happiness will be worth it every time.

What are your thoughts on sabotaging relationships? Do you agree with my list? Are you a self-saboteur? Please share your story or experience!

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

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The Science Of Soulmates...Explained By Spooky Quantum Entanglement

Did I pique your interest just a little bit with the title? I mean after all, aren’t the terms soulmate and spooky quantum entanglement interesting topics to say the least? I am a romantic, and a bit of a nerd, so this combination of topics are most certainly up my alley.

I have a particular fascination with time, and whether or not it truly moves linearly, or if it even exists at all. This blog is all about time, and soulmates, and spooky quantum entanglement.

This is where romance and love, meets science and the possibilities of the impossible.

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The Defined

Many of the terms and their definitions used in this blog are complex, arguable, and not easily defined, but in my simplest terms, and Wikipedia’s, here you go.

Time

Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. The truth of the matter is that time is a human concept, which is purely subjective.

We use clocks and devices as a means of tracking time, but how slow or fast, and in which direction time moves is individual. We all experience time differently.

Soulmates

The true meaning of soulmate is to have known and loved one another in many lives. Death does not separate true love, and soulmates will always find their way back to one another. The modern definition of soulmate is more simplistic.

Soulmates are two people who are drawn to each other, and connect on every level. There is an intensity and passion between soulmates that is difficult, if not impossible, to replicate. Very science-y right?

Spooky Quantum Entanglement

Spooky quantum entanglement is a physical phenomenon which occurs when pairs or groups of particles are generated, interact, or share spatial proximity in ways such that the quantum state of each particle cannot be described independently of the state of the other(s), even when the particles are separated by a large distance—instead, a quantum state must be described for the system as a whole. - Wikipedia

Mind blown, right? Spooky quantum entanglement is not for the faint of heart, or the easily confused.

The Intertwined

Everything is made of particles, and that includes human beings. With the knowledge that humans beings are made of particles, and applying the theory of spooky quantum entanglement, can we not see the possibility of the connection of two people, via their particles.

Whether they are sitting right next to one another, or in different cities, they are connected and their bodies can react to one another’s. They are soulmates in every way possible.

Soulmates may not physically be together, whether the separation is due to geographical distance, other relationships, or different timelines keeping them apart, the pull still exists.

Think back on all of those times you would feel happy, or sad, or your heart would just start racing for some unexplained reason. Those were the times you were feeling most connected to your soulmate.

You were feeling each other’s emotions. You were reacting to and mimicking the joys, and the emotional and physical pains of your soulmate.

The Belief

What do you call that feeling when you meet someone for the first time, but you feel like you have known them before? Something about them is familiar. Or what about when you keep running into the same person over and over again, as if something, the universe perhaps, is pulling you two together?

We have created all of these terms to explain away the mysterious. We call events coincidence and refer to some experiences as deja vu, but are they really? It’s more comfortable to dismiss and explain away, then it is to question and challenge the accepted.

Some might say that I am oversimplifying one of the universe’s most complex mysteries. Maybe I am, but that does not make it any less of a possibility.

If you believe like I do that nothing is ever truly gone, just changed in form, then you must believe that distance, time, and not even death can separate two people who are connected by the very fiber of their beings.

This blog is a combination of research, fiction writing, and my own personal theories. I am neither a scientist nor a mathematician, but the facts remain that there is more of the unexplained in our universe than there is of the explainable. Do you think I am wrong? Prove it…

“Our universe grants every soul a twin—a reflection of themselves—the kindred spirit – And no matter where they are or how far away they are from each other—even if they are in different dimensions, they will always find one another. This is destiny; this is love.” – Julie Dillon

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5 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, without even realizing it. Unlike physical abuse, the scars from emotional abuse are invisible, but just as damaging.

Emotional abuse can destroy the person that you once were, and leave behind an empty shell.

Sadly, many people stay in emotionally abusive relationships because they make excuses for the behavior of their partners, often blaming themselves. All signs of emotional abuse are not cut and dry. Relationships have ups and down, and people have fights and disagreements, but it is how you fight and disagree that can be abusive.

Signs Of Emotional Abuse

Talked To Disrespectfully

In an emotionally abusive relationship there is a lack of respect. You may be told to shut up, yelled at, or completely dismissed as you try to communicate your feelings or concerns. Sometimes the verbal abuse happens in front of others, but many times while you are alone. Emotional abusers are good at hiding their abusive side.

Blamed For Everything

Your partner is mean and disrespectful to you, but guess what, it’s your own fault. If you were not so overly sensitive, or whiny, or demanding, then they wouldn’t lose their temper and have to be mean to you.

They make you feel like everything is your fault, including their poor choices and mistakes. You often fear their anger here.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it's all in your head and you are just being paranoid or remembering incorrectly.

Your partner makes you feel completely faulty. As if you have the worst memory ever, and are going completely crazy. It’s not them, it’s you.

Made To Feel Stupid

An emotionally abusive partner loves to belittle and make you feel less than. Your partner will humiliate and embarrass you in front of others with blatant disrespect, or making you the butt of a joke. They are even worse in private.

If you dare to challenge or question their judgement, they are quick to remind you how mentally superior they are to you. They do not value you or your opinion.

Controlling

An emotionally abusive partner tends to also be controlling. They want to know where you are at, where you are going, and who are you with. They want to tell you how to dress, how to act, and what to do. You are punished with silence or withdrawals of affection if you do not do things their way.

An emotionally abusive relationship can leave you feeling depressed, alone, and questioning your self worth. It is important to remember that you are not worthless, you do not need to stay in an abusive situation, and that you will be loved again, the right way.

What are your thoughts on emotional abuse? There are many signs to look for, which would you add? Please share your experience!

“Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.” - Unknown

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6 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Relationship

As the years go by, we grow and we change. Our wants and desires from 10 years ago may be vastly different than what they are today. It is inevitable. Life happens, priorities change, and as we gain insight and knowledge, our world view changes as well.

Unfortunately, sometimes our growth can negatively impact relationships in our lives, especially romantic relationships. The guy or girl that you were at 25 is not the same person at 35. You basically outgrow people in your life, including romantic partners.

If you are reading this, chances are you have already realized that you have outgrown your partner, but are looking for some definitive signs. Here are the six signs that you have outgrown your relationship.

6 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Relationship

Your Priorities Are Different

She is an ambitious, career focused money saver, while he prefers to focus on his hobbies, spend money like there is a never ending pot of money, and bounces from job to job. While once on the same page, one person has grown and become focused, while the other partner has become stagnant.

Your Interests Are Different

He is a political junkie and a huge Star Wars fan, while she is into reality television and fashion. He wants to talk about the upcoming election, and she is not even a registered voter. There is a problem here.

At some point these two people became polar opposites, and started to lack commonality. One is interested in world events, while the other is interested in looking cute and taking selfies.

Nothing To Talk About

You know that you have outgrown each other when you really have nothing to talk about, or it is the same old stories over and over.

It important to recognize that you have nothing to talk about because you have nothing in common, and you have nothing in common because you have outgrown each other.

You’re Bored

If you find your partner boring, you have outgrown them. The truth is that you find them boring because you now share different interests, are on a different intellectual levels, and no commonality any longer.

Different Values

Once upon a time you were both drinkers and into going out a lot. Now she’s a homebody, but he still likes to drink and go out a lot. She also likes to attend church, but he is a non believer.

Lifestyle and differing religious beliefs are big changes that happen as we grow and mature.

Different Goals

His goal is to have a nice family life with a few kids, while her goal is retire by 50 and then travel world. She doesn’t see kids in her future, and views them as a burden, while he sees children as a blessing.

It is hard to admit to yourself that you have outgrown your relationship without sounding like you are criticizing your partner or being judgey, but it is what it is. You should not feel guilty because you have grown and changed, especially if your growth has been for the better.

What are your thoughts on outgrowing relationships? Do you agree with the signs? When you outgrow a relationship do you stick it out or move on? Please share your experience!

“Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” - Lee Goff

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6 Signs He Wants To Be More Than Friends

Some friendships are destined to take a romantic turn. A relationship rooted in friendship has a solid foundation, and the strong possibility of great compatibility, and many years of happiness. A beautiful friendship can become a beautiful romantic love.

Hopefully both individuals in this friendships are on the same page about whether or not the relationship will remain platonic.

We are often terrible at hiding our feelings from those who barely know us, and it is even harder to hide our feelings from those closest to us. Despite the fact that secret love, and crushes, are often obvious to the bystander, those involved are frequently clueless.

The signs that he wants more than friendship are there if you know what to look for.

6 Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend

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The Way He Looks At You

Do his eyes get all googly when he looks at you? Does he try to hold your gaze for a little too long, or stare at you intensely? If he is your “friend” but gazing into your eyes, he most certainly wants to be more than friends. Unfortunately for him, our eyes often betray us.

We cannot help but want to stare at the object of our affection. His eyes tell you how he feels, and deep, longing looks usually mean feelings of deep longing.

The Way He Communicates With You

Does he frequently find little ways to text you, call you, or just chat you up. You two have your own language, and he often teases you, or calls you by pet names. It is not just about the frequency of the communication, but also the way he talks to you.

He will likely be softer and gentler in his approach, or extra funny and charming. He will also be easy to talk to, which is a big one with women.

How He Treats You In Contrast To Others

Pay close attention to how he treats you in contrast to how he treats others. Do you find that you get to see the softer, funnier, more charming version of him than what others get to experience. While some people might describe him as cold, unapproachable, or quiet, with you he seems to be the complete opposite.

With you he tends to be warm, upbeat, and easy to talk to. So he is basically adorable and hard to resist.

The Amount Of Attention He Gives You

You are never far from his mind, so his focus is usually on you. In a group setting he will seek you out. If you are at a gathering he somehow always ends up by your side. He is always your biggest supporter, and advocate, and will not entertain a negative word against you.

If he cannot be by your side, he will keep you in his line of sight.

His Reaction To Your Presence

If your friend secretly wants more, his body will react immediately to your presence. When you walk into the room he will likely straighten his posture, he may unconsciously start to groom himself, and his eyes will beam, even though he doesn’t realize it.

He wants to look good for you. He may also get a little fidgety and nervous because he wants to make a good impression.

He Gets Jealous

He cannot help himself. The thought of you with another guy drives him crazy. Maybe you’re taken, or perhaps he’s taken, but no matter your current situations it doesn’t change the fact that he wants you to be his.

It doesn’t change the fact that he wants you all to himself, which is why seeing you talk to other guys, or hearing about your dates or relationships not only infuriates him, but also breaks his heart a little.

If a guy does more than a couple of these things in relation to a woman who is not his chick, he has got it bad. If you are interested in your friend as well, flat out confess, or find a way to let him know how you feel. However, if you are not interested, and he is permanently friend zoned, add some distance between you two so as to not lead him on.

What signs do you look for when think someone wants to be more than friends? Do you agree with my list? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“This isn't a crush, it's obsession. You are never not in my thoughts. Your scent carries across a room and paralyzes me with longing. I don't want to hold your hand. Part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you while the flame consumes us both, to eat your heart so I know that only I possess it entirely.” - Gwen Hayes, Falling Under

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First Date Conversation Starters

First dates can either be super fun and cute, or crazy awkward and uncomfortable. There’s usually not a whole lot of in between. I equate a first date to a job interview. You are nervous, but trying to project confidence, and make a good first impression.

There are literally thousands of questions you could ask your date, but remember your goal, and remember that you are also being interviewed for a possible date number two as well.

The goal is to get to know enough about them on the first date to make a determination of basic compatibility, which is the decider for a second date.

I chose the below questions for the first date because I think they are safe, non controversial questions that give you enough intel about your date, but shouldn’t creep them out. You do not want to make them feel like they are being interrogated, or like they being interviewed to be a sperm donor.

The first date questions should be light and fun, but also informative.

First Date Conversation Starters

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1. Where are you from originally?

Many adults move for education and for work, so there is a good chance your date is not a local native. Depending on the part of the country someone is from, or if they were born and raised outside the US, it really shapes the person they are.

2. Where did you go to school?

Asking about his school will give him an opportunity to humble brag, and for you to learn about his educational background and career. Alma Mater pride talk is always fun.

3. What are you favorite things to do?

The purpose of this question is to find commonality. If he enjoys spending his weekends antiquing and visiting art galleries, while you spend your weekends surfing and camping, you are probably not a good fit.

But you also find out that you both love doing the same things, which makes planning a second date a no-brainer.

4. Do you have pets?

Is he a cat lover or dog lover, or hates animals altogether? Sounds like no a big deal, but it would be if the relationship progressed.

It’s great to find out early that your potential mate is allergic to cats, and you have two cats at home.

5. What’s your favorite form of entertainment? Books? Music? Movies?

I do not necessarily consider any answers to these questions deal breakers, and you do not need to have everything in common with a mate, but it is nice when you share similar taste in music and movies.

6. What is your guilty pleasure?

This is just a fun question, and a test to see how much they are willing to open up, and possibly a peek into their silly side. We all have a guilty pleasure, but will they admit to theirs?

There’s nothing wrong with being a terrible singer and loving karaoke.

7. What really annoys you?

Some people find large crowds annoying, while others would rather not interact with children or animals.

It might be helpful to know that their pet peeve is people who are indecisive, especially if you know that is one of your main quirks.

8. Who is your favorite entertainer?

The answer to this question should be very telling, and it should spark lively conversation. Is he open to fun banter and disagreement about who is the best singer, actor, writer, or musician, or does his opinion have to rule?

Be sure to keep the conversation natural, and space your questions out over the course of your time together. Hopefully you will find these questions helpful on your next first date, but remember that while you are asking these questions you are also trying to determine if you and your date have good chemistry.

What is your experience with first dates? Do you agree with my list of conversation staters? What questions would you ask on a first date? Please share your experience!

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control.” - Gwen

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6 Signs He Wants A Serious Relationship…With You

We all come to a point in our lives when we want to slow down, find the right person, and have a life with them. This doesn’t necessarily mean marriage for everyone, in fact many people are blissfully happy in coupledom, with no formal commitment.

However, at some point a decision is made to be in a committed relationship with one person, with the hopes of spending your life together.

Dating is fun, but most of us do not want to date forever. At some point you want to feel that the relationship is heading somewhere, but how do we know. Of course you can always ask him how he feels.

You can have that awkward “where is the relationship going conversation”, when likely you should already know by how he behaves in the relationship.

Signs He’s Interested In A Serious Relationship

He Makes You A Priority

He makes time for you and wants to spend time with you. He ensures that you know where you stand in his life and leaves no doubt that you are a priority to him. When he is running late, or has to work late he let’s you know.

You’ve Met His Friends and Family

Men are not going to bring a woman around their friends and family unless they see the relationship going somewhere. If he wants you to meet his family and friends, then he is telling you he is serious about you, and wants his friends and family to know it as well.

He Wants To Meet Your Family

Meeting the family of someone you are dating for the first time is nerve racking and a little uncomfortable. So if your guy is not only willing, but wanting to meet your family, it is a big sign that he wants a serious relationship with you.

He Makes Nice With Your Friends

A man who sees you as part of his future will want to have a good relationship with your friends. He realizes that they are important to you, and because they are important to you, he wants to have a good relationship with them.

He Wants To Be Exclusive

If a man is serious about you, he will not want to see or date other people. Also, the thought of you dating other guys would be unbearable for him. If he wants to see you and only you, and asks that you are exclusive, then he is saying he wants a serious relationship with you.

He Tells You

A man just coming out and telling you how he feels is obviously the best way to know how he feels, but sometimes getting men to discuss their feeling can be like pulling teeth. But if he is really serious about you, and sees a future with you, he will tell you.

When it comes to matters of the heart, our judgement can become clouded when trying to make a determination between what is and what we want. Life would be much simpler if we all “used our words”, and communicated our wants and feelings clearly. As this is not always the case, we have to read the signs, when we lack the courage for words.

What signs do you look for when you think a relationship is turning serious? Do you agree with the signs I say to look for? Please share your experience!

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." — When Harry Met Sally

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20 Favorite Quotes About Letting Go and Moving On...

I love a good quote. All good things come to an end, or so I have been told. Whether you are an optimist or a realist, death or circumstance will force the endings to jobs, relationships, and sadly life.

Nothing lasts forever, no matter how much we wished they did sometimes. The challenge comes with letting go, and moving on.

For this blog I picked 20 old and new favorite quotes about moving on and letting go. Some are sweet, some are sad, but they all reflect the importance of letting go in order to be able to move forward. Once you are able to move on, you will have a chance of being happy again.

My 20 Favorite Letting Go And Moving On Quotes

“I think it happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. And so you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, True Believer

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”– Joseph Campbell

“When it comes to love and loss, acceptance is never easy. We can't make someone see all we have to give, make them love us, or make them change. All we can do is move on and stop wasting time.” ― April Mae Monterrosa

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”– Nicole Sobon

“Don't tie your heart to a person that has nothing left to offer you. Let it go. It might hurt for a while, but when you get over it, you'll see that its better.” ― Orebela Gbenga

”Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”– Herman Hesse

“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.” ― Shannon L. Alder

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” ― Tupac Shakur

“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” – Daphne Rose Kingman

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”– Deborah Reber

“Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.” – Mandy Hale

“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” – Ann Lander

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in.” ― Katherine Mansfield

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” - Raymond Lindquist

“The great courageous act that we must all do, is to have the courage to step out of our history and past so that we can live our dreams.” ― Oprah Winfrey

“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”
- Deepak Chopra

“The secret to life is to have no fear. When you can let go of what others think about you, how something is going to turn out, or how your past will affect your future, then you are finally living life free.” ― Shannon L. Alder

“Rejection is one of the worse forms of pain. Loss is the worst. Grief haunts until you allow yourself to move on.” ― Angelica Hopes

“Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” - Lee Goff

Quotes about letting go and moving on are supposed to be inspirational, supportive, and encouraging. Have you ever found it difficult to let go and move on, and but some good advice helped you? Please share moving on advice or favorite quotes!

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Is Love at First Sight Real? What Psychology Says About Instant Attraction

Love at first sight is a phenomenon. You see someone across a crowded room and feel an instant connection and a gut feeling that this person is who you were meant to be with.

Fortunately, luck would have it that the one you fell in love with at first sight just so happens to be hot or gorgeous. No coincidence there, right?

Love, at first sight, is rare, but do you believe it can actually happen? Many will poo poo the concept of love at first sight, and rightfully so, in my opinion.

I mean after all, what could we possibly know about someone after just one sighting or meeting? But others are firm believers that it can happen, mainly because it has happened to them.

Movies and literature would have you believe that love at first happens all of the time and will lead to a “happily ever after” ending.

I mean, after all, didn’t Cinderella get her glass slipper after just one encounter? A moment in time can be wonderful, but what happens when reality sets in?

Here’s What Psychology Says About Love At First Sight

Most psychologists stress the importance of distinguishing attraction from love. People can form first impressions in milliseconds. Within seconds of meeting someone, your brain is already evaluating their body language, facial expressions, their voice, and yes, their level of attractiveness. There is also a perceived familiarity and trustworthiness with this attractive stranger. The immediate reaction to your initial assessment can be powerful and feel like love, but psychologists will say it is likely just attraction.

Psychologists say you can absolutely experience attraction, chemistry, and a profound sense of connection at first sight. Whether it becomes love depends on what happens afterward.

How Biology Plays A Part

That instant attraction you feel is not just happening in your heart and eyes; it’s happening in your brain. The dopamine hit you get when the initial attraction happens is an electric feeling. You feel excited and energized by the feeling. The oxytocin hit you get from being in close proximity to this person will make you feel bonded to them and more physically attracted to them.

Is Love At First Sight Possible?

Reasons To Believe In Love At First Sight

• Instant Attraction

• Amazing Chemistry

• Soulmates

• Gut Feeling

Reasons To Not Believe In Love At First Sight

• Based Solely On Physical Attributes

• Unknown Commonality

• Masks Are Still On

• You Can’t Love What You Do Not Know
  
  
  

I have often heard love at first sight referred to as “lust” at first sight, and I have to agree. While I have personally never felt like I have fallen in love with someone at first sight, I have had that instant attraction.

I have experienced seeing someone from across the room and feeling a strong emotion as our eyes met. The next time our paths crossed we hit it off and dated for a couple of years. Was it love at first sight? No, it was not love because I didn’t know him, I desired him. Big difference in my opinion.

Would it surprise you to know that more than 50 percent of people believe in love at first sight? It surprised me quite honestly. It just goes to show how much we link feelings of love to physical attraction, at least initially. I say initially because we tend to find people more or less attractive as we get to know them, which I think disproves the possibility of love at first.

What I believe can happen is that an initial attraction and fascination can grow and turn into everlasting love.

What are your thoughts on love at first sight? Are you a believer or a cynic? Has it ever happened to you? Can it be love at first sight if the feeling is only one-sided? Please share your story and experience!

“I meant it when I said I didn’t believe in love at first sight. It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don’t belong to yourself any longer, not completely. Part of you belongs to him; part of him belongs to you. After that, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try.” - Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces Of You

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5 Signs He's Not Interested in You (And It's Time to Pay Attention)

If the man you are crushing on is a friend or if he is a nice guy, he will not want to hurt your feelings by coming out, and directly stating that he is not interested in you romantically. So he may intentionally or unintentionally drop hints in order to spare your feelings.

To spare yourself some heartache and embarrassment you need to know what signs to look for.

Let's be honest, you are probably sending signals, and he may not even be picking up on them. A man can be pretty clueless sometimes when a woman is romantically interested in him. However, if a man is romantically interested as well, there are many signs to look for.

The first sign, and most obvious, is the look in his eyes. Try as we might, we cannot hide love in our eyes.

Signs He Is Not Interested

He Will Talk About Other Women

If a man is romantically interested in you, the last thing he wants is for you to think about him being with another woman. He will avoid discussing other women who could be considered a romantic threat with much care.

But if he is not interested and does not see you romantically, he may openly discuss the women he finds attractive, talk of girlfriends, and mention the women he is dating.

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Often Reminds You That You Are Friends

Friendship is the foundation of any strong romantic relationship. However, when you are his "buddy", and he is always reminding you that you are his friend, you have been friend zoned.

Yes, it is possible that he wants you to know how much you mean to him, and how much he values your friendship, but if it is also accompanied by him being gross in front of you and treating you like one of the guys, you're out. He is not interested.

He Avoids Being Alone With You

If a guy is interested, he will want to be able to have his alone time with you. He just wants to talk, and stare, and spend as much one on one time with you as possible. However, if a guy is not romantically interested it will not occur to him to spend alone time with you, or he many even actively avoid it.

The Way He "Doesn't" Look At You

When a man is interested in you romantically there is a lot of eye contact. Ask yourself does he look deep into your eyes when you talk to each other? Does his face light up when you walk into a room? Chances are if you have not seen these behaviors from your love interest, then he is not interested.

Your Gut Feeling

Forget what you want to believe, and listen to your gut feelings. While those deep down feelings, those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind, are not always right, most of the time they are accurate.

You will likely have a feeling deep down that your affection is not returned. It is important not to cloud your thoughts with your desire for a different outcome.

You will not win his heart by doing his laundry, buying him things, or even by being his friend with benefits. He is either feeling you or he is not. You deserve someone who wants to be your guy. You deserve someone who feels the same way you that you do about them.

By now you should be able to recognize whether or not your feelings are returned by your romantic interest. Unrequited love is heartbreaking, but we cannot force someone to feel something they do not, no matter how much we want them to. For the sake of your own heart, and well being, you will need to find a way to move on and get over your love.

Take comfort in knowing that you will fall in love again, and that love will be returned. What is your experience with a romantic interest who seems less than interested? Do you wait and hope, try harder to win them over, or move on? Please share your experience!

“A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.”  ― Rose Gordon, Her Imperfect Groom

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