5 Biggest Marriage Complaints From Wives

I think at this point, most adults recognize that marriage is challenging at best, and hard work in reality. Love does not conquer all, especially when those in the marriage feel like they are being taken for granted and not getting the best effort from their partner.

As someone who has been married for over 20 years and has listened to many friends, relatives, and coworkers complain about their past and present spouses, it’s no wonder divorce rates are so high.

A happy and fulfilling marriage requires a team effort, and many women feel their spouse is just sitting on the bench and watching them take it for the team, constantly.

Here Are the Biggest Complaints Women Have About Their Marriage

Household Chores

Household chores and who does them can become one of the biggest sources of contention in a marriage. Whether the wife is a stay-at-home mom, or works full time, for many households, the wife does most, if not all the cooking, and cleaning, including picking up behind her spouse. She also does the shopping, bill paying, and pet care, and takes care of the couple’s social calendar.

If she stays at home, it is like her shift never ends, and if she works outside the home, she is doing twice the work of her partner. Can you say seething resentment?

Child Care

The common belief that women should be the primary caretaker of children in a family is still very prevalent, despite the fact that women are often financial contributors to the household and sometimes the breadwinners.

Some women ask “Is it that he can’t or he won’t take on more of the childcare efforts”. Obviously, dads cannot breastfeed but they can bottle feed. Both parents can comfort and discipline their children and help with homework, but many women complain that it all falls on them unless they ask their husbands for “help”. Yes, they have to ask for help from their spouse to take care of their own children. This is a source of frustration.

In-Laws

Whether the in-laws are too involved or not involved at all in the marriage and the family, they can be a source of contention for a couple, especially when there are grandchildren.

When a couple weds, the spouse has to come first, and a husband should stick up for and defend his wife against meddling relatives, and not expect her to tolerate hostile or toxic situations.

Monster-in-laws are not just a myth, they do exist.

Finances

Money has always been and continues to be a big issue in marriages. Who controls the money, who decides how the money is spent, and who pays for what is a big stressor for married couples.

Many households are dual income, but both spouses may not bring in equal pay. Whether all the money goes into one pot or the couples keep separate accounts, agreeing on financial goals and spending habits often creates disagreements.

According to a Department of Labor statistic, married women make 75.5% of what married men make. Unmarried, never-married women make 94.2% of what their unmarried male counterparts make.

Communication

It sucks to be married to a poor communicator. Communication is always the cornerstone of any good relationship, but it doesn’t work miracles. Communication has to be reciprocated and with good intentions. Listening is also part of good communication and so is being open to receiving information.

Many wives complain about having the same discussions, complaints, and arguments over and over again with their spouses. They don’t feel heard and often feel more like mothers and bosses than wives and partners. How do you express the same feelings and frustrations time and again without sounding like a nag or a shrew? Is the hubby just nodding his head but checking out of the conversation? Or is the wife expecting him to read her mind? I suppose both could be true.

In a relationship, if your partner does not consider your complaints and frustrations valid, you may be with the wrong person. Your partner should respect you enough to not want you working all day at a job and coming home and working like a dog taking care of the house, the kids, and him. A person who allows that to happen is selfish and has a lack of respect for you, and maybe a lack of love for you as well.

What are your thoughts on complaints wives have? What are your complaints? How did you address them? Did anything change? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.” ― Greg Behrendt

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5 Effective Ways To Co-Parent

Co-parenting can be challenging whether or not you are in a romantic relationship or are no longer together as a couple. Co-parenting takes understanding, patience, and mutual respect to do it effectively.

Children can be healthy and happy, even if their parents are not together and divorced, but in order for that to happen, both parents have to work together and be willing to meet their counterpart halfway. Advice is always easier said than done, but I think we can all agree that when it comes to our children, the effort is always worth it. Here are 5 effective ways to co-parent.

5 Ways To Effectively Co-Parent

Communicate

Great communication is always essential when it comes to any relationship, but even more so for two individuals to work together for a common goal. Co-parenting requires both parents to share their thoughts and feeling about the children and to listen to their counterparts.

A happy, healthy, and successful co-parenting relationship comes down to good communication.

Keep It About the Children

Whether you are madly in love with your partner or still hurting from a painful split, your parenting decisions should be about the children and their well-being. Parenting choices should not be about the other parent.

You may be dealing with a new boyfriend or girlfriend in your ex’s life, or perhaps they have even married, which may cause you some heartache or anger for you. But remember the beautiful child or children you two share. It is important to not use the children to control, manipulate, or punish the other parent.

Be Kind To Each Other

You should not intentionally undermine or try to usurp the other parent’s parental authority. This rule really comes into play if the relationship is going through challenging times or the parents are no longer together.

Choose kindness, if not for the other person you once cared about, then do it for your children. The children will benefit from the positive co-parenting relationship.

Be Willing To Compromise

When it comes to our children, there may some non-negotiables in regards to the rules you lay down. Whether you are a couple or no longer together, you are likely aligned one hundred percent on every issue in regards to your children.

Whether it’s about the food they are allowed to eat, how much television they get or the activities they participate in, there is bound to be some conflict. It is okay for there to be disagreements and different points of view but be willing to see other parents’ side of things and don’t dig your heels if you really do not have an issue with their parenting call. Be willing to talk it out and come to a consensus.

Present A United Front

Strive to always present a united front. It’s a bad idea to make your children think they can pit you two against one another in order to get their way. As sweet and wonderful as our children are, they will play you and your partner if it means they can get their way. Do not be fooled into thinking your little angel is above it.

To avoid this trap, discuss parenting disagreements outside of your children’s presence, and do not try to score the “cool parent” points by going against the other parent’s wishes outside their presence. This will only backfire on you in the end.

Parenting is not easy. Children do not come with a handbook and mistakes will be made. There is no magic formula to raising perfect children. All we can do as a parent is do our best, with the best intentions.

What are your thoughts on co-parenting? Do you agree with my advice? What advice would you give others? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“At the end of the day, you’ve got to be a little selfless. You have to say ‘It’s not about us. This didn’t work out quite how we wanted it to, but look at the amazing blessing that we have in these wonderful children.’ So you kinda put everything else to the side and really focus.” – Nick Cannon

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10 Signs Your Marriage Is Headed For Divorce

Marriages go through ups and downs and good times and bad times. The trouble starts when your marriage seems to be full of never-ending downs and bad times.

The reality is that not all marriages work out, and in fact nearly fifty percent of marriages end in divorce or separation. Although divorce talk is no one’s favorite topic, if your marriage is heading in that direction it is important to recognize the signs to try to address them, or know the signs in order to prepare yourself.

10 Signs Your Marriage Is Headed For Divorce

You’ve Become Secretive About Your Marriage

You used to be relatively open about everything in your life with your family and good friends, including discussing your relationships and your marriage.

But now you avoid discussing your partner and your marriage because you are afraid they will pick up on your problems and you don’t want anyone to know that your marriage is falling apart.

You’re Self-Conscience About How Your Marriage Looks To Others

You used to never think anything of it if your spouse opted out of going to an event with you or if they worked late or hung out with their friends. Now you get clingy and try to tag along or make-up lies as to why they are unavailable to attend an event with you.

You feel less secure in your relationship and worry that everyone can tell that things are not good.

You Can’t Agree On Anything

You fight about money, you fight about chores, you fight about the kids, and sometimes you even fight about what to have for dinner. Everything is a battle because an unhappy person is hard to please.

Chances are if one of you is unhappy in the relationship, then you both are unhappy.

Poor Communication/Stonewalling

Talking out your issues seems to be an impossible task because one or both of your are not one hundred percent committed to fixing the relationship. You don’t want to talk to one another or one of you completely shuts down all forms of communication, basically ignoring your partner.

You’re Not Physically Attracted To Them

I think most of us want to feel physically attracted to our partners. If one partner stops taking pride in self-care and their appearance, their partner will likely be turned off and less attracted to them, and the physical relationship will suffer.

Men are more visual creatures, so the man will want to feel sexually attracted to his wife, and women also want to be attracted to their husbands as well.

You Avoid Spending Time Together

Suddenly the gym or your laptop is yours or your partner’s new best friend. Anything to avoid engaging with each other. Spending extra hours at the gym can be avoiding home life, relieving stress, and getting that new body as you prepare to become single again.

Working long hours at the office or home is to avoid having to interact with your partner, and to avoid dealing with your issues.

You Don’t Like Your Partner

It may happen slowly over time, but sometimes love can turn to intense dislike. They say familiarity breeds contempt, which may be true to some degree, but with time, you either grow to love your partner more, or you realize you are not a good fit and do not want to be with them anymore.

Sometimes you just don’t like them as a person anymore and may resent them because you feel trapped in the relationship.

You Don’t Love Your Partner

As you realize you don’t like your partner, you may also realize you don’t love them anymore, at least not in a romantic way. You look at them sometimes and feel nothing. Your marriage can survive a lack of love, but it will not be a very happy union.

There’s Someone Else

I think it goes without saying that if you or your partner are in love with someone else your marriage is in trouble. Whether the extra-marital relationship is physical, or emotional, one of you is the third wheel in your relationship and the marriage is headed for a divorce.

You Want Out

If one of you longer wants to be in the relationship you are definitely headed for a divorce. You or your partner are mentally and emotionally done with the relationship. One or both of you wants out of the relationship but feels trapped or is plotting an escape.

I think anyone in a marriage owes it to themself and their partner to try to make it work, but I also think you owe it to yourself to recognize and accept when it can’t work. There’s not a lot of options with a marriage in trouble. You either get counseling to try to work out your issues or you start preparing yourself to move on.

What are your thoughts on the signs of heading for a divorce? Do you agree with my signs? If you are divorced or heading that direction, what signs did you see? Please share!

"I do not believe that there were more happy marriages before divorce became socially acceptable, that people tried harder, got through their rough times, and were better off. I believe that more people suffered.” -Ann Patchett 

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Why Do They Stay? The Reasons People Say They Stay In Unhappy Relationships

When two people are in love and happy, staying in a marriage or relationship for eternity may not seem long enough. But what about when they are unhappy and no longer in love? Many people stay in unhappy, and unhealthy relationships, but why?

It is no secret that people stay in unhappy relationships for many different reasons. Some people feel trapped and try to plot their escape, while others seek counseling or spiritual guidance to make the relationship bearable.

Many children grow up in homes with parents who do not love each, and because of this they vow that they will never settle for such a relationship, and then life happens and cycles get repeated.

The older we get, the more people we know who are divorced, planning to leave their relationship, or are miserable but have their reasons for staying. After discussions with people in my life, and research on this topic, I found some answers as to why people stay in unhappy relationships.

Why She Stays In An Unhappy Relationship

For The Children

Ideally, children are raised in a healthy, two parent home, but for many reasons the two parent home is becoming less and less of the norm.

Being a single parent, and raising children on your own is hard. The thought of it is scary, so some women stay in a relationship with someone they are unhappy with because they believe it is ultimately what is best for the children and themselves.

Financial Reasons

Depending on where you live, everything is expensive. A woman may be miserable in a relationship, but if she is a stay at home mom, or a full time student who relies on her partner for financial support, she may stay. She may have no income of her own, little job experience, or large gaps in her employment history.

Personal Beliefs

There are still many people who believe marriage is forever, regardless of how unhappy they are, and do not consider divorce an option. A woman may also feel like a failure if her marriage doesn’t work, and possibly face negative consequences from her religious community if she divorces.

Fear Of Going It Alone

Some women are not independent and believe they need a man to be with them and take care of them. Their fear of being alone, or the thought of not being able to find someone else makes them feel extremely vulnerable.

Being on your own, especially after having a partner to rely on for years, can be frightening for some.

““There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” — C. Joybell C.”

Why He Stays

For The Children

Men will stay in an unhappy relationship for the children out of fear that if they break up or divorce they will lose access to their children. Times are changing , but historically when a couple divorced, the woman gained full physical custody of the children.

There is also the cost of child support that plays a role in him staying.

Cheaper To Keep Her

I honestly hate this saying, but I do get the real financial meaning behind it. Many of us know men who have had a seemingly good life, and a nice home, but then got a divorce. The wife had custody of the children and stayed in the family home, while he moved into a small apartment since that was all he could afford after paying spousal and child support.

Doesn’t Want To Start Over

Some men will stay in an unhappy relationship out of sheer laziness. I have heard men say they didn’t like their spouse and didn’t want to be married to them anymore, but they also didn’t want to have to do the dating thing, or get back out there on the single scene.

Men also have said they didn’t want the hassle of getting a divorce and splitting everything up.

There is no one way to find happiness again or turn around a bad relationship. Everyone in an unhappy relationship has their own reasons for staying, and for leaving. When children are involved, a lot extra care is needed. The reality is that your children will recognize your unhappiness, and they will be affected whether you choose to stay or leave.

What are your thoughts on staying in an unhappy relationship? Would you stay? Have you stayed? What would make you stay in an unhappy relationship? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner

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6 Signs He’s In Love With Someone Else

Whether you are in a new relationship or have been in a long term relationship, feelings for one another may change. Perhaps you started dating and he wasn’t quite over his ex, or you have been together for a while and suspect that he is in love with someone else.

It can suck to even think about the possibility that your man is in love with another, especially if you have been together for some time and saw a future together.

Here’s the thing, his feelings for this other woman will not miraculously go away so you need to address it with him. If you have that feeling that his heart belongs to someone else, here are the signs to look for.

Signs He’s In Love With Someone Else

He Can’t Stop Talking About Her

When we are in love with someone that person is never far from our mind. When someone is on your mind their name tends to come out of your mouth a lot.

Whether she is the neighbor, a co-worker, or a friend of a friend, if your man is always talking about a particular woman he likely has feelings for her.

Has A Look In His Eyes When He Mentions Her

When the other woman's name comes up, do you see your man’s eyes change? The mere thought of her will make him giddy and happy, and the feelings will show in his eyes.

You will likely recognize this look as to how he used to look at you when you were first falling in love.

Suddenly Stops Talking About Her

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If your man was mentioning a certain woman all of the time and then suddenly stops saying her name it may be indicative of him having feelings for her. He has just wised up and realized that he was bringing her up too much, and him talking about her all the time was making you suspicious.

So now he never says her name anymore, but she is still there, often in his thoughts.

His Moods Depends On Her

On days when he has interacted with her he is happy, excited, and oddly more loving with you. But when he doesn’t see or interact with her he is grouchy, moody, and easily annoyed by you.

When he is missing her or feeling resentful that he cannot be with her, his mood and behavior will reflect his thoughts and heart.

He Wants You To Be More Like Her

Suddenly everything you do, say, eat, or wear is up for scrutiny and comparison. You may start to notice him suggesting different clothes, perfume, hair styles, and even new bedroom tricks for you.

If he is in love with another woman, but in a relationship with you, he may try to turn you into a version of her.

Your Gut Is Telling You

Deep inside we know when a guy is crazy in love with us, and we also know when he is falling out of love with us. If your man is in love with someone else, you will feel it. Horrible, I know.

The thought that your man or the guy you are in love with is in love with someone else is painful. But isn’t it better to know and be able to deal with it or move on? Or would you rather not know, and hope that his feelings the for the other woman is just a faze?

Either way, I think your man loving another woman is a hard reality that will eventually need to be faced. You deserve better than playing second fiddle to anyone else.

What are your thoughts on the signs that a man is in love with someone else? Have you eve been in this situation? Please share your thoughts and experience.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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6 Signs He's Not In Love With You Anymore

I know it sounds harsh to say that someone doesn’t love you. “He is not in love with you anymore” is definitely not the words anyone ever wants to hear, but it is sometimes the harsh reality.

Even though the words may not have been spoken, chances are the heart is more than aware that they are not loved by their partner.

You love your man, and may have had hopes that things would get better, or that his change in behavior towards you was just a phase. However, continued displays of unloving behavior is indicative that the love is gone. Denial ultimately does you no good, as it only offers a temporary state of make believe.

People fall out of love, it happens. If he doesn’t love you anymore, he may exhibit all or some of the signs below. The important thing for you to recognize is his overall change in attitude and behavior towards you.

6 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

You Annoy Him

One of the first signs that you will notice when your partner is falling out of love with you, is their tolerance level when it comes to you. You have always been indecisive about what movie to watch or where to eat, but unlike how they used to react your inability to make decisions, your partner now becomes clearly annoyed and angry with you.

Everything you do is annoying. You take too long to get ready, you breathe too loud, and even the way you dress or eat. They find fault with you because they are not in love, and they are emotionally done with the relationship.

He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings

If your man has become insensitive or dismissive of your feelings, he is not in love with you anymore. You may find some inconsistencies in his behavior with this sign. He may reveal his true feelings by being cruel or insensitive, but then feel guilty about his behavior, and then will try to be nice or sweet again. His sweet behavior will not last because his feelings are gone.

His inconsistent behavior will give you emotional whiplash, but the hot and cold behavior is due to him feeling guilty about not loving you anymore.

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He Is Disrespectful

You may notice that the way your man speaks to you has changed. His words and his tone are often rude and disrespectful. He doesn’t care about or respect your opinion, your time, or your feelings.

He Doesn’t Communicate

Your guy used to call or text to let you know he’s running late or working late. But now it’s radio silence. No more cute check ins throughout the day to see how you are doing, or how your day is going, because you are not on his mind anymore, and he doesn’t care.

You will also find that he takes forever to respond to your calls or texts, if he responds at all.

He Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

Your man has gone from barely being able to keep his hands off you, to rarely touching you or initiating sex. When you do have sex, he seems to be going through the motions, or treating it like a chore, but he is not emotionally present.

This sign can be a little tricky because some men will still have sex with you even if they have a woman on the side, or are planning on leaving you.

He Doesn’t Tell You He Loves You

If your guy doesn’t say I love you anymore, or has to be prompted by you saying it first, he doesn’t feel it. Of course, love is not just about words, it is about actions as well, so if he doesn’t say it, and he doesn’t show it, he is not in love anymore.

If you are trying to determine whether or not he is no longer in love with you, it comes down to the changes in your relationship. How were things in the beginning, and how are they now? Your man’s love for you over time should have deepened and become stronger, but if he is displaying the above signs, then that is not the case.

What are your thoughts on the signs? Do you call it quits or stick it out hoping things will get better? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“How do you know when it's over?" "Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.” ― Gunnar Ardelius, I Need You More Than I Love and I Love You to Bits

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