5 Benefits Of Waiting To Have Sex

The dating game and how we find a mate has changed over time, but the fundamentals of the heart and human desire remain the same. The importance of sexual intimacy is different for everyone, and the weight placed on the act of sex in or out of relationships varies vastly from person to person depending on age, gender, upbringing, and religious beliefs.

I think many people, women in particular, struggle with the decision of when to sleep with a man. What is considered too soon to sleep with a guy you just met or just started dating? Is it okay to sleep with him on the first date or do I wait until after the fifth date? The truth is there is no right answer.

This blog is not about slut-shaming, but it is about thinking about how early intimacy can affect future relationship possibilities and how it may be more beneficial to wait depending on your own relationship goals.

The Benefits of Waiting To Have Sex

Takes Away The Pressure

The first time with a new partner can be exciting, but it can also be filled with nervousness and pressure. If this is someone who you barely know, and you want a second date, you may feel pressure to be more exciting or kinkier than you normally would be in bed to try to secure a second date.

If you establish your own personal rule that you are not putting out until the fifth or tenth date, you will feel less anxious and pressure because by that point you have a pretty good idea that you like him and he likes you.

Get To Know Each Other

Taking the time to get to really get to know the new guy in your life if you are looking for a long term relationship and love is the most important part of dating. Figuring out if you share commonality, chemistry, and life goals will be the determining factor if he may be the one or if seeing him again would be a waste of time.

Creates Mystery

Your relationship will eventually move to the bedroom, but until that time, you get to enjoy all of the flirting and fantasizing as the sexual tension builds up. The bedroom action for the first time is the big reveal, but some women allow everything to peak too soon in the relationship and the romance fizzles out quickly.

Changes Relationship Focus

Once sex is off the table, temporarily, of course, it allows the relationship to grow organically and for two people to get to know each other. Sex is great, but it can also be a distracter and become the focus of the relationship in the early stages, especially if it is good sex.

You may think that a relationship with a focus on good sex is not a bad thing, but if a young relationship is all about sex, it’s not much of a relationship, and not likely to last.

You Know He Likes You For You

If you have gone out with a guy six times and there has been no sex, chances are he keeps coming back for you because he likes you. But when a guy keeps coming back after you slept with him on the first date or when you first met him, maybe wasn’t even a date, you can’t be sure if he likes you or is just using you.

I am not advocating for “no sex” before marriage, in fact, I strongly encourage sampling and making a determination of sexual compatibility before making a lifelong commitment to someone. What I am saying is to maybe reconsider sleeping with a guy too soon if you are looking for a long term relationship. However, if you are just looking for a good time and no strings then do your thing.

What are your thoughts on waiting to have sex in a new relationship? Do you think it matters? Does becoming intimate too early in a new relationship sabotage future possibilities? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tim Robbins

Blog RSS

Does Size Matter In The Bedroom? Here's What 5 Women Had To Say

What happens in the bedroom doesn’t always necessarily stay in the bedroom. Women sometimes share their sexual experiences with their girlfriends, and men sometimes brag about their conquests. Whether the man or women are sharing the bedroom experience, penis size often comes up in these conversations.

As a woman, I have had my own experiences, and definitely have some interesting stories to tell, but I won’t. What I will share is that being a single woman in the dating world can make you feel a bit like Goldilocks. This one is too big, and this one is too small, but where oh where do I find the one that is just right.

Over the years I have heard many men brag about the size of their package, as if the thought of me dying by penis impalement was somehow enticing. Let’s just say, they were wrong. In fact, based on my research many men get this wrong.

Did you know that the average penis size is 5.17 inches? I know, I was a little disappointed too when I saw that number, but at the end of the day I recognize that it’s more about how you work it than what you are working with.

I decided to do some research on what other women thought of importance of penis sizes and what mattered the most to them in the bedroom. If you are a women you will not likely find the results surprising, but for some men this may be an eye opener.

Gina 38, Hairstylist, Engaged

Gina has dated a lot of guys and says does not think that size matters, for the most part, but would prefer an average size penis. She shared a story of having sex with a guy whose penis was so small that the condom kept coming off.

Gina’s large penis experience left her with abdominal pain, and rethinking the idea that bigger was better. Gina thinks that 6 or 7 inches is the perfect size for her.

Missy 44, Personal Trainer, Married

Missy believes that penis size only matters in the extreme. She said she would not be interested in a very large or small penis, but it really comes down to how much you are into the guy and the chemistry you two have.

Missy also thinks that overall bedroom skills are more important than penis size. If a man knows how to mentally stimulate a woman, use his mouth, and work his hips, he will blow her mind.

Nikki 35, Nurse, Single

Nikki is single and dates a lot. She says that penis size has never mattered to her. Nikki believes in the overall pleasure experience, and says there are many ways for a man to satisfy a woman in the bedroom that doesn’t involve his penis.

Pamela 39, Administrator, Married

Pamela says she loves a big penis, but also said that ultimately size doesn’t matter to her. Pamela says there is way more to sex than just penis to vagina penetration. She shared that she is into dirty talk, sex toys, and BDSM. Her bedroom, her rules.

Rebecca 40, Military, Divorced

Rebecca says she has not had as many sexual partners as some of her friends, but says that she has experienced a very large penis and a very small penis. The guy with the large penis was her boyfriend for 2 years.

Rebecca said that some days she just dreaded his penis. She preferred being on top with him because she could control his entry, but she found doggie style to be too painful. Rebecca found the small penis guy to be lacking in skills, and said his thrust felt pointless.

According to women, when it comes down to it, a man’s penis size is not that important to the overall pleasure for a sexual encounter. Women say size doesn’t matter unless the penis is well above or below average. Average size is just right.

So if there are any guys reading this, the one thing you should take take away from this blog is the importance of foreplay, especially if you’re not packing. Be generous in bed. Give and you shall receive.

What are your thoughts on the importance of penis size in the bedroom? Does it matter to you? Do you have a preference? Please share your thoughts and experience!

Blog RSS

6 Ways To Let Him Know You Want A Physical Relationship

Not everyone wants or needs to be in a relationship to feel happy or complete in their life. Relationships are nice if you are with the right person, but also overrated if you are thinking that the relationship alone will fulfill you and give you a lifetime of joy.

More and more women are focusing on their education and careers, and putting marriage and family on the back burner. Many women are also choosing not to have children at all, and to have partners rather than spouses.

Relationship or not, a woman will still crave sexual intimacy. But the question is how to go about finding the right guy for the no strings attached relationship? And once you find him, how do you let him know that’s what you want?

As far as how to pick the guy, I say it’s all about personal preference. It will need to be someone with whom you have a strong physical attraction with and good sexual chemistry.

Whether you are bold or timid when it comes to seeking a lover, doing the six things I lay out in this blog should let him know what you are seeking. Either he will be interested and will reciprocate with similar signals or he will make it clear he’s not feeling it.

If he seems uninterested keep it moving because there are plenty of men who would gladly take his place.

6 Ways To Let Him Know You Want A Physical Relationship

Flirt

Flirt your little heart out. Flirt with your words and flirt with your body. Your flirting can be playful and subtle, or direct and obvious. How you flirt will need to depend on the personality of the person you are flirting with and where you are at when you are doing the flirting.

How you flirt in a bar will be completely different than how you flirt at work or at a PTA meeting.

Touch Him

Touch him occasionally, but don’t get inappropriate or creep him out. He may have the nicest chest or butt you’ve seen it a long time, and you just want grab him so bad, but you will need to resist.

Your touches should be subtle. Light touches to his shoulder, his forearm, or his hand. His body will respond and not pull away if he likes your hand on him.

Get Physically Close

We all have what we consider our personal space surrounding us. And it tends to bother us when people break this invisible barrier, unless of course it is someone we like or want to be physical with.

Test the waters and get close to him. If he is attracted to you he will be more than aware of your physical closeness, but will not move away. If he creates a physical distance he may not be interested.

Sex It Up

When I say sex it up, I mean look your best to attract him, but don’t try to be something that you’re not and overdo it. Dress and act as sexy as you feel comfortable with. You do not want to make yourself uncomfortable or feel insecure. Confidence is sexy, and he will be drawn to that.

Eye Contact

Strong eye contact is sexy, and says so much more than words at times. When eye contact is made between you and the one who is meant to be your lover or more, you will know it. You will feel it everywhere.

Tell Him

“Do you wanna bang” would not be my choice of words, but hey this is your sex life. If you are going for straight up directness, and feel like your invitation will be well received then go for it. Tell him what you want in your own words.

It’s a personal choice, and every woman has her reasons for opting for lovers over boyfriends and husband. Maybe she has been burned in the past with a bad divorce or horrible breakup, or she just knows herself and accept that she’s not the relationship type. Either way, no one is owed an explanation.

“It was the wildness of it that got me going: the primal lust, the sheer needs of two people in heat, quickly finding ways to express their sacred hunger to each other in animal passion.” ― Fiona Thrust, Naked and Sexual

Blog RSS

Friends With Benefits...5 Reasons It's Not Worth It

Friends with benefits sounds good in theory, but is it really worth potentially screwing up a great friendship for sex? The friends with benefits relationship is basically a no strings attached agreement. You have fun together, hang out, have sex, and then go your separate ways.

There are many people who fall into the trap of friends with benefits (FWB). It is after all very appealing. You are single, horny, and have a willing partner who you are close to and find attractive, or at least attractive enough.

The decision for the friends with benefits relationship is often made in the heat of the moment, and not well thought out. Unfortunately, there is no going back once you start sleeping together.

5 Reasons It's Not Worth It

It Changes The Friendship

The friendship changes but not usually for the good. Sure you are getting laid, but now there is a complicated relationship in your life, and it's with someone you would have normally confided in about it.

Also, instead of being the chill buddy, or the one they would pour their heart out to, you are now the booty call. Things start to become complicated.

You Feel Jealous

Although the deal was just sex, you will start to feel a little possessive. Before the sexual relationship started, and you were hanging out with your friend, it didn't bother you if he checked out another girl. In fact you didn't think anything of it, but with a sexual relationship involved you feel hurt, jealous, and kind of disrespected.

You Become Emotionally Attached

You always cared about them as a friend, but after you start having sex you will likely develop real feelings of love for them. Once that happens, it's analyze, analyze, analyze. What did he or she mean when they said this or that? Why haven't they called? Am I being used?

Featured Video

You Get Your Heart Broken

Maybe in the beginning you were down for a strictly sexual relationship, or possibly always hoped it would turn into more. Either way, your friend didn't feel the same way, and now you are left heartbroken and feeling foolish. This will be especially difficult if you have the same circle of friends, and his dates or new girlfriends are brought around.

It's Going To End

One way or another, your FWB is going to end, but it may not be by your choosing. Perhaps your friend started dating someone, or just felt that the sexual part of your relationship had run its course. Whatever the reason, the end will feel like a break up, and it will be difficult to handle.

Now you have to struggle to maintain a friendship with someone you are in love with, and who has rejected you on some level.

In a nutshell, a friends with benefits relationship is sex with a friend who does not want more from your relationship. Not everyone is cut out for this type of relationship. So, in choosing to enter a FWB agreement, one needs to clear about what they want, and have an end game.

Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship? How did it end? How did it make you feel, and would you ever engage in another one? Please share story or experience!

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.”  - W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil

Blog RSS

How Do You Netflix And Not "Chill"?

So I grudgingly admit I am a huge nerd, and perhaps a little naive. I was woefully unaware what was truly meant by the saying "Netflix and Chill". I thought you hang out with friends or your boo, and watch Netflix. I was so wrong.

My husband heard me say to my teen daughter that we were going Netflix and Chill, and he told to me to look in Urban dictionary, because I was completely using that phrase incorrectly. Okay, so a more accurate account would be that I was referred to Urban dictionary and Google after I said, "no way does it mean that" about five time.

Urban dictionary defines Netflix and Chill as "going to your partners house to bang with Netflix on in the background". Isn't that just lovely. Well when I say Netflix and Chill (NAC), I mean vegge out and watch some Netflix.

So on to how you can have a great night enjoying Netflix, that may or may not end with some "chill" time. I really enjoy Netflix as a stay at home date, with the family for movie night, and even by myself. I prefer to have a theme for the snacks and to set the mood.

On some occasions I will buy movie theatre size candy, Coca Cola in bottles, and pop lots of popcorn. There will be lots of blanket, lights turned out, and the surround sound blasting. For a date night theme, I like to do cocktails, finger foods, and candle light.

Now what to watch? There are so many choices from series, movies, stand up comedy, and great documentaries. I recommend Santa Clarita Diet, which is funny and quirky, for maybe a girl's night in. The Princess Bride is perfect for a family movie night.

For date night, maybe go for something scary or creepy, but please no romantic comedies. Perhaps Penny Dreadful, because although it's not a romantic series, Penny Dreadful can be very sexy and sexual, and then maybe you will chill after all.

So now you know how I Netflix and Chill. Did you all know what NAC meant? Hopefully I am educating someone tonight, because otherwise this is so embarrassing.

Blog RSS