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Why Do They Stay? The Reasons People Say They Stay In Unhappy Relationships
When two people are in love and happy, staying in a marriage or relationship for eternity may not seem long enough. But what about when they are unhappy and no longer in love? Many people stay in unhappy, and unhealthy relationships, but why?
It is no secret that people stay in unhappy relationships for many different reasons. Some people feel trapped and try to plot their escape, while others seek counseling or spiritual guidance to make the relationship bearable.
Many children grow up in homes with parents who do not love each, and because of this they vow that they will never settle for such a relationship, and then life happens and cycles get repeated.
The older we get, the more people we know who are divorced, planning to leave their relationship, or are miserable but have their reasons for staying. After discussions with people in my life, and research on this topic, I found some answers as to why people stay in unhappy relationships.
Why She Stays In An Unhappy Relationship
For The Children
Ideally, children are raised in a healthy, two parent home, but for many reasons the two parent home is becoming less and less of the norm.
Being a single parent, and raising children on your own is hard. The thought of it is scary, so some women stay in a relationship with someone they are unhappy with because they believe it is ultimately what is best for the children and themselves.
Financial Reasons
Depending on where you live, everything is expensive. A woman may be miserable in a relationship, but if she is a stay at home mom, or a full time student who relies on her partner for financial support, she may stay. She may have no income of her own, little job experience, or large gaps in her employment history.
Personal Beliefs
There are still many people who believe marriage is forever, regardless of how unhappy they are, and do not consider divorce an option. A woman may also feel like a failure if her marriage doesn’t work, and possibly face negative consequences from her religious community if she divorces.
Fear Of Going It Alone
Some women are not independent and believe they need a man to be with them and take care of them. Their fear of being alone, or the thought of not being able to find someone else makes them feel extremely vulnerable.
Being on your own, especially after having a partner to rely on for years, can be frightening for some.
““There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” — C. Joybell C.”
Why He Stays
For The Children
Men will stay in an unhappy relationship for the children out of fear that if they break up or divorce they will lose access to their children. Times are changing , but historically when a couple divorced, the woman gained full physical custody of the children.
There is also the cost of child support that plays a role in him staying.
Cheaper To Keep Her
I honestly hate this saying, but I do get the real financial meaning behind it. Many of us know men who have had a seemingly good life, and a nice home, but then got a divorce. The wife had custody of the children and stayed in the family home, while he moved into a small apartment since that was all he could afford after paying spousal and child support.
Doesn’t Want To Start Over
Some men will stay in an unhappy relationship out of sheer laziness. I have heard men say they didn’t like their spouse and didn’t want to be married to them anymore, but they also didn’t want to have to do the dating thing, or get back out there on the single scene.
Men also have said they didn’t want the hassle of getting a divorce and splitting everything up.
There is no one way to find happiness again or turn around a bad relationship. Everyone in an unhappy relationship has their own reasons for staying, and for leaving. When children are involved, a lot extra care is needed. The reality is that your children will recognize your unhappiness, and they will be affected whether you choose to stay or leave.
What are your thoughts on staying in an unhappy relationship? Would you stay? Have you stayed? What would make you stay in an unhappy relationship? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner
In-Law Issues...6 Signs It's Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
When we get married, we are not just marrying the person, we are actually marrying their whole family. With family comes a lot of love, but also family drama. You may get lucky and marry into a wonderful family who are loving and supportive of your union.
Or you may end up with in-laws who butt in, undermine, and sabotage your relationship.
I would like to hope that the in-laws who butt in are well meaning, but regardless of their intentions, they need to respect your relationship, and not crossover into disrespectful intrusiveness.
Whether it’s your parents, your spouses parents, or your respective siblings, in-laws can actually cause a lot of relationships issues that lead to divorce.
6 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
They Show Up Unannounced
You had no plans to see your in-laws, but they just show up at your door whenever they want. You are then expected to drop everything you had planned, whether that was running errands or taking a nap, and host them.
They Criticize Your Parenting
When it comes to your parenting, your in-laws always have a lot to say. You’re holding the baby wrong. You’re not discipling enough. They even have something to say about whether or not you should not be working, because of course they made all the right parenting decisions.
They Give Unsolicited Relationship Advice
They want to try to tell you what you are doing wrong as a wife or husband. Perhaps maybe even your spouse confided in their sibling or parent about some relationship issues you are having, or they are making some assumptions about your relationship. Either way, they are butting in where they don’t belong.
Whether your in-laws have been married for 50 years or they are twice divorced, every relationship is different and no one has all the answers.
They Are Hyper Critical Of Your Partner
Some people will never be perfect enough for daddy’s little girl or a mama’s boy, but interfering in-laws can ruin a relationship by poisoning with words and creating doubt. No one is perfect, but having a parent point out everything that is wrong with your spouse is toxic and unhealthy.
They Make Demands On Your Free Time
You and your spouse like to spend most weekends being cozied up at home or spending time be with friends and being active. However, your parents expect Sunday dinners every week or family game night every Friday. Attendance is required…or else. You love your family, but you are an adult and you get to decide how you spend your free time.
They Emotionally Blackmail
When you and your partner are not complying with all of your in-laws wishes they engage in guilt trips and emotional blackmail. They may call you ungrateful, selfish, or any other term in order to make you feel like crap to get their way. Don’t fall for this. It’s a manipulation tactic used to control.
Family is important, but family can also be a big pain in the butt when they try control you and your partner, and refuse to respect appropriate boundaries. Everyone needs boundaries, even our loved ones.
It can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, especially with your parents, to tell someone they need to give you and your partner space and respect your established boundaries.
Your marriage and relationship will have many challenges of its own without outside interference. It is better to bite the bullet, and be honest, than to allow overbearing family members to create more problems for you and your partner.
What are your thoughts on dealing with intrusive in-laws? Have you experienced situation? What did you do? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” ― Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Self Love...Best Ways To Pamper Yourself
There are many ways to love yourself. It is just as important to be kind, respectful, and loving to yourself as it is to others. Taking time for yourself is personal maintenance and you should not feel guilty for doing it.
How you pamper yourself is unique to you and what relaxes you and brings you peace.
I pamper myself and recharge with some self-indulgences, and no regrets about it. Everyone needs the occasional indulgence. I think my indulgences are simple, not too pricey, and oh so pleasing. If you are not sure how to go about pampering yourself, I have some suggestions for you.
5 Ways To Give Yourself Some Love
“Me” Time
We all deserve to have some time to ourselves and our thoughts. Or maybe time to just not think at all. Whether you are a wife, girlfriend, mother of two, or full time student, you need to take time for yourself to recharge. I like to hit the gym or get a facial for my me time.
Flowers
Fresh flowers are a must have in my home. I buy fresh flowers every week for the kitchen island, the family room, and the master bedroom. Lilies and tulips are my favorite, but I will also mix it up with seasonal flowers.
Like right now I have spring bouquets throughout the house with peonies, tulips, and lucky me, beautiful white and pink lilies.
Cookware
I cook daily for my family. Le Creuset is my cookware of choice. It is pricey but I love to cook and it is so worth it. Le Creuset is quality, heavy, cast iron cookware that I see myself passing on to my daughters who also like to cook.
The cookware comes in great colors. I prefer the caribbean blue. I also splurged on some great bakeware from William Sonoma. Awesome products which make my time in the kitchen easier and much more enjoyable.
Beauty
Now that I am in my forties, my self-awareness in regards to aging is on high alert. I have always taken pretty good care of my skin, but I have bounced around from products. Well I have finally found the skin care and make-up line that I think works best for me, and that is Estee Lauder.
Estee Lauder is also very pricey but worth it to me. I also get regular facials and pedicures which are so relaxing, they are almost therapeutic.
Hikes
Hikes or walks, call it what you will, I enjoy them. I like to get up early on Saturday and Sunday mornings and go for about 2 hours if I can. It clears my mind and get those endorphins going. This one is probably the best indulgence of them all.
I listed things that I enjoy and love to do. That’s really the secret to self love. You find time for the things you love to do and do them. What are your thoughts on self love? Do you make time for yourself? Please share your thoughts and experience!
"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." -Barbara De Angelis
5 Signs You Are Emotionally Stressed
Life is stressful. Stress can come from all different areas in our lives. Sometimes just saying the word stress can induce that feeling of burden and anxiety. We stress over finances and health, and family and relationships. Not to mention all the in between stresses of “how will I ever be able to do this or that?.
All stress is not a bad thing. Stress can actually be a good motivator to get things done and accomplish more. The problem comes when our stress levels spiral out of control and we feel completely unable to manage the stress.
It is important to recognize when you are emotionally stressed in order to get it under control.
5 Signs You Are Emotionally Stressed
Difficulty Sleeping
Stress can cause difficulty sleeping for several reasons. When you are stressed about something, thoughts of that concern or issue is always on your mind. It can feel almost impossible to shut those thoughts off and relax enough to be able to fall asleep.
Change In Eating Habits
Many people eat their feelings. When stressed you may find that you go for comfort food, which is usually foods that are high is sugar and fat. So not only are you still stressed, but also riddled with guilt over the pint of ice cream you just ate.
For others, when they are stressed they lose their appetite. Some people find themselves unable to eat or even thinking about eating when they feel stressed.
Overly Emotional
It doesn’t take much to make a person who is emotionally stressed to flip out and go to tears. Stress brings our emotions right to the surface, and can affect our ability to think rationally and control our emotions.
When feeling overly emotional it is best to avoid people, until you feel like you have a handle on your thoughts and feelings. Otherwise you may be filled with regret for your hurtful words or behavior.
Feeling Tired
Being stressed is both physically and emotionally draining. Not to mention that your sleep is negatively impacted when you are stressed out.
When feeling emotional stressed you may have feelings of low energy, and like you are dragging around a ten pound ball behind you.
Your Body Hurts
Stress will manifest itself physically. Stress can cause back pain, neck pain, and even heart palpitations. Headaches are very common during times of stress. Extreme stress can make you feel like you are having a heart attack and raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels.
5 Ways To Manage Your Stress
There will always be some element of stress in your life. That should be expected. But there are some simple things you can do help keep your stress at manageable levels.
Meditate
Go For A Walk
Exercise
Focus On Your Hobbies
Journal
The best thing you can do for yourself is find healthy outlets for your stress. For you that may mean making changes to your personal or professional life. Or it could mean seeking counseling or confiding in a friend. Just remember that you do not have to go it alone.
What are your thoughts on emotional stress? How do you cope when feeling overwhelmed? Please share your thoughts!
“If you don't think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. “- Kris Carr
Best Quotes About Fresh Starts and New Beginnings
Life is unpredictable. Sometime the things we thought were meant for us do not work out. We have a choice to make at some point. We can either stay stuck and stagnant, or decide to make a fresh start and move on.
Moving on and starting over is scary, but fresh starts and new beginnings are exciting and will breathe new life into you. Here are my favorite quotes about fresh starts and new beginnings.
Best Quotes About Fresh Starts and New Beginnings
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.” - Joseph Campbell
“Sometimes it’s not about trying to fix something that’s broken. Sometimes it’s about starting again and building something new. Something better” ― Leisa Rayven, Bad Romeo
“Start over my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to.” - Madelyn Beck
“If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.” - Dolly Parton
“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.” ― Shannon L. Alder
“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings. “- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” - Lao Tzu
“Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” - Alan Cohen
“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” - Guy Finley
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” - C.S. Lewis
“The life in front of you is far more important than the life behind you.” - Joel Osteen
April Book Club Recommendations
If you are like me you love a good book. I read all of the time, but tend to stick to one or two genres and authors. A great way to find new authors and be exposed to literature you would have never considered is by joining a traditional bookclub, or signing up for a book of the month club.
If you are already in a bookclub, but looking for some suggestions I am here to help. Or if you are just trying to figure out what to read next I think I have some great choices for you. I have read a couple of the below books, and plan to read the rest before summer.
Not sure if I will love them all, but that's the beauty of reading a book. You never know what you are going to get, or how it is going to end.
April Book Club Recommendations
The Priory Of The Orange Tree
The Silent Patient
A Place For Us
Becoming
Nine Perfect Strangers
Never Tell
The Priory Of The Orange Tree - Samanthan Shannon
The House of Berethnet has ruled Inys for a thousand years. Still unwed, Queen Sabran the Ninth must conceive a daughter to protect her realm from destruction--but assassins are getting closer to her door.
Ead Duryan is an outsider at court. Though she has risen to the position of lady-in-waiting, she is loyal to a hidden society of mages. Ead keeps a watchful eye on Sabran, secretly protecting her with forbidden magic.
Across the dark sea, Tané has trained all her life to be a dragonrider, but is forced to make a choice that could see her life unravel.
Meanwhile, the divided East and West refuse to parley, and forces of chaos are rising from their sleep.
The Silent Patient - Alex Michaelides
Alicia Berenson’s life is seemingly perfect. A famous painter married to an in-demand fashion photographer, she lives in a grand house with big windows overlooking a park in one of London’s most desirable areas. One evening her husband Gabriel returns home late from a fashion shoot, and Alicia shoots him five times in the face, and then never speaks another word.
Alicia’s refusal to talk, or give any kind of explanation, turns a domestic tragedy into something far grander, a mystery that captures the public imagination and casts Alicia into notoriety. The price of her art skyrockets, and she, the silent patient, is hidden away from the tabloids and spotlight at the Grove, a secure forensic unit in North London.
Theo Faber is a criminal psychotherapist who has waited a long time for the opportunity to work with Alicia. His determination to get her to talk and unravel the mystery of why she shot her husband takes him down a twisting path into his own motivations―a search for the truth that threatens to consume him....
A Place For Us - Fatima Farheen Mirza
As an Indian wedding gathers a family back together, parents Rafiq and Layla must reckon with the choices their children have made. There is Hadia: their headstrong, eldest daughter, whose marriage is a match of love and not tradition. Huda, the middle child, determined to follow in her sister’s footsteps. And lastly, their estranged son, Amar, who returns to the family fold for the first time in three years to take his place as brother of the bride. What secrets and betrayals have caused this close-knit family to fracture? Can Amar find his way back to the people who know and love him best?
A Place for Us takes us back to the beginning of this family’s life: from the bonds that bring them together, to the differences that pull them apart. All the joy and struggle of family life is here, from Rafiq and Layla’s own arrival in America from India, to the years in which their children—each in their own way—tread between two cultures, seeking to find their place in the world, as well as a path home.
Becoming - Michelle Obama
In a life filled with meaning and accomplishment, Michelle Obama has emerged as one of the most iconic and compelling women of our era. As First Lady of the United States of America—the first African American to serve in that role—she helped create the most welcoming and inclusive White House in history, while also establishing herself as a powerful advocate for women and girls in the U.S. and around the world, dramatically changing the ways that families pursue healthier and more active lives, and standing with her husband as he led America through some of its most harrowing moments. Along the way, she showed us a few dance moves, crushed Carpool Karaoke, and raised two down-to-earth daughters under an unforgiving media glare.
In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites readers into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her—from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work, to her time spent at the world’s most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it—in her own words and on her own terms. Warm, wise, and revelatory, Becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations—and whose story inspires us to do the same.
Nine Perfect Strangers - Liane Moriarty
Nine people gather at a remote health resort. Some are here to lose weight, some are here to get a reboot on life, some are here for reasons they can’t even admit to themselves. Amidst all of the luxury and pampering, the mindfulness and meditation, they know these ten days might involve some real work. But none of them could imagine just how challenging the next ten days are going to be.
Frances Welty, the formerly best-selling romantic novelist, arrives at Tranquillum House nursing a bad back, a broken heart, and an exquisitely painful paper cut. She’s immediately intrigued by her fellow guests. Most of them don’t look to be in need of a health resort at all. But the person that intrigues her most is the strange and charismatic owner/director of Tranquillum House. Could this person really have the answers Frances didn’t even know she was seeking? Should Frances put aside her doubts and immerse herself in everything Tranquillum House has to offer – or should she run while she still can?
It’s not long before every guest at Tranquillum House is asking exactly the same question.
Never Tell - Lisa Gardner
A man is dead, shot three times in his home office. But his computer has been shot twelve times, and when the cops arrive, his pregnant wife is holding the gun.
D. D. Warren arrives on the scene and recognizes the woman--Evie Carter--from a case many years back. Evie's father was killed in a shooting that was ruled an accident. But for D.D., two coincidental murders is too many.
Flora Dane sees the murder of Conrad Carter on the TV news and immediately knows his face. She remembers a night when she was still a victim--a hostage--and her captor knew this man. Overcome with guilt that she never tracked him down, Flora is now determined to learn the truth of Conrad's murder.
But D.D. and Flora are about to discover that in this case the truth is a devilishly elusive thing. As layer by layer they peel away the half-truths and outright lies, they wonder: How many secrets can one family have?
5 Binge-Worthy Shows You Should Be Watching
As you may, or may not know, I have a small Netflix addiction. But as a busy working mom, I do not get to indulge as much as I would like to. I always try to make time for the important people in my life, while keeping up with my favorite hobbies of writing and reading. During that time there has been, and continues to be, many televisions shows that look interesting to me, and have great reviews.
Unfortunately it is hard to find the time to watch everything I fancy, and the DVR will only hold so much. But once I catch up on my viewing, I like to share my intel. Maybe you have seen some of these shows already, want to watch for them first time, or want to watch them again.
5 Binge-Worthy Shows
The Expanse
“A police detective in the asteroid belt, the first officer of an interplanetary ice freighter and an earth-bound United Nations executive slowly discover a vast conspiracy that threatens the Earth's rebellious colony on the asteroid belt.” - IMDB
I first heard of this show when it was getting cancelled by the Syfy channel, and getting picked up by Amazon. The premise sounded interested, so when it became available on Amazon Prime, I thought I would give it a try, and by episode two I was sold.
I binge watched all three seasons in a weekend, and it was so worth it. Many consider this series to be Game of Thrones in space, and I really cannot disagree. Season 4 of The Expanse returns at the end of 2019.
Killing Eve
“After a series of events, the lives of a security operative and an assassin become inextricably linked.” - IMDB
Killing Eve had been getting rave reviews, but I never had the opportunity to watch it on television. While doing a trial subscription with Hulu, I found my opportunity to see what all the buzz was about. It was so worth it. The psychology behind Villanelle, who is the assassin/ sociopath/stalker is very riveting. Season 2 premieres April 7th.
The Haunting Of Hill House
“Flashing between past and present, a fractured family confronts haunting memories of their old home and the terrifying events that drove them from it.” - IMDB
I have seen so many versions of the Haunting of Hill House story that I wasn’t sure I wanted to bother with this one. But my daughter wanted to watch it, , not by herself though, so we decided to give it a try together. I have to say that this Netflix series is by far my favorite. It’s dark, and creepy, and sad, all wrapped into one, with a satisfying ending. No word on if there will be a second season, but the window was left open to do another season.
You
“A clever bookstore manager relies on his savvy Internet know-how to make the woman of his dreams fall in love with him. “ - IMDB
“You” is really a tale of stalking. Stalking in the worse kind of way. Joe is geeky cute, smart, and charming, and totally cray cray. He meets this girl Beck, and he just has to know everything about her, and have her. She is perfect, or so he thinks. Joe will not let anything, or anyone stand in his way of having Beck as his girl.
This show is very easy to get wrapped up in, and crave more episodes, although it does require suspense of disbelief a few time. Season 2 will premiere in 2019 on Netflix.
Black Mirror
“An anthology series exploring a twisted, high-tech world where humanity's greatest innovations and darkest instincts collide.” - IMDB
I am not going to lie, Black Mirror is dark and kind of weird. But also entertaining, and a great way to kill time. The great thing about Black Mirror being an anthology series is that each episode is stand alone, and offers lot of viewing choices.
All of the above shows are excellent. And yes, I am sure you notice a trend in my viewing choices. With the exception of The Expanse, all the shows are dark, but great studies in human behavior. Although not for the faint of heart, these shows are highly entertaining. So pick one to start watching. I do no think you will be disappointed.
5 Ways To Get Motivated And Stay Focused
Motivation is the reason or reasons one has for behaving or acting in a certain way. Motivation is also the desire to do things. We all have at least one thing that motivates us to do something or change something. Sometimes the motivation can be as simple as basic human needs.
Many of us are motivated to get and keep a job to pay for food and shelter.
Once you get past the basic necessities, it may be hard to get motivated to do more. There are many reasons we struggle for motivation. One of the biggest struggles for motivation stems from our lack of belief that our goals are achievable. Another big struggle for motivation comes from not believing in ourselves.
I have struggled with motivation in the past, but I have found that when it comes to something I really want, I can find the motivation to achieve my goals. The secret is setting goals to achieve things that you are interested in, and can be excited about. It is also important to be realistic with how much of your goal can be achieved in a period of time. I recommend setting mini goals within your goal. Like training for a marathon, one doesn't start off running 26 miles; it is a slow build up. Treat your goals the same way.
I created a small checklist for myself to get motivated and stay focused. I use this very same list to stay on track with writing and blogging, and guess what, it works!
5 Tips For Getting Motivated
Set Goals
You have a goal, or goals in mind, but you need to start with a specific target. The goal may be losing weight. But how much weight do you want to lose. For others, the goal may be getting a promotion at work, or furthering your education.
Make A Plan
Once you set your goal, you need to make a list of everything you will need to complete your goal. Does your goal require time, money, or a gym membership? Your list should also consist of obstacles to obtaining your goal, and plan to overcome them.
Share Your Goals With Others
Sharing goals and plans with others will help to make you more accountable. Those close to you want to see you succeed and achieve your goals. You may find you have a great support system, and maybe even some cheerleaders or partners for your journey.
Track Progress
The tracking of your progress is an important part of moving towards your goals. Whether you are weighing yourself weekly, or timing your run as you train for a half marathon, tracking to measure your progression is a must. You should also use tracking to also adjust your goals, if needed, or to adjust your timeline.
Reward Yourself
You have set a goal and are making progress towards meeting your goal. It is essential that you reward yourself, and give your self credit for your hard work and discipline. The reward can be a sweet treat, a new pair of shoes, or even a vacation.
Be kind to yourself. Setting and achieving goals is not easy. In fact, setting and staying focused on your goals is challenging to say the least. It is very easy to become discouraged when you are not seeing progress fast enough, and just give up. Just remember, anything worth having takes hard work and time. Be patient.
Do you have different tips for staying motivated and focused? What do you do to achieve your goals? Please share your story or experience!
"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way." - Les Brown
4 Reasons To Trust First Impressions
The saying, “you only get one chance to make a first impression” is literally true. So, then it goes without saying that you had better make that first impression count. First impressions carry a lot of weight with people and they how they view you, and may create a huge relationship obstacle to overcome in the future.
Some people make great first impressions, and others not so much. First impressions are not always accurate, but I say when in doubt trust your instincts.
I have met some people, and had an instant connection and chemistry with them. The relationships with positive first impressions tended to remain positive throughout the years.
I have also ended up having amazing relationships with people with whom the first impressions were not great, and things started off rocky. Through life experience I have learned that initial personality conflicts can lead to negative first impressions.
Over time, personality conflicts, and misunderstandings, can be overcome, and from that, great friendships and relationships can bloom.
First impressions provide valuable information. Here are four reasons to take the information you gather from first impressions and trust it.
Reasons To Trust First Impressions
They Are Unaware They Are Being Observed
One of the best ways to learn about someone is to observe them. Even better if they are unaware that they are being observed. When people are unaware that they are being observed their masks slip off.
I am not talking about spying on people, or invading their privacy. The observations should take place in public settings, where the individual is comfortable and with friends, co-workers, or lovers, but unguarded. Observe at a distance, and you will learn a lot.
They Did Not Know Who You Were
Think Undercover Boss. When people want to impress you, because of who you are, or what they think you can do for them, they may behave differently, especially if you are in a position of power. But if they don’t know who you are, you will see the real them.
If they are a kind person, they will be kind no matter who you are. However, if they think you are a “nobody”, and they are not a good person, they will treat you accordingly.
They Did Not Know Who You Were Going To Be
Most people start off as equals, but do not necessarily remain that way in life. Perhaps you are classmates, or co-workers, but then one of you becomes hugely successful. Coming up together gave you opportunities to observe them in a very unique way.
You know if they are a bully, or a nice person. Very valuable point of view you had.
Your Gut Feelings
When you meet people for the first time there is a vibe about them. If your gut feeling tells you this person is bad, not trustworthy, or that they are dangerous, you should listen to that inner voice. Your gut is on to something.
Keep your guard up, watch the individual closely, and with more information and time, you will figure things out. When in doubt, always trust your gut.
It is important to not confuse personal biases, and stereotypes of certain people, with actual observations of behaviors, words, and gut instincts. Just because extremely good looking people are stereotyped as being dumb doesn’t mean that’s actually true.
More importantly, just because someone seems nice doesn’t mean they are truly a good, trustworthy person.
What are your thoughts on first impression? Do you trust first impressions? Any regrets on listening, or not listening to, your first impression? Please share your story or experience!
“If you have carefully examined hundred people you met in your life journey, it means that you have read hundred different books! Every person you know is a book; world is full of walking books; some are boring, some are marvelous, some are weak, some are powerful, but they are all useful because they all carry different experiences of different paths!” - Mehmet Murat ildan
5 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Life
For unknown reasons, people self-sabotage themselves sometimes in life. It is done both consciously, and unconsciously, but never the less it ruins their life and prevents them from finding their happy.
I think that many of us have sabotaged ourselves at one point or another in our lifetime. It happens, but doing so will ruin your life if it is reoccurring behavior.
So, I think we all can admit that we have made bad or questionable decisions before, especially in our youth, but it is never too late to turn things around. The first step in preventing self sabotage is recognizing that you are doing it.
The Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Life
Repeating Old Mistakes
You have made mistakes in your past, but you are not learning from them. You keep making bad decisions, deep down knowing that the outcome will not be good, but foolishly hoping things will be different.
Instead of wishful thinking, and hoping the same choices will produce different results, make the hard decision. You are likely picking what is the easiest option for now. Instead, you need to be willing to make the sacrifice now, do what’s difficult, and you will reap the benefits in the long run.
Focusing On The Negative
You frequently give yourself pity parties. The world is not against you. Everyone has their own crap they are trying to deal with. Yes, things will not always go your way, or work out, but that is life. But you cannot spend your time focusing on all the things that went wrong. Try to learn from bad situations, and bad outcomes, create a plan, and move on.
Not Believing In Yourself
You are your own worst enemy, and always your biggest critic. An opportunity comes your way, but you don’t go for it because you do not believe in yourself. You have to get out of you own head, and stop psyching yourself out.
It’s true, you are not perfect, but no one is. You may not ace the test, or get the job, or get the guy, but remind yourself that those are singular events. Getting a B on a test isn’t failure. Not getting the guy you liked just means that he wasn’t meant for you.
Keeping The Wrong People In Your Life
A great way to sabotage yourself is to surround yourself with people who are bad influences. Maybe they are negative, unfocused, or honestly just losers. Either way, you want people in your life with similar goals and morals. You need people in your life who you can look up to, not people who are mentally or emotionally draining.
Being Irresponsible
You know right from wrong. You also know what being on time means. Not paying your bills on time, showing up late to work, and just being plain old unreliable are great ways to sabotage your life. Being irresponsible and unreliable ruins your reputation and stunts your personal growth.
What To Do About It
Old habits are hard to break, but break them you must if you want to see a change in your life. Create a plan, stay focused, and surround yourself with positive, motivated people.
Your changes can be small at first, but once you have it in your mind that you want a change, you will find that good things start to happen for you, and your life will be better.
Everything happens for a reason, just don’t let that reason be because you sabotaged yourself.
What are your thoughts on the ways that we sabotage our lives? Do you agree with the list? What is your experience? Please share your story or experience!
“Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with respecting yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.” - Jerry Corsten