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I love storytelling and always want my readers to have options. You can find my blogs on my YouTube channel and listen to them on the go.
Is It Ever Too Late To Reset Your Life? I Say No! Here Is My Advice On A Reset...
I am currently giving my body a reset. I am trying to eat super clean for the next month. No sugar, no alcohol, and no processed foods. Just lots of fruits, veggies, and fish and chicken.
I am miserable, and loving it all at the same time. I am craving chips and fries, but also excited for how I will feel when those craving fall away. I do this a few times a year, and it seems to work for me.
I think that many people are generally okay with the idea of resetting their diet, or dieting in general. But what about the idea of giving your life a reset? Getting rid of the junk food of your life? Maybe get rid of that person who is a taker and not a giver? That one who is the ultimate life sucker. Or that person who is very negative and brings you down.
Perhaps you have a friend or a love who hurts you emotionally and makes you feel bad about yourself. These people need to go.
Doing the life reset is like doing a diet reset. You will have cravings and want to give in, but do not do it. It won't taste good and it won't feel good if you give in. In fact you will only feel worse because your were so weak. Know your worth. Your body deserves better. Your spirit deserves better than someone who takes you for granted, and does not appreciate you. How different would your life be if certain people were no longer a part of it?
To be clear, this blog is about being your best, inside and out. Feeling good about yourself, and having good people in your life that value you. Anytime is a good time to reassess the people in your life. Ask yourself, "do they add value to my life?". If the answer is no, then they need to go so you can reset and be happy.
That last page turned is a perfect excuse to write a whole new book. - Toni Sorenson
The Love Gaze...Does It Really Mean Anything?
They say the eyes are the windows to our souls. I am not so sure about the soul part, but the eyes say more than we realize at times. Our eyes can betray us, and tell our true feelings when we are trying to hide them.
The eyes can show excitement, and anger. They even communicate fear, confusion, and dishonesty. The eyes also reveal love and lust. Have you ever locked eyes with a stranger? Maybe on a train or at a bar? You might have felt an instant attraction. You liked what you saw and wanted to keep staring. You felt lust.
Now, what about locking eyes with someone you are familiar with? Someone you have been casually dating, a friend, or even a crush. You lock eyes from across the room and something happens.
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There is an intensity in those moments that is unexplainable. You only break the gaze because you realize that too much has been revealed, and silently communicated. Butterflies are in the stomach and panic almost sets in as you are flooded with emotions. Was it love, was it lust, or maybe both?
The love gaze is the staring into each other's eyes by two people who are falling or in love. A study was conducted to determine the gaze of someone in love versus someone in lust. Those in lust tended to look at the body, while those in love looked at the face and in the eyes. The two feelings do not have to be mutually exclusive. I want the man who loves me to also lust for me, but I would not expect lust to necessarily turn into love.
The truth is you may never truly know what the other person is thinking when you lock eyes. But chances are, if they were caught in a gaze with you, they were thinking the same thing as you. You both know whether or not it was a love or lust gaze, because you felt it, everywhere.
“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew it. “- Pablo Neruda
Sometimes The Grass Is Greener...Here's Why You Shouldn't Fear Change
We have all heard the saying that the grass isn't always greener. The key word is "always", which means that sometimes it actually is greener. Sometimes making a change in your life, even though scary, is the better choice.
I have always really disliked this saying because I feel that to a large degree it is rooted in fear. A fear of change. Yes, we should appreciate what we have. And yes, big life changes should be well thought out. One should not just quit a job they hate, when they need it to pay the bills, without having a plan in place.
Maybe don't leave a relationship for another without truly being sure of what you are giving up, and having a damn good idea of what you are getting. Of course you don't just pack up and move to a new, exciting city, if the cost of living is high, and you have very little or no money.
Did you know there is something called the "grass is greener syndrome"? The syndrome is basically when someone is incapable of experiencing happiness and satisfaction in life because they believe there is always something better out there.
Wherever they are at, there is some place better to be. Whoever they are with, whether romantic or friendship, is never enough, because there is always someone better.
The grass is greener syndrome is an unhealthy mental state and not at all what I am supporting.
Career changes, relationship changes, and location changes are the big choices that people are are told to stop and think about. Sometimes we are talked out of making decisions, and big life changes when presented with all of the facts. Sound advice at times, but ultimately it is your life, and it is my life.
We all walk our own path, and at the end of the day we reap the benefits, and have to face the consequences for our decisions as well. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they do not.
It takes a brave person to give up the financial stability of a good job to follow their dreams, but you only live once. It takes a special person to follow their heart, and risk all for love. There are no guarantees, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
A once in a lifetime love could be at stake. It takes an adventurous spirit to pick up and move to a new place with new people. But a life with new places and new people can be very exciting and rewarding.
Moral of the story is to live your life. Make the best decisions you can with the information you have, but never make them out of fear. What joy is there in that? Do you live by the grass isn't greener motto? Do you fear change? Please share!
Doubts and fears are the heaviest burdens - James Lendall Basford
Relationships...Beginnings and Endings
Relationships are complicated. At least they seem to be so at times to me. Relationships can be fun and exciting, but also frustrating and painful. Relationships can also be confusing, particularly in the beginning and at the end.
There are many types of relationships. There are friendships, romantic relationships, and the familial kind of relationship. No matter the type of relationship, there is always the potential for complex and confusing feelings.
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There are no real "how to books" on navigating relationships because each relationship is unique with its own dynamic. For this blog, I want to discuss romantic relationships, and the inevitable beginnings and endings.
Beginnings
Have you ever started dating or seeing someone and questioned the relationship status as things "seemed" to progress? What are we to each other? Are we exclusive? Is he or she my boyfriend or girlfriend?
I mean, do adults still ask each other to be boyfriend or girlfriend? Perhaps things progress a little more, and then you wonder if you can leave something at their house. A change of clothes maybe, or a toothbrush.
Yes, some of the questions could be resolved by simply asking, but who wants to put themselves out there like that? Who wants to be vulnerable or perceived as moving too fast? Or forbid, you come off as clingy or desperate.
The beginning of a relationship is much like a dance, but everyone dances to a different beat. You have to figure out how to get in sync, and how to stay that way.
Endings
The end of a relationship can be just as confusing. Some breaks-ups are very definitive in nature. But other relationships sort of fizzle out, or fade away over time. Unfortunately, in the case of the fade away, one or both involved parties are unsure of the relationship status.
Are we still a couple or going through the motions? Sure they both know it is over, but no one wants to call it quits? It still hurts for it to end no matter who says the words.
There are other times when one is unsure about ending a relationship. Their mind knows it's over, but the heart isn't quite there yet. It is hard to let go of something that once seemed so magical, so perfect. But time is ticking. How much of it are you willing to waste on could have beens, and should have beens?
Well, personally I'll take a confusing beginning any day over the sad ending. No matter what, it is destined to end. Be it break-up, death, or divorce, nothing lasts forever. The important thing to remember is to enjoy it while it lasts, and know when to let go.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. - M. Kathleen Casey
Patience...How Do We Wait For The Things In Life That May Never Come?
They say patience is a virtue. I say patience is a test. It is a test of endurance. A test I am more than willing to take if I know at the end it will be worth the frustration, the pain, the heartache, the suffering. But it's the not knowing that is the challenge.
I am very impatient in some ways. I can admit that sometimes I just want what I want, when I want it. No, I don't throw a tantrum, externally, but on the inside, argh. We are in a society of instant knowledge, and instant gratification. Yes, I am going to blame society, at least a little.
So many things are at our fingertips and come so easy, and yet so much is beyond our control. For example, my expiration date. I truly believe I will live to be an old woman, and die holding the hand of a beautiful man who is the love of my life. The thing is I am in my early 40s, and have a lot of life left to live. I know that I am probably in for a rollercoaster ride the next few decades of my life, especially with two girls. What will the next 40 years bring me? That's the exciting, and the frustrating question.
Life is unpredictable, crazy at times, and sometimes cruel. When we are telling ourselves "this too shall pass", it would be nice to know these words were not said in vain. A crystal ball would really come in handy, but then I suppose that would really take all of the fun out of life.
I truly believe that everything works out as it should, and I believe in fate to a large degree. I also believe that everyone ultimately gets theirs in the end, good and bad. We usually reap what we sow. I can be patient. I know it will happen.
I know this is a blog full of old adages and proverbs, and while I do not consider myself a religious person, I find them very fitting. To answer my own question posed in this blog, you just do. You just wait. What other option is there?
Do you consider yourself a patient person? Do you skip to the end of the book to see how it ends? If you could find out how your story ends, would you?
The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. - Leo Tolstoy
This Life...How Did I Get Here?
Have you ever sat and reflected on your life and on how you got to where you were? Not necessarily in a bad way. Maybe your life is great, but admittedly maybe there are some things you would change if you could, right? Life is one big series of decisions. Choice after, after choice, after choice. Although many times we feel like we do not have a choice in a particular situation, it is quite often a matter of not liking the options.
I think there comes a point in all of our lives when we ask the question, "how did I get here?". Whether it is health and fitness issues, marital problems, financial problems, a work situation, or addiction. It all always comes down to our decisions along the way. You will not always choose right, but it is important to learn from your mistakes. Do not continue making poor choices, because there is always another decision to make right around the corner. There is always another chance to do better, to be better.
There is no going back in life, and very rarely are we allowed a do over. We can procrastinate, delay, stall, but eventually you have to choose, and live with that choice. Fail to choose timely, and the decision is made for you. Sometimes the options are between something easy, and something difficult. Rarely will the easy choice lead down the path of success, true happiness, or fulfillment.
Perhaps even worse than the bad decision, is no decision. A "default" decision, so to speak. Leaving your fate in the hands of others is no way to live, and the coward way out. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, own it, and hope for the best. Better yet, make additional good decisions along the way to increase the odds of success and happiness. Those are my words of wisdom, but I am still a work in progress.
You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny - Roy T. Bennett
Signs Of Flirting...A Learned Skill Or Natural Instinct?
There is a certain art to flirting. It can be fun and exhilarating, if you get it right. Or a hot mess, and make for a great bloopers reel if you get it wrong. Flirting means to act amorous without serious intent, but it can also be about sending out feelers.
If he flirts back maybe he's interested. Or if he's too dense to pick up on your signals, he's not the guy for you.
I know some people who are notorious flirts. They flirt with everyone, young or old, male or female. It's a game to them, and they play it well.
I learned how to flirt pretty young, around 12 years old. Of course very innocently, with passing notes, teasing, and smiles. I got better. I think my flirting abilities are a combination of natural instinct, and learned skills over time.
I suppose one could ask why do we flirt. Do we flirt for attention? To see if we still "got it". Do we flirt to manipulate, to perhaps get out of a ticket? I think this is often the case. We flirt to get what we want.
We also flirt to get who we want. Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it. A coy smile here and there. A little inside joke. The teasing and playfulness. It's all flirting, albeit innocent intentions. Or not so innocent.
Flirting is safe. It is a way to test the waters, without truly putting yourself out there. If you flirt and they flirt back, there may be something there.
So where do you do most of your flirting? At the bar or club? I bet most flirting happens at work or school. The places we spend most of our time. Maybe you know how to flirt, and you know how to recognize when someone is flirting with you. But just in case you don't know, here are some body language clues that someone is flirting.
Signs Of Flirting
Signs He's Flirting...
Smile
Remembers what you say
Touches you
Nervous twitch while talking to you
Blushing or sweaty hands
Leans in to be closer
Signs She's Flirting
Smile
Touches lips or hair
Touches you
Lots of laughing (you are not that funny)
Compliments and/or insults you
Leans in to be closer
Men and women are similar creatures. Some have perfected the art of flirting, while others are still trying to figure it out. If you are not a great flirt, don't worry about it. It is actually cute and refreshing to see the unskilled flirter. Ultimately, fate will have its way. If it is meant to be, it will happen.
We try to hide our feelings, but forgot our eyes speak. - Unknown
5 Signs You Are Obsessed... Who Or What Consumes Your Thoughts?
Obsessions are such odd, powerful feelings. An obsession is a persistent, dominating idea, desire, thought, or feeling. We all obsess at some point or another. We obsess about our bodies, and our lovers, or potential lovers, and food, or money, and even cars. Honestly, the list could go on and on.
My Obsessions
I am currently obsessing about shoes, Jamba Juice, health and fitness, and scents. Truth be told I really don't think I have a shoe obsession, but those close to me would disagree. Fortunately California Closets designed my master closet around my shoe collection, so there is always room for a little more of my so called obsession. Now my Jamba Juice obsession is pretty guilt free. I could drink a Berry Upbeet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and at only 400 calories for a large, I would still have calories to spare.
I as I approach my mid 40's I have really started to take my health and fitness very serious. I have a bad back and knees, but regardless, I make sure to hit my target active calorie burn everyday. Whether it's with walking, weight training, or elliptical, I make the effort. I am not getting any younger, and a lot of health issues run in my family, so I had to step up my game.
My last obsession is scents. Scents in many forms. I am obsessed with lovely perfumes, clean smelling candles, and beautiful flowers. I have several vases in my home currently filled with Freesia, which is such a fragrant, pretty flower. I cannot get enough of wonderful smells. Thank goodness my olfactory system is working well.
Many of us obsess about things, our bodies, and sometimes people. An obsessions with people, or to be more specific, that certain person, we can develop obsessive love. When we initial start to fall for someone we tend to be obsessed. All thoughts and feeling revolve around that particular person.
So there you have some of my current obsessions. I say current because they change. Last year I was obsessed with fish tacos. Now tell me what are you obsessed with? Who are you obsessed with? Come on, I bet when I ask those questions, a face, or image comes to mind immediately.
How Do You Netflix And Not "Chill"?
So I grudgingly admit I am a huge nerd, and perhaps a little naive. I was woefully unaware what was truly meant by the saying "Netflix and Chill". I thought you hang out with friends or your boo, and watch Netflix. I was so wrong.
My husband heard me say to my teen daughter that we were going Netflix and Chill, and he told to me to look in Urban dictionary, because I was completely using that phrase incorrectly. Okay, so a more accurate account would be that I was referred to Urban dictionary and Google after I said, "no way does it mean that" about five time.
Urban dictionary defines Netflix and Chill as "going to your partners house to bang with Netflix on in the background". Isn't that just lovely. Well when I say Netflix and Chill (NAC), I mean vegge out and watch some Netflix.
So on to how you can have a great night enjoying Netflix, that may or may not end with some "chill" time. I really enjoy Netflix as a stay at home date, with the family for movie night, and even by myself. I prefer to have a theme for the snacks and to set the mood.
On some occasions I will buy movie theatre size candy, Coca Cola in bottles, and pop lots of popcorn. There will be lots of blanket, lights turned out, and the surround sound blasting. For a date night theme, I like to do cocktails, finger foods, and candle light.
Now what to watch? There are so many choices from series, movies, stand up comedy, and great documentaries. I recommend Santa Clarita Diet, which is funny and quirky, for maybe a girl's night in. The Princess Bride is perfect for a family movie night.
For date night, maybe go for something scary or creepy, but please no romantic comedies. Perhaps Penny Dreadful, because although it's not a romantic series, Penny Dreadful can be very sexy and sexual, and then maybe you will chill after all.
So now you know how I Netflix and Chill. Did you all know what NAC meant? Hopefully I am educating someone tonight, because otherwise this is so embarrassing.
The Stranger In Your Bed...How Well Do You Really Know The Person Sleeping Next To You?
When people are in relationships, and in love, we think we know our partners well. The reality is you know them as well as they want you to know them. They pick and choose what information to share and divulge. It is not always a matter of deceit, but sometimes they don't find some things relevant enough to share, but you might feel differently about the intel they choose to withhold. Other times they fear your judgement, or just want to avoid conflict.
The truth is we don't know ourselves all that well either. We are still growing and changing, and managing to surprise ourselves on occasion. Have you ever done something or said something, and later questioned your behavior? You could not explain why you did what did, or said what you said.
Ever feel conflicted about what you want, whether it's car, a person, or what to have for lunch? So if you cannot truly answer for your own wants and desires, how can you claim to know what your partner wants or thinks? Your answer might be "well they told me what they wanted or felt". Well, there has to be a certain amount of openness and trust in any relationship, but the desire to please, and not to disappoint is often present as well.
I am surprised how often people seemed to not truly know their partners. I've seen individuals behave one way with partners around, and completely different when outside of their presence. Is it that they are a complete phony? Maybe. Or is it that they fear showing their true self because that is not who the partner fell in love with? I guess that is one way to end up with a stranger in your bed.
Denial is another way to end up with a stranger. You choose not see what is right in front of you, and then write your own narrative to provide a more comfortable "reality".
How well do you think you know your partner? Have you put them on a pedestal so high that they fear showing you their true self, and falling from grace in your eyes? Remember, love is acceptance, not excuses, and denial.
People dont' want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed. - Friedrich Nietzsche