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There Is Always Room For Happiness...Add Some More To Your Life
Life is short, and in reality becoming shorter every day, which is why it is so important to find your happiness. It is very easy to get caught up in the day to day crap, and fall into a cycle of doom and gloom.
Trust me, it happens to me too. But I also know how to find my happiness. Happiness is defined as a quality or state of pleasure or joy. Happiness is whatever makes you feel good.
I derive so much happiness from spending time with my family, but honestly sometimes it just has to be about me. Everyone, even moms, deserve autonomy sometimes. A time when you are just a man or a woman.
A time when I am just Charlene. During these times I find happiness in quietly reading a book. I find happiness in fantasizing and writing my own book. I find happiness gardening. I find happiness cooking. I find happiness in long walks, and even long stimulating talks.
Happiness is there for you. Maybe you already have it. Maybe you lost it, or perhaps you never had it. Maybe going shopping makes you feel a little happy, but ask yourself is it really shopping that makes you happy? Or is it spending time with your friends? Or looking at pretty things? Or being out in the fresh air?
Here are some simple things that bring happiness
Hold A Kitten Or A Puppy
Make Out Like A Teenager
Go For A Hike
Volunteer
Flirt
Go Roller Skating
Have A Water Balloon Fight
Go To The Beach
Fly A Kite
Hold Hands
Get A Massage
Next time you need to add some happiness to your life try this little trick. Close your eyes, take slow, deep breaths, and picture your last genuine happy. Find the happy moment or time that made you smile from the inside, and warmed your heart. Only you, truly know you.
Don't be afraid of your happy. It is okay to be a little selfish sometimes.
What are your thoughts on finding happiness? How do you cheer yourself up when feeling down or bring joy to your life? Please share your thoughts and experience!
Actions And Words...Where Is Your Follow Through?
I am a believer in the saying that "actions speak louder than words". We can say anything, but it means nothing if we never follow through. Our words mean nothing if everything we say is in direct contradiction to our actions. If you want people to believe you, to believe in you, then show them that you are more than talk. Show them you are worthy of their trust, their friendship, their love.
I have a few people in my life who make empty promises, or say they are going to do things, but never actually do it. I learned very young in life that there are some people you just cannot count on, no matter how much you want to. I guess the way I am laying this out, the people who are all talk would be deal breakers for friends or loves, but not necessarily.
Sometimes the individuals are not hurting anyone but themselves. They are making promises to themselves about what they are going to do, or deceiving themselves about reality. I know people who say every year they are going to lose weight and get healthy. Hasn't happened yet. I know they want to, but for whatever reason they cannot find the motivation to move forward. This is not someone I would cut out of my life. I have a friend who dreams of being a writer, but takes no steps in that direction to make their dream a reality. I encourage them to write, and they keep telling me they are going to get started, but never do. Is it fear of failure that is holding them back? An inner voice telling them it's never going to happen so why try? I am not sure why they are unable to make efforts towards something they claim to want so badly, but I will continue to be supportive, as there is nothing else I can do.
Matters of the heart are different. Trusting the non-doer in a relationship does become an issue. People are not mind readers, at least I am not. Your words do not really tell me what you think, or what is in your heart, especially if you have shown me your words mean little, and you don't follow through. Telling me you love me would never be enough. Domestic abusers tell their partners that they love them, but their actions say different. Love is shown through action. Being there when needed most, even if its inconvenient, shows your love. Caring about someone's well being, checking in on them after a bad day, or even just sending an encouraging text can show your love. It isn't grand "look at us" moments, but subtle and honest actions that are special and meaningful for two people. Love is often quiet, but very powerful.
Bottom line is, words mean very little in the grand scheme of things. They can be used to hurt, and manipulate, but it is always the actions that show true intent. I can tell when someone dislikes me, and when someone loves me. Although their words may indicate otherwise, their actions tell a very different story.
10 Signs Of Gaslighting...Are You The Victim Or The Culprit?
I first heard the term "gaslighting" about a year or so ago while listening to a radio talk show in my car. The term is derived from the 1938 play and the 1944 movie titled "Gaslight".
In the movie, a husband tries to drive his wife insane by convincing her that what she thought was said or had happened was not the reality. She begins to not trust on her own memory and questions her sanity.
Gaslight is a good film, but the cruelty heaped upon the main character makes you want to yell at the screen, or shake her to wake up, and see that she is being manipulated.
The term gaslighting is making a comeback as more and more people realize that this is a tactic often used today in both social and professional circles. Gaslighting is most often used in close or intimate relationships.
Have you ever try to call someone out for something they did to you that made you feel wronged, and they deny that it ever happened?
Did you clearly witness them do or say something, but they deny it so convincingly that you start to question if what you really saw or heard was real? You must have misunderstood or are being overly sensitive, is often the received response.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it is all in your head, and you are just being paranoid, overly sensitive, or remembering incorrectly. I have definitely felt the burn of a gaslighter.
For the most part, I realized they were full of it and not owning their own crap. However, at the same time, there was this other part of me that did question my assessment of the situation. Was I remembering the events as they really happened?
A relationship where gaslighting appears to be happening is one you should not be in. The gaslighter can be a spouse or significant other, a friend, a parent, or a co-worker. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting in your life.
10 Signs To look For In A Gaslighting Relationship
You Often Question Your Own Memory
You Wonder If You Are Too Sensitive
You Feel Less Confident
You Have Trouble Making Decisions
You Often Feel Confused And Crazy
You Feel Like You Cannot Do Anything Right
You Are Always Apologizing
You Feel Hopeless And Joyless
You Lie To Avoid Put Downs
You Often Second Guess Yourself
Gaslighting is a manipulation and deception used in order to misdirect, gain control, and avoid blame. Narcissist often use gaslighting to manipulate. Recognize it and know when it is happening to you.
What is your experience with gaslighting? Have you ever been the victim or the culprit? Please share your experience!
“So often victims end up unnecessarily prolonging their abuse because they buy into the notion that their abuser must be coming from a wounded place and that only patient love and tolerance (and lots of misguided therapy) will help them heal.” - George K. Simon
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Nice VS Good...How Do Others See You? How Do You See Yourself?
The terms nice and good are often used as if they are interchangeable, but they are not. Nice is defined as someone who is pleasant, agreeable, and amiable. Nice people don't like to ruffle feathers or deal with conflict. Those who are "nice" may often take the easy way out. Basically nice is a facade. Nice is what others want you to see. To be fair, nice people are usually nice to be around, just don't expect them to make good decisions.
Good is defined as morally excellent, virtuous, honorable, and worthy. Good people can be nice but their decisions are based on their morals and values, not what they think will please others or to avoid conflict. Good people do the right thing, even when it's the hard thing.
Like many people, I want to be accepted and liked, so I try to be nice. But in a choice between nice and good, it is always more important to me to be a good person and do what is right. Sometimes that means saying no or telling someone something they do not want to hear. It takes courage and conviction to truly be a good person. I struggle daily because being nice is easier. Giving in and telling people what they want to hear is easier.
Nice vs good can be applied to many situations in our lives. I take pride in being a good mom, not a nice mom. I am nice to my children, but more importantly my girls are told no sometimes because there has to be limitations, and it is my job to set an example. A nice mom may not set limitations because she doesn't want to deal with a tantrum or may fear her child being angry or upset with her. As a woman, ask me what kind of man I want and I will tell you I want a good man all day long.
So I ask you, where do you fall on the nice vs good spectrum? I always strive to be a good, honest person. Maybe too honest sometimes to truly be considered a nice person. Nice people give me pause, as there is an element of falseness within them. Early on I question what's behind the mask a nice one wears, but if you give them enough time the mask will slip and much will be revealed.
Death and Dying...The Shock and Awe We Feel When The Inevitable Happens
I have experienced more than my share of loss in my lifetime. I have lost friends, a sibling, a parent, and grandparents. It has not gotten easier over the years, even when the losses were expected. Why doesn't it get easier? Why does it hurt so much? And more than anything, why does it scare us so much?
Is it because death is this mystical unknown? Or to some degree our own fear of mortality? I don't know if I fear death so much as the thought of leaving my girls behind and what that loss would do to them. How would they handle it? I suffered very traumatic losses at their ages and know they I am forever damaged from the trauma.
I recently loss a work friend and it has been very difficult. Mostly difficult because of everyone else's grief. I spoke with a girlfriend of mine about how she was dealing with the loss and she said it helped her to be with others and talk about our departed friend. I am the opposite. While normally I am an extrovert, free with opinions and thoughts, I withdraw when I suffer a loss. I have been uncomfortable being around people and taking about it because I prefer to compartmentalize this new pain.
I do make exceptions to shutting people out, and I made one with this loss. I had a friend that felt this loss more than others, and was in so much pain that their need of comfort outweighed my desire to cocoon myself. It was worth it because I know my support and comfort made a difference for them.
Death seems so unfair and yet we live everyday knowing it's always there. Waiting, lurking in the shadows. A constant reminder of our mortality, but also a reminder to live our lives to the fullest with no regrets as today may be our last day. Do it, say it, change it...time won't wait for you and death won't be denied.
Our bodies are prisons for our soul. Our skin and bone, the iron bars of our confinement. But, fear not. Death turns all to ash. And thus, death frees every soul. The Fountain 2006
How I'm Spending My Day...
My stress levels are high and my insomnia is in overdrive so I really need a nice, carefree weekend. There are some challenges to my desire for my carefree weekend because southern California is currently being pummeled by storms. Normally I would look out of my bedroom window and watch the rain fall, and enjoy the mountain view. Today when I look out my window and into my backyard all I see is the damage the storm caused to our backyard fence. Approximately 20 feet of wooded fence is now in my neighbor's yard. Awesome!
What I would have really liked to do is go for a nice long hike. Unfortunately the weather is just too yucky. So my back up plan has been created. It involves Netflix, Just Dance, cards, Monopoly, and as many naps as possible.
My girls and I are going to binge watch " Lemony Snicket's: A Series of Unfortunate Events", which is new on Netflix. We are already two episodes in and enjoying it so far. My oldest and I will play gin rummy throughout the weekend, while my younger daughter and husband play Uno. We will all play Just Dance, which is actually a really good way to burn some calories. Just when every one is getting along great we will play Monopoly, and the "happy happy joy joy" will end. Everyone is super competitive, especially me. I show no mercy, not even to an eight year old.
So that's my plan to try to destress, and get through a wet and rainy weekend stuck indoors. I will likely blog again this weekend as I am sure something else will go awry. Hopefully nothing involving a tree falling, illness, or me losing in Monopoly. TTFN
10 Classic Movies Worth Watching Again And Again
I love watching old movies. No particular genre, but I am a Hitchcock fan, and think there is just something about watching movies in black and white. Every time I watch an old, classic movie I am fascinated.
I am fascinated by the fact that while technology, and fashion, and the way we live have all changed to a large degree, but human nature has stayed the same.
If you look at the list of movies below, you will find the subjects to still be quite relevant. People are still plotting to kill for money, still cheating, still lusting, still jealous of others, and still psycho. Let us briefly discuss each movie below. If you have not seen them, I highly recommend each one.
My Favorite Classic Movies
Psycho - This movie is just a great thriller and brings to question nature versus nurture. Poor Norman Bates and his victims.
Rear Window - This movie is the classic nosy neighbor. People-watching can be fun, and if you watch long enough, you are bound to see something you were not meant to.
An Imitation of Life - I cry every time I watch this movie. It's a story of mothers and daughters. Also a story of a mulatto girl who could pass as white and wouldn't accept that she was black.
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane - Such a crazy, juicy movie. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford bring it. Apparently, jealousy and envy can drive you insane.
The Sound of Music - I love that spunky Maria finds herself and gets her man. Based on a true story, it's very romantic and sweet, and I love to sing along. Unfortunately, the damn Nazis were growing in power at the same time.
Double Indemnity - Ah for the love of money and a good insurance policy. A scheming woman and dumb man.
East of Eden - James Dean has a lot of family problems in this classic and falls in love with a girl he should not.
A Place in the Sun - Beautiful Montgomery Clift has a case of bad timing and bad judgement. How does one untangle themselves from one relationship to be with the girl of their dreams?
Dial M for Murder - Affairs, blackmail, a murder plot, and a large inheritance. What can go wrong? Everything...
The Wizard of Oz - I think most people have seen Dorothy's trip to Oz. It's always fun to watch and hard to believe it premiered in 1939.
These are some of my favorite movies. They are good movies, but also timeless. We, as humans are always changing, and evolving, but somehow we are the same as we were 1000 years ago. Still plotting, and coveting, and falling in and out of love and lust.
What are your favorite classic movies? Do any of these make your list? Please share your favorites!
Are You Living Your Dream? I'm Trying To...
We all have dreams when we are young and continue to dream as we go through life. Our dreams evolve as we mature and some aspirations just seem unachievable. Some little boys dream of becoming astronauts or professional athlete, while some little girls dream of becoming ballerinas or singers. All dreams are special and hopes for the future. Unfortunately at some point reality creeps in. Some dreams are very difficult to achieve, and when one does achieve them they do no necessarily pay the bills.
I was always a dancer, a pretty good dancer to be honest, but it wasn't my passion. That statement might surprise many who grew up with me and saw me a fierce dance competitor. I enjoyed dancing but books and art were my passion. If I were living my dream today, I would either be a curator at a lovely gallery or museum, preferably in Europe. Or I would make my living as a writer. My family is full of artists, a talent I do not have, but I love beautiful paintings. Monet and the Impressionism style is my favorite. I could stare at beautiful art work all day.
As far as writing goes, I write daily. Whether or not writing alone will someday pay my bills I care not. I have no regrets. I have done a lot in my life, achieved a lot, but like many of you I still have dreams. Those dreams evolve as I grow and change as a person. I will never stop writing. I enjoy it and know that as long as I am writing, I am one step closer to making my dream a reality.
Are you living your dream? Have you given up or taken a break? Now is the time...time won't wait for you.
Need A Laugh? Here Are Some Really Silly Jokes To Lighten Your Spirits
My heart is very heavy today. Today was a dark day and I know I need to add some light. Sometimes if you don't laugh, you cry. I decided to comb the Internet for silly, and dumb in some cases, jokes. I hope you find your heart lighter after reading the silliness below.
Why can't you trust an atom? Because they literally make up everything
Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert? Because they're always stuffed
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall
What do computers snack on? Microchips
Two men broke broke into a drug store and stole Viagra. The police were on the lookout for two hardened criminals
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony was nice...but the reception was amazing
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin
What kind of guns do bees use? BeeBee guns
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music
What do you call a nosey pepper? Jalapeno business
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle
What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job? Oh snap
Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad? His mummy
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because there's no point
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents
What kind of horses go out after dark? Nightmares
What did the ghost say to the bee? Boo-Bee
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy
Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow? It's making headlines
So there you have it. My best shot at making you smile today. I hope your heart feels a little lighter. It will get better.
Liars...Can You Ever Trust Them?
I am most certainly not perfect. I tell the occasional "white lie", or omit the truth to avoid hurting someone's feelings. I do try to be a truthful, honest person at all times, so that's why it is really bugging me that I have someone in my life that does not exactly share this philosophy.
I really like this person, and genuinely enjoy spending time with them until a lie joins us. For this particular person I think their lies are about wanting me to see them a certain way. It is sad because I think they're great until they lie, and then not so much.
I cannot tell if they are trying to delude me, or themselves about their relationship, and other aspects of their life. But at what point do you turn away because you worry that all is false?
You might ask why am I so sure they are lying. Well for starters I have a pretty good memory and remember lots of little details. So basically some of their stories are inconsistent. Also their body language and my gut instinct.
If something sounds like an exaggeration or a lie, it probably is. I find it insulting that they think I will believe the lies, but worse that the feel they need to lie to me.
I did some research on lying and my pal seems to meet the criteria for compulsive liar. It does not make them a bad person but it means they have some issues they need to deal with, at the least, figure out the root cause of all the lying. Here are some reasons people lie:
Protection
To Look Good
Personal Gain - Financial or Social
Avoid Punishment
I think reasons one and two apply to my friend. They lie to protect themselves from judgement of others. They want to be respected and for people to think highly of them and their life, so much so that they over-exaggerate and lie to achieve this goal.
They also want to look good, but don't realize they don't need to lie to accomplish this because they are good at what they do.
So what do I do? Do I call them out when I think they are lying to me? Maybe, but would a liar admit to lying? Do I drop this person from my life even though I believe the lying stems from insecurities, sadness, and disappointment at some aspects of their life.
I truly believe my friend is a good person and good enough, in fact, wonderful in so many ways. If only they believed it too.
What are your thoughts on lying and liars? Do you think you can ever trust someone who you know lies to sometimes? I know my answer. Please share your thought and experience on dealing with liars!