3 Signs They Are Sucking The Life Out Of You...Is There An Emotional Vampire In Your Life?

Let’s be honest, we all have an emotional vampire or two in our life. Whether it is family, friends, coworkers or neighbors, there is someone you interact with who leaves you feeling drained afterward.

What is an emotional vampire? An emotional vampire is someone who drains your emotional energy out of you. They may do it all at once or little by little over time, but regardless of their process, they basically suck the life out of you.

It is important to recognize the emotional vampires in your life so you can take action and protect your mental health. Here are the 3 big signs to look for.

Signs They Are Emotional Vampires

You Often Dread Interactions

You dread interactions with them because they are often negative, overly critical, or tend to lash out at you because that is just what they do.

Whether it is a visit or phone call with your mother, or just your partner coming home from work, if you often dread interactions with them, they are an emotional vampire.

If the emotional vampire in your life is a spouse or a parent, it may be time to speak your mind and set some boundaries.

You Feel Anxious Or Upset During Interactions

You could be having a perfectly fine day, but whenever you interact with certain individuals in your life, they totally kill your vibe.

It could be your best girlfriend who is never happy, never has a positive thing to say, and feels the need to unburden herself on you with all her problems constantly. But of course, she never asks how things are going for you, or bothers to thank you for being a supportive friend.

Or it could be your boss or coworker who leaves wondering why you still work there. Your coworker who complains constantly and spreads negativity may need to be shut down and sent away.

You Feel Drained After An Interaction

After your friend has complained endlessly about her ex, or your mom has guilted you about not calling enough, so she can tell more often about what a disappointment you are, you feel drained.

If this is the case with anyone in your life, it may be time to avoid, distance yourself, or completely cut them out of your life.

As adults, we get to choose whom we have in our lives. If that means finding a new job, ending a friendship, or less frequent calls with an overly critical parent, then that is what you need to do for your own mental and emotional well-being.

Can you relate to this article? What are your thoughts on emotional vampires? Do you currently have one in your life? Please share your thoughts and stories!

You will always suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you, that means everyone else can control you. Breathe, and allow things to pass. - Warren Buffet

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6 Behaviors That Push People Away

No one is perfect. I think most of us do not expect perfection from the people in our lives, however there are just behaviors that can make people intolerable. There are some behaviors that are toxic and makes us cut people of our lives.

As we grow and change, we can become better versions of ourselves. Recognizing bad traits in ourselves is one way to achieve self-improvement and not push the people we care about way.

6 Behaviors That Push People Away

Lying

Many of us have had friends or family members who we wouldn’t exactly call truth tellers. But no one really wants to deal with a liar. Trust is very important to relationships, and no one wants people in their lives who they cannot trust.

If you lie a lot then you are not trustworthy, and will find you struggle with keeping friends and loves in your life.

One-Upmanship

There is nothing wrong with healthy competition, with the purpose of fun and good intentions. One-upmanship is not healthy or with good intentions. If you have to always outdo your friends, family, and even your mate, it shows you are insecure, selfish, and kind of a jerk.

Always having to be the center of attention and steal the limelight will push people away. Who wants a person on their life who can never root for them or just be happy for them? No one, that’s who.

Being Flaky

The classic, flaky unreliable friend is someone we are all too familiar with. The flaky friend loves to make promises and commitments that they seem to never have any intentions of keeping. This is the friend that always gets you excited about plans of a outing or trip and then changes their mind in the blink of an eye.

Being Moody

So I am not saying you’re crazy, but your friends and family never know what version of you they are going to get, or when you mood will dramatically change. This unpredictability is very off putting to people. You’re cool and fun one minute and then something sets you off and you become a raging butthead, or a hysterical puddle of tears.

Being Untrustworthy

Betrayal is a feeling that many people cannot get past, and honestly why should they. You keep secrets from them, talk bad about them behind their back, or worse you even plot against. Whether it’s jealously, a hidden resentment, or a frenemy situation, you betray them by not being truthful about your feelings to their face.

Being Selfish

If you only care about yourself it will be really evident to those in your life. When the relationships in your life have to be on your terms, it will eventually push people away.

If you find that you have a revolving door of friends and boyfriends or girlfriends, then you are probably doing some of the behaviors I address in this blog. Once you become aware, you can change, if you want to.

What are your thoughts on behaviors that push people away? Do you agree with my list? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Practice self-awareness, self-evaluation, and self-improvement. If we are aware that our manners - language, behavior, and actions - are measured against our values and principles, we are able to more easily embody the philosophy, leadership is a matter of how to be, not how to do. “ - Frances Hesselbein

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Friends With Benefits...5 Reasons It's Not Worth It

Friends with benefits sounds good in theory, but is it really worth potentially screwing up a great friendship for sex? The friends with benefits relationship is basically a no strings attached agreement. You have fun together, hang out, have sex, and then go your separate ways.

There are many people who fall into the trap of friends with benefits (FWB). It is after all very appealing. You are single, horny, and have a willing partner who you are close to and find attractive, or at least attractive enough.

The decision for the friends with benefits relationship is often made in the heat of the moment, and not well thought out. Unfortunately, there is no going back once you start sleeping together.

5 Reasons It's Not Worth It

It Changes The Friendship

The friendship changes but not usually for the good. Sure you are getting laid, but now there is a complicated relationship in your life, and it's with someone you would have normally confided in about it.

Also, instead of being the chill buddy, or the one they would pour their heart out to, you are now the booty call. Things start to become complicated.

You Feel Jealous

Although the deal was just sex, you will start to feel a little possessive. Before the sexual relationship started, and you were hanging out with your friend, it didn't bother you if he checked out another girl. In fact you didn't think anything of it, but with a sexual relationship involved you feel hurt, jealous, and kind of disrespected.

You Become Emotionally Attached

You always cared about them as a friend, but after you start having sex you will likely develop real feelings of love for them. Once that happens, it's analyze, analyze, analyze. What did he or she mean when they said this or that? Why haven't they called? Am I being used?

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You Get Your Heart Broken

Maybe in the beginning you were down for a strictly sexual relationship, or possibly always hoped it would turn into more. Either way, your friend didn't feel the same way, and now you are left heartbroken and feeling foolish. This will be especially difficult if you have the same circle of friends, and his dates or new girlfriends are brought around.

It's Going To End

One way or another, your FWB is going to end, but it may not be by your choosing. Perhaps your friend started dating someone, or just felt that the sexual part of your relationship had run its course. Whatever the reason, the end will feel like a break up, and it will be difficult to handle.

Now you have to struggle to maintain a friendship with someone you are in love with, and who has rejected you on some level.

In a nutshell, a friends with benefits relationship is sex with a friend who does not want more from your relationship. Not everyone is cut out for this type of relationship. So, in choosing to enter a FWB agreement, one needs to clear about what they want, and have an end game.

Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship? How did it end? How did it make you feel, and would you ever engage in another one? Please share story or experience!

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.”  - W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil

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5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Friendship...

Boundaries are an important part of any relationship. If you do not set boundaries with those in your life, then you are not respecting your yourself, or requiring that they respect you either. Often times we recognize when our friendships have veered off course, and perhaps new boundaries need to be set, but we may find it difficult to take the necessary corrective steps.

The first step with boundaries, is recognizing when you need to set them.

5 Signs That It Is Time To Set Boundaries With Your Friends

They Don't Respect Your Time

This is the friend that believes all of your free time is theirs to do with as they please. You had a long, exhausting week, and all you want to do is hibernate all weekend. But without even calling, your friend shows up, with bag in hand, declaring she's spending the weekend. A boundary is needed with this friend.

It's Always A Competition

I don't believe in competing with my friends, and I don't believe in having frenemies in my life. If your friend is always trying to one up you, it is time for a talk, and to set boundaries.

They Are Emotionally Draining

Yes, friends are supposed to be there for each other, and listen to one another. But you are not supposed to be their therapist, and it cannot be about them, and their problems all of the time. If it feels like you are always on the phone with your friend dealing with one of his or her crises, it is time to set a boundary.

They Take Advantage of You

Your friend knows you will help anyone. She needs help moving, you are there. She needs a ride to the airport, of course you will take her. The problem is, this friend is always unable to reciprocate, and is taking advantage of your kindness.

It is time to set boundaries with this friend. You can say no sometimes, and still be a good person.

They Hurt Your Feelings

Whether it's a comment about your looks or your intelligence, your friend takes digs at you. And the worse part is you feel it is done intentionally to hurt and belittle. This goes back to competing. Set the boundary, and let them know that put downs are not acceptable to you.

Relationships, whether they are romantic or friendship, are complicated. It is boils down to two individuals trying to get what they want and need out of a relationship.  Sometimes they may, or may not be, taking the other persons feelings into consideration, while doing so. This is why we have to speak up.

I am a firm believer that we show people how to treat us. If you set no standard for how you are to be treated, then they will treat you accordingly. - Charlene Eckstein

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