5 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, without even realizing it. Unlike physical abuse, the scars from emotional abuse are invisible, but just as damaging.

Emotional abuse can destroy the person that you once were, and leave behind an empty shell.

Sadly, many people stay in emotionally abusive relationships because they make excuses for the behavior of their partners, often blaming themselves. All signs of emotional abuse are not cut and dry. Relationships have ups and down, and people have fights and disagreements, but it is how you fight and disagree that can be abusive.

Signs Of Emotional Abuse

Talked To Disrespectfully

In an emotionally abusive relationship there is a lack of respect. You may be told to shut up, yelled at, or completely dismissed as you try to communicate your feelings or concerns. Sometimes the verbal abuse happens in front of others, but many times while you are alone. Emotional abusers are good at hiding their abusive side.

Blamed For Everything

Your partner is mean and disrespectful to you, but guess what, it’s your own fault. If you were not so overly sensitive, or whiny, or demanding, then they wouldn’t lose their temper and have to be mean to you.

They make you feel like everything is your fault, including their poor choices and mistakes. You often fear their anger here.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it's all in your head and you are just being paranoid or remembering incorrectly.

Your partner makes you feel completely faulty. As if you have the worst memory ever, and are going completely crazy. It’s not them, it’s you.

Made To Feel Stupid

An emotionally abusive partner loves to belittle and make you feel less than. Your partner will humiliate and embarrass you in front of others with blatant disrespect, or making you the butt of a joke. They are even worse in private.

If you dare to challenge or question their judgement, they are quick to remind you how mentally superior they are to you. They do not value you or your opinion.

Controlling

An emotionally abusive partner tends to also be controlling. They want to know where you are at, where you are going, and who are you with. They want to tell you how to dress, how to act, and what to do. You are punished with silence or withdrawals of affection if you do not do things their way.

An emotionally abusive relationship can leave you feeling depressed, alone, and questioning your self worth. It is important to remember that you are not worthless, you do not need to stay in an abusive situation, and that you will be loved again, the right way.

What are your thoughts on emotional abuse? There are many signs to look for, which would you add? Please share your experience!

“Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.” - Unknown

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5 Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist

The term narcissist seems to be thrown around a lot these days, but that doesn't mean the label doesn't necessarily apply to some people. I am not a psychologist, and perhaps you are not either, but I think it is important to recognize what is unhealthy behavior, and avoid it when possible.

So what exactly is the medical definition of narcissist you might be thinking. I think many of us have our own ideas or definitions of what a narcissist is, but the meaning is actually pretty straight forward.

A narcissist is defined as a person who has an excessive interest or admiration of themselves. For a narcissist, it is about them all of the time.

To have a narcissist in your life can be painful. They are self-centered, selfish, and take far more than they give. Your wants, needs, and feelings are rarely, if ever, taken into consideration. Statistically far more men than women are narcissists, approximately 50 to 75 of those diagnosed are men.

5 Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist

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Appearance Is Everything

A narcissist is very focused on their looks, their clothes, and even the looks and clothes of those they surround themselves with. They are very jealous and envious individuals. The narcissist wants to always look good, be the center of attention, and to be admired.

They Are Braggarts

A narcissist is a name dropper. If they know or have met a celebrity, they make sure everyone is aware of this fact. They tend to have the most expensive clothes, shoes, cars, and jewelry they can afford, and love to share the cost of everything.

They Cannot Take Criticism

A narcissist can be very insensitive, self-serving, arrogant, and dismissive, but don't try telling them that. If they hurt your feelings, or treat you in an inconsiderate or unkind manner, they are more likely to gaslight you than they are to admit fault.

Its Always About Them

A narcissist always has time to talk about themselves, or celebrate their special occasions. Unfortunately when you need them, they cannot make time for you. If it is not about the narcissist, it is not of interest to them.

They Have A Sense Of Entitlement

In the mind of a narcissist, they are deserving of everything they want, regardless of whether or not they have earned it. They believe that they are special, and that they should always come first. The narcissist has an inflated sense of self, and often takes advantage of people.

The moral of the story is that you are not going to change a narcissist, but it is a diagnosable condition. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is real, and treatable, but I do not recommend breaking your own heart trying to cure with love. The cause of NPD is not completely known, but genetics, environment, and early life experiences are believed to be contributing factors.

Do you have experience with narcissists? Did they get help and get better, or did you give up and move on? Please share your story or experience! 

“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They're emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God's creations because they don't show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”  - Shannon L. Alder

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5 Ways To Get Over Him

You cringe at the thought of letting go and moving on. You want to fight to be with the one you love. Unfortunately, there comes a time in many relationships where we have to let go. The relationship is no longer fulfilling, or your other half just doesn’t love you anymore.

Sometimes the love is still there, but the relationship just doesn’t work and is not meant to be. Or maybe you have grown apart, or lack compatibility.

It's a possibility you were always the only one in love. The person you gave your heart was never available to you. They were never available emotionally or physically. Perhaps they belonged to another.

Whatever the circumstances, you recognize that it is time to move, heal your heart, and find your happy again. But where do you start?

Healing a broken heart can be a slow and painful process if you were truly in love. In all honesty, you may always love that someone just a little bit forever, but there are things you can do to help you move on.

5 Ways To Get Over Someone You’re In Love With...

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Get Busy

Get busy and stay busy. Finding things to do is a great distraction from your broken heart. I recommend joining clubs, lots of exercise, and starting a new hobby. Not only will staying busy keep you from cyberstalking your ex, though I am sure you will a little or a lot in the beginning, you will also find some self-improvement happening.

As you start new hobbies, and work on that body, you will find that your confidence and self esteem grows. Plus your back on the market, and you want to be at your best.

Spend Time With Friends

Hanging out with your friends will be fun, relaxing, and another great distraction. A girl's night out, or a weekend trip may be just the prescription needed for an aching heart. Your pals can be great listeners and shoulders to cry on, but don't push it.

They have heard it all already, and have been listening to your love woes for quite a while before you decided to call it quits.

Make A List

Make a list of all the reasons the relationship couldn't and didn't work. When you sit down to write your list think about all the things that annoyed you, made you feel bad about yourself, and hurt your feelings in your relationship.

Was your love kind, honest, and trustworthy? Did you really have much in common? Was it an abusive relationship? Were they your forever person?

Break ups happen for a reason. One or both of you didn't want to be in the relationship any longer. Do not romanticize the relationship. Be honest about their faults, and about how the relationship made you feel.

Be Open

Dating after a difficult break up will be the most exciting, and scariest thing you will do. The good, and the bad thing, is that there are many ways to meet new people. It used to be that you would go to clubs and bars to meet someone.

But with all of the online dating possibilities, you can learn a lot about a potential mate without leaving your home.

The important thing to remember is to be open. Chances are there is someone you already know, who's currently in your life in some capacity, who is your best potential mate. But regardless of whether or not you have met the "one" or if you have to toss a lot of fish back into the sea until you find just what you need, be open to the possibilities.

Give It Time

I know it sounds cliche, but it is true that time heals all wounds. When you are in the middle of heartbreak, you wonder was there something wrong with you. When will you start to feel like yourself again?  How will you ever go on? The answer is "you just do". One day at a time.

Resist the urge to look at old pictures, old text messages, or anything else that reminds you of them.

Return any of their belongings you might have, especially your favorite article of clothing of theirs that you cannot stop smelling because it still has their scent on it. Let go.

We have all been there. No one escapes heartbreak in this life, even if you were the one to initiate the break-up. These 5 ways to get over someone you are still in love will work. Just be strong, patient, and know that you are enough.

Do you relate to this blog? Have you ever broken up with someone you were still in love with? How did you get over them? How long did it take to move on and let go?

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He's Not A Good Guy...10 Signs Of A No Good Man

There are many good men in this world, just perhaps not enough to go around. I have been fortunate these past 20 years to see an example of a really good man. I have honed my skills, and can recognize the no good man much more quickly nowadays, but that wasn’t always the case for me.

In my early twenties I fell hard for a no good man. Today I look back on that relationship, and smile because I learned so much from it. I would describe him as a very handsome con artist.

I overlooked red flags far too long, and doubted my inner voice. He was a cheater and a liar, and I was young and naive.

One day I woke up, and it was like a spell had been broken. I saw him for who he really was, and finally was strong enough to be free of him. Fortunately, I was not foolish, or desperate enough to marry him, or have children with him. But we were engaged for a period of time.

That relationship in my early twenties changed me, and I said never again. I learned my lesson, became more guarded, and demanded a certain level of treatment from future partners. I share my PG stories with young women in my life, in hopes of saving them "some" heartache.

Heartbreak is inevitable, but there are some ways to avoid the no good man and not get conned.

Here Are The 10 Signs I Say To Look For In A No Good Man...

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Your Friends and Family Do Not Like Him

Love makes us blind and we tend to overlook, make excuses for, and block out all of our loves’ faults. This one is a huge red flag. If your family and friends do not like your guy, it is because they are seeing the real him that you are choosing not to see. They love you, and want the best for you, and chances are, he is not it.

Lying

You catch him in lies, or his stories are inconsistent. He is not a trust worthy individual, and you find yourself questioning everything with him. You cannot trust a liar, and if you cannot trust your man, you cannot have a healthy, happy relationship.

Controlling

A man who tries to control you does not respect you, but wants to own you. He tells you who to be friends with, how to act, and even what to say. Controlling men are very insecure.

Rumors Follow Him

A man who constantly has negative “press” is a man who is likely up to no good. There is some truth to what has been said about him. Do not believe his bogus reasons as to why there is always something bad being said about him.

Question why his reputation is so poor that people so readily believe the worst of him. Trust me, it is not because people are jealous of him or your coupledom.

Something Seems Off

He seems wonderful, nearly perfect for you, but if something feels off about him then there probably is. Trust your gut instinct, which is picking up on some behaviors you are ignoring on a conscious level..

Doesn't Keep His Word

A man with empty promises, or no follow through is no good. He is all talk and frequently lets you down. He has big plans, and big dreams, but no effort to actually do anything.

Unreliable

He doesn’t show up when he says he will, or is not available or there when you need him. He is frequently late, shows signs of laziness, and is never willing to inconvenience himself.

No Friends

Be very wary of a man who cannot make, or keep friends. This guy will be very clingy, and try to keep you all to himself. If he doesn’t have friends, it is because he runs people off with his behavior and attitude. Other men find him unlikeable, although he will try to say it is because they are “jealous”.

He Values Things Over People

This is a man whose value system is really screwed up. He puts importance on labels, expensive things, and he is a braggart. A man who brags about things shows his immaturity, and a lack of social awareness. He might as well be wearing a sign that says ”douchebag” on it.

He Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself

If he makes you feel bad about your clothes, your looks, your intelligence, or your cooking, he is no good. He should lift you up, not bring you down. He plays games, and loves to emotionally manipulate you into doing what he wants.

This list is not all inclusive, and the no good man does not need meet all of these signs. Ultimately, we all have to decide if he is "no good". I think it goes without saying that a man who is physically aggressive, or violent towards you is no good. Violence aside, it is up to the individual to decide what they are willing to accept.

 For me, trust is everything. I  know that when I really care about someone as a person, I only want to see the good in them. I still have blind spots for people close to me, so I always have to ask myself if I am ignoring red flags.

Do you agree with the signs of a no good man? Are you ignoring red flags with someone? Please share your story or experience!

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle. - Benjamin Franklin

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10 Signs You Are In A Co-Dependent Relationship

Type the term "co-dependent relationship" in any search engine, and hundreds of articles will come up. Is it that co-dependent relationships are a growing phenomenon, or is it that more and more people are recognizing it for the unhealthy cycle it creates?

Relationships are about give and take, and a partnership of two individuals. But in a co-dependent relationship, all things tend to revolve around one half of the couple. Often times it is the female in the relationship that is the co-dependent partner.

She is eager to please, always with a smile on her face, even when she is sad or upset. Usually a learned behavior from the household she grew up in.

Co-dependent relationship can loosely be defined as the feeling that one cannot exist, be happy, or even feel complete without the other person. This type of relationship tends to stunt personal growth, create or exacerbate low self-esteem, and prevent those involved from truly being happy.

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Couples in codependent relationships tend to struggle for power and control. One or both are often anxious, resentful, and are guilt stricken. They do not respect each other’s individuality, or the need for autonomy.

Surprisingly, the relationships are usually drama free, because one or both are not honest with their feelings. The relationship also tends to lack in passion, and true intimacy.

10 Signs That You Are In A Co-Dependent Marriage:

• Spouses opinion matters more than your own, especially in decision making

• You prioritize their happiness, even if it makes you unhappy

• You do not do anything without them, and do not have your own identity

• You do not set appropriate boundaries with your spouse, and fear telling them “no”

• You ignore their dishonesty, possessiveness, and jealous tendencies

• You avoid confronting your partner about important issues because you fear rejection

• You can’t "live" without the other person

• You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner

• You feel as if your life revolves around your partner

• You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims

According to marriage counselors, autonomy is the key to a healthy, balanced marriage. In a marriage, yes you love each other and want to be spend time together, but you should also be able to function independently. There needs to be allowances for separateness, differences, and one’s own thoughts and feelings. A partner should feel like a support beam, not an anchor.

What are your thoughts on co-dependent relationships? Are you in a co-dependent relationship or know someone who is? Are some couples blissfully ignorant existing in this state? Or are they in denial? Either way, the bliss or denial cannot last forever.

What other telltale signs of co-dependency would you add to this list? Please share your story or experience!

A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your goals, your dreams, or your dignity. - Unknown

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