The 5 Things Women Find Most Attractive In Men...

Just like women, men come in all different shapes and sizes. We all have a type, a personal preference so to speak. That one thing we look for in man after man. It could be dark hair, dark skin, or green eyes, but that's all aesthetics, right?

I am not going to lie, looks do matter, but only so much. I think often times we can meet people, and have that instant physical attraction, which is normal. But based on a guys personality, their visual appeal can go down hill very fast if talking to him is like watching paint dry. Or even worse, he knows he's good looking, and is an arrogant tool.

Ultimately, once you get passed the looks, whether someone is gorgeous, plain, or unattractive, it comes down to other attributes. Suddenly that plain faced or chubby guy, who once didn't warrant a second look is all you can think about.

Here Are The 5 Things Women Find Attractive In Men

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Intelligence

He doesn't need to be Ivy League, but women want a guy that can hold his own intellectually. He must be able to sustain a conversation about various topics and show that he is knowledgeable. Smart men are sexy.

Kindness

Women want a good man, and this starts with kindness. A man that is kind to others, will be kind and respectful to his woman. Kindness can be shown in the simplest ways. A good indicator of kindness, or lack there of,  is how a man treats people in the service industry, such as waiters.

Funny

A good sense of humor is a must, and a guy who can make a girl laugh is very attractive. There will be tough days, and tough times, and having a guy who can bring some lightness is a treasure.

Generous

There are many ways for a man to be generous. He can be generous with his time, generous with his money, and generous in bed. Generous men, are men to be appreciated.

Confidence

Guys who are cocky, or arrogant are big turn offs. A man who is sure of himself, knows what he is about, and knows his worth are the things that make a confident man very sexy. He doesn't need to tear down others, or constantly have his ego stroked, but he has a certain air about him that makes a woman believe in him.

No man or woman is perfect, but we all have expectations, and minimum requirements of what is needed in a potential partner. A good personality, and being of strong character are much more important, and valuable than looks or money in the long run.

What are you thoughts? Do you agree with the list? What you believe most attracts women to men? Please share your experience!

“One can love any man that is generous.” - Leigh Hunt

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Faking Happiness...Are You Making Yourself More Miserable By Pretending To Be Happy?

They say fake it until you make it, but does that really apply to unhappiness? Does it apply to going through tough situations in your life such as marital problems, financial struggles, or issues at work? Most problems when not addressed immediately tend to grow, and snowball into bigger issues.

The truth is, faking happiness will not make problems miraculously go away, or fix themselves. The reality is that maybe some issues are beyond repair, but how would you know if you do not face the problems head on?

The Avoidance Of Admitting You Are Unhappy

So why do we sometimes choose to not address problems in our lives? Avoidance seems like a great idea, but that is all that it is, avoiding. The tough decisions, and difficult discussions will eventually need to happen. Your happiness will still be in jeopardy, decision or no decision.

The perfect life you imagined for yourself will start to look more distant, as you continue to bury your head in the sand.

In fact, avoiding may actually create more stress and anxiety. When you avoid problems and conflict, the issues build and become bigger. The stress of repressing your feelings increases, and a blow up, in some form is likely to happen. A weight will be lifted, and you will be able to breathe again.

Pretending to be happy is like holding one's breath. You can only do it for so long before your body gives out.

5 Signs You Are Faking Happiness

You Live In The Past

You were happy once, and so you focus on, and talk about the past as if it were the present. You constantly worry that others will realize that you are unhappy, so you discuss times when you were happy, and when you were in a better place.

You Work Hard To Show Others How Happy You Are

You are always posting pictures of your vacations, bragging about your fabulous relationship, and showing off all of your material things. Anything to prove to others how happy you are, and perhaps illicit a little envy as well.

You Have Lots of Highs and Lows In Your Mood

When around others, and showing off or bragging, your mood tends to be up. But when away from groups or by yourself you often feel sad, or not good about yourself, or your life. You are up and down, but never really just content.

You Drink, Gamble, Or Shop Too Much

Sad people tend to have a vice. Drinking and shopping are great distractions from the unhappiness in your life, and can provide temporary highs, and feelings of satisfaction.

You Are Always Tired

Sadness is exhausting, and so is faking happiness. It takes a lot of mental and emotional work to put on a show all day everyday for others, just to hide the fact that you are unhappy. But you do it, day after day, hoping one day it will be real happiness.

The Stigma Of The Imperfect Life

Do you worry what others will think of you if your marriage fails, your home gets foreclosed on, or you do not get that promotion? Living your life for others will prevent you from finding true happiness, and fulfillment. Besides, what’s the point?

What is gained by having to always put on a happy face and façade for others? Do you really think you are fooling anyone?

People see through the act, and are more aware than you know. You will find that when you remove the mask and live your true life, instead of worrying about what others will think of you, you will likely feel a huge weight has been lifted.

I do recommend that when and if you feel comfortable, that you try talking to a trusted friend, family member, or a counselor. Yes, it is personal stuff, but you should not go it alone. Allow others to be there for you, and to support you.

Did you know that pretending to be happy is actually a warning sign of depression? I am not a therapist, or a counselor, so I am attaching a link to a great article. My advice is for you to be honest with yourself. Are you pretending to be happy? If you are, confide in someone. 

Always remember it is okay if everything is not perfect. It is okay to be disappointed in how some things have turned out. It is okay to be sad. What are your thoughts on faking happiness? Please share your story or experience!

I hide hurt behind a fake smile. I wear it all the time. Everyone says how I always look so cheerful. Shows what they know I guess. - Ellen Hopkins

Forcing Yourself To Be Happy Is A Warning Sign Of Depression

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10 Signs You Are In A Co-Dependent Relationship

Type the term "co-dependent relationship" in any search engine, and hundreds of articles will come up. Is it that co-dependent relationships are a growing phenomenon, or is it that more and more people are recognizing it for the unhealthy cycle it creates?

Relationships are about give and take, and a partnership of two individuals. But in a co-dependent relationship, all things tend to revolve around one half of the couple. Often times it is the female in the relationship that is the co-dependent partner.

She is eager to please, always with a smile on her face, even when she is sad or upset. Usually a learned behavior from the household she grew up in.

Co-dependent relationship can loosely be defined as the feeling that one cannot exist, be happy, or even feel complete without the other person. This type of relationship tends to stunt personal growth, create or exacerbate low self-esteem, and prevent those involved from truly being happy.

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Couples in codependent relationships tend to struggle for power and control. One or both are often anxious, resentful, and are guilt stricken. They do not respect each other’s individuality, or the need for autonomy.

Surprisingly, the relationships are usually drama free, because one or both are not honest with their feelings. The relationship also tends to lack in passion, and true intimacy.

10 Signs That You Are In A Co-Dependent Marriage:

• Spouses opinion matters more than your own, especially in decision making

• You prioritize their happiness, even if it makes you unhappy

• You do not do anything without them, and do not have your own identity

• You do not set appropriate boundaries with your spouse, and fear telling them “no”

• You ignore their dishonesty, possessiveness, and jealous tendencies

• You avoid confronting your partner about important issues because you fear rejection

• You can’t "live" without the other person

• You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner

• You feel as if your life revolves around your partner

• You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims

According to marriage counselors, autonomy is the key to a healthy, balanced marriage. In a marriage, yes you love each other and want to be spend time together, but you should also be able to function independently. There needs to be allowances for separateness, differences, and one’s own thoughts and feelings. A partner should feel like a support beam, not an anchor.

What are your thoughts on co-dependent relationships? Are you in a co-dependent relationship or know someone who is? Are some couples blissfully ignorant existing in this state? Or are they in denial? Either way, the bliss or denial cannot last forever.

What other telltale signs of co-dependency would you add to this list? Please share your story or experience!

A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your goals, your dreams, or your dignity. - Unknown

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What Is Love? Being, Falling, and Crazy In It

Valentine's Day is just a little more than a week away, so I thought I would write about love today. I am actually a Valentine's Day cynic. I find it lame, and a total consumer manipulation, however, I do love love.

So what exactly is love? And for this blog, we are talking about romantic love. Love is a feeling of strong affection and care for someone or something. It can also be a feeling of devotion or attachment. 

How Does Romantic Love Feel?

• A deep feeling of affection and care for another person

• A strong or constant affection for and dedication to another

• A warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

How Does Love Act?

• When in love, you will show a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration

Love can take many forms and can be defined differently by different people. 

I love the idea of falling in love, and being in love. I am not someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and I was recently described as aloof, but actually I am a romantic.

Being in a relationship, and in love is nice. It feels safe and comfortable to look over at the person sitting or laying next to you, and truly feel like you know them, and that you are in it together. But in all honesty nothing gives the euphoric feeling like falling in love.

Why Does Love Make You Crazy?

The newness is what makes it so different. It's obsessive. You eat, breathe, and live the other person. You cannot get enough of them. You could stay up all night talking to them, or staring at their face. You miss them the minute they leave, hang up the phone, or text goodnight.

They are the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and last thing you think about when you fall asleep at night. It makes you feel alive. It's an amazing feeling that cannot be replicated.

Falling in love is great, but a true, deeper love comes with getting to know the other person. They are not perfect, but a flawed individual. They share your interests, but have their own too. They truly "see" you, and not the fantasy person they want you to be. Seeing me has been my request with love. See me, and all of my flaws. No masks! Someone is sure to have buyer's remorse otherwise.

I know everyone loves differently and I think some of the outdated thoughts on love and Valentine’s Day specifically, have changed expectations for many women I know. More women are embracing being single and are pouring more into themselves and their non-romantic relationships. Galentine’s Day is also coming up. Which day will you be celebrating? Or maybe both?

You have no idea how fast my heart races every time I see you. - Unknown

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Soulmates...Meant To Be Or Nonsense For Romantics?

Once upon a time, when I was very young, I believed in the happily ever after. But then at some point reality hit me. Life is full of ups and downs, and no guarantees. Life will throw many curve balls, and one of them is love.

Love seems like such a simple concept in so many ways. You don't really have to think about it, you just feel it. You know it in your gut, and in your heart and mind that you love someone. But sometimes love evolves, or even fades away. We are talking romantic love.

Are you in love with someone right now? You may at some point, if you have not already, ask yourself if they are the "one".  You may wonder if they are your soulmate. Soulmate has many definitions. The true meaning of soulmate is to have known and loved one another in many lives.

Death does not separate true love, and soulmates will always find their way back to one another.

The modern definition of soulmate is more simplistic. Soulmates are two people who are drawn to each other, and connect on every level. There is an intensity and passion between soulmates that is difficult, if not impossible, to replicate.

Do I believe in soulmates? Simple answer is no. Having a soulmate in theory sounds wonderful, and oh so romantic. But what if my soulmate gets hit by a bus? Am I doomed to a life of loneliness or lackluster relationships because the "one" is no longer here? That's depressing, not romantic.

But if you are going to find the closest thing to a "soulmate", or a person you can be very happy with, look to the list below for signs that you have met the one.

Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate

• It Feels Right

• You Just Know It

• You Can Be Vulnerable And Be Yourself With Each Other

• You Can Sense When They Are Hurting Or Are In Pain

• You Admire And Challenge Each Other

• You Have A Deep Connection And Friendship

• There Is Amazing Chemistry Between You

• Time Together Is Fulfilling

• You Feel Like You Have Known One Another Forever

• Being In Their Presence Has A Calming Or Euphoric Effect On You

Honestly, my theory on love and relationships is that you can find happiness and love with many people, albeit not all at the same time. There are those where the relationship is good, but not great. There are better relationships, and there are the best relationships.

The best relationship is when you truly click and get one another. The relationship in which you look at one another, and wonder where have they been all of your life. The laughs are good and plentiful, the sex is great, and hell even the disagreements are stimulating, and kind of hot.

So nope, I do not subscribe to the soulmate concept, but I think life should be the best it can be. No settling out of fear, loneliness, or desperation. There are over 5 billion people in our beautiful world. He or she is out there, and maybe searching for you as well. Or possibly even right in front of you.

Do you believe in soulmates? Have you found the one? Still searching? Or settled too soon? If you have found the "one" then enjoy and appreciate. If not, keep looking because the right one is out there. Please share your soulmate experience!

“A soul mate is not found. A soul mate is recognized.” – Vironika Tugaleva

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Is Chemistry Enough? The Truth About Building a Lasting Relationship

Chemistry, and I am not referring to the study of matter, means different things to different people. I have chemistry with a lot people. Most people probably wouldn't be in my life for any extended period of time if I didn't have some type of chemistry with them.

Whether it is bonding over a shared love of books and music, or connecting with other parents and co-workers, chemistry comes in many forms.

Chemistry is a beautiful thing. In its simplest form it is just a connection with another person. You just click with someone. It isn't necessarily romantic. But great romances start with amazing chemistry, and that is what this blog is about. Recognizing romantic chemistry is easy. Knowing what to do with it can be the challenge.

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The 5 Signs Of Romantic Chemistry...

Commonality

Chemistry is bonding and connecting, usually over experiences and interests. You share similar personalities or backgrounds. You laugh at the same things, and are on the same intellectual level.

Attraction

You feel a strong physical pull towards each other. You desire this person, and when they are around everyone else fades.

Can't Look Away

It's as if they are water and your eyes have been wandering the desert for years. You could stare at them all day, and when your eyes meet it's HOT. Staring into each other's eyes happens frequently when you encounter each other.

Can't Stay Away

You want to be near this person as much as possible. Spending time with them is the best feeling imaginable. Being away from them is torment.

Never Enough Time

You could be with, talk to, and text with them all day and night, and it still doesn’t feel like enough time. Time flies when you are together, and yet somehow being together makes time come to a complete standstill.

So the question is, if you have  great romantic chemistry will you have a great relationship? I think the answer is, most likely. I believe the foundation of a solid romantic relationship is a good friendship.

They say opposites attract, but opposites may also struggle once the newness of the relationship wears off. That is why commonality plays a major role in any long lasting relationship. If a couple shares mutual interests and enjoy talking and "listening" to one another, it will bode well for a solid future together. 

Be sure not to confuse infatuation with chemistry. Chemistry is truly chemical. Chemistry is two bodies saying we belong together. While infatuation is about feeling passion and fascination for someone. Infatuation by definition is temporary, and either turns to love or fades.

Either way, if the infatuation was based on looks or just an admiration of someone so unique or different from oneself, but no real compatibility existed, what are the odds of it lasting?

Is finding that person you have amazing chemistry with the secret to a long, happy relationship? Do you think chemistry matters? Do you think it is important to have similar interests to stay connected? What are your thoughts?

You can't force chemistry to exist where it doesn't in the same way you can't deny it when it does. - Unknown

Photo by Josh Willink from Pexels 

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5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Relationship

Boundaries are limits that define acceptable behavior. These limits apply very much so to relationships. In fact, perhaps boundaries in our personal, romantic relationships are the most important ones to set.

We often become comfortable, maybe too comfortable, in our relationships, and we can forget how to treat our partners.

I see boundaries as being about trust and respect. Boundaries apply to everyone, whether you are the male or female in your relationship, or you are a same sex couple. Read the below boundary breakers, and ask yourself if you are doing any of these, or if they are being done to you. If they apply, ask yourself if you are okay with the status quo of your relationship.

The 5 Signs You Need To Set Boundaries

They Interrupt

Whether it's a work call, or your candle party, they interrupt with non-urgent issues. This is a disrespectful power play, and it is a boundary issue. While they think they are marking their territory with you, what they are really doing is putting their lack of respect for you on full display for co-workers, friends, and family.

Respect yourself enough to set boundaries.

They Track and Spy

Everyone, even those in relationships, are entitled to some privacy. They will disguise it as worry for your safety, but it is really about controlling you. Needing to know where another adult is every second of the day, who is supposed to be a partner and equal, is a boundary issue.

In addition to tracking and spying being about control, it is also about a lack of trust and respect in the relationship. The boundary issue is unhealthy and needs to be addressed.

They Smother

Alone time is important, as is time with others outside of your relationship. If your significant other makes you feel guilty for doing things, or wanting to do things, without them, you have a boundary problem.

If they do not respect your need or desire for alone time, or to occasionally do things without, they have serious boundary issues.

Always About Them

Does just about everything you do as a couple revolve around their wants? Do you get input? Do you try to give input but always seem to get shot down? You are paying for half the trip, but get none of the say. These are boundary issues. Your voice is not heard, and your opinion is not valued. Set the expectation.

They Treat You Disrespectfully

Are things said to you by your significant other that you would be ashamed if your family or friends ever overheard or knew about? That is a boundary issue. Many things go on between couples, but verbal and emotional abuse should not be tolerated.

Hands are not the only way to beat a person down. Set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and tell them to never speak to you like that again.

Relationships are work, but I believe too many people spend far too much time ignoring problems that can be fixed, such as boundary breaking. They spend too much time hoping things will turn around, while not facing problems head on. And unfortunately, they spend too much time working on relationships that are beyond repair, or that was never going to work at all.

What are your thoughts? These are just my opinions, and I know everybody has one. Please share your story or experience!

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” - Brene Brown

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Body Language...Can You Tell What He Is Thinking?

Ok, so technically I am no body language expert, but I find it interesting and have done lots of reading on the topic. I feel pretty confident in my abilities to regurgitate, I mean share, the the info I found.

I believe if we are honest with ourselves we can admit that we spend quite a bit of time hiding our true thoughts and feelings. We hide our annoyance when we are in the check out line behind someone paying with a check, or how much we dislike our boss, or even how much we like the new guy or girl at work.

I bet you think you have it all figured out, right? You play it cool and try keep your face emotionless when your jerk boss tasks you with something they should be doing. Or the girl you are crushing on is sitting across from you in a meeting.

How do you hide your feelings? You can't, not if your boss or crush know how to read body language.

I have an expressive face so my irritation, anger, and annoyance are rarely disguised. I think I am much better at hiding my other thoughts and feelings. I hide my fear and anxiety really well. I have also been really good at hiding my attraction for certain men in the past. At least I think so.

Experts would say I had telltale signs that gave me away, of course if they knew what to look for. The eyes say it all. They will dilate to take in more of the one they are attracted to.

There is no all encompassing list of signs your body will exhibit with any one particular emotion, but the below lists have been shown to accurately predict ones true intent or feelings.

Here are signs you might exhibit if you dislike someone:

• Not facing them when they talk to you

• False smiles

• Very little eye contact

• Keeping a large distance

• Yawning

• Side stepping while talking to them (you want to leave)

• Touching your nose

Here are signs you might be angry or hostile:

• Balled fists

• Pupil contraction

• Running fingers through hair

• Compressed or whitened lips

• Crossing arms

• Rapid speech

• Intense glare

• Shaking

• Redness in face

Here are some signs you might exhibit if in the presence of someone you are crushing on or secretly in love with:

• Lots of eye contact

• Mirroring behavior

• Gesture on appearance such as fixing tie, socks, or hair

• Great posture, straightens up when in their presence

• Is fidgety, and plays with things such as buttons or a pen

• Touches face a lot out of nervousness

• Plays with round objects in presence (this one is about sexual attraction and breasts)

• Dilated eyes because they like what they are looking at

• Feet point towards them, in order to keep them in your line of sight

Feeling vulnerable yet? I am. We all wear masks sometimes, often in the workplace. But our bodies betray us because research shows that whatever we are feeling shows up on our body first, not our conscious mind. Once our mind becomes aware we can put on that fake smile or look of interest.

Don't worry, sometimes people need to know how you really feel.

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5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Friendship...

Boundaries are an important part of any relationship. If you do not set boundaries with those in your life, then you are not respecting your yourself, or requiring that they respect you either. Often times we recognize when our friendships have veered off course, and perhaps new boundaries need to be set, but we may find it difficult to take the necessary corrective steps.

The first step with boundaries, is recognizing when you need to set them.

5 Signs That It Is Time To Set Boundaries With Your Friends

They Don't Respect Your Time

This is the friend that believes all of your free time is theirs to do with as they please. You had a long, exhausting week, and all you want to do is hibernate all weekend. But without even calling, your friend shows up, with bag in hand, declaring she's spending the weekend. A boundary is needed with this friend.

It's Always A Competition

I don't believe in competing with my friends, and I don't believe in having frenemies in my life. If your friend is always trying to one up you, it is time for a talk, and to set boundaries.

They Are Emotionally Draining

Yes, friends are supposed to be there for each other, and listen to one another. But you are not supposed to be their therapist, and it cannot be about them, and their problems all of the time. If it feels like you are always on the phone with your friend dealing with one of his or her crises, it is time to set a boundary.

They Take Advantage of You

Your friend knows you will help anyone. She needs help moving, you are there. She needs a ride to the airport, of course you will take her. The problem is, this friend is always unable to reciprocate, and is taking advantage of your kindness.

It is time to set boundaries with this friend. You can say no sometimes, and still be a good person.

They Hurt Your Feelings

Whether it's a comment about your looks or your intelligence, your friend takes digs at you. And the worse part is you feel it is done intentionally to hurt and belittle. This goes back to competing. Set the boundary, and let them know that put downs are not acceptable to you.

Relationships, whether they are romantic or friendship, are complicated. It is boils down to two individuals trying to get what they want and need out of a relationship.  Sometimes they may, or may not be, taking the other persons feelings into consideration, while doing so. This is why we have to speak up.

I am a firm believer that we show people how to treat us. If you set no standard for how you are to be treated, then they will treat you accordingly. - Charlene Eckstein

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The Slow Burn Romantic Chemistry...Hot Or Hot Mess?

I am a total romantic, and nothing gets me better than the slow burn. The slow burn is the unexpected budding of romantic feelings between two people over a period of time. The slow burn relationship usually starts off very platonic, and then like a switch something changes.

The slow burn theme is very common in romance and suspense novels, and television series because the build up, and the "will they, won't they" question creates excitement for the readers and viewers.

Plus, there is the correlation to life, and how the slow burn seems to be the recipe for long term happiness and relationship longevity. 

Here’s my list of television shows with stand out slow-burn romantic chemistry.

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Slow Burn Romance In Television

• Mulder/Scully - The X-Files

• Ross/Demelza - Poldark

• Any Vampire Series

• Jack/Kate/Sawyer - Lost

• Lady Mary/Matthew - Downton Abbey

• Phryne/Jack - Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries (Epic Slow Burn)

• Archer/Lana Kane - Archer

• Rick/Michonne - The Walking Dead

• Jim/Pam - The Office

As much as the slow burn appeals to many people, the actually consummation seems to be a buzz kill. Many shows lose their steam after the slow burn couple gets together. Is it because the slow burn is fantasy and romantic, but with a relationship comes struggles.

Is it possible some of the relationship pitfalls and struggles can be avoided if the transition from crushes to lovers is handled carefully?

The slow burn is special because the foundation of the relationship is not based on appearance or sex, but genuine fondness and chemistry that grew into more. The scary thing, and the undeniable hotness about the slow burn, is the build up. The build up of wanting more, and wanting each other.

Over time, the desire for things to be out in the open is there, but there is also an element of fear.  A fear that maybe you will not live up to each other’s fantasies. A fear that you will be disappointed, or even worse, that you will disappoint them. Highly unlikely with the slow burn chemistry, but still a very realistic fear.

I have had experience with a slow burn, and I would use three words to describe the feelings: complicated, intense, giddy. It catches you by surprise, and then it becomes all you can think about. 

I truly believe that the slow burn flame never goes out. It may not always burn with the same intensity as it did when first ignited, but depending on those involved, I firmly believe the smolder is there to stay.

What are your thoughts on the slow burn? Any slow burn experience? If so, did you go for it or stay put? Please share your story or experience!

“Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

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