5 Signs It May Be Time To Break Up (How To Know When A Relationship Isn’t Working)

Relationships are a lot of work, but worth it if you are happy and fulfilled. A healthy relationship consists of good communications, trust, and a lot of compromise. An "all in" end effort is needed by both parties to make a relationship work.

But what happens when one or both people in the relationship feels like the other is not doing their part? Or worse, you are just not feeling the relationship anymore.

Although you may be aware that things are no longer working, it can be hard to identify if it is a relationship that can be saved, and if it is worth saving. The big question is "how do you know when it is time to throw in the towel?". 

We often stay in relationships long after the expiration date has come and gone. After spending months, and even years, investing time, effort, and love in another person, it can be hard to let go. But sometimes you have to let go and move on. 

There are many signs that a relationship may be over, but we often choose to ignore them. The relationship lacks chemistry, true intimacy, and mutual respect. I have listed 5 signs you need to look for to help you make a decision regarding your "fight or flight" option in your relationship.

5 Signs It's Time To Break Up

FEATURED VIDEO - 5 Signs It’s Time To Break Up

You Are Unhappy 

You just feel unhappy, sad, or unfulfilled by your relationship. Something is missing, or has changed, although you cannot necessarily pinpoint what it is.  Once you were happy and couldn't wait to see their face, but now you feel dread, anxiety, or nothing at all in their presence.

You also notice the change in your mood when they are not around. You feel lighter, happier, and more like your old self.

Remember, no one is happy all of the time in their relationship. But if you are unhappy more often than not, you need to reevaluate your circumstances.

You Are Bored Or Uninterested 

Spending time with your partner has started to feel like a chore, or an obligation. There was a time when you found your partner to be the most interesting, fun, and exciting person you knew.

Unfortunately, now you have to feign interest in what they are saying to you, but secretly you are only half listening, if even that.

You are mentally elsewhere when with your partner. You sometimes fantasize that they were different, or that you were with someone else.

There Is A Lot Of Fighting

Somehow everything turns into a fight. Whether the fighting consists of yelling, or giving the silent treatment, it has become the norm. To avoid fighting you constantly bite your tongue, because you feel like you cannot say or do anything right. Or you just avoid them completely.

If fights elevate to throwing things, slamming doors, or many nights sleeping apart, you have a big problem.

Poor Or No Communication 

No communication can be due to you or your partner feeling like they cannot do or say anything right, so they withdraw and turn inward. However poor communication can also be speaking in disrespectful tones, using sarcasm, and yelling. 

In relationships, communication also involves personal accountability, and not playing the blame game. If you or your partner believe that all of the problems in your relationship are due to the other person, then there is big communication problem. No one is being heard.

You Avoid Spending Time With Them 

There are many ways to avoid spending time with your partner. Avoiding spending time with someone doesn't necessarily mean you are physically apart.

You can be in the same home, or at the same place, and still be avoiding one another. You can be sitting right next to one another, and still be a million miles away mentally and emotionally.

Avoidance can be burying your head in your computer or your phone,  sleeping, or playing video games. Anything to avoid interacting with one another.

Another way to avoid spending time with your partner is by working longer hours at the office. Working longer hours, or just always being "busy" is the passive aggressive way of avoiding the relationships issues.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the list? If most or all of the list applies to your relationship, you need to think about making a change. Life is short. Don't waste it hoping things will miraculously get better, because that is highly unlikely. You hold the key to your own happiness. 

"The hottest love has the coldest end." - Socrates

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Photo by Anthony Tran

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7 Simple Body Language Signs That Reveal What Someone Really Thinks

People communicate more non-verbally than verbally, so being able to read someone’s body language is a valuable skill. There are many tips and tricks to use, but it always comes down to our ability to observe those around us, and pay attention to the little things.

I believe if we are honest with ourselves we can admit that we spend quite a bit of time hiding our true thoughts and feelings. We hide our annoyance when we are in the check out line behind someone paying with a check, or how much we dislike our boss, or even how much we like the new guy or girl at work.

When it comes to hiding your feelings I bet you think you have it all figured out, right? You play it cool and try to keep your face emotionless when your jerk boss tasks you with something they should be doing. Or the girl you are crushing on is sitting across from you in a meeting.

How do you hide your feelings? Unfortunately, you can’t hide your feelings if your boss or crush knows how to read body language.

I have an expressive face so my irritation, anger, and annoyance are rarely disguised. I think I am much better at hiding my other thoughts and feelings. I hide my fear and anxiety really well. I have also been really good at hiding my attraction for certain men in the past. At least I think so.

Experts would say I had telltale signs that gave me away, of course if they knew what to look for. The eyes say it all. They will dilate to take in more of the one they are attracted to.

There is no all encompassing list of signs your body will exhibit with any one particular emotion, but the below lists have been shown to accurately predict ones true intent or feelings.

Body Language Signs

Here are signs you might exhibit if you dislike someone:

• Not facing them when they talk to you

• False smiles

• Very little eye contact

• Keeping a large distance

• Yawning

• Side stepping while talking to them (you want to leave)

• Touching your nose

Here are signs you might be angry or hostile:

• Balled fists

• Pupil contraction

• Running fingers through hair

• Compressed or whitened lips

• Crossing arms

• Rapid speech

• Intense glare

• Shaking

• Redness in face

Here are some signs you might exhibit if in the presence of someone you are crushing on or secretly in love with:

• Lots of eye contact

• Mirroring behavior

• Gesture on appearance such as fixing tie, socks, or hair

• Great posture, straightens up when in their presence

• Is fidgety, and plays with things such as buttons or a pen

• Touches face a lot out of nervousness

• Plays with round objects in presence (this one is about sexual attraction and breasts)

• Dilated eyes because they like what they are looking at

• Feet point towards them, in order to keep them in your line of sight

Feeling vulnerable yet? I am. We all wear masks sometimes, often in the workplace. But our bodies betray us because research shows that whatever we are feeling shows up on our body first, not our conscious mind.

Once our mind becomes aware we can put on that fake smile or look of interest. Don't worry, sometimes people need to know how you really feel.

What are your thoughts on body language? Are you able to read someone’s body language? Please share your thoughts and experience!

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He's Not A Good Guy...10 Signs Of A No Good Man

There are many good men in this world, just perhaps not enough to go around. I have been fortunate these past 20 years to see an example of a really good man. I have honed my skills, and can recognize the no good man much more quickly nowadays, but that wasn’t always the case for me.

In my early twenties I fell hard for a no good man. Today I look back on that relationship, and smile because I learned so much from it. I would describe him as a very handsome con artist.

I overlooked red flags far too long, and doubted my inner voice. He was a cheater and a liar, and I was young and naive.

One day I woke up, and it was like a spell had been broken. I saw him for who he really was, and finally was strong enough to be free of him. Fortunately, I was not foolish, or desperate enough to marry him, or have children with him. But we were engaged for a period of time.

That relationship in my early twenties changed me, and I said never again. I learned my lesson, became more guarded, and demanded a certain level of treatment from future partners. I share my PG stories with young women in my life, in hopes of saving them "some" heartache.

Heartbreak is inevitable, but there are some ways to avoid the no good man and not get conned.

Here Are The 10 Signs I Say To Look For In A No Good Man...

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Your Friends and Family Do Not Like Him

Love makes us blind and we tend to overlook, make excuses for, and block out all of our loves’ faults. This one is a huge red flag. If your family and friends do not like your guy, it is because they are seeing the real him that you are choosing not to see. They love you, and want the best for you, and chances are, he is not it.

Lying

You catch him in lies, or his stories are inconsistent. He is not a trust worthy individual, and you find yourself questioning everything with him. You cannot trust a liar, and if you cannot trust your man, you cannot have a healthy, happy relationship.

Controlling

A man who tries to control you does not respect you, but wants to own you. He tells you who to be friends with, how to act, and even what to say. Controlling men are very insecure.

Rumors Follow Him

A man who constantly has negative “press” is a man who is likely up to no good. There is some truth to what has been said about him. Do not believe his bogus reasons as to why there is always something bad being said about him.

Question why his reputation is so poor that people so readily believe the worst of him. Trust me, it is not because people are jealous of him or your coupledom.

Something Seems Off

He seems wonderful, nearly perfect for you, but if something feels off about him then there probably is. Trust your gut instinct, which is picking up on some behaviors you are ignoring on a conscious level..

Doesn't Keep His Word

A man with empty promises, or no follow through is no good. He is all talk and frequently lets you down. He has big plans, and big dreams, but no effort to actually do anything.

Unreliable

He doesn’t show up when he says he will, or is not available or there when you need him. He is frequently late, shows signs of laziness, and is never willing to inconvenience himself.

No Friends

Be very wary of a man who cannot make, or keep friends. This guy will be very clingy, and try to keep you all to himself. If he doesn’t have friends, it is because he runs people off with his behavior and attitude. Other men find him unlikeable, although he will try to say it is because they are “jealous”.

He Values Things Over People

This is a man whose value system is really screwed up. He puts importance on labels, expensive things, and he is a braggart. A man who brags about things shows his immaturity, and a lack of social awareness. He might as well be wearing a sign that says ”douchebag” on it.

He Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself

If he makes you feel bad about your clothes, your looks, your intelligence, or your cooking, he is no good. He should lift you up, not bring you down. He plays games, and loves to emotionally manipulate you into doing what he wants.

This list is not all inclusive, and the no good man does not need meet all of these signs. Ultimately, we all have to decide if he is "no good". I think it goes without saying that a man who is physically aggressive, or violent towards you is no good. Violence aside, it is up to the individual to decide what they are willing to accept.

 For me, trust is everything. I  know that when I really care about someone as a person, I only want to see the good in them. I still have blind spots for people close to me, so I always have to ask myself if I am ignoring red flags.

Do you agree with the signs of a no good man? Are you ignoring red flags with someone? Please share your story or experience!

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle. - Benjamin Franklin

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The 5 Things Women Find Most Attractive In Men...

Just like women, men come in all different shapes and sizes. We all have a type, a personal preference so to speak. That one thing we look for in man after man. It could be dark hair, dark skin, or green eyes, but that's all aesthetics, right?

I am not going to lie, looks do matter, but only so much. I think often times we can meet people, and have that instant physical attraction, which is normal. But based on a guys personality, their visual appeal can go down hill very fast if talking to him is like watching paint dry. Or even worse, he knows he's good looking, and is an arrogant tool.

Ultimately, once you get passed the looks, whether someone is gorgeous, plain, or unattractive, it comes down to other attributes. Suddenly that plain faced or chubby guy, who once didn't warrant a second look is all you can think about.

Here Are The 5 Things Women Find Attractive In Men

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Intelligence

He doesn't need to be Ivy League, but women want a guy that can hold his own intellectually. He must be able to sustain a conversation about various topics and show that he is knowledgeable. Smart men are sexy.

Kindness

Women want a good man, and this starts with kindness. A man that is kind to others, will be kind and respectful to his woman. Kindness can be shown in the simplest ways. A good indicator of kindness, or lack there of,  is how a man treats people in the service industry, such as waiters.

Funny

A good sense of humor is a must, and a guy who can make a girl laugh is very attractive. There will be tough days, and tough times, and having a guy who can bring some lightness is a treasure.

Generous

There are many ways for a man to be generous. He can be generous with his time, generous with his money, and generous in bed. Generous men, are men to be appreciated.

Confidence

Guys who are cocky, or arrogant are big turn offs. A man who is sure of himself, knows what he is about, and knows his worth are the things that make a confident man very sexy. He doesn't need to tear down others, or constantly have his ego stroked, but he has a certain air about him that makes a woman believe in him.

No man or woman is perfect, but we all have expectations, and minimum requirements of what is needed in a potential partner. A good personality, and being of strong character are much more important, and valuable than looks or money in the long run.

What are you thoughts? Do you agree with the list? What you believe most attracts women to men? Please share your experience!

“One can love any man that is generous.” - Leigh Hunt

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Faking Happiness...Are You Making Yourself More Miserable By Pretending To Be Happy?

They say fake it until you make it, but does that really apply to unhappiness? Does it apply to going through tough situations in your life such as marital problems, financial struggles, or issues at work? Most problems when not addressed immediately tend to grow, and snowball into bigger issues.

The truth is, faking happiness will not make problems miraculously go away, or fix themselves. The reality is that maybe some issues are beyond repair, but how would you know if you do not face the problems head on?

The Avoidance Of Admitting You Are Unhappy

So why do we sometimes choose to not address problems in our lives? Avoidance seems like a great idea, but that is all that it is, avoiding. The tough decisions, and difficult discussions will eventually need to happen. Your happiness will still be in jeopardy, decision or no decision.

The perfect life you imagined for yourself will start to look more distant, as you continue to bury your head in the sand.

In fact, avoiding may actually create more stress and anxiety. When you avoid problems and conflict, the issues build and become bigger. The stress of repressing your feelings increases, and a blow up, in some form is likely to happen. A weight will be lifted, and you will be able to breathe again.

Pretending to be happy is like holding one's breath. You can only do it for so long before your body gives out.

5 Signs You Are Faking Happiness

You Live In The Past

You were happy once, and so you focus on, and talk about the past as if it were the present. You constantly worry that others will realize that you are unhappy, so you discuss times when you were happy, and when you were in a better place.

You Work Hard To Show Others How Happy You Are

You are always posting pictures of your vacations, bragging about your fabulous relationship, and showing off all of your material things. Anything to prove to others how happy you are, and perhaps illicit a little envy as well.

You Have Lots of Highs and Lows In Your Mood

When around others, and showing off or bragging, your mood tends to be up. But when away from groups or by yourself you often feel sad, or not good about yourself, or your life. You are up and down, but never really just content.

You Drink, Gamble, Or Shop Too Much

Sad people tend to have a vice. Drinking and shopping are great distractions from the unhappiness in your life, and can provide temporary highs, and feelings of satisfaction.

You Are Always Tired

Sadness is exhausting, and so is faking happiness. It takes a lot of mental and emotional work to put on a show all day everyday for others, just to hide the fact that you are unhappy. But you do it, day after day, hoping one day it will be real happiness.

The Stigma Of The Imperfect Life

Do you worry what others will think of you if your marriage fails, your home gets foreclosed on, or you do not get that promotion? Living your life for others will prevent you from finding true happiness, and fulfillment. Besides, what’s the point?

What is gained by having to always put on a happy face and façade for others? Do you really think you are fooling anyone?

People see through the act, and are more aware than you know. You will find that when you remove the mask and live your true life, instead of worrying about what others will think of you, you will likely feel a huge weight has been lifted.

I do recommend that when and if you feel comfortable, that you try talking to a trusted friend, family member, or a counselor. Yes, it is personal stuff, but you should not go it alone. Allow others to be there for you, and to support you.

Did you know that pretending to be happy is actually a warning sign of depression? I am not a therapist, or a counselor, so I am attaching a link to a great article. My advice is for you to be honest with yourself. Are you pretending to be happy? If you are, confide in someone. 

Always remember it is okay if everything is not perfect. It is okay to be disappointed in how some things have turned out. It is okay to be sad. What are your thoughts on faking happiness? Please share your story or experience!

I hide hurt behind a fake smile. I wear it all the time. Everyone says how I always look so cheerful. Shows what they know I guess. - Ellen Hopkins

Forcing Yourself To Be Happy Is A Warning Sign Of Depression

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10 Signs You Are In A Co-Dependent Relationship

Type the term "co-dependent relationship" in any search engine, and hundreds of articles will come up. Is it that co-dependent relationships are a growing phenomenon, or is it that more and more people are recognizing it for the unhealthy cycle it creates?

Relationships are about give and take, and a partnership of two individuals. But in a co-dependent relationship, all things tend to revolve around one half of the couple. Often times it is the female in the relationship that is the co-dependent partner.

She is eager to please, always with a smile on her face, even when she is sad or upset. Usually a learned behavior from the household she grew up in.

Co-dependent relationship can loosely be defined as the feeling that one cannot exist, be happy, or even feel complete without the other person. This type of relationship tends to stunt personal growth, create or exacerbate low self-esteem, and prevent those involved from truly being happy.

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Couples in codependent relationships tend to struggle for power and control. One or both are often anxious, resentful, and are guilt stricken. They do not respect each other’s individuality, or the need for autonomy.

Surprisingly, the relationships are usually drama free, because one or both are not honest with their feelings. The relationship also tends to lack in passion, and true intimacy.

10 Signs That You Are In A Co-Dependent Marriage:

• Spouses opinion matters more than your own, especially in decision making

• You prioritize their happiness, even if it makes you unhappy

• You do not do anything without them, and do not have your own identity

• You do not set appropriate boundaries with your spouse, and fear telling them “no”

• You ignore their dishonesty, possessiveness, and jealous tendencies

• You avoid confronting your partner about important issues because you fear rejection

• You can’t "live" without the other person

• You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner

• You feel as if your life revolves around your partner

• You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims

According to marriage counselors, autonomy is the key to a healthy, balanced marriage. In a marriage, yes you love each other and want to be spend time together, but you should also be able to function independently. There needs to be allowances for separateness, differences, and one’s own thoughts and feelings. A partner should feel like a support beam, not an anchor.

What are your thoughts on co-dependent relationships? Are you in a co-dependent relationship or know someone who is? Are some couples blissfully ignorant existing in this state? Or are they in denial? Either way, the bliss or denial cannot last forever.

What other telltale signs of co-dependency would you add to this list? Please share your story or experience!

A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your goals, your dreams, or your dignity. - Unknown

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What Is Love? Being, Falling, and Crazy In It

Valentine's Day is just a little more than a week away, so I thought I would write about love today. I am actually a Valentine's Day cynic. I find it lame, and a total consumer manipulation, however, I do love love.

So what exactly is love? And for this blog, we are talking about romantic love. Love is a feeling of strong affection and care for someone or something. It can also be a feeling of devotion or attachment. 

How Does Romantic Love Feel?

• A deep feeling of affection and care for another person

• A strong or constant affection for and dedication to another

• A warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

How Does Love Act?

• When in love, you will show a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration

Love can take many forms and can be defined differently by different people. 

I love the idea of falling in love, and being in love. I am not someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and I was recently described as aloof, but actually I am a romantic.

Being in a relationship, and in love is nice. It feels safe and comfortable to look over at the person sitting or laying next to you, and truly feel like you know them, and that you are in it together. But in all honesty nothing gives the euphoric feeling like falling in love.

Why Does Love Make You Crazy?

The newness is what makes it so different. It's obsessive. You eat, breathe, and live the other person. You cannot get enough of them. You could stay up all night talking to them, or staring at their face. You miss them the minute they leave, hang up the phone, or text goodnight.

They are the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning, and last thing you think about when you fall asleep at night. It makes you feel alive. It's an amazing feeling that cannot be replicated.

Falling in love is great, but a true, deeper love comes with getting to know the other person. They are not perfect, but a flawed individual. They share your interests, but have their own too. They truly "see" you, and not the fantasy person they want you to be. Seeing me has been my request with love. See me, and all of my flaws. No masks! Someone is sure to have buyer's remorse otherwise.

I know everyone loves differently and I think some of the outdated thoughts on love and Valentine’s Day specifically, have changed expectations for many women I know. More women are embracing being single and are pouring more into themselves and their non-romantic relationships. Galentine’s Day is also coming up. Which day will you be celebrating? Or maybe both?

You have no idea how fast my heart races every time I see you. - Unknown

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Soulmates...Meant To Be Or Nonsense For Romantics?

Once upon a time, when I was very young, I believed in the happily ever after. But then at some point reality hit me. Life is full of ups and downs, and no guarantees. Life will throw many curve balls, and one of them is love.

Love seems like such a simple concept in so many ways. You don't really have to think about it, you just feel it. You know it in your gut, and in your heart and mind that you love someone. But sometimes love evolves, or even fades away. We are talking romantic love.

Are you in love with someone right now? You may at some point, if you have not already, ask yourself if they are the "one".  You may wonder if they are your soulmate. Soulmate has many definitions. The true meaning of soulmate is to have known and loved one another in many lives.

Death does not separate true love, and soulmates will always find their way back to one another.

The modern definition of soulmate is more simplistic. Soulmates are two people who are drawn to each other, and connect on every level. There is an intensity and passion between soulmates that is difficult, if not impossible, to replicate.

Do I believe in soulmates? Simple answer is no. Having a soulmate in theory sounds wonderful, and oh so romantic. But what if my soulmate gets hit by a bus? Am I doomed to a life of loneliness or lackluster relationships because the "one" is no longer here? That's depressing, not romantic.

But if you are going to find the closest thing to a "soulmate", or a person you can be very happy with, look to the list below for signs that you have met the one.

Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate

• It Feels Right

• You Just Know It

• You Can Be Vulnerable And Be Yourself With Each Other

• You Can Sense When They Are Hurting Or Are In Pain

• You Admire And Challenge Each Other

• You Have A Deep Connection And Friendship

• There Is Amazing Chemistry Between You

• Time Together Is Fulfilling

• You Feel Like You Have Known One Another Forever

• Being In Their Presence Has A Calming Or Euphoric Effect On You

Honestly, my theory on love and relationships is that you can find happiness and love with many people, albeit not all at the same time. There are those where the relationship is good, but not great. There are better relationships, and there are the best relationships.

The best relationship is when you truly click and get one another. The relationship in which you look at one another, and wonder where have they been all of your life. The laughs are good and plentiful, the sex is great, and hell even the disagreements are stimulating, and kind of hot.

So nope, I do not subscribe to the soulmate concept, but I think life should be the best it can be. No settling out of fear, loneliness, or desperation. There are over 5 billion people in our beautiful world. He or she is out there, and maybe searching for you as well. Or possibly even right in front of you.

Do you believe in soulmates? Have you found the one? Still searching? Or settled too soon? If you have found the "one" then enjoy and appreciate. If not, keep looking because the right one is out there. Please share your soulmate experience!

“A soul mate is not found. A soul mate is recognized.” – Vironika Tugaleva

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Is Chemistry Enough? The Truth About Building a Lasting Relationship

Chemistry, and I am not referring to the study of matter, means different things to different people. I have chemistry with a lot people. Most people probably wouldn't be in my life for any extended period of time if I didn't have some type of chemistry with them.

Whether it is bonding over a shared love of books and music, or connecting with other parents and co-workers, chemistry comes in many forms.

Chemistry is a beautiful thing. In its simplest form it is just a connection with another person. You just click with someone. It isn't necessarily romantic. But great romances start with amazing chemistry, and that is what this blog is about. Recognizing romantic chemistry is easy. Knowing what to do with it can be the challenge.

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The 5 Signs Of Romantic Chemistry...

Commonality

Chemistry is bonding and connecting, usually over experiences and interests. You share similar personalities or backgrounds. You laugh at the same things, and are on the same intellectual level.

Attraction

You feel a strong physical pull towards each other. You desire this person, and when they are around everyone else fades.

Can't Look Away

It's as if they are water and your eyes have been wandering the desert for years. You could stare at them all day, and when your eyes meet it's HOT. Staring into each other's eyes happens frequently when you encounter each other.

Can't Stay Away

You want to be near this person as much as possible. Spending time with them is the best feeling imaginable. Being away from them is torment.

Never Enough Time

You could be with, talk to, and text with them all day and night, and it still doesn’t feel like enough time. Time flies when you are together, and yet somehow being together makes time come to a complete standstill.

So the question is, if you have  great romantic chemistry will you have a great relationship? I think the answer is, most likely. I believe the foundation of a solid romantic relationship is a good friendship.

They say opposites attract, but opposites may also struggle once the newness of the relationship wears off. That is why commonality plays a major role in any long lasting relationship. If a couple shares mutual interests and enjoy talking and "listening" to one another, it will bode well for a solid future together. 

Be sure not to confuse infatuation with chemistry. Chemistry is truly chemical. Chemistry is two bodies saying we belong together. While infatuation is about feeling passion and fascination for someone. Infatuation by definition is temporary, and either turns to love or fades.

Either way, if the infatuation was based on looks or just an admiration of someone so unique or different from oneself, but no real compatibility existed, what are the odds of it lasting?

Is finding that person you have amazing chemistry with the secret to a long, happy relationship? Do you think chemistry matters? Do you think it is important to have similar interests to stay connected? What are your thoughts?

You can't force chemistry to exist where it doesn't in the same way you can't deny it when it does. - Unknown

Photo by Josh Willink from Pexels 

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5 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries In Your Relationship

Boundaries are limits that define acceptable behavior. These limits apply very much so to relationships. In fact, perhaps boundaries in our personal, romantic relationships are the most important ones to set.

We often become comfortable, maybe too comfortable, in our relationships, and we can forget how to treat our partners.

I see boundaries as being about trust and respect. Boundaries apply to everyone, whether you are the male or female in your relationship, or you are a same sex couple. Read the below boundary breakers, and ask yourself if you are doing any of these, or if they are being done to you. If they apply, ask yourself if you are okay with the status quo of your relationship.

The 5 Signs You Need To Set Boundaries

They Interrupt

Whether it's a work call, or your candle party, they interrupt with non-urgent issues. This is a disrespectful power play, and it is a boundary issue. While they think they are marking their territory with you, what they are really doing is putting their lack of respect for you on full display for co-workers, friends, and family.

Respect yourself enough to set boundaries.

They Track and Spy

Everyone, even those in relationships, are entitled to some privacy. They will disguise it as worry for your safety, but it is really about controlling you. Needing to know where another adult is every second of the day, who is supposed to be a partner and equal, is a boundary issue.

In addition to tracking and spying being about control, it is also about a lack of trust and respect in the relationship. The boundary issue is unhealthy and needs to be addressed.

They Smother

Alone time is important, as is time with others outside of your relationship. If your significant other makes you feel guilty for doing things, or wanting to do things, without them, you have a boundary problem.

If they do not respect your need or desire for alone time, or to occasionally do things without, they have serious boundary issues.

Always About Them

Does just about everything you do as a couple revolve around their wants? Do you get input? Do you try to give input but always seem to get shot down? You are paying for half the trip, but get none of the say. These are boundary issues. Your voice is not heard, and your opinion is not valued. Set the expectation.

They Treat You Disrespectfully

Are things said to you by your significant other that you would be ashamed if your family or friends ever overheard or knew about? That is a boundary issue. Many things go on between couples, but verbal and emotional abuse should not be tolerated.

Hands are not the only way to beat a person down. Set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and tell them to never speak to you like that again.

Relationships are work, but I believe too many people spend far too much time ignoring problems that can be fixed, such as boundary breaking. They spend too much time hoping things will turn around, while not facing problems head on. And unfortunately, they spend too much time working on relationships that are beyond repair, or that was never going to work at all.

What are your thoughts? These are just my opinions, and I know everybody has one. Please share your story or experience!

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” - Brene Brown

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