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The Secrets To True Happiness
Happiness is the state of being happy and we all want to be happy, right? Well, at least that is what we all say. But if there were really true, then why do we keep doing things that lead us down the road of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and anger?
Will your life ever be perfect? Maybe. It just all depends on how you define the perfect life. Your happiness is your responsibility. Other people and things will not make you happy because happiness is a state of mind. So let’s get there!
The Secrets To Happiness and Peace of Mind
Let It Go
You have to learn to let stuff go. It happened and now it is done and over with and all the reliving of the incident, thinking about the words, or focusing on the slight or offense will not change what happened.
I am not saying that you have to forgive and forget, but what does help is to recognize that people are people. Some are good while others are not, and people make mistakes. Don’t let their bad moment or angry heart ruin your day or your life. Let it go and move on.
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
You cannot sweat the small stuff. Ask yourself is this important to me or is it about control? Is this issue really a big deal? If it is not, then who cares. Do not agonize and stress over circumstances beyond your control.
I’m sure you think this is much easier said than done, but with practice, you can learn to accept that you cannot control anything but yourself and your reactions. Once you have that light bulb moment, it will feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
Don’t Give It Your Energy
Do not give crappy people or crappy environments your energy. Being annoyed or angry, or even offended, can be exhausting. Holding on to feelings of hurt and resentment will completely drain all your energy and make you feel terrible.
So, have your feelings at the moment. Speak your peace to those who you need to and have a cry if inclined but after that, do not give it any more energy.
Remove Toxic People From Your Life
Toxic people need to go. You know that person who always manages to bring you down and make you feel terrible about yourself? Well, they need to be removed from your life. Sadly this toxic person may be a friend, a sibling, a partner, or even a parent. Whoever they are, you do not owe them your peace of mind.
Of course, this toxic person will not likely leave your life without some gaslighting or without placing all blame squarely at your feet, but that’s okay. They can be mad and they can be hurt but they still need to go.
Learn To Say No
It is okay to say no. You do not have to say yes just because they ask. Let disregarding your own feelings, needs, and choices for the sake of pleasing others be a thing of the past. And yes, I am saying it is okay to be selfish sometimes.
Stop living your life for other people. Making life choices, big or small, is a huge burden and will wear on you both mentally and physically. You have permission to say no, and say it without feeling the need to offer an excuse or explanation.
Notice how none of the secrets to happiness included others making you happy? That is because no one else can ever make you happy. Your happiness is your job and you should never delegate your happiness to another.
What are your thoughts on happiness? Do you agree with the list of secrets to true happiness? What do you believe is the secret to happiness? Please share your thoughts and experience!
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. - Epicetus
5 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
The signs of an unhealthy relationship are pretty easy to spot, although they can go ignored occasionally by those in bad relationships. Sometimes we can become so hyper-focused on what is going wrong in relationships that we fail to see what makes good relationships great.
It is important to be able to recognize your healthy relationship and keep doing what is working.
Healthy relationships consists of simple, basic elements that are needed for each individual in the relationship to feel complete and happy. It seems so simple, but if you are with the wrong person it will be difficult to have a happy, healthy relationship.
Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
Free To Disagree
In a healthy relationship, you will feel safe and comfortable disagreeing with your partner. Unless you are sharing a brain, you are going to have your own thoughts and opinions, and sometimes they will not be the same as your mate, and that's okay. Or at least it should be okay.
There should not be fear that your partner will be angry or hold it against you that you occasionally disagree with them, or that you voice your opinion.
Separate Hobbies
In a healthy relationship you recognize the importance of having friends and hobbies outside of the relationship, and are comfortable doing things separately at times. If you are with the right one you will have plenty in common, but there are things you will want and need to do with others.
When you come back together after having time apart, you will have missed each other, and have interesting stories to share.
Friendship
A healthy relationship starts with a great friendship. You should truly like one another and enjoy each other's company. You have great talks, loads of things in common, and shared interests.
You are best friends, although you both still have other good friends. Your partner is the first person you want to share good news with, you vent to them, and cry on their shoulder when you are feeling sad or frustrated.
You Have Fun Together
In a healthy relationship you enjoy being together and have fun. You should be able to completely be yourself. You can be silly, and dorky, and cute and corny and there is no fear of judgement. You have lots of laughs, a similar sense of humor, and laugh at the same things.
Biggest Fans
In a healthy relationship, your partner will be your biggest supporter, encourager, and fan. When you love someone you want to see them do well, and only want the best for them. Your partner should want to see you succeed in your career, your education, and the following of your dreams, within reason.
Like I said, it seems simple, but finding the right person to have a healthy relationship is hard. It takes self-reflection, understanding your wants and needs, and a whole lot of patience. It is very easy to spot a bad relationship, and when things are not working, but what about the healthy relationship that is working?
If you are in a healthy relationship, recognize it for what it is, appreciate it, and keep that relationship strong. If you do not have the elements of a healthy relationship you may want to rethink your situation. What are your thoughts on healthy relationships? What signs do you look for in a healthy relationship? Please share!
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
- Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger In A Strange Land
6 Things Needed To Be Happy In A Relationship...For Me
The are many elements needed to have a good relationship. You need trust, good communication, and compatibility just to name a few. But what about being truly happy in your relationship? I believe that you can have a good relationship, with a good person, but still feel like something is missing.
Happiness is very a personal, individual thing. What makes me happy in a relationship will not necessarily be what makes you happy in your relationship. Happiness is the state of being happy. Being happy is all about joy, well being, and being in that good place.
6 Things Needed To Be Happy In Relationship
Great Conversation
Being with someone who is capable of holding an interesting, intelligent conversation is very important to me. I want someone with whom after years together we can still have great talks, heated debates, and challenge each other's thinking.
In order to be a great conversationlist, one also needs to be a great listener. No one is happy all day everyday, but it is nice to be able to talk to someone you trust to vent and get advice.
Laughter
Being able to have fun, laugh at yourself, and laugh with each other deepens your relationship bond. Laughter is what will get you through those tough times, as life's inevitable difficulties arise. Laughter is healing, calming, and a big stress reliever.
Adventure
I am a bit of a homebody by nature. I love curling up on my couch with a great book, or binge watching Netflix. But I also love a great adventure. The more unplanned or unexpected, the better.
I need someone who is willing to pack a bag on a Thursday night for a last minute trip Vegas or Vermont.
Comfortable Silence
While I love a good conversation, I also enjoy quiet time together. You know you are in a good place with each other when you do not feel the need to talk all of the time. You can drive together for hours just listening to music and enjoying the scenery, and be completely comfortable and content not making meaningless chatter.
Space
I am happiest in a relationship when I am given my personal time and space. I need time to read quietly, focus on writing, and watch my guilty pleasure television shows. I think time away from my partner lets me recharge, makes me miss them, and overall makes me a better girlfriend or wife.
Passion
I need passion to be truly happy in my relationship. I want to feel passionate about my partner, and I want to feel wanted and desired by them. There also needs to be a passion for things outside the relationship. I am passionate about writing. I want a partner who is passionate about something as well. Passion is sexy.
Being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness, but I do believe that if you know what you truly want and expect in a relationship, you will have a better chance of finding your happy. No one can be any one person's everything, which is why space, time apart, and hobbies that interest you are important to maintain your happiness within your relationship.
In order to have a good relationship you need trust, good communication, and respect, and all of these are the foundation for a solid partnership. But how do you make a relationship a good relationship great? For me I need the six elements for happy to take a good relationship to the next level.
How do you define happiness in a relationship? Do agree or disagree that one can have a good relationship but still not be happy? Is this asking for too much in a relationship? Please share!
"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night til it be morrow." William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
What Puts A Smile On Your Face? Whatever It Is, Keep Doing It...
Did you know that smiling can make you appear more attractive and younger looking? People like to be around happy individuals, and are drawn to them. Now, a smile in itself is not a true indicator of one's mood or emotional state. Sometimes people smile as a greeting, or even to hide their true thoughts and feelings. These false smiles do not reach the eyes, and are usually discernible from the real thing. What I want to know is what truly makes you smile.
I have to admit I am not a big smiler, but I can think of a lot things that make me smile. When I smile it is usually genuine because I am not great at pretending. So I try to make it a point to have people and hobbies in my life that make me smile, and avoid those people and things that make me frown.
I am simple when it comes to being happy. If a song that I love comes on the radio I turn it up, and start smiling. I smile a lot when working out, or so I have been told. Those endorphins kick in, and I start feeling so good. I smile at the smell of fresh baked bread, or cookies. All of these simple things make me happy, and make me smile.
Here are some of life’s simple pleasures that make me smile...
Watching My Daughters Laugh and Be Kind To Each Other
Seeing The First Sprigs Of Something I’ve Planted Come Up
A Good Joke
My First Cup Of Coffee In The Morning
The Leaves Changing Color In The Fall
The Sound Of Rain Patter, While Snuggling In Bed
A Crackling Fire
Sitting Down To Dinner With My Family
Disneyland
Watching The Waves At The Ocean
Fresh Flowers
A Kind Word Or Thoughtful Gesture
An Unexpected Text Or Call From A Friend Or Love You Miss
Exercise
A Good Book
Please note that I am not advising you to go around smiling like a grinning idiot. You do not need to be fake. I hope that you can find those every day little things that make you smile. I hope you can find an appreciation for those little things that truly make you happy. If you find that you have little to smile about, think about how you can change that. Life is short. We all deserve something in our life that makes us smile.
Never regret anything that made you smile. - Mark Twain
Favorite Color...What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?
What is your favorite color? Everyone has a favorite color. We love certain colors because of how they make us feel, thoughts they bring, and even how they make us look.
Most of us never really think about why we like a certain color, and if asked to explain the preference one might actually struggle for an answer.
I know when my daughter asked me why I loved my favorite color I found it almost indescribable, because it was a feeling.
I am drawn to my favorite color instinctively, picking paint colors, clothing, and decorations without even realizing the similarities.
I find the psychology behind our favorite colors so fascinating I thought to dedicate a blog to the topic. I want to break it down by colors and what those colors say about those who love them.
I am going to use the primary colors, as well as a few others I believe to be very popular.
Here’s What Your Favorite Color Says About You
Red
Much like the color red, you are vibrant. You have a zest for life, and live it to the fullest. Red lovers are also very passionate and determined.
Blue
Those who favor blue are reliable, confident, and strong. Much like the ocean, blue lovers can be calm, cool, and stormy, but they value stability above all.
Orange
Much like the red lover, the orange lover is bold, friendly, and outgoing. They are also cravers of attention.
Yellow
The yellow lovers are knowledge seekers and generally happy people. They are intelligent and love to learn new things.
Green
Inspired by nature, the green lovers are consistent, loyal, affectionate, and generous. This color lover places high regard on self-worth and reputation.
Black
The black lover is artistic, moody, strong-willed, and determined. They can also be demanding, and somewhat closed off to others.
So there you have a very simple breakdown of our color preferences and a description of how that color preference may reflect who we are as individuals. It seems a bit odd and makes sense to me all at the same time. I find that the color analysis is spot on for me.
You will often find me wearing black. Black is simple, classic, slimming, and goes with everything. It is a close second to my favorite color. In case you are wondering my favorite color is blue. I like many shades of blue, but I prefer a rich, dark blue with a slight hint of gray.
What is your favorite color? Does the color analysis correctly describe your personality? Please share your thoughts!
“Blue has no dimensions, it is beyond dimensions, whereas the other colours are not … All colours arouse specific associative ideas, psychologically material or tangible, while blue suggests at most the sea and sky, and they, after all, are in actual, visible nature what is most abstract.” – Yves Klein
The Stranger In Your Bed...How Well Do You Really Know The Person Sleeping Next To You?
When people are in relationships, and in love, we think we know our partners well. The reality is you know them as well as they want you to know them. They pick and choose what information to share and divulge. It is not always a matter of deceit, but sometimes they don't find some things relevant enough to share, but you might feel differently about the intel they choose to withhold. Other times they fear your judgement, or just want to avoid conflict.
The truth is we don't know ourselves all that well either. We are still growing and changing, and managing to surprise ourselves on occasion. Have you ever done something or said something, and later questioned your behavior? You could not explain why you did what did, or said what you said.
Ever feel conflicted about what you want, whether it's car, a person, or what to have for lunch? So if you cannot truly answer for your own wants and desires, how can you claim to know what your partner wants or thinks? Your answer might be "well they told me what they wanted or felt". Well, there has to be a certain amount of openness and trust in any relationship, but the desire to please, and not to disappoint is often present as well.
I am surprised how often people seemed to not truly know their partners. I've seen individuals behave one way with partners around, and completely different when outside of their presence. Is it that they are a complete phony? Maybe. Or is it that they fear showing their true self because that is not who the partner fell in love with? I guess that is one way to end up with a stranger in your bed.
Denial is another way to end up with a stranger. You choose not see what is right in front of you, and then write your own narrative to provide a more comfortable "reality".
How well do you think you know your partner? Have you put them on a pedestal so high that they fear showing you their true self, and falling from grace in your eyes? Remember, love is acceptance, not excuses, and denial.
People dont' want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed. - Friedrich Nietzsche
There Is Always Room For Happiness...Add Some More To Your Life
Life is short, and in reality becoming shorter every day, which is why it is so important to find your happiness. It is very easy to get caught up in the day to day crap, and fall into a cycle of doom and gloom.
Trust me, it happens to me too. But I also know how to find my happiness. Happiness is defined as a quality or state of pleasure or joy. Happiness is whatever makes you feel good.
I derive so much happiness from spending time with my family, but honestly sometimes it just has to be about me. Everyone, even moms, deserve autonomy sometimes. A time when you are just a man or a woman.
A time when I am just Charlene. During these times I find happiness in quietly reading a book. I find happiness in fantasizing and writing my own book. I find happiness gardening. I find happiness cooking. I find happiness in long walks, and even long stimulating talks.
Happiness is there for you. Maybe you already have it. Maybe you lost it, or perhaps you never had it. Maybe going shopping makes you feel a little happy, but ask yourself is it really shopping that makes you happy? Or is it spending time with your friends? Or looking at pretty things? Or being out in the fresh air?
Here are some simple things that bring happiness
Hold A Kitten Or A Puppy
Make Out Like A Teenager
Go For A Hike
Volunteer
Flirt
Go Roller Skating
Have A Water Balloon Fight
Go To The Beach
Fly A Kite
Hold Hands
Get A Massage
Next time you need to add some happiness to your life try this little trick. Close your eyes, take slow, deep breaths, and picture your last genuine happy. Find the happy moment or time that made you smile from the inside, and warmed your heart. Only you, truly know you.
Don't be afraid of your happy. It is okay to be a little selfish sometimes.
What are your thoughts on finding happiness? How do you cheer yourself up when feeling down or bring joy to your life? Please share your thoughts and experience!
How I'm Spending My Day...
My stress levels are high and my insomnia is in overdrive so I really need a nice, carefree weekend. There are some challenges to my desire for my carefree weekend because southern California is currently being pummeled by storms. Normally I would look out of my bedroom window and watch the rain fall, and enjoy the mountain view. Today when I look out my window and into my backyard all I see is the damage the storm caused to our backyard fence. Approximately 20 feet of wooded fence is now in my neighbor's yard. Awesome!
What I would have really liked to do is go for a nice long hike. Unfortunately the weather is just too yucky. So my back up plan has been created. It involves Netflix, Just Dance, cards, Monopoly, and as many naps as possible.
My girls and I are going to binge watch " Lemony Snicket's: A Series of Unfortunate Events", which is new on Netflix. We are already two episodes in and enjoying it so far. My oldest and I will play gin rummy throughout the weekend, while my younger daughter and husband play Uno. We will all play Just Dance, which is actually a really good way to burn some calories. Just when every one is getting along great we will play Monopoly, and the "happy happy joy joy" will end. Everyone is super competitive, especially me. I show no mercy, not even to an eight year old.
So that's my plan to try to destress, and get through a wet and rainy weekend stuck indoors. I will likely blog again this weekend as I am sure something else will go awry. Hopefully nothing involving a tree falling, illness, or me losing in Monopoly. TTFN