Love, Crush, or Infatuation? How to Tell the Difference

I think many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. A big difference in fact. In the movies, adorable couples infatuated with each other fall in love and live happily ever after, right?

In real life things tend to be a little different.

Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar. Crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

Unlike crushes and states of infatuation, love truly sees and accepts their object of affection. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection.

Love is patient, love is understanding, and love is forgiving. Love desires a deep connection, while infatuation craves physical interactions.

Signs Of Crushes and Infatuation

Featured Video

Feelings Come on Fast

Infatuation hits with an out of this world intensity. You saw them and you knew you had to have them. Love at first sight, so to speak. The feelings didn't grow and develop over time, which is what happens with love, they were almost instantaneous.

Short Lived

Crushes come and go pretty quickly, usually in a matter of months. Love stays, whether the relationship works or not, the feelings are always there to some degree.

Sees Perfection

With crushes and infatuation, it is more about the idea of the person, than the person themselves. Maybe you think you would look great together as a couple, or one or both of you have a certain status in the community or a high income.

The mind creates and envisions the perfect life together, and the happily ever after with Prince Charming.

Crazy Or Irrational Behavior

Crushes can lead to stalking, intense jealously, and obsessive behavior. Sometimes the intense feelings of crushes can also cause risky behavior, and irrational thinking.

Based On Attraction

Crushes are often based strictly on physical attributes since you really don't know the "real" person, and there is nothing else to go on except what you created in your head.

The infatuation begins because you find them beautiful or hot, and strongly desire the person. Usually, the crush is someone who is out of reach for you.

Signs Of Love

Feelings Last

With love, feelings may not last forever, but they do last a while, whether you stay in a relationship or not. Love does not go away after a couple of months, or because you realize they are flawed or look a hot mess in the morning.

Accepts Them, Flaws And All

When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. Maybe he's a little short, or she's a little chubby, but if you are in love you don't care.

Open and Honest

Love is willing to go deep. Love is open and honest. Love wants to share their hopes, dreams, and fears, and hear about yours.

Only Eyes For Them

Love only has eyes for you. If the eyes wander, then you are not in love. Love isn't blind to other's beauty, but love's eyes follow their heart.

Their Happiness Is Important

We are willing to sacrifice for those we love and put their wants and needs before our own. Love is willing to be inconvenienced, bored, and patient for the one who means the most.

Their Presence/Or Voice Brings You Comfort

Seeing their face, or hearing their voice can turn your whole day around, and instantly improve your mood. That’s a true telltale of being in love.

The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. But with love, there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of each other.

What are your thoughts on crushes and infatuation? Do you believe that infatuation can turn to love? Have you ever thought it was love only to realize it was just a crush? Please share!

"I got that feeling, that bad feeling that you don't know, I don't even know her but I hope that she comforts you tonight." Lyrics from The Spoils by Massive Attack

Photo by Bruce Mars from Pexels

Blog RSS

Unrequited Love...5 Things You Need To Do When You Have A Crush

Unrequited love is the feeling of being head over heels, hopelessly in love with someone who cannot or will not return the love. The object of love may be unaware, and completely oblivious to the love directed at them. Or they may be very aware of the feelings for them, and completely uninterested and rejecting the affection.

When I think of unrequited love, I often think in the terms of school girls crushes. School girl crushes are usually sweet, but can be obsessive.

At a young age it can hard to convey feelings, and read the object of your love to know where you stand. Surprisingly, or perhaps not so surprising, is the fact that unrequited love situations do not end with teenage angst.

5 Things To Do

Test The Waters

Love from afar is cute, but it doesn't get the guy. You have to get in there, do some flirting, and see what response you get. I am going to make the assumption that if you believe that you are in love with someone, then chances are you want to be with them.

Test the waters by making your feelings more obvious. You have been hiding your feelings, maybe too well, and they may be completely clueless about how you feel, and where they stand with you.

Confess Your Feelings

There are few things scarier than putting yourself out there and confessing how you feel to someone when you have no idea where you stand with them. Some people are terrible at picking up on clues. If you are not sure that they know how you feel, tell them.

What if they feel the same way? What if they have been in love with you from afar as well? Take a risk, be brave, and be honest. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Move On

After you have confessed your feelings, and the response was less than positive, you have to start to move on. It will be hard at first, maybe even feel impossible after all the time you have spent fantasizing about a future together, but letting go is a must.

It's not going to happen. Sounds harsh, right? Just remember there are plenty of men out there, and believe it or not, you will fall in love again, and be happy, but not if you continue to waste time on "not the one".

Give It Time

With unrequited love, we see all perfection and not the flaws. We are all flawed, but once we place someone on a pedestal, not only do we fail to see the real them, they also become out of reach.

Eventually, over time, as your feelings fade you will see the real them. Not that they should be viewed as a horrible person because they didn't return your feelings, but it is okay to recognize and acknowledge their imperfections.

Analyze

Unrequited love situations can happen, but they shouldn't happen to any one person all of the time. It is important to make sure that you don't have a pattern of falling for people who can't or won't return your love, or are somehow unavailable.

If this is the case, it is important to recognize the pattern, and break it. It's not healthy.

There is a sweetness to unrequited love, but there is also a lot of sadness. It can be hard to see the reality, when your love existed in a perfect vacuum of hopes, dreams, and fantasies. 

I look back on the two times I had huge crushes on guys in high school. It was unrequited, they were older, and unavailable. I later had an opportunity with both guys. The first guy turned out to make a better friend than anything else.

The second guy revealed himself to be a no good guy while trying to hit on me years after my crush, but that's a story for another blog.

My experience has been that the guys later regretted missing out on the girl with the crush, but too little too late as I had moved on, and my feelings were gone. I suppose if it was real love it would have stayed. 

What is your experience with unrequited love? Did you confess your feelings? Did you get the guy? Did you ever get over it? Please share!

To want and not to have, sent all of her body a hardness, a hollowness, a strain. And then to want and not to have - to want and want - how that wrung her heart, and wrung it again and again. - Virginia Woolf

Photo by Matheus Bertelli from Pexels

Blog RSS

5 Ways To Show Your Loved Ones How You Feel

It never fails that something will happen and remind me how short and fragile this life can be. Sometimes it is the death of a loved one, or even a casual acquaintance. Other times it is a horrible dream, that reveals the fears I have lying right beneath the surface.

Lately it seems to be a matter of turning on the news, and seeing the horrible things happening in the world.

I am sure you tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, or perhaps just think about telling them, but may never actually get around to uttering the words. Action is more valuable, meaningful, and telling than any words could ever be.

Ways To Show Your Loved Ones How You Feel

Physical Affection

No I am talking about sex. Sex is physical, but does not require feelings of love to do it. On the other hand, hugs, hand holding, a rub on the back , and even a gentle squeeze of the hand can show love.

Hugs are comforting when given by someone we care about. Hugs are even known to lower blood pressure, and help reduce stress.

Listening

Sometimes the best way to show our love for a loved one is to just listen to them. Some people are always open and have no issues verbalizing their feelings and struggles. For others, it is not easy for them to admit sadness, feelings of helplessness, and sometimes feelings of hopelessness.

Whatever the circumstance, be there for them when the time comes, and they are ready to talk. It will be your job to listen. Try to listen without judgement.

Kind and Thoughtful Gestures

Pure love is truly expressed in the simplest ways. It is not about fancy this, or an expensive that, but about the little things that show you truly care about someone by making an effort.

A kind gesture can be as simple as picking them up their favorite cup of coffee, or taking a picture of something you know they would appreciate and sending it to them with a "wish you were here" caption.

Being Available

By just being present, and being available can be one of the most comforting and loving gesture one person to do for another. Everybody is always "busy", but making the time for someone, even when you have little to spare, is a loving gesture.

Being Vulnerable

It can be uncomfortable to be vulnerable at times, even with those closest to us. It is never easy to confess our fears and failures, but when we do, it is usually with those we care about most in order to offer a measure of comfort to them. We lay ourselves bare to show them they are not alone, and that we all struggle at times.

There is no one way to show love, there are many ways. For me, it's simple things, not the grand gestures that melt my heart. Don't get me wrong, grand gestures can be nice, but it's the little things that happen daily that show where your heart truly lies. Words of encouragement, a daily check in on someone's well being, or even just getting them a small gift because when you saw it you thought of them.

I realize that many of us want and need to hear the words "I love you", but like many other words spoken, they can be meaningless without action. My mantra is show me, don't just tell me.

How do you show your loved ones how you feel? Do you do small acts, or big gestures. Please share!

“Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. “ - Lao Tzu

Blog RSS

Is He Ghosting You? 5 Signs He’s Disappearing on Purpose

Ghosting, the process of someone you love or care about disappearing from your life both physically and emotionally, cutting off all forms of communication, without any explanation. Ghosting be can be done by virtually anyone in your life from a romantic partner, or a best friend, to even a family member.

I admit that I have ghosted in the past, but hear me out before you judge. In a land far, far away, where there was no social media or texting, I was in a relationship. He was truly a wonderful person, whom I loved very much, but in my heart I knew it was not meant to be.

The last time I saw him, I knew it would be the last time. I didn't feel sad, or upset. I really didn't feel anything. We said goodnight to each other and would never speak or see each other again. There was no fight, or hurtful words, and technically actually no break up. But two people so different was never going to have a happily ever after.

When I think about it, we ghosted each other. Just disappeared from each other's lives, no explanation, and no goodbye.

5 Signs You’re Being Ghosted

Featured Video

No Response To Texts

There was a time when you would send and receive good morning and goodnight texts to and from your man, and there was always an immediate response. If you are being ghosted, you do not receive any acknowledgment or response to your text.

Unfortunately a lack of response can leave you worried, or confused. You wonder if they are ok, or if the even received your text. This one is a little tricky so don’t jump to conclusions too fast. This could be a sign of ghosting or that someone lost their phone.

Drops or Blocks You From Social Media

Maybe you are someone who has a ton of friends and followers on social media, or perhaps only a few. Suddenly you realized you haven’t seen pictures or a status update from your bestie or your boyfriend.

You do a little research only to discover not only have you been unfriended, but also blocked on all of their social media accounts. You have definitely been ghosted.

They Are Always Busy

You and your guy used to always do dinner and a movie on Friday nights, but suddenly now he always has to work or has other plans. No one is that busy. If you are important to someone they will make the time to see you and spend time with you. If they don't have the time, it's because they do not consider you a priority.

They Avoid You In Places

You go to the same school, work at the same place, or go to the same gym, but you never see them anymore. A change in route, or routine in combination with the other signs is indicative that you are being ghosted.

No Eye Contact During Interactions

So you are pretty sure they have been avoiding you, and when you do run into them it is awkward, uncomfortable, and they will not look you in the eyes. They avoid eye contact because of guilt, and fear that you will bring up their recent behavior. A friend or love who cannot look you in the eye is likely no friend or love. They are ghosting you.

What To Do

If you think you are being ghosted, and it is by someone you truly care about and want in your life, confront them. You owe it to yourself, and to them, to create the opportunity to clear the air and make things right.

One time, and one time only, call them, email them, or make time for a face to face discussion. Maybe they are just not a good person and have decided they have no more use for you. Or it’s possible you did or said something that hurt or offended them and they are upset with you. Either way, move on after your attempt at reconciliation is ignored.

It can be said that the act of ghosting is a cowardly one, and I tend to agree in most cases. I also think that sometimes ghosting is necessary because there are no words. There is nothing else to say, nothing else to do, but fade away.

Have you ever been ghosted or ghosted anyone? Please share your experience!

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” - Mark Twain

Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

Blog RSS

6 Things Needed To Be Happy In A Relationship...For Me

The are many elements needed to have a good relationship. You need trust, good communication, and compatibility just to name a few. But what about being truly happy in your relationship? I believe that you can have a good relationship, with a good person, but still feel like something is missing.

Happiness is very a personal, individual thing. What makes me happy in a relationship will not necessarily be what makes you happy in your relationship. Happiness is the state of being happy. Being happy is all about joy, well being, and being in that good place.

6 Things Needed To Be Happy In Relationship

Great Conversation

Being with someone who is capable of holding an interesting, intelligent conversation is very important to me. I want someone with whom after years together we can still have great talks, heated debates, and challenge each other's thinking. 

In order to be a great conversationlist, one also needs to be a great listener. No one is happy all day everyday, but it is nice to be able to talk to someone you trust to vent and get advice.

Laughter

Being able to have fun, laugh at yourself, and laugh with each other deepens your relationship bond. Laughter is what will get you through those tough times, as life's inevitable difficulties arise. Laughter is healing, calming, and a big stress reliever.

Adventure

I am a bit of a homebody by nature. I love curling up on my couch with a great book, or binge watching Netflix. But I also love a great adventure. The more unplanned or unexpected, the better.

I need someone who is willing to pack a bag on a Thursday night for a last minute trip Vegas or Vermont.

Comfortable Silence

While I love a good conversation, I also enjoy quiet time together.  You know you are in a good place with each other when you do not feel the need to talk all of the time. You can drive together for hours just listening to music and enjoying the scenery, and be completely comfortable and content not making meaningless chatter.

Space

I am happiest in a relationship when I am given my personal time and space. I need time to read quietly, focus on writing, and watch my guilty pleasure television shows. I think time away from my partner lets me recharge, makes me miss them, and overall makes me a better girlfriend or wife.

Passion

I need passion to be truly happy in my relationship. I want to feel passionate about my partner, and I want to feel wanted and desired by them. There also needs to be a passion for things outside the relationship. I am passionate about writing. I want a partner who is passionate about something as well. Passion is sexy.

Being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness, but I do believe that if you know what you truly want and expect in a relationship, you will have a better chance of finding your happy. No one can be any one person's everything, which is why space, time apart, and hobbies that interest you are important to maintain your happiness within your relationship.

In order to have a good relationship you need trust, good communication, and respect, and all of these are the foundation for a solid partnership. But how do you make a relationship a good relationship great? For me I need the six elements for happy to take a good relationship to the next level.

How do you define happiness in a relationship? Do agree or disagree that one can have a good relationship but still not be happy? Is this asking for too much in a relationship? Please share!

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night til it be morrow." William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Blog RSS

5 Signs He's Cheating...Or Is Thinking About It

Trust is everything in a relationship. It is a miserable feeling when you think your partner may be stepping out on you. Chances are, if you are suspicious you have a pretty good reason to be so.

It's that gut feeling, and really just knowing your man. If something feels off, then that it is because something is off.

It is a big leap to go from having a suspicion to accusing. I had the unfortunate experience many years ago of playing detective in a relationship, and as much as I enjoy being right, I had hoped to be wrong in that situation.

The truth is, if you think he's cheating, he probably is. Or at least he wants to, or is thinking about it.

The 5 Signs Of Cheating

He Seems Distant

The distance you feel can come in the form of physical as well, but he is mostly going to be mentally and emotionally distant. He is no longer open with you and is not interested in you.

He is not interested in talking to you very much, and when he does talk to you, he is barely listening or engaged.

Physically he can avoid you by working late or avoiding your home life. He may also create distance by sleeping on the couch, or coming to bed after you have already turned in for the night.

Featured Video

You Catch Him In Lies

The lies are the biggest telltale. He is not where is said he was going to be. He is not home when he said he would be. You can tell he's lying to you even though you cannot always prove it.

He Avoids Intimacy

He avoids your touch, and is no longer very affectionate. Kisses, hand holding, and cuddling are a thing of the past. He rarely initiates sex anymore, when once upon a time he couldn't keep his hands off of you.

When you do have sex with him he is not there mentally. He seems to be a million miles away, and possibly even thinking of someone else.

A big sign of intimacy avoidance is failing to look you in the eyes. Gazing into each others eyes is extremely intimate, and creates a connection. Failure to make that eye contact shows that he may be emotionally checked out of the relationship, and focused elsewhere.

He's Secretive

He doesn't allow you to see his phone, his emails, or his wallet. If you walk into the room unexpectedly he will close his laptop or close out of things on his computer. He has changed passwords, and gets defensive when you ask questions.

The Relationship Feels Off

Your partner has become different, almost like a stranger to you. It feels off because it is. You sense that he is no longer into you, he is no longer in love with you, and is just going through the motions.

What To Do

You have options if you think you are being cheated on. The first is to confront the situation directly and ask your partner if they are having an affair, including emotional and online affairs. Of course this is the scariest option because you may not get the answer or response you are hoping for, but for many of us it is better to know.

There is also the big possibility that he is going to lie because he's not quite ready to call it quits, and leave the comfortable home life.

You could take a more conservative approach, and just discuss your concerns about how you feel the relationship has changed, and tell your partner how it makes you feel.

The positive to this approach is that it puts your feelings out there, but if he is already done and emotionally closed to you, this conversation will go nowhere. In fact, the discussion may annoy him and give him an excuse to grab his keys and go get some "fresh air".

The last option is to play detective. This is probably the most mentally anguishing and painful choice to make, but you may find the answers you need. You clearly do not trust him, and will drive yourself nuts trying to find evidence that there is someone else, all the while hoping there is no evidence.

The positive is that you may not find a smoking gun, but the negative is that your gut is telling you he is involved or in love with someone else.

The Reality

A cheater is not likely to admit to cheating. They will usually lie through their teeth, until you have indisputable evidence of their infidelity. Trust your instincts in this case, because chances are your gut is on to something. They are cheating or thinking about it.

Counseling is usually recommended for marital issues, including infidelity. Of course this would mean that your man has come clean about his cheating, and is willing to do the work to get the relationship back on track.

I suppose the "positive" in the case of marital infidelity is that a man is statistically unlikely to leave his marriage for his lover.  However, the negative in this matter is his motivation for staying in the marriage. A man will stay for financial reasons, for the kids, and to maintain a status and the appearance of a happy family life.

The 5 signs listed are not all inclusive. In fact, you may find that your man becomes extra nice, and buys you gift to help him alleviate his guilt. He may also have a revved up sex drive with you to cover up his extra activities, and also to relieve his pent up sexual desires because he cannot have the other woman in the moment.

We all have our relationship deal breakers, and only you know what is tolerable and acceptable for you. Many relationships survive infidelity, but I am not sure if anyone ever gets over the broken trust, and feelings of betrayal.

What are your thoughts on cheating? What signs do you consider red flags? Please share your experience!

"No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want." - Unknown

Blog RSS

Opposite Attraction...Here's Why The Relationships Will And Won't Work

As the saying goes opposites attract, but that really isn't where the story ends. What comes next after the initial attraction?  Boy meets girl, and girl is so different from him, from everything he knows. He is fascinated by her. He has to have her, and wants to love her forever. Ah so sweet.

Fairytales are lovely, but quite unrealistic. In fairytales they always live happily ever after, but how could that be? Fairytales are the epitome of opposites attracting. What in the world could Cinderella and Prince Charming possibly have in common? And don't even get me started on Ariel and Eric?

From my point of view these relationships are doomed, but perhaps I am being too pessimistic. Opposites relationships can work, but how do we define working? For some, they consider a relationship working based on sheer time. I disagree with that philosophy.

I say choose quality over quantity any day. Who cares if a marriages lasts 30 years, when the couple was miserable for the past 25 years?

Here's Why It Will Work

Fascinated By Each Other

When people are physically attracted to an opposite, we tend to be fascinated by them. We find the differences adorable. We also tend to ignore the possible obstacles the relationship can bring, and focus on the possibilities instead.

Trying New Things

The great thing about dating your opposite is that they will introduce you to new things. We are more open, and willing in the early stages of relationships to do or try something new or different. With trying new things comes the possibility that you may actually find that you like things you never would have tried or thought about doing.

Passionate

Due to the fascination and newness of getting to know one another, the relationship tends to be very passionate. You cannot get enough of one another, both in and outside of the bedroom.

Working Hard

We recognize that we are with someone different and that to make both parties happy, we work hard to compromise and find common ground.

Here's Why It Won't Work

Newness Wears Off

Once a relationship hits the year mark it is no longer new. Some of the fascination has faded, and you have identified some of the differences that you do not like.

Nothing In Common

The big downside in opposite relationships is that you have very little, if anything at all, in common. Once you become comfortable in your relationship you may start to compromise less, and not be as willing to do things you have no interest in doing.

Bored

Unfortunately this relationship can become stale after a while. The willingness to compromise fades somewhat, and it can be hard to agree on activities to do together that you can both truly enjoy.

You start to long for a partner that you don't have to convince to join you on a bike ride, or for a movie you have been looking forward to seeing.

Differences Become A Source Of Irritation

Early in the relationship you didn't consider it a big deal that they weren't well read, or wasn't into fitness like you, but after a while it starts to annoy you. It's no longer cute that you have to explain world events to them, or that they hate to exercise.

Opposites can make it work, but they need to work harder than most due to the lack of commonality. Having similar interests and hobbies is what will keep a relationship going as the relationship experiences natural ups and downs.

Two book lovers should have no problem chatting about great books they have read. A couple that loves the outdoors can go camping, hiking, and fishing together without there being complaints the whole time.

No one can be any one person's everything. Of course we should have friends outside of our relationships that we do things with without our partner. However, having a partner that is your opposite will have many challenges. These challenges are not about age or race, but more about our fundamental desires for happiness and joy, and how we define that.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever dated an opposite? How did it work out? Please share!

Blog RSS

Friends With Benefits...5 Reasons It's Not Worth It

Friends with benefits sounds good in theory, but is it really worth potentially screwing up a great friendship for sex? The friends with benefits relationship is basically a no strings attached agreement. You have fun together, hang out, have sex, and then go your separate ways.

There are many people who fall into the trap of friends with benefits (FWB). It is after all very appealing. You are single, horny, and have a willing partner who you are close to and find attractive, or at least attractive enough.

The decision for the friends with benefits relationship is often made in the heat of the moment, and not well thought out. Unfortunately, there is no going back once you start sleeping together.

5 Reasons It's Not Worth It

It Changes The Friendship

The friendship changes but not usually for the good. Sure you are getting laid, but now there is a complicated relationship in your life, and it's with someone you would have normally confided in about it.

Also, instead of being the chill buddy, or the one they would pour their heart out to, you are now the booty call. Things start to become complicated.

You Feel Jealous

Although the deal was just sex, you will start to feel a little possessive. Before the sexual relationship started, and you were hanging out with your friend, it didn't bother you if he checked out another girl. In fact you didn't think anything of it, but with a sexual relationship involved you feel hurt, jealous, and kind of disrespected.

You Become Emotionally Attached

You always cared about them as a friend, but after you start having sex you will likely develop real feelings of love for them. Once that happens, it's analyze, analyze, analyze. What did he or she mean when they said this or that? Why haven't they called? Am I being used?

Featured Video

You Get Your Heart Broken

Maybe in the beginning you were down for a strictly sexual relationship, or possibly always hoped it would turn into more. Either way, your friend didn't feel the same way, and now you are left heartbroken and feeling foolish. This will be especially difficult if you have the same circle of friends, and his dates or new girlfriends are brought around.

It's Going To End

One way or another, your FWB is going to end, but it may not be by your choosing. Perhaps your friend started dating someone, or just felt that the sexual part of your relationship had run its course. Whatever the reason, the end will feel like a break up, and it will be difficult to handle.

Now you have to struggle to maintain a friendship with someone you are in love with, and who has rejected you on some level.

In a nutshell, a friends with benefits relationship is sex with a friend who does not want more from your relationship. Not everyone is cut out for this type of relationship. So, in choosing to enter a FWB agreement, one needs to clear about what they want, and have an end game.

Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship? How did it end? How did it make you feel, and would you ever engage in another one? Please share story or experience!

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.”  - W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil

Blog RSS

Are You Stuck in the Friend Zone? 7 Signs They Only See You as a Friend

Can a man and a woman be just friends without one or both wanting more? The question is debatable depending on who you ask, but the short, honest answer is it depends. I have always had a lot of male friends, and they have never left the friend zone, and I never wanted them to.

I truly love and value my guy pals, both gay and straight. The friendships are somewhat different from my female friendships. The dynamic is different and fulfilling in unique ways, without the drama and challenges of a romantic relationship. They work for me.

I suppose the real questions is, "Is it possible that some of my male friends were just playing the waiting game?" Were they waiting for the right time to make their move, or hoping that I would see them differently? Which of course was never going to happen, because I see my close guy friends like brothers.

Yes, I can find them attractive, but in a non sexual way. They might as well be eunuchs. 

The Friend Zone vs Free Parking

Now, be sure not to confuse the friend zone with the free parking zone. I refer to the guy you are really cool with, but there is also potential for more, as being in free parking zone.

You are his friend and content to keep it that way for now, but you are also careful not to do, or say anything to sabotage a possible relationship in the future. So you don't burp in front of him, or pig out, and definitely do not discuss any gross bodily functions with him.

Featured Video

There is also sexual tension in free parking, and occasional flirting and looks that are more friendly than not. Maybe the timing is not right, and nothing will ever happen. Or just maybe fate will bring you two together. There is possibility in free parking.

In taking a very unscientific poll, I discovered more women than men thought the opposite sex friendships were possible. Most of the women I know have close male friends, and said they do not have a problem with their man having female friends, but there were some restrictions.

Men on the other hand were less definitive in their response. A couple guys didn't mind at all. While others were not okay with the wife or girlfriend having male friends at all. Is it because they worry that he is thinking what they think when they are with their female "friends"? Hmm.

Have I been so naive this whole time? I refuse to believe so. Yes, I understand that men think about sex way more than women do. And I know that some of my closest male friends over the years have had deep feelings for me. Some confessed at the time, and others told me years later.

Unfortunately, as wonderful as they were, I just could not see them in that way. In theory, if a male and female are good friends then they are very compatible. They have a lot in common and truly enjoy each other's company.

Friendship is the foundation for any long lasting relationship, but you also need romantic and sexual chemistry.

So what are your thoughts? Can men and women be just friends? Are you currently friendzoning someone? Have you been friendzoned and want out? Or just maybe you are in free parking, waiting for the right time to make your move. Please share!

 "A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever” - Dave Matthews Band

Blog RSS

Shakespeare Love...Which Female Character Best Represents The Way You Love?

If reading Shakespeare has taught me anything, it is that relationships are hard, life is not fair, and no, things do not always work out in the end. Those stories would fall into the tragedies, but life and relationships can truly be tragic. The great thing is that life can also be full of comedy and laughter as well.

I think by the end of my freshman year of high school I had read nearly every piece of work by William Shakespeare.

Every play I read I attempted to identify with a particular character, or at least recognize certain characteristics within myself. I have my favorites, and some that I find extremely unsatisfying or disappointing for a variety of reasons.

The Plays and The Ladies

MacBeth

Lady MacBeth is the wife of MacBeth and she is strong, tough, and an unstoppable force. She believes in her man, even if he doesn't believe in himself, and will not let anyone stand in the way of what she believes is rightfully hers and her man's.

If you love like Lady Macbeth, then you believe in tough love. You are a ride or die chick, and are always team Macbeth. Just remember taunting and emasculating behavior is not the best way to motivate your man. Maybe you are not always right.

Othello

Desdemona is a smart woman who speaks her mind, loves being a wife, and loves her man Othello. Desdemona is proud of her military husband and loves the life that they have created together. She loves her man to fault, and even when she realizes he has turned on her, and is going to kill her, she is still on his side. 

If you love like Desdemona, then you are a loyal partner, and you love hard. You can be blind to your lover's faults at times, and only want to see the good in those you love. Be careful with your heart, and be sure that your partner is committed and deserving of your love.

Taming Of The Shrew

Katherine Minola is feisty, spirited, and not exactly wife material for the average man of her times. Kate is perceived to be a tough, ball busting woman, but she is actually very intelligent and thoughtful. Once the right man, her husband Petruchio comes along, Kate is able to let down her guard and be herself.

If you love like Kate, then you are a woman who knows her heart, and her mind, and will not settle for less. You can be tough, but you also have a soft heart, but only those special to you get to see it. Just remember that showing your softer side doesn't make you weak.

Romeo and Juliet

Juliet Capulet is a sweet innocent girl who falls head over heels in love with Romeo, in spite of her families rival with Romeo's family. While Juliet is sweet, she is also strong willed and refuses to marry Paris, the man her parents have chosen for her.

If you love like Juliet, then you are a passionate girl who follows your heart, and damn all of those who dare to try to stand in your way. You are willing to go to the end of the earth for your love, but maybe take it down a notch.

The Tempest

Miranda had been exiled with her father Prospero since she was three years old. Miranda is all that is good. She is a sweet innocent girl who blossomed into a beautiful young lady. Having always been an obedient daughter, Miranda makes the decision to go against her father to free Ferdinand, her love.

If you love like Miranda, then you love with all of your heart. You never want to hurt anyone, or see anyone in pain, but for love you are willing to take risks, and break some rules. Just try not fall in love so fast. He may be the one, but he may not be.

Shakespearean characters are extremely complex, but always fun to analyze and dissect. William Shakespeare wrote these stories in the late 1500s and the early 1600s, but I think we can all still see some similarities in human behavior and relationships in today's society.

We all love differently, which makes life so much more interesting. So which Shakespeare female character best represents the way you love? I was definitely able to pick myself out right away. Please share!

Blog RSS